A Brief Visit

My grandmother likes to be the news-teller. And she's pretty good at spreading the word when things are happening, good or bad.

I heard from my mom that my grandmother's eldest sister Bess had fallen and was admitted into the hospital. She's had to move from her assisted living apartment into full-time nursing care. Since she lives in Dallas, I decided to go visit.

I called my grandmother for the info, and she warned me that Bess is feisty and stubborn and has said she doesn't want visitors. Grandma suggested I call first. Nah...

I went over after work, found the room with her name outside and looked at both of the elderly women in the room, calling "Bess?" As I turned to double-check I had the correct room, the first woman said, "I'm Bess." I hadn't even recognized her. Since I last saw her -- a few months ago? -- she seems to have aged 20 years. Granted, she is almost 96, but she has never looked so gaunt, thin and just wasted away. She is confined to her bed now and has a greenish-purple bruise over her left eye where she fell.

I tried to recover quickly and reminded her who I am, but no need -- her mind is still sharp. She said, "But I told everyone that I don't want visitors..." and I replied, "Well, I thought about calling, but you would have told me not to come." She agreed. And I said, "So I didn't call!" She laughed and told me she was glad I came.

We had a nice albeit brief visit. I rubbed her swollen legs and we talked about her oxygen machine (too noisy for her). She said the food's not that good, but she's not very hungry anyway. She told me to tell everyone hello and not to come visit, but when I asked if I could come visit again, she said yes.

It just breaks my heart to see her or any of the numerous elderly people there. What kind of quality of life is that? None. I don't want that, nor would they, I suppose.

If you could be someone else for a day or a lifetime...

...who would you be?

This was how we opened up a recent client meeting to "break the ice." Some people said a superhero, others said a writer or a sports hero.

If I had it to do over again, I'd be a doctor.

At the time (early twenties), I didn't think I had what it takes. The many hours of studying (which I witnessed firsthand in my sister, Vetmommy), the long hours of rounds...but now I know, if you are determined and put your mind to it, you can do almost anything.

So, readers and lurkers, who (or what) would you be?

Yea! Yea! Yea! It's all OK!

Just got home from a BIG lunch with my girlfriends, who picked me up after the procedure. (I was STARVING)

The colon looks good - just some internal hemorrhoids that have already mostly healed.

I'm grateful it's over and very glad it's not anything more serious. Thanks for the good thoughts!

Care for a Drink?

Being over 30 brings all sorts of lovely new adventures. One I've mentioned before - chinny hairs. Also, skin begins to droop and your metabolism begins it's decent into nothingness.

But now I've got a new one. If you have any unusual symptoms in the digestive system and you are over 30, doctors recommend a colonoscopy. Mine is scheduled for tomorrow.

Today, all I can have is clear liquids: water, tea with no milk, jello, broth, soda...this will be my diet. I'm thrilled that jello counts, as it will be the only semi-solid I can have. I also get to drink 2 pints of a briny, slightly lemony mixture that will cause my system to purge anything within. That begins this afternoon, and I have been forewarned to stay at home near the bathroom. Ah, joy!

The preparation is supposed to be the worst part, and I'm not concerned about the procedure per se. I'm scared to death about what they might find.

What's in a name?

My virtual friend and fellow blogger, Hannah, uses descriptive pseudonyms for the people in her life. I started thinking about using her technique to refer to my exes:

Ex-Husband #1: Concrete Cowboy or Deceased Ex Angry Drunk (DEAD)?
Ex-Husband #2: Military Nut or Fast & Furious or Fixer-Upper?
Previous boyfriend: Ex Coworker Ex or Techie Junkie or Extreme Ex? (my sister recommended Rodless)
Last boyfriend: Recent Ex or Hung-up-on-Ex-Ex or No Boundaries or Needs Closure?

Most of my readers are close friends and family and know more than I blog about for each of these characters. Feel free to vote for your favorite (one for each) or come up with one of your own!

(By the way, the Deceased Ex died from a construction accident...not my doing!)

Sometimes, it's nice being a woman

A woman walks into a bar/restaurant. All the patio tables are full, so she surveys the scene in the bar area. She takes a seat at the counter where she has an empty seat on either side.

After ordering a margarita (on the rocks, no salt), an older man down the bar waves to catch her eye - no subtlety there. He tells her he has bought her drink and the next one. He soon leaves and wishes her a good evening.

She strikes up a conversation with the businessman to her right, who is eagerly reading (devouring?) the Wall Street Journal. He begins to talk while still reading the paper. She apologizes for interrupting his reading - being an avid reader herself - and he apologizes for being rude, puts down the paper, and proceeds to engage her in an interesting conversation for the next hour and a half. When she makes a move to leave, he buys her another margarita.

He just moved to Dallas four months ago from Montana. He asks her about good places to go in town. He thinks he's much older than the young-looking woman. (He's 41.) He earnestly guesses her age to be 25, maybe 26?

The evening is concluded with an exchange of phone numbers.

A Great Pair

Last Friday (Friday the 13th) was a crazy weather day in Dallas. We had heavy rain, hail, strong winds and a tornado warning. I drove home in pea-sized hail, but more concerning was the fire truck parked outside my house when I arrived.

It turned out to be minor: a tree branch in the yard behind mine had touched the power line and was sparking. The rain put it out naturally, but as we were all looking up, I saw in my peripheral vision a large bird flying across my yard. I tried to see where it went but couldn't make it out.

I put in my garden this weekend (finally!) and spent many hours outside. I again saw and heard the large bird perched in my pecan tree. It's HUGE! And then I noticed there are two of them! They made a strange noise, something like a frog croak and a bark. They are about two feet tall with long necks and long beaks, and they are nesting high up in the tree branches.

I looked them up this morning: they are Great Blue Herons.

Adjusting to Singledom Again

I read a fluffy non-fiction book recently on a plane called Spinster Sisters. (You can probably tell by the title why it appealed to me!)

I particularly related to this passage, where one sister is being supportive of the other who recently broke up with her boyfriend:

"I'm proud of you."
"You know, I'm kind of proud of myself."
Not to mention sad, and f**king terrified, and more than a little lonesome. But, you know, in a proud way.

That's exactly how I feel. It's been nice to have my landlady/coworker/roommate this past week. I'm anxious to get my stuff organized and set up, but it's been nice having company.

"The Ladies"

I spent Easter weekend with my grandmother and great aunt, who I commonly call "my grandparents" but who are referred to by the family as "the Ladies."

Grandma is 86. She is about 4'10" but has more energy than most people half her age. She was the baby of her family, and she loves to be in the spotlight.

Sudie, my great aunt, is 92. She is the opposite of her younger sister. She is quiet, contemplative and a scholar.

Life moves at a much slower pace at the Ladies' house. Coming from my world where I usually have to multitask and never get everything done, it feels like time grinds to a halt. I often find myself fighting sleep at their place, no matter what the time of day.

This is amplified by the heat. The temperature can always be counted on to be very warm in their cottage, and with the cold front that came through last weekend, I knew they would have it cranked up extra high. Sure enough, I ended up in a t-shirt and jeans, nothing on my feet, and put my hair up to try not to overheat. Sudie was alarmed that my feet were bare.

Both of the Ladies are experiencing the effects of macular degeneration, which has deteriorated their eyesight significantly. They both are avid readers, and their dwindling eyesight depresses them. Smaller type faces are impossible to decipher, so Sudie gave me a pile of books that she can't enjoy.

She also asked me if I was interested in a magazine called Farm.
Sudie: "Emily, are you interested in Farm?"
Emily: "No, not really." (I said politely)
Sudie: "It has an interesting article about alternative fuels."
Emily: "You know, I think Anthony (my bro-in-law) would enjoy that."
Sudie: "Oh, that's a good idea."
Grandma, coming down the hall: "What are you talking about?"
Sudie: "I was asking Emily if she was interested in Farm."
Grandma: "Oh! I thought you said 'Porn'! I didn't think we had any, and I couldn't figure out why you were giving it to Emily."

I cracked up. I didn't know my grandmother even KNEW that word! Guess their hearing is going, too.

Travels

I haven't written in awhile. I've been racking up the frequent flyer miles on my favorite airlines, American and Southwest.

Last weekend, I went to Austin to celebrate with my niece, Anna, who is now 6 years old. She is beautiful and so precious.

After one night at home, it was off to NYC for work. Although my clients keep me pretty busy, we did get to eat at a terrific restaurant tonight, Spice Market, in the trendy meat-packing district. It's an Indian/Asian fusion place. All the dishes were served family style, and they brought out dish after dish of delicious tasting meats, fish and veggies. Mmm...

And although the swanky hotel I'm staying in has white noise in each room, I'm looking forward to going home tomorrow to sleep in my own bed.

Online Dating

So, since I work, bank and shop online, it seems natural to try to meet other professional singles online, too.

It's been a few years since I did this, but I swear I'm seeing some of the same faces and reading the same profiles I saw then! Many descriptions read alike. Here are some of my favorite clips:

"Scars r better than tats." - I agree.
"I'm back in the dating scene after a long relationship that didn't work out." - Great, can anyone say 'Rebound'???
"No emotional wrecks need apply."
"Not looking for a gold digger."
"I'm tired of the bar scene..."
"This is my first time doing this..."
"I promise not to tell our friends how we met."

