It all started with an email through Match.com. Fly Boy emailed me saying he found my profile interesting. He particularly liked that I noted that I believe every soul has value and responded to my requirements of height-weight proportionate (he's 5'10" 210#) and the absolute disdain I have for tobacco use (Never!).
However, when I clicked through to his profile, two things in particular made me stop short of liking it: he chose the field "no more kids/happy if the other person has kids of their own" and "recently divorced." In addition, he had mentioned in his email to me that he works as a police officer and is a Navy Commander. While impressive, I've never been the type to go for police officers, and based on my experience (ex-husband #2 and another short-term guy), I'm not very interested in military guys either. Regarding the kids, he wrote in his profile of his three young girls (with accompanying ADORABLE picture). Rather than the auto "No thank you" response Match offers, I decided to write him back and let him know of my two show-stoppers. To my surprise, he wrote back. And further surprise, his response was very well-written. He not only explained his thinking behind what he wrote (he's open to more kids -- in fact, thinks "there can never be too many of them" and explained he's been separated for about four years and has an excellent relationship with his ex) but he also responded that he heard and understood my objections.
I found myself writing back to him again. Partially because he was a good writer and demonstrated intelligence. He wrote me the next time about how he takes his little girls (8, 5, and 4) on "dates," showing them how they should be treated and giving them one-on-one time with dad. [AW!!!] He also talked about being a pilot and asking if I'd ever been in a one-engine plane (not yet!).
As we shared emails about our backgrounds, we found similarity in the frequent relocations: mine due to my dad's airline company employment and Fly Boy's due to his dad being in the Army. He wrote about some of the leadership opportunities he's had in the Navy and how he's trying to bring that learning to his fellow officers at the police department. He also expressed interest in learning more about what I do and complimented me on my successes.
After several long emails, we exchanged phone numbers. The first call lasted TWO HOURS but seemed like 30 minutes. FB's not only intelligent, he's funny. He has the admirable ability to laugh at himself and also is not afraid to point out when I've done something that is mockable (in a respectful way -- he makes me laugh at myself when I'm taking myself too seriously).
We talked a couple more times before setting a date to meet one afternoon for coffee. I knew we had intellectual compatibility, but would we have physical chemistry? Well...that initial "coffee date" lasted 8 hours! FB took me to dinner and we talked non-stop. He has beautiful blue eyes, but he is hesitant to smile often or long. It became a challenge to me to try and make him smile -- it lights up his face when he does.
FB asked to see me the next day -- but that was move-in day to my new apartment. Not exactly a fun activity for anyone. But he reassured me that he was just interested in spending time with me. He turned out to be a huge help, offering to unpack boxes or do whatever needed doing, and stayed until he had to go to work that evening at the police department.
The next day (Sunday), he asked me to lunch, and then spur-of-the-moment invited me to join him to drive out to see his parents just outside of Austin. It all seemed natural enough -- not overly formal like so many of these such meetings -- that I found myself agreeing. Plus, I just wanted to spend more time with him. He's genuinely interested in me: my job, my family, what's important to me -- and at the same time, he's more than I would have thought possible in a police/Navy guy.
His parents were lovely. I thoroughly enjoyed talking to both of them. He's very close with his parents and his younger sister (in LA).
There's more...but it's late, I'm in Chicago (for work, and I'm tired. And this blog post is long enough! Suffice it to say that I really like FB. So much so that I cut off my Match profile. And for the first time in a really long time, it doesn't seem like a sacrifice to give up meeting other people. And for his part, FB is so complimentary, supportive and respectful of me and what I do and what I'm about. It's just amazing.
Showing posts with label online dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label online dating. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Online Dating
Online dating is interesting. You see some strange profiles, such as the guy who posted a college football photo of himself saying "this is me, plus 20 years." Profiles also show someone's writing skills -- or lack thereof -- but to me, it seems like a valid way to meet others who have similar interests and values...if both people are honest.
I had a date last Friday. It was so amazingly good, I'm having a difficult time trying to figure out how to write about it all. Plus, I'm still in the middle of getting settled and moving in, while planning a business trip for tomorrow... I don't have the internet working yet at home, so I'm in Starbucks at the moment, doing some work on my day off (grrr, but can't be avoided). I need more time to write it all out, so sorry for the foreshadowing.
Suffice it to say, for now, that I've found someone worth spending more time with. And the great thing is, he's feeling the same about me.
I had a date last Friday. It was so amazingly good, I'm having a difficult time trying to figure out how to write about it all. Plus, I'm still in the middle of getting settled and moving in, while planning a business trip for tomorrow... I don't have the internet working yet at home, so I'm in Starbucks at the moment, doing some work on my day off (grrr, but can't be avoided). I need more time to write it all out, so sorry for the foreshadowing.
