Thursday, February 26, 2009

Recharged

Since the whole FWB ending, I've been lying low, just trying to regroup and soothe my wounded ego. It's been fine: I'm exercising almost daily, catching up on my reading and doing little things to pamper myself. But I do miss male company.

This week, I was very fortunate to get taken to lunch by one of my vendors and out to drinks & appetizers by another. The lunch was just a one-on-one, and I really enjoyed our conversation. I've been talking to this guy for over a year, strictly platonic. He's married with two adorable girls. He reminded me not to give up on my dream of finding someone but to value the freedom being single gives me.

The happy hour was with a group of my colleagues from work and a group from the vendor. Without planning it, we realized it was Fat Tuesday, and the swanky bar we met at had live jazz playing in the background and festive purple, green and gold beads strung about. The conversation was great, and I enjoyed talking to one guy in particular. Again, not really a flirty conversation, just intellectually stimulating. (He's in a committed relationship.)

Both of these encounters were very simple, easy, and not at all sexually charged. But I left each feeling recharged, and enjoying the pleasant exchange of thoughts and ideas. Maybe I'm ready to get out there again...

Monday, February 23, 2009

Music to Soothe the Soul


A little over a year ago, I mentioned the idea of a choir to the minister at my church and we started one. Our organist is our leader, and his talent and encouragement have made us into a pretty decent group.

Yesterday we performed our most ambitious music to date: a Latin cantata by Buxtehude and a women's-only piece titled Snow. Both were accompanied by violins.

The cantata was a bit of a struggle, but we got through the 8 minute piece without anyone in the congregation knowing where we missed an entrance or added an extra harmony note. But the Snow...! It was incredible. We had five women, two altos and three sopranos, and we were so in tuned with each other. The unison parts sounded like one voice, and then we would break into harmony in perfect rhythm. The song is very haunting, going from a minor key to major then ending back in the minor. The violins added complexity, and at times it sounded to me like part of a movie soundtrack. When we ended, the sound floated down to a hushed audience, and I found I was shaking. It was so good, and it was so great to be a part of it!

I corralled everyone into taking a picture after our mid-winter potluck lunch, but two people had already left. The gentleman in the middle is Earl, our director and accompanist.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

My New Crush

Been spending time with my digitally recorded TV shows lately, and I must admit I have a big crush on Damian Lewis. He first came to my attention in Band of Brothers, and I'm enjoying watching him each week on Life. Too bad he's married.












I also think Jason O'Mara in Life on Mars is pretty cute. (Also married.)











Not that I have a chance of meeting these famous actors anyway. But I do enjoy watching them!

***

Ha ha...after I posted this, and looked at the layout on my blog, I realize my picture on the left is gazing directly at the pictures of these handsome men!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

V-Day is Over!

Long time no post...partially due to the fact that I was trying to ignore Valentine's Day. I was hoping that with it being on a Saturday this year, I could just hibernate through it without calling attention to my singleness, but on Friday, flowers kept arriving here at the office for various girls around me. At the end of the day, I got an IM from a fellow singleton here remarking about the plethora of flowers for seemingly everyone but us.

On Saturday, I planned a quiet day and evening, but although I knew my cousin Rob was coming in from West Point and meeting me for lunch, I wasn't expecting to spend the whole day and evening with him. He was bemoaning the fact that he doesn't have a girlfriend and is at a school with few women, and I was trying to encourage him while being in the same, if not worse, situation myself.

I did finally get some time to myself yesterday for self-pampering. I went shopping with my favorite companion -- my debit card -- and stimulated the local economy while getting some really cute outfits for my upcoming cruise. I was thrilled to buy several smaller-sized items, and just enjoyed the saleswoman's comment that "everything looks great on you" even though I know she's trying to make a sale. Nothing like some retail therapy to perk a girl up!

Monday, February 09, 2009

The Rest of the Weekend

Don't worry, my weekend got better. Friday was just a low point. (Blame it on hormones.)

We had some milder temperatures this weekend with lots of sunshine, and I walked around until I couldn't walk anymore. (My right hip has been acting up, shifting out of alignment due to slight scoliosis, and although the chiropractor adjustments help, it keeps falling out of place.)

Our church choir (all ten of us) are preparing to do a Cantata and special womens-only piece in two weeks. The music is very challenging for our group, but it's starting to sound so good. We practice after the church service, and I've realized this is my favorite part of the week. We also have cassette tapes of the music to practice with at home, and when I start to sing along with the tape, my cat Sabrina howls along with me. (It's a bit disconcerting but also funny.)