Forward Progress

Thank God for Care Now clinics, antibiotics, steroids, inhalers and decongestant/expectorants -- I'm on the mend! I haven't been this sick in years, and I'm so grateful to be feeling better and gaining back my energy.

My new bedroom furniture was delivered on Friday, and a new mattress to go with it was delivered this morning. I can't wait to go to bed tonight!

Better Late than Never - Pics from San Antonio

(Paige insisted on getting her temporary tatoo on her lumbar area!)

Gross, and a little self-deprecating

Words I loathe:
mucus
phlegm
drainage

It seems my body has always produced an excessive amount of mucus. I remember my mom always telling me to blow my nose as a child because she could hear I was congested. We also had this conversation frequently:
Mom: Emily, do you want a mint?
Emily: No thanks.
Mom: Yes, you do.
Emily: No, I really don't want one.
Mom: Yes, you DO.
(bad breath due to drainage, I guess.)

I am one of those people who blows my nose everyday, no matter what the weather, allergy forecast or my health status. I have boxes of tissues in every room of my house, in my office and in my car. And thanks to the rosacea I got in my thirties, my skin is so sensitive, I have to use tissues with aloe or blisters will form on that tiny bit of skin separating the nostrils. And those aren't pretty. And they hurt. And I still have to blow daily.

So, now I have a virus. Mostly it's been a chest cold, which produces lots of fun coughing and hacking up stuff. But I also have been blowing my nose a fair bit. And now, I have a pimple INSIDE my left nostril! OUCH! I really don't need this. It's enough to suffer with the coughs and nose-blowing. Oh well, at least it's not visible from the outside, causing people to wonder if it's a whiffle booger that might fall on the next exhale...

What a Freakin' MONDAY!

So I got all my stuff moved on Saturday. I couldn't do much after the movers left. After all the boxing and lifting and fighting this virus I've caught, I was completely exhausted. On Sunday, I didn't feel much better, but I did manage to unpack most of my kitchen boxes.

Late yesterday afternoon, my god-daughter Annie brought over her pups, a teacup chihuahua and a chihuahua-Jack Russell terrier mix. They are adorable, and I agreed to watch them this week while Annie is on spring break in Florida.

I decided to wake up a little extra early this morning to take care of the dogs and get them packed up and ready for the office. One of the perks at my work is the ability to bring well-behaved dogs to work with you.

Not knowing how cold the morning might be, I decided to throw on a robe just in case. Out to the big back yard we went. These little dogs are in heaven in my large yard, and I enjoyed watching them chase each other. After a few minutes, I decided to head in for a shower...uh, oh...the door is locked behind me. I didn't realize when I came out that the HANDLE lock was set in the lock position! Ack! It's still dark out, and I have no keys or phone. Oh jeez...

I remembered my friend/landlord told me she had done this before and that the nice elderly couple next door had a key. I didn't see any lights on next door, so I decided to wait a bit and hope they woke up.

After a half an hour or so, I decided to go ring their bell and wake them up. I rang, I knocked, but no answer. Ok, so they're either hearing impaired or they're not home. Next?

I went across the street. At least there were lights on.

Imagine this: someone rings your doorbell and when you open the door, you see your brand new neighbor slightly disheveled, standing in her robe on your front porch.

Well, they say everything happens for a reason. I met my neighbors, who are SO nice, and they allowed me to use their phone to call a locksmith. They graciously gave me delicious Italian coffee and kept me company at their kitchen table while I waited for the locksmith, who called to say he was stuck in traffic and would be an additional 20 minutes.

Finally getting back into my house, I quickly showered and got to work, forgetting my security card and sweating most of my makeup off by the time I got to my office. Oh well. At least I had the puppies to keep my spirits up. Too bad my cat Sabrina doesn't feel the same way about them.

Bolstered by Good Lovin's...Heading Back

Sea World yesterday was a blast. The heavy clouds kept the weather cool for most of the day, and we wore out our feet trekking around the park. My back was the most sore, though, but I was happy to give many piggyback rides and carry weary toddlers.

I got such great lovings from all four of my nieces and nephews. They are so sweet. It definitely lifted my spirits and gives me a happy memory to chase away the sad emotions.

I'm heading back "home" now, going to pack up more stuff and my cat and move them across town. The movers come on Saturday, but it will be awhile before I'm organized and settled into my new place. For now, I'm just trying to make do and get through. I feel numb in some ways, but I'm often on the verge of tears.

Sisters are the best medicine

And I mean "sisters" in the broader sense. My girlfriends have been a great support in Dallas, but when I heard both my sisters and their kiddos along with our cousin Beverly were going to be together in San Antonio, I decided I couldn't miss the opportunity to be with so many people I love.

The original plan was to go swimming today at the hotel, but the rain has ruled that out. Instead, Colin and I "explored" the lobby, Anna got her hair braided, and everyone except Colin got temporary tattoos. Paige insisted on getting hers in the lumbar section of her back! Everyone was chuckling as she sassily stuck her hip out and let the girl paint her pink and purple stars and moons.

We just got into the rooms, and the kids are thrilled. Colin walked around and around, pulling his wheeled suitcase and exclaimed over the "new soap!" Anna was thrilled about the TV and just had to call Dad at home to tell him about the beautiful room. Graham's first order of business was to unpack his "lovies," and Paige had to change into more comfortable clothes.

If the weather lets up, we will be visiting Sea World tomorrow.

Spring's New Beginnings

Sorry...long time no post.

Besides a busy work schedule where I'm trying to train two new people which will help me tremendously, I'm also turning my personal life upside down.

Steve and I have broken up. I'm temporarily staying with a dear friend, who graciously lives just 5 minutes from my work. (Not having that long commute is a huge blessing.) I've found a new place to live (another blessing) and will be moving my stuff next weekend. Janet helped me pack up at least half of my belongings this weekend. My body hurts and my hands have multiple scratches. I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally, but I've been sleeping soundly and feel like this is the right decision for me.

I'm trying to find myself again. I've been reading this delightful book called "Eat, Pray, Love" written by a woman after her divorce while she travels through Italy for the pursuit of pleasure, India to focus on spirituality, and Indonesia to find balance. I relate to her quest so much. Here's one passage that I can identify with:

"...I have boundary issues with men. Or maybe that's not fair to say. To have issues with boundaries, one must have boundaries in the first place, right? But I disappear into the person I love. If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time -- everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain...I will give you all this and more, until I get completely exhausted and depleted..."

I'm working on it.

Philly, for Work

I arrived in Philly yesterday. I'm excited that I'm up here to train a new employee. She will be taking over a couple of my accounts that are in this area, and that will help my workload tremendously.

I arrived at the airport late afternoon. I always feel comfortable in airports. Guess it seems normal to me after living in an airline family. I find them easy to navigate.

The past times I've been here for work, I've taken taxis, but now that I know where the office is, I decided to rent a car. I remember when I was fresh out of college and travelling with my first job -- I wasn't old enough to rent a car! Nice not to have to worry about that now.

I always feel a little apprehension driving in a new place, but I've found my way around many cities. New Jersey is one of the most difficult because they don't allow left turns. Everywhere else, you can always turn around and backtrack if you need to. I've learned that I have a pretty good sense of direction, and I've also learned some of my coworkers couldn't find their way out of a paper sack!

It's cold up here, but I'm hot inside. Whenever I travel north during the winter, I've noticed how high they set the heat. So now, I'm sitting in a sleeveless mock turtleneck while the locals are dressed in long-sleeves. I also have to turn the air on in my hotel room to compensate for the heat that is rising through the building.

Someday, I hope I actually get to explore this city a bit. Every trip I've taken up here has been so dominated by work, I haven't had a chance to see all the historical sights.

Check it out...

One of the projects I've been working on for several months launched today. I have a sense of pride but mostly relief that it is done. I'm anxious to see how it is received by the public.

http://www.apositivelife.com

Back to Reality

Well, I've only been back to work for two days, but all my pampering and all the sweet lovin's I got from the kiddos seem worlds away. I'm already ready for another vacation!

The good news is, I had a friend start working for me on Monday, and I have another new coworker that starts next Monday. Both of them will help take some of my overwhelming workload.

Until they get up to speed, I'm battling my ever-growing email Inbox. I like to keep it under 100 unread. When I'm doing really well, I can keep it under 20 unread. Since yesterday, I can't seem to get it under 200 unread! The problem is, they keep coming in!!!

Rejuvenation

Today began my rejuvenation process. I awoke to little voices, got some hugs before they left for school, took a walk with the dog, then drove to Jenn's veterinary clinic. I got to watch a couple of minor procedures, and then we had lunch. In the afternoon, I had a manicure and pedicure at a spa Jenn recommended.

While a manicure and pedicure are normal routine for some, I can count on one hand how many times I've had either. I haven't always had good nails, due to a irresistible habit of picking at them, and my toenails aren't the type that will be featured in fashion magazines. But, I thought it would be good for relaxation.

I realized as I was there, having someone else very carefully taking care of me, that I have a difficult time letting someone else do things for me. It's one thing if I'm paying them (like today), but I even feel guilty when Steve does something for me/us. I have this overwhelming feeling of responsibility. I think this is something I need to let go of.

Nothing Left

Sorry my blog has been "anemic." I'm burned out, worn out, fed up, tuckered out. An incredibly hectic workload has just left me with no energy or creativity.