Suffice it to say, for now, that I've found someone worth spending more time with. And the great thing is, he's feeling the same about me.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
So Close
I had a second date with Cattle Baron last weekend. Again, great conversation: he told interesting stories and listened to mine attentively. He again insisted on paying -- I still feel a little weird about this. I like being independent, and I can afford to pay for myself. When I know someone else is paying, it makes me more cautious about what I order (maybe I shouldn't pick the most expensive entree or glass of wine), and I wonder what expectations come with it. Perhaps that's the NYer in me questioning why anyone would be nice without an ulterior motive.
I let him drive for this date, and when he dropped me back off at "home" -- my sister's -- he kissed me. And...nothing. I didn't really like the kiss. He has very thin lips and they were too firm. I tried. But I don't really want to kiss him again. And I've gotten to the point in my life where I don't want to have to teach someone the basics like how to kiss well.
So, while he's angling for another date, and while I do enjoy spending time with him, I don't think it's going anywhere but friendship. I'm debating how and when to tell him that. I want to be honest and not string him along if he's not looking for just a friend.
But there are others on Match...and I've got a couple meet-ups already scheduled.
I let him drive for this date, and when he dropped me back off at "home" -- my sister's -- he kissed me. And...nothing. I didn't really like the kiss. He has very thin lips and they were too firm. I tried. But I don't really want to kiss him again. And I've gotten to the point in my life where I don't want to have to teach someone the basics like how to kiss well.
So, while he's angling for another date, and while I do enjoy spending time with him, I don't think it's going anywhere but friendship. I'm debating how and when to tell him that. I want to be honest and not string him along if he's not looking for just a friend.
But there are others on Match...and I've got a couple meet-ups already scheduled.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Taking the Plunge (Again)
I have a date tomorrow! I'm excited because it's been so long since I had one, but of course, I'm a little nervous, too.
I took the plunge back into online dating. I work online, shop online, blog online (obviously), and it just seems like it should work. It SEEMS like it would be a good way to meet people and find people with something in common. But of course, it's not that easy.
In the past, I've tried Match.com, Yahoo personals, eHarmony and Chemistry, as well as offline dating services. This time, I decided to go back to Match. It's been the longest time since I tried them, and it's popular so it should have plenty of candidates.
The guy I'm meeting tomorrow emailed me through the site, asking what I had liked best about Paris and shared his thoughts on the city -- so I knew he had travelled abroad. We've spoken on the phone a few times, and he seems very nice. The most unusual thing (to me) about him is that he owns cattle -- 80 head of cattle to be exact. I know next to nothing about cattle, but I told him I could tell him a lot about navigating the NYC subways. Other than the country-mouse/city-mouse thing, we do have things in common, and the conversation has been easy on the phone. So we'll see...
I took the plunge back into online dating. I work online, shop online, blog online (obviously), and it just seems like it should work. It SEEMS like it would be a good way to meet people and find people with something in common. But of course, it's not that easy.
In the past, I've tried Match.com, Yahoo personals, eHarmony and Chemistry, as well as offline dating services. This time, I decided to go back to Match. It's been the longest time since I tried them, and it's popular so it should have plenty of candidates.
The guy I'm meeting tomorrow emailed me through the site, asking what I had liked best about Paris and shared his thoughts on the city -- so I knew he had travelled abroad. We've spoken on the phone a few times, and he seems very nice. The most unusual thing (to me) about him is that he owns cattle -- 80 head of cattle to be exact. I know next to nothing about cattle, but I told him I could tell him a lot about navigating the NYC subways. Other than the country-mouse/city-mouse thing, we do have things in common, and the conversation has been easy on the phone. So we'll see...
Friday, May 01, 2009
Another NY Date
The guy I met last night described himself as an "Authentic NYer" -- born, raised and always lived in Manhattan. At first look, I was glad he looked like his pictures online (not always the case) and recognized me right away from mine, saying I looked exactly like my pictures, too.
We met at a great bar where he knows the bartender, and I got the bar's signature martini, which included orange-flavored vodka and a wine-based liqueur. It was refreshing without being too sweet. He got a whiskey-based cocktail, and while he offered me a taste, I don't like the smell of whiskey at all. He was very intrigued about my drink, and after several questions about it, I realized he wanted to try it and offered him a taste. After that, he felt like he could take a sip of my drink whenever he felt like it. It was strange, and I called him on it. He said, "Well, you said to share it with you!" which I did not. A sip is not "share." Whatever.