And I saw my NJ friend Kelly yesterday. Her pregnant belly is beautiful, round and full. We haven't seen each other since early December, and she remarked that my face looks thinner. :-) Love that!

Friday, February 06, 2009

A bit lonely


Friday nights always seem to be the worst when I'm lonely. I guess I equate Friday nights with "date night," and it just seems pathetic to spend it on my couch with my cat and a half-bottle of wine.

And I know I'm thinking too much when I start to read stuff into stupid commercials, but... I just saw one for a jeweler in preparation for Valentine's Day (which I'm SO looking forward to) which stated something about "if your heart is open, love will always come in."

Well, what if your heart is open, and all that happens is that love flows out? I'm feeling a bit unbalanced in the heart department.

Remember that book about Love Languages? My primary love language is touch. I start to feel extreme loneliness when I go days without feeling human touch. I think that's why I've been getting so many massages lately, in addition to the reason that my neck and shoulders have been killing me. Even though I have to pay for it, as least it's human contact. Although it doesn't quite fit the bill -- it's not like bumping into people in the subway or shaking peoples' hands in business fill the void -- but it's as close as I have, now.

The crappy thing is...FWB was my best friend here, as well as my "boyfriend." Now I'm back to square one. (And I'm not going to call him. I'm not even tempted. I'm just sad, grieving the loss of my friend.)

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Random Thoughts & Snowy Pictures

Why is it that when you lose a sock or an earring, you only lose one? For me, especially if it's a pair of earrings that I really like, I hold on to the one I have left, hoping the missing one will turn up. As I've been "cleaning house" -- sorting through and weeding out stuff I don't need -- I'm having a hard time throwing away these onesies. I think, I really liked this pair of earrings, and what if I throw this away and then find the missing one? At the end of the day, though, it's just earrings, and I usually find a way to part with it.

***

Facebook is a great tool for keeping up with hundreds of friends and former colleagues, but lately, I've been getting several friend requests from people who went to the same high schools I did. (I attended two, as we moved from Midland to Houston in the middle of my junior year.) In the vast majority of cases, I don't remember these people! It's a bit unnerving to me that I honestly have no recollection of them, and presumably they do of me.

***

Having spent the past 7-8 years of my life watching my weight go up and down the scale, my wardrobe has gone through many different sizes, from an 8 to 14. As I'm now coming back down again (hooray! thank goodness! it's working!), I'm reluctant to let go of the larger sized clothes. Not that I'm emotionally attached to them, but I fear that I will go back up again. I've also considered having them tailored, but I also worry about regaining the weight and possibly popping the stitches!

***

It snowed ALL DAY yesterday. My desk is by a window, on the 16th floor of our building, and I watched the small flakes come down, swishing this way and that. Not much stuck, and the City is so good at salting and sanding the streets and sidewalks that this morning, the snow is only left on rooftops and grassy areas. But I took a few pictures yesterday afternoon in City Hall Park. I'm really pleased with how they came out. It looks like the winter wonderland I was walking in, and the falling snow shows in the images, too.





Monday, February 02, 2009

Anti-Superbowl Evening

I'm not a huge fan of football. I was, at one time. Football is big in Texas, and I spent high school and college faithfully going to the games and cheering on my team. But after awhile, I guess I got burned out on it.

Of course, it's fun to watch with a group. But I didn't get any invitations to a Superbowl party, and rather than wallow in self-pity, I decided to make an appointment at a spa for some "me time."

I really enjoy spas. I like the steam room, sauna, hot showers, and of course, the services. I was scheduled for a massage and manicure. I was in desperate need of the massage after waking up on Friday with a very stiff neck and shoulders. Apparently, I had slept on it funny, and all my muscles were bunched up and hurting. The massage therapist was great and worked on all the kinks, improving my range of motion.

Then I went home and made some lettuce wraps, opened a bottle of wine, and watched a movie, La Vie en Rose. Halfway through, my phone beeps, a text message.

From FWB. "U still not talking to me?"

I thought of several choice things I could say but decided not to respond at all. I'm still so angry about the whole thing. Obviously, he misses talking to me, but I think he just wants me to be there for his emotional support. I'm realizing he's much more selfish than I originally thought. He can't even respect my request for time and space!