As one of my friends reminded me, if you're in an airplane, and the oxygen masks drop from the ceiling compartment, you have to put one on yourself first before helping others. If you don't take care of yourself, you'll have nothing to give to others.

So, I've taken a few days off from work and come to my big sis, Jenn. I've already gotten lots of hugs and lovings from Anna and Colin, and we just got back from a walk around the neighborhood and to the park where I got the honor of carrying Colin. :-)

Compromised

I learned today that my debit card number was stolen. I got a call from Nordstrom's to confirm that the online order they had received for a $500 gift card was in fact valid. Thank God they called!

Of course, I immediately cancelled my card and alerted my bank. Add my name to the long list of those whose identity has been stolen...

(Sorry, I guess in my haste and frustration, I misspelled "compromise." It's now fixed.)

Appearances Do Count for Something

I always try not to "judge a book by its cover" (or a wine by its label, for that matter), but I do think appearances are important and can influence how others perceive you.

For example, when I got a grant for a date-rape prevention program that I presented to high school students while I was in college, one of the exercises I went through was to show the kids (girls and guys) different photos I had pulled from current magazines and catalogs. I asked them to call out what they thought about each one.

The girls were shocked when the guys said, "she's asking for it!" when they would respond, "oh, she's very fashionable." My point wasn't to say either was right or wrong -- I wanted each of them to realize that the opposite sex doesn't think the same way as they do about clothing. (I also emphasized that no matter what someone was wearing, rape was not an appropriate response.)

Another of my extra-curricular activities while I was at college was to participate in the university's pageant. It ended up not being successful for me, but I did learn some valuable tips from the organizers about paying special attention to your appearance especially while interviewing.

So, jump to now, when I work in an agency that often presents to various clients. I greatly respect the people I work with and have often remarked on the collective brain power of the employees here. But I was shocked at the appearance of one of my colleagues yesterday who was leading an in-person client meeting. The senior-level individual has never been what one would call "polished," but yesterday was particularly bad, including shoes that DESPERATELY needed a polishing (or at least a Sharpie!), no makeup (which could greatly reduce the general redness and can provide some definition to eyes and lips), broken buttons on the jacket (I know she can afford a needle and thread, or a new jacket!), and long unkempt hair that desperately needs coloring to hide the several inches of roots. She could definitely benefit from one of those stylist shows, like What Not to Wear.

A Long Time Coming...

I should have posted this weeks ago, but it's still funny.

My mom is a petite woman - about 5'2" - and she and I joke that as she gets older and shrinks, I will eventually be able to carry her around in my pocket.

Maybe she's getting there: this video shows her three-year-old granddaughter Paige pedalling Nana on her two seater tricycle (one of Paige & Graham's Christmas gifts).

A Good Weekend

Not sure yet if it's a temporary reprieve or not, but Steve has felt better this weekend than he has in the month since this mysterious condition began. The only two things we can attribute it to are time and possibly the clot-dissolving medicine he was given in the hospital.

Each of our friends with doctors in the family have been asking questions for us. Steve's friend from the Netherlands that recently came into town asked his stepfather about Steve's symptoms. He suggested it might be neurotoxicity from the sushi. If so, time will allow his body to detox and get back to normal.

One of the blood tests they ran in the hospital showed a slight elevation indicating there might be a clot in his lungs, although they saw nothing on the chest scan. As a precaution, they gave him two injections in his stomach (ouch) of a clot-dissolving medicine. If he did have a clot, that medicine might be the reason he's feeling better. Or, it may be due to all the positive thoughts and prayers everyone has been sending. Whatever the cause, we are thankful for the reprieve!

On Saturday, we went to the Body Worlds exhibit in downtown Dallas. It's fascinating. The exhibition displays human bodies that have been preserved by plastination. Almost all the bodies don't have skin, so you can view the muscles and organs. They are beautiful and intriguing, not at all grotesque or disturbing. Different poses show the abilities of the muscles, bones, vessels and nerves. I would highly recommend to anyone to go see the exhibit if it comes near you.

Today, we did our usual housework and then watched the Superbowl with our friends Cris and Joyce.

Well, they're discharging Steve from the hospital. The stress test and CT scan of his chest showed no blockages or heart trouble. The doctor explained this hospital pretty much only deals with emergency or cardiac care, so there's not much more they can do for us.

I made a follow-up appointment with his neurologist for Monday morning. Maybe she can tell us more.

My sister Jenn called and suggested we go to the Mayo Clinic. I'm looking into it. We just need an answer. Steve continues to describe his overall feeling as "like a train has hit me."

So we're going home to make a nice fire and just relax.

Guess what we did last night? Back to the hospital...

Steve was having crushing chest pain and shortness of breath -- classic signs of a heart attack -- so we went back to the emergency room. They decided to admit him to the hospital for additional tests.

So far, everything heart-related is looking good. (Whew.) But I hope they continue to run tests and figure out once and for all what is going on. It's difficult to maintain this level of anxiety. We are both exhausted and frustrated, just wanting an answer.

I was pleased to see I can connect to the internet here at the hospital, so I'll post if anything happens.

The EEG

Steve-patient
Originally uploaded by Gem-Em.

Steve got to wear a 21-probe EEG this weekend, and was he ever ready to get it off on Tuesday morning!


He wore a ballcap to work on Monday, but some of the gauze on his forehead was still visible. He didn't make a big show of it, and the front desk lady at his office actually asked his assistant if he'd had a hair transplant!


Here he reluctantly poses for a picture for me. Originally, he joked about doing a video for the blog lip-synching Mr. Roboto, but the EEG got old quickly.

Still no word on the results. Thanks for everyone's good thoughts & prayers!

Philly, again

I had to fly in tonight because my meeting begins so early tomorrow. I hate leaving Steve, but at least his best friend Cris is on stand-by and I'll be back tomorrow evening.

I had a great cabbie tonight from the airport. Sometimes, I want to be left in silence, but other times it's nice to chat. He said he's originally from South Carolina, and he remarked that I don't sound like I'm from Texas. I explained my dad is from England and my mom from Texas, and my accent is a mixture. He asked where I'm from. "Where am I from...?" I repeated. There's not really a good answer to that. So, I just said, "New York," which is true, I WAS born there. I just haven't lived there in 33 years or so.

The view from my hotel is great. I can see a part of the city, and the next building over has a dome like the Capitol building. And I'm happy to not be right next to the elevator. But I will miss Steve's soft snoring. I know, I'm crazy, but it lets me know he's relaxed and sleeping and makes me feel safe.

A Funny and An Update

Last weekend, Steve felt up to taking a short road trip down to Waco to visit my great aunt Sudie and my grandmother. Sudie celebrated her 92nd birthday on Friday, and I wanted to take her out for lunch on Saturday to recognize this accomplishment. There's nothing she likes better for a present than a visit.

Sudie's mind is slipping slightly -- I can now easily beat her in Scrabble, when in the past she was a force to reckon with -- but she is so happy. She laughs a lot and doesn't let things get to her. Her hearing is also not as sharp as it once was, and at one point during lunch, when the waiter didn't take her plate, she mentioned to me that she was done, too.

I said, "His hands are full," explaining why he hadn't taken her plate.
She said, "He had to cancel?"
I repeated, "No, I said, his HANDS ARE FULL."
She laughed, "Oh! I thought you said he had to cancel."
Grandma pipes in, "What? Who has a hamster?"

***********

We don't have any results back yet from Steve's tests. He stayed at the sleep clinic on Tuesday night, hooked up to dozens of electrodes. He didn't sleep well. The next day, Wednesday, he had his echocardiogram, and while the technician couldn't give him a diagnosis, he was able to point out different structures like the aorta and his heart valves that were working properly. Thursday was his carotid ultrasound, and again the technician was as helpful as possible, telling Steve he had "beautiful blood vessels." (I think maybe she was flirting with my guy.)

This weekend he's going to be hooked up to the EEG for 72 hours. Should be interesting!

Distracted

Several of you have posted comments regarding Steve. I wish I had some news of note to share.

We are still not sure what's going on with him. After spending another harrowing evening in the emergency room last Thursday, we are more stressed but have no more answers. His symptoms are strange and could point to a number of different conditions. Nothing quite seems to fit, though, and so far all test results (CAT scan, MRI, EKG) are negative.

He had an appointment this morning with a neurologist, and finally, it seems like someone is listening! I'm thankful that she seems to be asking the right questions and has suggested numerous other tests. He's scheduled for a "sleepover" tomorrow night for them to monitor his brainwaves, an echocardiogram on Wednesday, a carotid ultrasound on Thursday, and a portable EEG monitor starting on Saturday and running for 72 hours. I'll let you know when I know more.

It's so hard to concentrate on anything when the person you love the most isn't feeling well.

Yes, it snowed in Dallas!

It snowed last night! It's very pretty, even if it's only sticking to inanimate objects. (I guess the ground is still too warm.) I tried to drive to work this morning, but it was way too slick. The snow and ice had also backed up the highway, and no one was moving. I turned it around and worked "virtually" from home.

Steve has been here all day, too, but he's not working. He doesn't have the ability to work virtually for his job, but it's good for him to have some down time. He's still not feeling great. We were supposed to get some test results back today, but the staff didn't show up at the doctor's office because of the weather. Hopefully, we'll know more tomorrow...

I think the best part about working from home is having my cat Sabrina snuggled up to my side. She's hardly left me all day, and my left leg is nice and warm from her closeness.