He enjoyed talking and apparently hearing himself talk. He's quite confident he's an interesting conversationalist. But the multiple times he interrupted me were annoying. I also noticed he had several mannerisms that, in my opinion, were effeminate. And while that usually sets my Gaydar off, I've seen this with other straight NY guys, and I think it's just a difference between Southern men and Yankee men. But I have a difficult time finding this attractive in a man.
In the middle of a conversation, he motioned to the bartender to give us the check and said, "let's get out of here, go somewhere else." Since it was 7:30, I assumed he meant grab a bite to eat, but you know what assuming gets you...
As we left the bar and started walking, I asked him, "Where are we going?" He stopped for a minute and said, "How about a rooftop? Is it too cold for you?" I agreed that sounded like fun and asked again where he was thinking of. "My place, of course! What did you think I meant by rooftop?" Well, I was thinking of the rooftop bars that I have been to in this city, and I'm not sure what you are planning. I told him that while I'm still learning the cultural differences between here and Texas (and believe me, there are many!), I did learn the hard way about not inviting someone up to your apartment unless you're expecting something. He asked me about how I learned that and completely agreed with the guy and told me I was in the wrong. (Yeah, thanks, I figured that out!) He also told me he wasn't expecting anything other than to enjoy my company. I still felt a little weird, though... (WHY don't I listen to my gut???)
He fixed me a drink - but not himself one - and again helped himself to sips of my drink. Weird. He was also overly touchy. He kept touching my hands or my arm while he was talking to me. Out-of-the-blue, he asked me, "Are you attracted to me?" and I was so caught off guard, I just told him the truth, sort-of, saying, "A little."
"A little?!" he was obviously disappointed. I told him I needed to get to know him more, that attraction to me is more than just how someone looks. He recovered, saying he only found me a little attractive, too. So I thought, maybe we can be good friends...
He showed me his balcony (NOT a rooftop) and moved in close. I panicked and put my hands on his chest and asked, "You're not going to kiss me, are you?" (Dumb question, of course that's what he was going to do.) Unfortunately, my question didn't stop him, but I just gave him a closed-mouth kiss and wiggled away.
I went to the bathroom and while I had a moment to myself, started thinking of ways to get out of there. But when I came back to the living room, he said, "Did you have everything you needed in there?" I laughed and said yes, toilet paper and a sink with soap. Then abruptly he asked, "Do you want me to walk you down stairs to get a cab?" What a 180-degree shift, but I wasn't going to pass up that opportunity and said, "Yes, please. That would be nice."
The best part of the date was the cab ride home!
We met at a great bar where he knows the bartender, and I got the bar's signature martini, which included orange-flavored vodka and a wine-based liqueur. It was refreshing without being too sweet. He got a whiskey-based cocktail, and while he offered me a taste, I don't like the smell of whiskey at all. He was very intrigued about my drink, and after several questions about it, I realized he wanted to try it and offered him a taste. After that, he felt like he could take a sip of my drink whenever he felt like it. It was strange, and I called him on it. He said, "Well, you said to share it with you!" which I did not. A sip is not "share." Whatever.
He enjoyed talking and apparently hearing himself talk. He's quite confident he's an interesting conversationalist. But the multiple times he interrupted me were annoying. I also noticed he had several mannerisms that, in my opinion, were effeminate. And while that usually sets my Gaydar off, I've seen this with other straight NY guys, and I think it's just a difference between Southern men and Yankee men. But I have a difficult time finding this attractive in a man.
In the middle of a conversation, he motioned to the bartender to give us the check and said, "let's get out of here, go somewhere else." Since it was 7:30, I assumed he meant grab a bite to eat, but you know what assuming gets you...
As we left the bar and started walking, I asked him, "Where are we going?" He stopped for a minute and said, "How about a rooftop? Is it too cold for you?" I agreed that sounded like fun and asked again where he was thinking of. "My place, of course! What did you think I meant by rooftop?" Well, I was thinking of the rooftop bars that I have been to in this city, and I'm not sure what you are planning. I told him that while I'm still learning the cultural differences between here and Texas (and believe me, there are many!), I did learn the hard way about not inviting someone up to your apartment unless you're expecting something. He asked me about how I learned that and completely agreed with the guy and told me I was in the wrong. (Yeah, thanks, I figured that out!) He also told me he wasn't expecting anything other than to enjoy my company. I still felt a little weird, though... (WHY don't I listen to my gut???)
He fixed me a drink - but not himself one - and again helped himself to sips of my drink. Weird. He was also overly touchy. He kept touching my hands or my arm while he was talking to me. Out-of-the-blue, he asked me, "Are you attracted to me?" and I was so caught off guard, I just told him the truth, sort-of, saying, "A little."
