An "AHA" Moment

As I take on a new role in my company, they are providing me and my compadres with leadership training. I've found the material to be very thought provoking and relevant not only to my work life but also to my personal life.

Last week, we reviewed a concept called "The Drama Triangle." It was coined by psychologist Stephen Karpman to describe a common model of human interaction. The model explains how two to three people interact in a dynamic or "game" with unsatisfactory outcomes for all. The game has three roles, which the individuals may shift between: Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer. Usually, someone has one role that they most often play and a second role that they switch to.

The Victim usually feels like others (Persecutor and Rescuer) are one-up on them. They don't take responsibility for themselves and usually react in a fight, flight or freeze behavior.

The Persecutor often finds fault and is critical, although he/she may feel inadequate underneath. They lead by threats and orders, and their main interaction is domination.

The Rescuer may show up as an enabler, protector, mediator or one who wants to "fix" the problem. They may have an unconscious need to take care of others, which is how they feel important and validate themselves.

In this model, the Victim feels overwhelmed by the Persecutor, which could be a person or a circumstance in their life. They may run to a Rescuer for help (flight), or they may decide to "fight" and become a Persecutor towards the original Persecutor. Unfortunately, this dynamic rarely ever solves the true problem.

Being aware of the game is half the battle to ending it...