The worst part about working from home are the hours and hours of phone calls. I had so many meetings today that got turned into conference calls. It's much better to have those in person, when you HAVE to have meetings, that is.

I enjoyed my short trip to Philly, although I was plagued with delays both ways. I was very disappointed in how many rude people I encountered on this trip, though. From the security personnel on a power trip to the taxi dispatchers I called, the nastiness was unpleasant, ugly and not necessary!

Winter Wonderland

Dallas got a winter storm yesterday, and Steve and I decadently stayed in our pajamas all day! We kept warm with a nice fire and watched movies, played Scrabble, and ate chili. We watched the rain and noticed the icicles growing off the patio. Last night, I heard little tapping noises, and realized it was sleet hitting the skylights.

Today, I braved the icy roads to get to the airport. Although the first flight to Philly was cancelled, the second one is only delayed an hour. Driving in, all the bare trees look beautiful, decorated as they are with ice. However, I didn't enjoy the ice so much on my windshield. Thankfully, I have a great scraper from my dad, and Steve came out to help me. Even the car doors were glued shut with ice!

My Dog/Cat Personality

My friend Lisa had this on her blog. I love animals, and although I'm slightly allergic to dogs, I enjoy my friends' and family's dogs, so I wasn't surprised to learn my combo:

You Are: 70% Dog, 30% Cat

You and dogs definitely have a lot in common. You're both goofy, happy, and content with the small things in life. However, you're definitely not as needy as the average dog. You need your down time occasionally.

Are You More Cat or Dog?

I had a dream

In a recent dream (nightmare?), for some inexplicable reason, I had to tell someone I was in a relationship with my old boyfriend. I felt forced to admit this, even though everything within me rebelled against the idea.

When I awoke, I felt so relieved that it was a dream and that I'm now in a relationship in which I truly feel appreciated. Steve recognizes my gifts and is very supportive and complimentary of them.

Health update: Steve is still having "episodes," with the new addition of a vision symptom. His eyes are slow to adjust to light or distance changes. He had another doctor's appointment this morning. More to come...

Too Much Tuna

Yesterday, Steve went to his doctor, who diagnosed his bout as scombroid poisoning. Named for the Scombridae family of fish -- mainly tuna and mackerel -- it is a type of food intoxication caused by the consumption of these fish species that have begun to spoil with the growth of particular types of food bacteria. Symptoms can occur within minutes to 2 hours of injestion. Since we did eat quite a bit of tuna at our sushi dinner on Friday, this is the likely culprit. When Steve queried why I hadn't also gotten sick, he said each person's immune system responds uniquely at different times, and I must have had a stronger immune response at that time.

While he was doing that, I was travelling for 10 hours (up and back) for a 2 hour meeting in Philly. Seems a bit much, I know, but we learned today that we won that business! Unfortunately, that means I'm due back there next Monday, and tomorrow I'm headed to Atlanta for yet another new business pitch.

What's Been Happening

Okay, okay...I know I've been out of commission for awhile. Sorry. Here's what happened while I wasn't blogging:

We spent Christmas in Houston with my parents, Stephanie, Al and the twins. Steve was sad to not be with his kids, and his ex continues to make things difficult.

The Saturday before New Year's, we had two couples over for a nice lamb dinner and great wine. New Year's Eve itself was spent quietly at home. Neither one of us felt 100% due to a cold.

Work has started back with a bang. It seems that all my clients want to have meetings the first two weeks of January to get new projects kicked off. Unfortunately, I still have too many accounts and can't be everywhere at once! I went to NYC last Wednesday through Friday while my new employee Scott handled another client in Dallas. Tomorrow, he's headed to Cincinnati for another one, while I go to Philly for a new client meeting. I'm trying to think positively: at least I get to keep all my frequent flier miles!

While I was in NY, I couldn't get internet access! It was very frustrating because in addition to blogging, I really needed to get some work email. I finally was able to purchase a day pass at LaGuardia airport and download my email while standing by for an earlier flight. My computer was low on battery, so I plugged in to an available outlet and sat down on the floor to work. Sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do...

Friday night, when I got back from NY (fortunately on that earlier flight, but unfortunately stuck in a middle seat between two big men for 3.5 hours), Steve and I met at a sushi restaurant for a nice dinner. Just as we were finishing, Steve had a strange episode. I'm still not sure exactly how to describe it. He said it felt like a wave coming over him from the bottom half of his body up. For a brief moment, he couldn't swallow, move or think. Then he got very flushed followed by very pale. We were close to an Emergency Room and took him there. On the way, he started to shake uncontrollably. The only thing different in his life lately has been a new medication he started on the 1st. It's an antifungal for a persistent skin infection he has on his back and legs.

After a CT scan of his head and an EKG, several blood tests and a brief neurological exam, they ruled out anything major. Steve had those shakes on and off for the first hour or so we were there. They gave him Atavan for the anxiety he was feeling, and that helped to calm him down.

Although they weren't able to give us a definitive answer to why his body was doing what it was, they were able to tell us it wasn't his heart or anything neurological. That was some relief. They are assuming it was a bad reaction to the antifungal medicine. We were discharged around midnight.

Today he's feeling better, and he plans to go to his doctor tomorrow. I'm just thankful I was here with him. He said it was my "wifely duty" to be there with him, and I reminded him there's no ring on this finger (pointing to my left hand)!

Yesterday, my grandmother called, saying she and my great aunt Sudie had gotten a ride with some volunteer group to Dallas and were coming to see their sister, my great aunt Bess, who lives in a nursing home here. I went and spent a couple hours with them, sharing pictures from my computer of Christmas and all my nieces and nephews.

Today, I have to finish taking down my Christmas decorations, do laundry, read my email (202 unread at this point), run some errands, and have dinner with my best friend and her family. Oh, and Steve would like to go see a movie.

I'm so tired, I barely dragged myself out of bed this morning at 10:30!

Far from Home, Close in Heart

Steve's dad, Frank, is in Iraq for the third time. He works as an employee of the federal government, working with the military, and his job is to troubleshoot mechanical problems on the equipment. He's on a base in Baghdad.

He calls Steve when he can, and he's reported that they are experiencing almost constant mortaring, much more than he heard on his previous trips. Yesterday, he called Steve and told him they were under heavy ground fire. He said they knocked out communications on the base for a long while and that two GI's were hit with mortar rounds on the base today but are still alive. He said they keep having black outs on the base to avoid being targeted during the night hours.

I know there are thousands of families like us that are riveted to the television when news of the Iraq war is played. It seems even more difficult to be separated by the war during Christmas.

It's Friday!

It's so nicely quiet here at the office. That is, except for the kids who were brought to work since daycare is closed. :-)

One of our newer employees made the comment the other day that we've had more holiday parties/lunches/happy hours than every place he's ever worked added together! (He's young, so he probably hasn't worked many places, but still...) Everyone is in a festive mood, even though the weather has been unseasonably warm. And we work so hard during the year, it's a good time to show our appreciation for their great work.

Our new building has some new features, some good and some that just take getting used to. Most of the windows on my floor face West, and the Texas sunsets have been spectacular to view. We have a parking garage, which I like as protection against spring hail storms and shade in the hot summer, and you have to have a security card to open the doors to the elevator and into our suite. One tricky thing is the bathrooms are located outside our suite, so you have to remember to take your card with you to get back in!

Janet, my BF, and her daughter Annie, my goddaughter, are coming up today to see my new digs and then we're all going to lunch. Annie just had all four wisdom teeth out, and she's milking the sympathy! (She's doing well and has good painkillers.)

Travel Hell

I left the office Monday night and headed to the airport, as I was scheduled for a 7:30 flight to Cincinnati.

After a lovely (?) meal at the airport, they made an announcement that the plane was delayed 3 hours. It would now be arriving in Cinci at 2 a.m.! I decided to take a flight in the morning instead and have a nice sleep in my own bed. The only catch was I didn't get my checked luggage back. It went on to Cinci with all my toiletries and my special pillow. (I have a bad neck, and my pillow makes a huge difference in my comfort. This was the first time I decided to take it on a trip with me. Oh well!)

I stopped by the grocery store on the way home and picked up some make-do make-up. Steve was happy to have me home, even though I did have to get up early the next morning for another flight.

Since I had packed my black suit, I decided to wear my brown one. That is, until I clumsily splattered small droplets of the make-up I had just bought on the pants. Argh...it wasn't coming out, so I wore my last available suit.

Got to the airport on time, checked the monitors, and guess what? FLIGHT CANCELLED due to mechanical failure. Oh, geez.

I was able to catch a flight to Dayton, which is where I needed to end up that afternoon anyway. (I had a meeting in Cinci in the morning and was driving down with a colleague from there to a pitch in Dayton. I obviously missed the morning meeting, but I did finally make it to the pitch!)

The pitch was in the smallest, warmest conference room ever. There were 12 people crammed around a table, and the heat was almost unbearable. Our presentation was good, but the main decision maker was doing the slow blinks of sleepiness.

And, not to be outdone, our returning flight was delayed an hour. I finally got back to Dallas and found my luggage, which had travelled its own path to Cinci and back without me, and climbed into bed at 11 p.m.

Draggin'

Can you believe Christmas is just a week away?