"A little?!" he was obviously disappointed. I told him I needed to get to know him more, that attraction to me is more than just how someone looks. He recovered, saying he only found me a little attractive, too. So I thought, maybe we can be good friends...
He showed me his balcony (NOT a rooftop) and moved in close. I panicked and put my hands on his chest and asked, "You're not going to kiss me, are you?" (Dumb question, of course that's what he was going to do.) Unfortunately, my question didn't stop him, but I just gave him a closed-mouth kiss and wiggled away.
I went to the bathroom and while I had a moment to myself, started thinking of ways to get out of there. But when I came back to the living room, he said, "Did you have everything you needed in there?" I laughed and said yes, toilet paper and a sink with soap. Then abruptly he asked, "Do you want me to walk you down stairs to get a cab?" What a 180-degree shift, but I wasn't going to pass up that opportunity and said, "Yes, please. That would be nice."
The best part of the date was the cab ride home!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Many Fish in the Sea?
Things are picking up a bit in the dating scene. After being email-interviewed by a journalist in London about online dating, I signed up for free trials on Chemistry.com and eHarmony.com. Both have personality tests created by psychologists which they then use to match you with compatible people. But after going through the steps again, I remember why I don't like eHarmony. They send me way too many profiles to look through, and I dutifully review them and mark the ones I find interesting. Maybe it's just my luck, but whoever I make the first move on always seems to "close" the match. And again, the reason 99% of the guys choose as why they're closing the match is "Other." I NEVER pick "Other." I usually pick "I don't feel the chemistry is there." The profiles also don't seem to have enough information. Most guys write the bare minimum in answer to the questions, and many of the profiles read similarly.
Chemistry.com seems to be doing a little better for me. They give you more information about why they matched you with the person, and the profiles tend to have more copy than just monosyllabic responses. I'm currently emailing with three guys -- two of them have the same name, and that's a bit confusing -- and I'm about to set up a time to meet one of them.
Plus, I got in contact with someone through LinkedIn.com that I haven't seen in over ten years, and she has put me in touch with a guy-friend of hers here in the city. So if it's a numbers game, I'm definitely got more opportunities. Now I just have to keep them all straight and remember what I've said to whom...
And I guess I'm not alone. Apparently, singles turn to online dating to cope with the recession. (Not my reason, but the more, the merrier!)
Friday, April 03, 2009
Need a Good Headline
Readers, I need your help.
I'm considering trying [again] online dating, and I need a catchy headline. The headline and the picture are what get people to click. Of course, I want to attract the right people, and I don't want anything too risque.
So please vote for your favorite or suggest one:
I'm considering trying [again] online dating, and I need a catchy headline. The headline and the picture are what get people to click. Of course, I want to attract the right people, and I don't want anything too risque.
So please vote for your favorite or suggest one:
- Come Away With Me
- Do or Do Not. There is no Try.
- Hope endures
- Hazel-eyed Triathlete Looking for Partner
- Beauty + Brains is more fun
Friday, May 23, 2008
Grateful but Perplexed
I've been neglecting my blog. If you're reading this, thanks for checking back.
I watched my niece and nephew go through a bounce-house obstacle course at their local Deutchenfest last Sunday, and I feel like I've been going through something similar lately here at work. Just as I finish one small task or come to the end of a [mostly productive] meeting, I get hit by another obstacle and turned in another direction. It's like I'm treading water but not making any progress towards the shore. Well, at least I've still got my head above water!
As our country slides further and further into recession, and I hear about friends of friends here in NY that have been laid off, I'm thankful I have a good job and no lack of work. And with the ever-soaring gas prices, I'm glad I don't have a car!
Nothing really new on the dating front. I've been amazed and a bit overwhelmed with all the profiles being sent to me from eHarmony, but nothing has materialized into a face-to-face meeting yet. One of the things that strikes me as funny about their site is the "Close Match" function. Either party can decide to close the match for a number of reasons. I try to be honest with my reasons, such as "no chemistry" or "feel our values are too different." I don't take it personally when someone closes a match on me, but I keep getting the following message:
One of the hardest things about any new relationship is deciding when or if you should continue forward in a relationship.
[Guy's name here] chose to permanently close communication with you for the following reason(s):
I watched my niece and nephew go through a bounce-house obstacle course at their local Deutchenfest last Sunday, and I feel like I've been going through something similar lately here at work. Just as I finish one small task or come to the end of a [mostly productive] meeting, I get hit by another obstacle and turned in another direction. It's like I'm treading water but not making any progress towards the shore. Well, at least I've still got my head above water!
