My grandmother likes to be the news-teller. And she's pretty good at spreading the word when things are happening, good or bad.
I heard from my mom that my grandmother's eldest sister Bess had fallen and was admitted into the hospital. She's had to move from her assisted living apartment into full-time nursing care. Since she lives in Dallas, I decided to go visit.
I called my grandmother for the info, and she warned me that Bess is feisty and stubborn and has said she doesn't want visitors. Grandma suggested I call first. Nah...
I went over after work, found the room with her name outside and looked at both of the elderly women in the room, calling "Bess?" As I turned to double-check I had the correct room, the first woman said, "I'm Bess." I hadn't even recognized her. Since I last saw her -- a few months ago? -- she seems to have aged 20 years. Granted, she is almost 96, but she has never looked so gaunt, thin and just wasted away. She is confined to her bed now and has a greenish-purple bruise over her left eye where she fell.
I tried to recover quickly and reminded her who I am, but no need -- her mind is still sharp. She said, "But I told everyone that I don't want visitors..." and I replied, "Well, I thought about calling, but you would have told me not to come." She agreed. And I said, "So I didn't call!" She laughed and told me she was glad I came.
We had a nice albeit brief visit. I rubbed her swollen legs and we talked about her oxygen machine (too noisy for her). She said the food's not that good, but she's not very hungry anyway. She told me to tell everyone hello and not to come visit, but when I asked if I could come visit again, she said yes.
It just breaks my heart to see her or any of the numerous elderly people there. What kind of quality of life is that? None. I don't want that, nor would they, I suppose.
3 comments:
Again, thank you Emily for being so thoughtful and caring with our family members. Oh if breaks my heart to think about my Aunt Bessie like that. I agree I don't want that either but how do we change it? Bessie has had a wonderful, long, full life - what we all say we wish for.
My Mother wants to go see her so badly but I don't know if that would be a good idea for her - do you? You know Bessie was her big sister (by 12 years) and she was her "Little Mother" who watched out for her. Aging is tough on everyone!
Love you, Momma
Sooooooooo glad you did that Em. I wanted to name this baby Bess, but too many people shot it down, saying it was a cow name. Well, not to me, because Bess was always this strong, wild-historied woman who has lived LARGE and has an enlarged heart that miraculously is still beating in Dallas to me. I'm keeping her name on the short list I take to the hospital anyway!
You were right to go for a quick unannounced visit. Sometimes that can be what people need even if they would decline it given the chance.
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