It sure doesn't feel like it in Dallas. It's been 75-80* here! Crazy. My new office, on the other hand, is as cold as a meat locker. I'm hoping we can get that adjusted to something more normal once all the construction is complete.

Steve and I were pretty sedate this past weekend. Steve is recovering from a cold, and I must be fighting it off because my energy has been really low. We did get our Christmas shopping complete. Steve's list sure is a lot simpler than mine: his kids and me. We also picked out frames for his new glasses. We were suprised to realize he had gotten his prescription in October. How time flies! (I'll post a picture of him with his new specs once he gets them home. He says he can turn in his walking stick now.)

We are sending out cards. We finally picked out a picture and are getting them created. They are supposed to be ready tomorrow or Wednesday. I hope they get to England on time!

New Digs

Well, I almost got choked up leaving the office yesterday for the last time. Since joining the company 6 and a half years ago, I had a lot of memories in that building. I've grown a lot, too.

The drive took me an hour and 15 minutes as expected. I now have an OFFICE with a WINDOW. Although the window overlooks a concrete courtyard, if you lean over, you can see trees. Most everyone is happy and excited about the new digs, and people are busy milling around, finding where others are sitting and eating the breakfast our owners set out for us.

Plus, we have a parking garage, and they're building a gym in the building that we will have free access to. Not bad!

Long time no post

Yes, I'm still alive. [in response to Stephanie's call]

I've just been busy with all the changes going on here (mostly work-related) and didn't think you'd want to read another post about my busy work!

We are moving offices, to a new building across town. We have completely outgrown our current facilities, and because we are adding another 24 or so new employees before the end of the year, we MUST move now to accommodate them. We have no additional space in this building or in the parking lot, which has become quite competitive just to get a space.

I'm in the first of three waves of the move, and my stuff will be relocated on Tuesday night. I've packed up the majority of my things, but I still have more to do today.

I'm excited about the new space and about the fact that I get a window office, but the new location is so much further from my home. I'm estimating on a good day, it will take me 75 minutes to drive there.

So, Steve and I continue to work on the house and hope to move closer into town. We nearly killed ourselves this weekend with yard and pool work, and we met with realtors Saturday afternoon. We are hoping to get from them a condensed list of what needs to be done to sell as well as a market analysis and estimated sale price.

When I think about that drive, I'm ready to move now.

Gettin' Lovins in Houston

Posting from Houston, where I arrived last night. My bro-in-law Al, my mom and the twins came to pick me up. Paige and Graham kept saying "Auntie Emily! Auntie Emily!" in a singsong voice. It was great. I got BIG hugs and whopper kisses, too.

Today, we helped Steph decorate the outside of her house. She is SERIOUS about her decorations! Every year, she finds new additions after the season (on sale). She has three gingerbread houses with six gingerbread kids, two snowmen, two lighted garlands, a blow-up snow globe and a blow-up penguins with candy canes. Then there are wreaths and additional lights sprinkled throughout the front yard.

Steph is still recuperating from last week's hospital stay, but she is in good spirits. Tomorrow, more family is coming in to join in her annual Christmas Tea, ladies only. Should be fun!

Week in Review

I've been trying to think of something good to write all week. I haven't thought of much.

First, my sister Stephanie was in the hospital with kidney stones. She's fine now, but that is so very painful. And I feel like that is more her place to tell the story.

Work is busy, but that's hardly new.

It was unseasonably warm early in the week, and last night, a big cold front came through. Today we had ice, sleet and snow. I looked outside at one point, and the snow was swirling all around with the wind. It looked like I was in a snow globe!

One new thing I'm trying this week is based on an article I read, "What does it take to lead a happier life?" Researchers are studying how to increase happiness, and the article refers to a simple exercise: every night, think of three good things that happened that day and analyze why they occurred.

It's a bit like the Gratitude Journal that was made popular by Oprah and Sarah Ban Breathnach, author of Simple Abundance, a few years ago. The thing I like about this exercise is the analysis of why those things happened.

On Monday, one of my good things was this snuggly baby I got to hold at the hospital. My analysis of why this happened? Because I volunteer. That made me give credit to myself and realizing how much I get out of giving.

Anyway, I figure it can't hurt, and who knows? It might just increase my happiness level.

A Good Start

Everything went well!

The kids arrived on Wednesday night, and we went out to a Japanese hibachi restaurant. Steve's son Declan was very comfortable around me, acting like he sees me all the time. (We met in February.) His daughter Hayden was shy as Steve had predicted. She only spoke to him through dinner, and I tried to make comments, to which she would politely smile and then turn back to him.

Thursday was the Big Day, and I started by cooking the pies. The kids helped peel the apples for the apple pie, and Hayden helped me with the stuffing. Otherwise, I was pretty much on my own. I didn't want to make them help if they didn't want to. I was also really missing my sisters and parents. We usually are all in the kitchen talking and preparing together.

The kids were thrilled about the shrimp cocktail, which I served in martini glasses. They tried everything, including my family recipes for spinach casserole, turnips & carrots and Chachie's cranberry relish.

On Friday, Steve took the kids to a museum and bowling. I went shopping by myself and almost got my whole Christmas list done! We met back at the house for dinner. I made a cheese fondue appetizer (big hit) and turkey pot pie (also enjoyed). Later, Hayden helped me wrap some gifts, and we had a great talk.

Saturday was a short day with the kids as they headed back to Albuquerque that afternoon. We had a nice breakfast together and some shopping. They were so sad to say goodbye to their dad, and he is still sad at having to say goodbye to them.

Getting Ready

This Thursday is Thanksgiving, and instead of the usual big family get-together, Steve and I will be hosting his two kids, Hayden, age 13 and Declan, age 11. I'm excited and nervous and anxious. But I will miss all my family, getting together at Jennifer's house.

It's a little strange to only have four people for Thanksgiving. (that's four including me!) I don't even need my extra leaf in the table! But Steve and I both agreed that it's best to have a small gathering for me to get to know the kids better. We also thought it might be a little overwhelming to introduce them to all my family just yet!

To make it a little easier for them, I asked Steve what they traditionally have in the menu. I'm making apple and pumpkin pies for dessert (I will miss your pecan pie, Daddy!). And for an appetizer, we're having shrimp cocktail, which became a family tradition for them when they lived in Germany and couldn't get a turkey.

A New Experience

Thursday and Friday were a completely new experience for me. We were interviewing and filming the patients I mentioned in my post last week about What's Real. I learned I'm pretty good at interviewing. The hardest part for me is that I couldn't make verbal or auditory cues, like saying "Oh" and "Mm hm" while they were speaking. We're editing out the questions altogether, so all you'll hear is the person's story. I gave a lot of thumbs-up and big smiles. And if they said something particularly funny, I had to do a silent laugh! I wanted to encourage them and make them feel as comfortable as possible to tell their story while being as quiet as possible. I almost felt like I was doing charades.

After our first day of filming on Thursday, my cheeks hurt from smiling so much! I also found that I was completely exhausted. I went to bed at 8:30 (which I never do) and slept soundly until the next morning.

Each of the people we were interviewing aren't actors, so everyone was nervous in front of the camera with the hot lights and many production people in the room. I tried to make each feel comfortable and let them know that their unique story is important and inspiring. We got some incredible footage -- more than we had expected -- and the clients were thrilled.

How would you describe me in one word?

On the radio this morning, one of the DJs brought up the idea of describing each other in one word. They got a variety of responses from listeners and coworkers.

It got me thinking. It's difficult to sum someone up in just one word. We're all so multifaceted, and it forces you to choose the most evident characteristic.

So, readers, here's your chance! How would you describe me in one word?

The Dog with Three Families

A week and a half ago, my uncle Tom came to visit to pick up a piece of furniture I had been keeping for him. Tom used to live in the Dallas area, and he lovingly opened his home to me after my first divorce. We were roommates for awhile, until he decided to move to the Austin area to be closer to his daughter. Since he was significantly downsizing his living area, he asked me to keep his dog Scout, an energetic shepherd-greyhound mix. Scout had a heart of gold and had a way of wrapping you around her toe.

When I remarried, my new home came with two large dogs that made Scout very nervous. I was concerned for her, and my best friend Janet offered to take her into her home. It was a great situation for Scout, since Janet and her family had a huge common ground area for Scout to run around and tree the squirrels, and someone was always home to share her company.

Scout has been slowing down fairly significantly lately, showing signs of arthritis in her stiff joints and the advancing stages of dementia. I told Tom he needed to come visit to say goodbye.

Tom was here on a Tuesday. We had a lovely visit with Scout, including all three of us: Tom, Janet and myself. Then we had dinner and toasted what a beautiful spirit she is.

Last Friday, Janet had to make the excruciating decision to put her down. Scout had gotten so restless and animated, she didn't sleep for three days and then collapsed. Unfortunately, the procedure didn't go as smoothly as hoped, but we know now Scout is in a better place, hopefully full of squirrels to chase. She will be missed by all who knew and loved her.

Ready to Blow

Oh, I'm so overwhelmed! I've been working all morning and still have 200 unread emails in my inbox. My supervisor told me people are telling him they can't get enough of my time on their particular projects -- no wonder since I'm overallocated as it is. He said they weren't complaining about my work, just that I'm not focused on their projects. Huh. I'm going 100 mph and not able to keep up.

I haven't had a vacation since March when Steve & I went to Hawaii. I started feeling really burned out in August. Now, mid-November, I feel whipped.