As our country slides further and further into recession, and I hear about friends of friends here in NY that have been laid off, I'm thankful I have a good job and no lack of work. And with the ever-soaring gas prices, I'm glad I don't have a car!
Nothing really new on the dating front. I've been amazed and a bit overwhelmed with all the profiles being sent to me from eHarmony, but nothing has materialized into a face-to-face meeting yet. One of the things that strikes me as funny about their site is the "Close Match" function. Either party can decide to close the match for a number of reasons. I try to be honest with my reasons, such as "no chemistry" or "feel our values are too different." I don't take it personally when someone closes a match on me, but I keep getting the following message:
One of the hardest things about any new relationship is deciding when or if you should continue forward in a relationship.
[Guy's name here] chose to permanently close communication with you for the following reason(s):
- Other
Thursday, May 01, 2008
How They Reel You In
Recent emails from eHarmony:
"Your Soul Mate may be waiting and we don't want you to miss out on meeting him. "
"I noticed that you have received matches but have not yet reached out to communicate with any of them. Are you a skeptic?"
"eHarmony's Compatibility Matching System™ has found this highly compatible match for you based on our rigorous 29 Dimensions scale."
How can one resist?
"Your Soul Mate may be waiting and we don't want you to miss out on meeting him. "
"I noticed that you have received matches but have not yet reached out to communicate with any of them. Are you a skeptic?"
"eHarmony's Compatibility Matching System™ has found this highly compatible match for you based on our rigorous 29 Dimensions scale."
How can one resist?
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Writer's Block, aka No Dates
As you may have noticed, I haven't had much to write about lately. The stretches between posts seem to be growing.
Yesterday, I caught up with a girl who also moved to the city last fall. She mentioned she's had a couple dates in the last week that were promising, and I asked, how are you meeting all these guys? (Everytime we talk, she mentions a couple more!) She said she's meeting them through eHarmony.
Now, I've tried just about every online dating service, including eHarmony. Granted, I was narrowing my search to the Dallas area. Perhaps the larger pool in NYC would give me more/different/(dare I hope) better results. (The last time I tried it was in 2005.)
Unlike most online dating services where you post a picture and profile and then "shop" through others' profiles to find a potential match, eHarmony arranges connections for you. After a thorough survey, they pair you with others who have similar traits and values.
So, I'm giving it some thought. I think I would need some new pictures of me, but other than a monthly membership fee, what have I got to lose? It can't be as bad as speed dating!
Yesterday, I caught up with a girl who also moved to the city last fall. She mentioned she's had a couple dates in the last week that were promising, and I asked, how are you meeting all these guys? (Everytime we talk, she mentions a couple more!) She said she's meeting them through eHarmony.
Now, I've tried just about every online dating service, including eHarmony. Granted, I was narrowing my search to the Dallas area. Perhaps the larger pool in NYC would give me more/different/(dare I hope) better results. (The last time I tried it was in 2005.)
Unlike most online dating services where you post a picture and profile and then "shop" through others' profiles to find a potential match, eHarmony arranges connections for you. After a thorough survey, they pair you with others who have similar traits and values.
So, I'm giving it some thought. I think I would need some new pictures of me, but other than a monthly membership fee, what have I got to lose? It can't be as bad as speed dating!
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Online Dating at its Best & Worst
My new friend L told me about PlentyofFish.com -- a free online dating service. In the past, I've tried Match.com, Yahoo Personals and eHarmony, so I thought a free one sounded pretty good.
I created a basic profile yesterday. I've already gotten a dozen or so messages. Some seem nice and normal, but others....well, I'll let you judge for yourself:
Bachelor #1: "You are looking at the light coming from your screen, reading my words on the inside you begin to realize that something feels very different. There is a real feeling of curiosity and you want to know the answer. And the question is why is this so interesting. Why you Desire more? You are just so bored with all the others. They are so predicable and easy. Don't stop wondering and you may discover so much more."
Bachelor #2: "A position is opened in sweetheart department, send your resume to apply for it! --Love Administration"
Bachelor #3: "Hello, i am a great guy, i love to have lots of fun. Yes, i am genuine, classy, and romantic. I love going to the movies, dining, lil' shopping, photography too. So, on that note, just give me a ring at ###-###-####, ok."
Bachelor #1, again: "I have been told that I am excellent lover by more than a few women. Women enjoy that I have great staying power. "
*******
In other news, the food in my Nu diet is really good! Very tasty and lots of variety.
We had a Freeze Warning last night!
Today's Hi 49*
Lo 34*
Sunset 4:45 p.m.