Do you ever have so many emails, phone calls, lists of things to do that you don't know where to start? Everything's urgent, making it difficult to prioritize. I can't wait until Thanksgiving, to have a couple days off, but then I don't know how I'll have time to take it off. There's too much to do!

This is why I have no interesting blog stories. I think about topics to write about and sometimes create the stories in my head, but I'm either away from a computer (flying) or am too tired by the time I get to a computer. Or, I decide the topic isn't blog-worthy.

What's Real

Are you still reading? Did you think I dropped off the face of the earth?

Tonight I'm in Indianapolis. Work has been rough lately. I've been travelling every week for the past 4 weeks, and clients have been coming into town for meetings, too. At the end of the year, they all seem to find budget dollars that must be spent before year-end. It's good, but it's crazy busy.

Monday and Tuesday of this week, I was interviewing people who have a particular life-threatening disease, which I'm not mentioning on the blog because the project is still confidential. It was so moving hearing their stories. It reminded me why I chose health education as my major in college. It just felt so real, listening to their real-life struggles, and it puts most everything else into perspective.

These people -- men, women, black and white, young and old -- told how they now appreciate the small things, like rain, the breeze, and especially family and friends. Many of them spoke of God and said they felt they had a reason to be here. They sounded so certain. I've never felt that certain about my purpose. It makes sense to me that one man described his disease as "a blessing and a curse."

Hellacious Travel Day

I had to travel for a client visit yesterday. Dallas to Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina and back in one day, and I didn't have direct flights. I had to get up before the sun (5 a.m.) and wasn't home until 11 p.m.

My colleagues and I were delayed at our stop-over, so we called to let the client know we were running a bit late. Then, the cab driver we got didn't know how to get to our client's. He called a friend and spoke a foreign language and supposedly got directions. However, I've been there several times and could tell he was going the wrong way. We asked him to turn around, and from the left lane -- not the turning lane -- and without looking, he proceeds to do a U-turn. Unfortunately for him, another driver was coming up in the left turn lane, and they collided. A little whiplash makes the day that much better, doesn't it?

We got to meet a friendly North Carolina state trooper as we waited on the side of the road for our client to come pick us up.

Our presentation went well, and the cab ride back to the airport was uneventful. We took our two flights home, only slightly delayed, and when I landed, I called Steve.

"I've got some news," he said.

Something in his voice made me cringe inside. "Okay..."

"Al's coming through Dallas/Fort Worth and is going to stay with us tonight."

Al (not Steph's Al, this is formerly-dairy-farmer-Al from Wisconsin) was Steve's late sister's boyfriend up until her death from lung cancer three years ago. He is like family and was extremely generous to us when we visited Wisconsin in July, allowing us to borrow a car and stay at his farmhouse. He has recently sold the farm and cows and traded it for the open road, trucking across country with various loads on a flatbed. I like him, and of course, he's always welcome, but after a long day of travel, I didn't really feel up to entertaining.

But Al is very easy-going, and Steve did most of the "entertaining." They were understanding when I went to bed. And luckily, we cleaned the house this weekend in anticipation of my uncle Tom's visit today. He should be arriving any minute now.

P.S. The Cakebread wine dinner was FANTASTIC!

Sweet Ending to a Busy Week.

What a crazy week this has been! I've had two new business pitches and an in-office client visit, leaving hardly any time to do my project work. Am I glad it's Friday! Unfortunately, I will be travelling again on Monday to visit another client. I'm very disappointed that Monday is the day my company has decided to have its annual Halloween costume party. It's one of my favorite days here at work with everyone dressed in costume, and I'm sorry to miss it.

But I'm really looking forward to tonight. Steve and I have a date night planned at the restaurant where we met. They are hosting a Cakebread Vineyards wine dinner, featuring Sauvignon Blanc, Chardonnay, Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignon. The chef is preparing a four course meal to go along with these fantastic wines, including scallops and filet mignon.

Baby Work

It was a busy night at the hospital tonight. They are short-staffed, so all the nurses were really happy to see me.

I fed three babies and held a fourth. One of the babies was born 3 months ago at 26-27 weeks -- about as early as they can survive. He's having trouble breathing and is still on oxygen. He scared us all at one point holding his breath and making all the alarms sound. He's also been constipated for the past five days (!) and finally had a good bowel movement after a suppository.

Another little girl is getting a chemotherapy agent to treat cytomegalovirus (CMV). It's a common virus that's part of the herpes family of viruses, but in premature infants, it can cause all sorts of problems, including hearing, vision and neurological problems. Poor little thing. She's obviously going through a very tough treatment.

The second little girl I fed was born without any opening for urine or poop to come out. So strange...she currently has an ostomy and a catheter of sorts to allow the waste to get out of her body. I don't know what the doctors will do long-term for her.

So keep these little ones in your prayers.

Just like the rest of us

On Friday, I flew up to Cincinnati for a client meeting and back to Dallas all in one day. It’s a grueling schedule, starting at 6 in the morning. And it’s on American Eagle. So much for their “more legroom” advertising campaign. This plane is cramped.

All I want to do when I get onboard the airplane is sleep, but I have to prepare for the meeting I’m going to since I haven’t had time this week to review the materials. Still, comfort is important.

Before we take off, a small child is screaming loudly somewhere behind me. Great, I think. (I love children, but when I’m travelling, especially this early in the morning, my patience for them is greatly reduced.)

Then the person behind me keeps messing with my seat back. Any traveller expects some jostling as people get settled, but this just keeps going and going. I finally do the half-turn of my head to signal my annoyance, thinking perhaps this person is so self-absorbed they don’t realize the effect they are having on me.

The woman sitting next to me says, “Do you know who that is?”

Since I didn’t actually turn all the way around and see the person’s face, I say, “No.”

“It’s Daryl Johnson!” (former Cowboys football player and local celebrity)

I turn around again, and sure enough, it is.

“He keeps bumping my seat,” I explain to my neighbor.

Celebrity or no, he should still be more considerate.

I’m not one to get too excited about celebrities. When I was about fourteen, visiting my aunt in California, we saw Sylvester Stalone at an outdoor shopping mall. I was so excited and politely asked him for his autograph. He was so rude to me, not even glancing my way, signing the paper and disdainfully handing it back to me while blowing cigar smoke. I was so unimpressed, I threw the autograph away. Since then, I’ve seen Jamie Lee Curtis at an airport (she’s angular and too thin) and had the opportunity to meet Paula Zahn (I was a big fan at the time, and a bit starstruck. She was also rail thin and looked like she needed to eat. Still, she was polite and let me take a picture with her. I have no idea where that snapshot is now.)

I guess I adhere to the idea that they are just human beings like me. We all put our pants on one leg at a time. We all have our foibles and our baggage, our own crosses to carry, even if some are better at concealing theirs than others.

My New Teeth

Well, I survived 2 hours and 45 minutes at the dentist this morning. My face was all puffed up and I was numb from my cheekbone to my nose and down to my chin for several hours, but I have minimal pain now. The temporary crowns look good, and he also fixed a chip in another tooth and a small cavity in another.

I went into work afterwards, but since I looked like I had suffered a stroke (the left half of my face was just not responding), it was difficult for anyone to look at me and hear what I was saying. Besides, I didn't feel so great, so I took my laptop home and am now sitting on the couch working, looking out the window at a beautiful sunny day and having my snuggly Sabrina beside me. And Steve brought me some beautiful flowers that are brightening up the room.

Bad News

I had a regular dental cleaning appointment this afternoon. I haven't had any major problems, but I did mention I've had periodic sensitivity in the top left teeth. Nothing overwhelming. I figured it was a small cavity.

"Which one? Second from the back or third from the back?"

I'm not sure. Can't really specify.

"Oh...it looks like you have a hairline crack across both of those teeth."

WHAT?!?

Oh yes, since I clench and grind my teeth at night, I have created two new cracked teeth. (My first cracked tooth resulted in my first crown earlier this year.)

And it gets better! Since the other crown was also in this calendar year, I'm nearing the end of what my insurance will cover. I have to pay an additional $2000 out of pocket for these lovely crowns.

"The sooner you get this done, the better."

How soon is soon?

"Tomorrow wouldn't be a bad idea. If you wait, they may crack deeper, requiring root canals. The deeper the divide goes, you may not even be able to save the tooth with a root canal and that would require extraction."

I am too young to have a partial! I have an appointment tomorrow morning at 7 a.m. And I am NOT a morning person.

Happy Monday

I called my mom this morning to wish her a happy birthday. She and my dad are in Niagra Falls, and she sounded so happy. She had told my dad she wanted to go to either Niagra or the Grand Canyon, and about a month ago, it didn't look like either one was going to work out. Fortunately, it did, and they are enjoying the Falls and their time together.

Birthdays are a great time to reflect how much someone means to you. My mom is such a special person to her family and friends. She's an organizer, from making lists to getting people together. She's incredibly loyal to her family. Her sweet demeanor and polished appearance hide a lioness ready to protect those she loves. She's an incredibly hard worker. I've seen her not only at home but also in an office situation, and she's well respected for her diligence and persistence.

And she's a Baby Boomer. She was conceived after her dad came home from WWII, and I think they must have been delighted with this petite, darling, blonde-haired, blue-eyed baby girl after their firstborn was a beautiful son. Now, she definitely fits the description of Boomers that state "60 is the new 40."

Happy Birthday, Momma.

A Noise in the Night

Texas has a lot of pests. Mosquitos are one of my least favorite.

One night, shortly after we had turned out the lights to go to sleep, both Steve and I heard the telltale whining noise of a mosquito buzzing around our heads. Steve said, "It's a mosquito! Quick, turn on the light!" I did, and he successfully killed it. I was so relieved. I don't think I could have easily fell asleep waiting for that bug to feed on my blood and leave a whelp.

Sometimes, Steve wakes up in the middle of the night for an hour or two. He gets up and watches TV in the living room. He did this a few weeks ago, and as he was lying on the couch, he heard a loud whining, buzzing noise. It was louder than the one we had heard before. This thing must be massive! He turned off the volume on the TV in order to locate the bugger.

Last month, we celebrated my cat Sabrina's 13th birthday. For her special day each year, she gets wet cat food and a catnip toy. This year, I also splurged on an electronic litter box. Fifteen minutes after the cat leaves the box, a metalic rake combs the litter and moves any waste into a receptacle. It also rakes once every three hours.

As you've probably figured out, the noise Steve heard that night, his "massive mosquito," was Sabrina's new litter box!

Flipping a House

All last week, Steve has been in Virginia working on his rental house. I joined him last weekend to finish it up. It's amazing how much work he got done in a little over a week, and it's horrifying to see how much filth and damage the tenants had created.

We expected to paint and clean. Steve was even aware of the garage door which had been accidentally smashed by the tenant and needed replacing. But what we weren't prepared for was the overwhelming stench of cat urine in every room.

Although according to the lease agreement pets were not allowed, the former tenant let his cat use the house as his large personal litter box. That smell is so rank! Steve had professional carpet cleaners do their best, and while it lessened the odor, it was still noticeable. So he pulled out all the carpet and used Kilz to seal all the floors. New carpet has been ordered and should be installed in the next two weeks.

We also found that they must have had a small fire. There was smoke damage in the master bedroom and the adjoining hallway, and we found a spent fire extinguisher.

Then there was the filth. It appeared to me that these people had shook up soda cans and allowed them to spray on the walls and doors. The cobwebs in the corners of the ceilings were so laden with dust even the spiders had moved out. Everything was just disgustingly dirty, so it was amazing to see the transformation when we were finished.

Fortunately, Steve had help from his neighbor, who offered all his tools, and his dad, who can fix anything. They replaced faucets, fixed leaky sinks and toilets and did other repair jobs. We are also SO grateful that he already found new tenants! It's the sheriff's son, who is a policeman, and his fiance, who is an EMT. They are so excited about the house, they offered to help us clean and paint! We are hopeful that they will take better care of the place, and they promised to treat it as their own.

Steve and I often watch TV shows about flipping houses. Now, we know we could do it.

Amazing Devastation and Hope

One of my friends (and a fellow coworker) suffered a tremendous loss a little more than a week ago. She and her husband awoke in the middle of the night to a raging house fire. It completely destroyed their home and most of their possessions, including her car. Fortunately, both her and her husband were able to get out safely with their two dogs and cat.

On Saturday, several additional coworkers and I went over to the demolished house to help her clean up. Thankfully, she had renter's insurance, and they already made plans to buy a house (which they've now closed on). But the loss of so many things makes you ponder. She lost all her clothes, Christmas decorations, antique family lamps, mementos from trips, including their honeymoon...

It was strange to see how some things were left unscathed. She was grateful that the fire skipped their office, where all their photos and documentation were kept. And all the electronic equipment in that room was also not touched by the fire, but it was ruined by the water.

Our clean-up on Saturday was to remove and take to the dump any and all personal items. The house will likely be torn down, but the insurance company requires that all of their items be removed. We rifled through roofing material mixed in with the ashes to throw away burned and soaked clothing and tossed furniture out of the second story window. There were at least 14 people there, and we got the job done in about two hours.

My friend's attitude is what really amazes me. She's such an optimistic person, and she has approached this just like anything else. She just doesn't dwell on the losses, and honestly says she's grateful they and "their babies" got out safely with a smile on her face.

She gave me a tour of the destruction, including her grill, which was melted down to a twisted mass of metal due to the intense heat of the fire. I'm thankful I've never had to experience something like that. If I ever do, I hope I can meet the challenge with the enthusiasm and optimism that she does.

Today, just to be on the safe side, I bought a fire-safe security chest for our important documents.

Regretful

While I was watching Jenn's kids, I made one horrible mistake. One evening, as we were sitting down to dinner and trying to get the kids away from the TV, the dog (Francesca) was chasing the cat, Claudio. Claudio escapes by jumping on the kitchen chairs and table, and there was a lot of chaos going on around that table. I asked my mom to open the door to the backyard to let the cat out, so he could have a respite from the dog.

That was Saturday night. Claudio hasn't come home still.

I feel awful. Claudio is a great cat, and I really enjoyed loving on him. I know Jenn loves him so.

I'm so sorry, Jenn. I wish I could undo that decision.

Playing "Mom"

Last time I visited Anna and Colin, Colin kept mistakenly calling me "Jessica" -- his favorite babysitter's name. This time, he called me "mom" more than once, but I know I can't quite fill those shoes.

I don't know how Jenn does it all. I took two days off work, so I only had to focus on the very busy routine of raising a 3 and 5-year-old. She works, too!

Mornings are a little hectic. While Colin springs from bed ready to greet the world, Anna wakes more slowly. And Colin doesn't want to get dressed or eat breakfast, he wants to play or watch TV -- neither of which are in the tight schedule. Friday morning was a little crazy, but I managed to finally get them both dressed, fed and packed up, heading out the door...oh, but Anna doesn't have her shoes on! Ack!

Adding to the chaos is the dog, Francesca. She's so sweet, but she's very high maintenance. Jenn has been training her to walk on a leash properly, but she struggled with me. Still, we took a walk every day. Then there's the cat, hamster and chickens...

We had some great fun. On Friday after school, I took the kids to Dairy Queen for an afternoon ice cream. They had a blast running around the playscape, and then we drove to the airport to pick up Nana. Saturday brought a car trip to Waco, and lunch at Peter Piper Pizza. I ran around with the kids, playing all the games and trying to keep them together. I looked and felt exhausted at the end, but I think everyone had fun.

My favorite moment was on Thursday, my first full day with them on my own. Anna called to me from the bathroom, announcing she had "pooped in the potty." I went in, and she asked me to wipe her bum, which I reluctantly did. As she bent over, putting her head between my knees and wrapping her arms around my legs, she said very sincerely, "I love you, Auntie Emily."

"I love you, too, Anna." (that's why I'm wiping your bum.)

And Finally, Part Two

Sorry for the delay. When I wrote the "AHA moment," I was expecting to write the second part within a couple days. Then, this powerful, nasty cold virus knocked me on my a$$.

So, recognizing the Drama Triangle and the role you are playing is half the key.

The other half is changing how you react.

The opposite of Victim is Creator.

Instead of focusing on problems, which is how a Victim views the world, a Creator focuses on their long-term Vision or Outcome. They actively take baby steps towards making that vision a reality. They take full responsibility for themselves and their actions.

There are two other roles in the Creator Orientation, too: Challenger and Coach.

Again, a Challenger can be a person, situation or circumstance. Challengers may also be constructive or deconstructive. In the deconstructive state, they help you take apart a situation to learn from it. You may learn how you don't want to be. (This could be a Persecutor viewed in a different light.) In the constructive state, Challengers invite you to be your best, helping you to improve or develop. Challengers elicit a response, rather than Persecutors who provoke a reaction.

A Coach sees themselves as a Creator and views others similarly. They help facilitate progress by asking questions (not providing answers as a Rescuer would do).

To help remember the differences between the Victim and Creator Orientations, remember the acronym AIR:

Attention – Are you focused on a problem or your long-term vision?

Intention – Is your intention to get rid of (or get away from) your problems? Or is your intention to bring into being the outcomes you envision?

Results – In the Victim orientation, the results are temporary and reactive. In the Creator orientation, the results are much more likely to be satisfying and sustainable.

Good luck creating the life you want!

An "AHA" Moment

As I take on a new role in my company, they are providing me and my compadres with leadership training. I've found the material to be very thought provoking and relevant not only to my work life but also to my personal life.

Last week, we reviewed a concept called "The Drama Triangle." It was coined by psychologist Stephen Karpman to describe a common model of human interaction. The model explains how two to three people interact in a dynamic or "game" with unsatisfactory outcomes for all. The game has three roles, which the individuals may shift between: Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer. Usually, someone has one role that they most often play and a second role that they switch to.

The Victim usually feels like others (Persecutor and Rescuer) are one-up on them. They don't take responsibility for themselves and usually react in a fight, flight or freeze behavior.

The Persecutor often finds fault and is critical, although he/she may feel inadequate underneath. They lead by threats and orders, and their main interaction is domination.

The Rescuer may show up as an enabler, protector, mediator or one who wants to "fix" the problem. They may have an unconscious need to take care of others, which is how they feel important and validate themselves.

In this model, the Victim feels overwhelmed by the Persecutor, which could be a person or a circumstance in their life. They may run to a Rescuer for help (flight), or they may decide to "fight" and become a Persecutor towards the original Persecutor. Unfortunately, this dynamic rarely ever solves the true problem.

Being aware of the game is half the battle to ending it...