I created a basic profile yesterday. I've already gotten a dozen or so messages. Some seem nice and normal, but others....well, I'll let you judge for yourself:
Bachelor #1: "You are looking at the light coming from your screen, reading my words on the inside you begin to realize that something feels very different. There is a real feeling of curiosity and you want to know the answer. And the question is why is this so interesting. Why you Desire more? You are just so bored with all the others. They are so predicable and easy. Don't stop wondering and you may discover so much more."
Bachelor #2: "A position is opened in sweetheart department, send your resume to apply for it! --Love Administration"
Bachelor #3: "Hello, i am a great guy, i love to have lots of fun. Yes, i am genuine, classy, and romantic. I love going to the movies, dining, lil' shopping, photography too. So, on that note, just give me a ring at ###-###-####, ok."
Bachelor #1, again: "I have been told that I am excellent lover by more than a few women. Women enjoy that I have great staying power. "
*******
In other news, the food in my Nu diet is really good! Very tasty and lots of variety.
We had a Freeze Warning last night!
Today's Hi 49*
Lo 34*
Sunset 4:45 p.m.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Online Dating
So, since I work, bank and shop online, it seems natural to try to meet other professional singles online, too.
It's been a few years since I did this, but I swear I'm seeing some of the same faces and reading the same profiles I saw then! Many descriptions read alike. Here are some of my favorite clips:
"Scars r better than tats." - I agree.
"I'm back in the dating scene after a long relationship that didn't work out." - Great, can anyone say 'Rebound'???
"No emotional wrecks need apply."
"Not looking for a gold digger."
"I'm tired of the bar scene..."
"This is my first time doing this..."
"I promise not to tell our friends how we met."
It's been a few years since I did this, but I swear I'm seeing some of the same faces and reading the same profiles I saw then! Many descriptions read alike. Here are some of my favorite clips:
"Scars r better than tats." - I agree.
"I'm back in the dating scene after a long relationship that didn't work out." - Great, can anyone say 'Rebound'???
"No emotional wrecks need apply."
"Not looking for a gold digger."
"I'm tired of the bar scene..."
"This is my first time doing this..."
"I promise not to tell our friends how we met."
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
What happened?
Brief synopsis: "37, never married, single professional in Ft. Worth, 5'11", born and raised in Montana, enjoys fly fishing, hiking, going out or staying in. Looking for a woman who is independent, spontaneous, honest and attractive."
He emailed me (through Match) and expressed an interest. Ok, I thought. He's cute, professional and seems to have a lot of the qualities I'm looking for. I wrote back, and we exchanged several emails.
Then, he wrote back, "I know this is last-minute, but would you like to meet for a drink tonight?"
Throwing caution to the wind, I decided to do it. After all, I was planning on an evening of the gym and re-runs.
We met, and he was cute and nice and fun...we left the bar and went out for dinner. We talked until 10 p.m. and as he was leaving, he remarked, "Oh! I don't have your number." I offered to email it to him and did that night with a note saying I'd had a great time.
That was 6 days ago... (crickets chirping)
He emailed me (through Match) and expressed an interest. Ok, I thought. He's cute, professional and seems to have a lot of the qualities I'm looking for. I wrote back, and we exchanged several emails.
Then, he wrote back, "I know this is last-minute, but would you like to meet for a drink tonight?"
Throwing caution to the wind, I decided to do it. After all, I was planning on an evening of the gym and re-runs.
We met, and he was cute and nice and fun...we left the bar and went out for dinner. We talked until 10 p.m. and as he was leaving, he remarked, "Oh! I don't have your number." I offered to email it to him and did that night with a note saying I'd had a great time.
That was 6 days ago... (crickets chirping)
Monday, July 25, 2005
Online dating sucks, but at least I'm meeting people
Although some people have told me I'm too picky, I don't take offense to it. I haven't been picky enough in the past, and now I know what I want and don't want to settle for less than I deserve.
I met someone this weekend that I've been emailing and talking to for a few weeks. He found me through my profile on Match.com. I've enjoyed talking to him. He seems like a gentleman and was reasonably attractive. But there's just no way of knowing until you meet someone in person.
It's still amazing to me how people can look so different from their pictures. I think it's the 2-D versus 3-D effect. When you meet someone in person and then later see a picture of them, your brain automatically makes the connection. However, done in reverse -- seeing a picture of someone and then meeting them in person -- is not always so instantly recognizable. When you see a picture of someone for the first time, your brain fills in the 3-D details -- for example, how much their cheeks or chins protrude from their face. Then you see them in person, and you have to adjust your mental image to the actual.
This guy, Ed, didn't look too different from his photos except for the fact that his cheekbones were more sunken then I had imagined. It just kinda throws you for a while.