Visit to Houston

Houston-Sept-06 007
Originally uploaded by Gem-Em.

Steve and I visited with the twins, Steph, Al and Nana & Grandad this past weekend. I was very anxious to show them the book I created for them. It's a fictional story with Paige and Graham as the main characters. I think they liked it...we had to read it 20 times!

See the video.

What's Going On

I haven't posted recently. Sometimes it's hard to think of something witty to write or to put into words what I'm feeling.

This was a really stressful week for me at work. I somehow got put as the negotiator between two coworkers who were really at each other's throats. Not fun, but it seems to have finally been resolved. And we're having growing pains...lots of new business, but finding good people to fill open positions is taking more time.

Steve and I were planning on having his kids this weekend, but for many reasons, it didn't work out. For one, Declan is really sick. He caught a virus that's going around at school, and it developed into pneumonia. Poor kid. Now, Hayden seems to be coming down with it. So, I guess it's for the best that it didn't work out for this weekend, but it's still disappointing.

So...at the last minute, we've decided to descend upon my family in Houston! I'm so looking forward to seeing the twins and Steph. It's been since Easter that I saw them.

Operation Remodel

remodel 001
Originally uploaded by Gem-Em.

Operation Remodel made steady progress last weekend with continued wallpaper removal, patching, sanding, priming and painting. The entrywall is now mostly complete (tape is still up for the painting of the trim), and two bathrooms are in the midst of overhaul. The entry hall is a lovely shade of creamy yellow, which the lady of the house was quite sure would be perfect. (The handyman was doubtful but came around once the paint was dry.)

Please Excuse My Absence

It's been a week since I last posted. (that sounds a bit like how they start confession, doesn't it?)

After 10 years of treatment, I decided to take a stab at going without antidepressants. I feel like I'm in a good place emotionally, and I have learned healthy skills to deal with different situations and stresses. But I didn't expect it to be this difficult physically.

There's actually quite a bit of dialogue and documented journal articles in the physician community about what they are now terming "serotonin discontinuation syndrome." The idea of how antidepressants work is pretty brilliant. Serotonin is one of the naturally occurring chemicals in your brain. In depression, it is diminished, so one of the major classes (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) of antidepressants helps increase those levels. The effect, for me, was finally feeling "normal." I actually thought, so this is how normal people feel! It doesn't make you high, and you still have ups and downs. What it did get rid of was the hopelessness, the unstoppable crying, and the lethargy.

Fast forward to now, when my life is basically running smooth. I asked my doctor about getting off of them, and after a few months of a reduced dose, she recommended I start taking it every other day. That was three weeks ago. Every other day (my "off" day), I would feel dizzy and nauseaous. The dizzy feeling is similar to if you've ever been really drunk and had the spins. I also noticed if I moved my head or eyes quickly, it felt like my brain would follow a few seconds behind.

After three weeks of feeling like crap, I called it quits, at least for now. I've missed several days of work (including today -- who can work when you're trying to keep your head completely still and not think about heaving?) and went to talk to my doctor again this morning. She agreed it's not working for now, so I will continue on my low daily dose, and we'll try an even slower withdrawal in a few months.

I'm thankful that these medications are available, and I know it's made my life more bearable (except for lately). For today, though, I'm just glad to be able to hold my head up without feeling pukey.

BagLady

Some women love shoes. For me, it's all about bags.

I LOVE bags, from purses to suitcases. I've realized that I have a compulsion in this area, so I refrain from going to bag shops. I have at least a dozen of bags I've gotten free at conferences or other activites, and many other tote bags that were too cute to pass up.

I keep my bag urges in check, but sometimes, a girl's gotta have a new bag.

I found one yesterday that just HAD to come home with me. See, it's actually practical because it's a laptop backpack. I travel a lot for work, and my briefcase with laptop gets very heavy. My chiropractor has told me it's not good for my back since all the weight is on one shoulder. Plus, it's just not comfortable.

My new bag evenly distributes the weight across my back. Plus, it will come in handy when I take my laptop home and want to ride my motorcycle the next day. (It's just not feasible to carry a briefcase on the bike.)

In addition to the cleanliness and nice smell of a new bag, I love exploring all it's compartments and organizing my things. You may be shaking your head at my pecularity, but everyone has something. Mine just happens to be bags.

An Impromptu Visit

Colin, Aug2006
Originally uploaded by Gem-Em.

When I was able to catch an earlier flight back to Dallas from North Carolina, I called Anthony to see if it was okay if I drove down for the weekend. He said sure, so several hours later, I was pulling up to their house. It's funny how Anna and Colin differ in their reaction to my arrival. Anna runs up smiling and giggling, and Colin runs inside to hide. It's almost as if he's overwhelmed by the excitement.

His potty-training is going very well. No one had any accidents all weekend. He has a difficult time getting his pants back on after a visit to the loo. He just avoids putting anything back on altogether!

So after his morning wee, he came and snuggled with me on the couch. I "flew" him up in the air. His little body is so perfect and smooth. I was extra lucky on Sunday morning when he awoke WAY TOO EARLY and came to sleep with me for the last 90 minutes or so. He snuggled up against me and pushed his feet onto my leg. It was so sweet.

An Impromptu Visit, continued

Anna, Aug2006
Originally uploaded by Gem-Em.

Anna is so sweet. She starts kindergarten tomorrow (Tuesday). I was amazed at how mature she looked when I drove up. Jenn told me she's been very conscientious at choosing new clothes for school, keeping in mind that she will be going to the bathroom by herself. Jenn said she chose to put back anything with zippers or difficult buttons.

I also enjoyed how much she and Colin enjoy each other's company. They do have the few spats over toys, but for the vast majority of the time, they play together very well.

Since I slept in Colin's room, they were both in Anna's double bed. They had a difficult time falling asleep, though, because they kept giggling and talking. Jenn finally separated them until they fell asleep, and Anna howled, "I miss my brother!"

Rant

Here I am, back in North Carolina again for another new business pitch. I HATE the way we prepare for these presentations. We began almost 4 hours ago. It's just so unorganized, everyone interrupting everyone else. I'm ready to go, and yet I have to wait through all their silliness. It's now 10:45 here, and I'm exhausted. I haven't had a chance yet to unwind. And one of my coworkers laughed when I said I was tired, stating it's an hour earlier back home (so it should only feel like 9:45 to me). Does that really matter? I'm tired, dammit!

This is the same girl who earlier today, at the airport, asked if I wanted to get a Frappucino with her from Starbuck's. I settled for iced tea, saying I'm watching my calories because I've gained some weight. Instead of saying, "You don't look like you have" or "I think you look great!" or some other appropriate, supportive response, she said, "Not me! I'm down to 113!" [bitch.] I don't think I've been at 113 since junior high.

Do I have a sign on me today that says "Be an ass to me?"

On the plane, I was trying to review my presentation (I prefer to prep alone), and the guy sitting on the aisle was super-chatty. I made monosyllable answers and kept turning back to my papers, and he asked, "Are you taking a test or something?" I explained I was preparing for a presentation. Luckily, the middle seat occupant sat between us, and he engaged her in a full conversation. I got through my prep work and picked up the in-flight magazine, when he leaned over and said, "I hope we're not interrupting your PREPARATION."

No, I said, I'm done. (obviously)

I just like time to myself. I don't always like to talk. I like to think about things quietly, without interruptions. And I definitely need time to rest and get geared up before our morning pitch.

I wish I could be more assertive, like yelling, "LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!" but instead I try to be polite. Inside, though, I'm yelling.

I'm also really missing Steve. He's been on a business trip since Tuesday. I feel more grounded when I'm around him, I guess because he's my main and strongest supporter. And he balances my personality with his.

Project Completed

monkey quilt
Originally uploaded by Gem-Em.

The nice thing about finishing a baby quilt after the baby is already born is that you have a perfect excuse to meet the baby!

This quilt was for Quinn, the new son of my friends Forrest and Kym. He's quite a cutie, with a full head of brown hair.

Their nursery theme is monkeys, so the black fabric has many jungle animals, including monkeys, and I decided to complement it with the banana material.

New Project

Entry hall demolition
Originally uploaded by Gem-Em.

So here's what Steve and I began to tackle this weekend. Our entry hallway had two layers of the tackiest wallpaper from the style of the 60s and 70s. We decided to splurge on a steamer to help remove it. But since it's slow work and only one person can really use the steamer at a time, I decided to tackle the popcorn ceiling. I sprayed and scraped the ceiling while Steve steamed and scraped the walls. It looks bad, but this is actually progress! Not sure why some of the drywall underneath the wallpaper has a brown stain to it, but all of it will be covered over eventually with a nice paint.

Overkill

So I've been having this pain in the middle of my foot for the past six months (I guess I have a pretty good tolerance for pain), and it's been getting worse. I decided to finally talk to my doctor about it and see if we can fix it.

She said it might be a stress fracture and sent me to the adjacent hospital for an x-ray.

I took my one-page request form from her office down to the hospital, where I was interviewed by an intake associate and asked questions such as:
Do you have an advance directive?
What is your religious preference, or do you prefer not to answer?
Point of contact in case of emergency?

This is just for a simple x-ray of my foot!

Yes, she nodded, while continuing with her procedures.

I even had to wear a hospital bracelet with my name!

(The x-ray technician let me view the pictures. I didn't see any obvious fractures.)