The meeting was ok, but I don't think I'll see him again. He talked 80% of the time, hardly giving me a chance to interject anything into the conversation. But the final straw was his admitting that he doesn't watch the news or read newspapers because it doesn't affect his life. I kept thinking about all the terrorist activities that are occurring in London, Madrid and elsewhere...how could you not think your life could be affected? It's already happened in New York and Oklahoma City. It's amazing to me that someone could be so short-sighted and egocentric.
I've tried dating services, church singles groups, getting set up by friends. Online dating isn't perfect, but I think it's probably more reliable than meeting guys in bars.
I met someone this weekend that I've been emailing and talking to for a few weeks. He found me through my profile on Match.com. I've enjoyed talking to him. He seems like a gentleman and was reasonably attractive. But there's just no way of knowing until you meet someone in person.
It's still amazing to me how people can look so different from their pictures. I think it's the 2-D versus 3-D effect. When you meet someone in person and then later see a picture of them, your brain automatically makes the connection. However, done in reverse -- seeing a picture of someone and then meeting them in person -- is not always so instantly recognizable. When you see a picture of someone for the first time, your brain fills in the 3-D details -- for example, how much their cheeks or chins protrude from their face. Then you see them in person, and you have to adjust your mental image to the actual.
This guy, Ed, didn't look too different from his photos except for the fact that his cheekbones were more sunken then I had imagined. It just kinda throws you for a while.
The meeting was ok, but I don't think I'll see him again. He talked 80% of the time, hardly giving me a chance to interject anything into the conversation. But the final straw was his admitting that he doesn't watch the news or read newspapers because it doesn't affect his life. I kept thinking about all the terrorist activities that are occurring in London, Madrid and elsewhere...how could you not think your life could be affected? It's already happened in New York and Oklahoma City. It's amazing to me that someone could be so short-sighted and egocentric.
I've tried dating services, church singles groups, getting set up by friends. Online dating isn't perfect, but I think it's probably more reliable than meeting guys in bars.
Friday, February 25, 2005
Not Eligible for the Tall Club
Everyone says it, but it's still true: it's hard to meet nice, eligible people to date. I've heard Dallas isn't a great city for meeting other singles, but then you hear that said about other cities, too.
I should have a dollar for every time I've heard the advice to meet someone at church. (This usually comes from smug, married people) I've been involved in a couple different churches in the area, and the other singles I've met at church-sponsored single events are usually 10-15 years older than me, divorced with kids who are probably going to be old enough to be babysitters for my unborn children. Yes, I'm divorced, too, so you may think I shouldn't be that picky. But there is a big difference in life stage between those who have kids in junior high and those of us that were unfortunate in our first (or second...or both) choice of a mate.
So, where do you turn? Dating services. Several years ago, I tried Great Expectations. Let's just summarize my experience by saying I agree with Saturday Night Live that it should be renamed "Lowered Expectations."
I also tried Match.com a few years ago. It's like shopping for a date. You can read profiles of other shoppers and send them a message through Match that you're interested. I never heard back from any of the men I sent a message to. And the guys that messaged me were so far off my "what I'm looking for" I couldn't figure if they were just wishfully thinking or really out-of-touch with reality.
The latest service to join the internet dating scene is eHarmony. Their service is a bit different -- instead of you choosing who you're interested in, they choose for you, based on an in-depth personality profile. They match you with others who have similar values and preferences, and each party is sent an email letting you know you have a new match. If you like their profile, the first step is to send each other 3 closed-ended (multiple choice) questions that you can select from their list. The second step is to send each other your Must Haves/Can't Stand lists, 10 things in each category that you have identified as your personal deal breakers. Third step is open-ended, or essay, questions. If you make it through all that, you can email through their site. So, at this point, neither person has the other's real email address or any other identifiable information. Either person can choose to close the match at any time, and you can select from a list of reasons such as "I'm just too busy to date right now," "I want to pursue other matches," or "I'd rather not say." And if all goes well, you can exchange phone numbers or set up a face-to-face meeting.
I've been subscribed to eHarmony for five months, and I've met four guys. I've been matched with many more, but some I knew weren't a good fit for me, others closed the match for their personal reasons, and some you go through the steps with and nothing clicks.
The first guy I met was very nice, and although I didn't feel any chemistry, he was attractive and I would have gone out with him again. But he emailed and said he was going to pursue a relationship with another girl he met. When I met the second guy, I instantly knew 1) there was no chemistry, and 2) there never would be. The third guy was so into himself, he actually asked me a question twice during our lunch meeting and then said "I guess I'm not listening very well, am I?" I just replied, "I don't know. Are you?" He also tried to impress me with the 2-inch wad of cash in his wallet. Who carries that much cash around in today's plastic society? A pimp or drug dealer, maybe? I thought it hilarious that he closed the match, stating "Our values are just too different." I guess I didn't respect the money enough.
So on to number four...my subscription was actually set to expire, and they send me his profile. Cute, witty, intelligent...I had to renew. We met this past weekend after talking on the phone a couple times. He had mentioned during one of our calls that he'd love to participate in an amateur night at a comedy club someday, but I wasn't prepared for how much my abs would hurt after laughing so hard.
We talked about how our parents had met. He told me his parents met in a Tall Club. A WHAT? I asked if that was during college? No, it's a community club. He said his mom is 5'10" and his dad 6'4" (he's 6'3"). I assume I've never heard of it because being only 5'6", I wouldn't be allowed in. He's originally from Connecticut, and told me when he moved down here, he decided to join the local Tall Club, surmising that it worked well for his parents, so why not? He cracked me up telling me how it went,"You know what I realized? Tall people don't have anything in common." Lucky for me it didn't work out!
I should have a dollar for every time I've heard the advice to meet someone at church. (This usually comes from smug, married people) I've been involved in a couple different churches in the area, and the other singles I've met at church-sponsored single events are usually 10-15 years older than me, divorced with kids who are probably going to be old enough to be babysitters for my unborn children. Yes, I'm divorced, too, so you may think I shouldn't be that picky. But there is a big difference in life stage between those who have kids in junior high and those of us that were unfortunate in our first (or second...or both) choice of a mate.
So, where do you turn? Dating services. Several years ago, I tried Great Expectations. Let's just summarize my experience by saying I agree with Saturday Night Live that it should be renamed "Lowered Expectations."
I also tried Match.com a few years ago. It's like shopping for a date. You can read profiles of other shoppers and send them a message through Match that you're interested. I never heard back from any of the men I sent a message to. And the guys that messaged me were so far off my "what I'm looking for" I couldn't figure if they were just wishfully thinking or really out-of-touch with reality.
The latest service to join the internet dating scene is eHarmony. Their service is a bit different -- instead of you choosing who you're interested in, they choose for you, based on an in-depth personality profile. They match you with others who have similar values and preferences, and each party is sent an email letting you know you have a new match. If you like their profile, the first step is to send each other 3 closed-ended (multiple choice) questions that you can select from their list. The second step is to send each other your Must Haves/Can't Stand lists, 10 things in each category that you have identified as your personal deal breakers. Third step is open-ended, or essay, questions. If you make it through all that, you can email through their site. So, at this point, neither person has the other's real email address or any other identifiable information. Either person can choose to close the match at any time, and you can select from a list of reasons such as "I'm just too busy to date right now," "I want to pursue other matches," or "I'd rather not say." And if all goes well, you can exchange phone numbers or set up a face-to-face meeting.
I've been subscribed to eHarmony for five months, and I've met four guys. I've been matched with many more, but some I knew weren't a good fit for me, others closed the match for their personal reasons, and some you go through the steps with and nothing clicks.
The first guy I met was very nice, and although I didn't feel any chemistry, he was attractive and I would have gone out with him again. But he emailed and said he was going to pursue a relationship with another girl he met. When I met the second guy, I instantly knew 1) there was no chemistry, and 2) there never would be. The third guy was so into himself, he actually asked me a question twice during our lunch meeting and then said "I guess I'm not listening very well, am I?" I just replied, "I don't know. Are you?" He also tried to impress me with the 2-inch wad of cash in his wallet. Who carries that much cash around in today's plastic society? A pimp or drug dealer, maybe? I thought it hilarious that he closed the match, stating "Our values are just too different." I guess I didn't respect the money enough.
So on to number four...my subscription was actually set to expire, and they send me his profile. Cute, witty, intelligent...I had to renew. We met this past weekend after talking on the phone a couple times. He had mentioned during one of our calls that he'd love to participate in an amateur night at a comedy club someday, but I wasn't prepared for how much my abs would hurt after laughing so hard.
We talked about how our parents had met. He told me his parents met in a Tall Club. A WHAT? I asked if that was during college? No, it's a community club. He said his mom is 5'10" and his dad 6'4" (he's 6'3"). I assume I've never heard of it because being only 5'6", I wouldn't be allowed in. He's originally from Connecticut, and told me when he moved down here, he decided to join the local Tall Club, surmising that it worked well for his parents, so why not? He cracked me up telling me how it went,"You know what I realized? Tall people don't have anything in common." Lucky for me it didn't work out!
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