I'm Not Shy

I mentioned to some of my coworkers that I have a blog that is mostly read by family and friends and a few online blog-friends, and she was almost horrified. She couldn't believe I would be thrilled to get strangers' comments about what I wrote. She just saw it as an invasion of privacy or something. (Yes, I explained that blogs, being on the world wide web, are open to the online public.)

My sister Jennifer and I met a cute Irish guy at the race last weekend. He was one of the staff organizing and working the race, and we met him on Saturday when we dropped off our bikes and boat. He caught us trying to both squeeze into the one-person boat on dry land, and we all had a good laugh at what must have been an amusing sight. We spoke with him for a few minutes and learned he lives in the Austin area (figures...a much hipper town than Dallas) and is from northern Ireland. (And he wasn't wearing a wedding ring. I know, not a definite sign that someone's not married, but a good start.)

We saw him several times during the race, and I called out to him once, "Hey, Irish!" He smiled and cheered us on.

After we finished, I looked for him but didn't see him again. I really wanted to talk to him, so...I just sent an email to the race director through the race's website asking him for the guy's name or to forward my message to Irish Guy. Kinda crazy, and I realize in today's world of privacy concerns, the race director may think I'm a psycho-stalker-girl and not give me the info. But, what the hell? I figure it doesn't hurt to ask, and if he says no or doesn't pass the message along, I'm no worse off than I am now. And if he does pass the message along, maybe it will make Irish Guy smile at least.

The Proof is in the X-Ray

A couple years ago, I started having some pretty strange symptoms from my scoliosis. Every so often when I would stand up after sitting at my desk, my right hip would give out on me, and if I didn't catch myself, I would collapse to the floor. It wasn't exactly painful (except if I hit the floor or furniture on the way down), but it was very disconcerting.

I've known about my back being slightly off center since I was 13 or so. Remember those days in gym class where all the girls would have to stand around without their shirts and get checked for scoliosis? I usually went home with a note telling my parents they saw an irregularity. I was checked out by a doctor, but he said it wasn't serious.

About 10 years ago, I went to an orthopedist because my back was giving me a lot of pain (more than I had gotten accustomed to). He took x-rays, and for the first time, I could see where and how my spine went off course. The lumbar vertebrae curved to the right, and the cervical vertebrae curved to the left to compensate. The doctor told me my scoliosis was only 10-15 degrees off normal, not bad enough to require surgery but just something that would give me discomfort. Basically, he told me to live with it and to check in with him as I aged.

And so I just accepted the chronic lower back pain, and I often popped my neck by leaning my head to either side. It gave me some relief.

But two years ago, I decided to put my previous biases about chiropractors aside and give it a try. I met a petite chiropractor about my age at a local health fair, and she honestly answered my questions and addressed my concerns. And she gave me hope. She said she could help.

After only a few months, I was feeling so much better. I could sleep better because I wasn't in as much pain. I could sit in cars more comfortably. I could even turn my head without having to turn my whole torso to look over my shoulder. After a year, she took x-rays and compared them with my starting x-rays. The difference was noticeable. The vertebrae had moved, although they were still not completely in-line.

We took x-rays again today, two years since I began the therapy. The x-rays confirmed why I wasn't having as much pain and the reason for the increased mobility and flexibility. My back x-ray no longer shows any sign of curvature. It's unbelievable. She actually said "we've eliminated your scoliosis." I never thought that was possible! I never dreamed that high. I was just hoping for a reduction of pain, but I have gotten so many additional benefits. I feel so grateful to my doctor and that I found her.

W.A.R. II

Yesterday was my second Women's Adventure Race, and I'm happy to report I could tell a marked improvement in my performance!

It was held on a large YMCA camp ground west of Fort Worth. The drive was long, especially with the astronomical gas prices, but the venue was really gorgeous. Similar to last time, there was a run, bike, water event and another bike portion. But Jenn and I agreed the run should have been called a hike. There were very steep climbs that no one was running through. We did run on the straighter areas, though.

The bike section was so scenic through the woods. Jenn led most of the time, although we switched a couple times. The only slow part was the areas drenched in sand. You just cannot keep bike wheels turning through deep sand. We had to get off our bikes and walk them through that part, but otherwise, I didn't have to stop to catch my breath at all, unlike last time. It also helped that I got us CamelBacks to carry water and easily drink throughout the race.

The kayak that Jennifer mentioned in her recent post, Keep Austin Weird, was pretty small. We practiced the day before (on dry land) and figured we could get our butts in but would have to straddle the boat and keep our legs out. Once in the water, our legs were dragging us down and Jenn kept hitting my leg with her paddle. I jumped out, almost capsizing her, and grabbed the back of the boat and kicked. She said, "I can't see you, but I can hear you!" With her paddling and my flutter kick, we made it around the pond.

Then back on the bikes, and this time we didn't have to stop for the mystery events. The mystery events were pretty much all the same as the Austin race. I think we were both a little disappointed that there wasn't anything new, but I also felt more prepared, knowing what was coming.

All in all, it was a great day. Anthony's parents came out with his nephew Andrew and the kids, Anna & Colin. The day was overcast, which kept the heat down. I was exhausted afterwards (and didn't do much of anything the rest of the day), but I'm actually not too sore today. I feel ready for the next one!

A few pictures from last weekend

I didn't take many pictures last weekend, but below are a couple. Jenn kept me pretty busy preparing for this weekend's Women's Adventure Race.

Cutie Colin being silly at the breakfast table 

Anna enjoys a gelato treat after getting a vaccine 

Colin gulps down the chocolate gelato 

Missing you

Coming back from Austin this weekend, I am struck by how solitary and quiet my life is. Anna & Colin are so full of life and love, and I delight in being around them. But when I leave, there is such a huge hole in my heart. Their absence is more acute when I first leave.

Jennifer and Anna dropped me off at the airport. As I was waiting to board the plane, my phone rang. It was Anna saying, “I wish you could come back right now.” Me, too.

Rebuttal

So obviously I started a little political controversy here with my post about the government's response to the Katrina disaster. While there is the ability to leave anonymous messages on my blog, I think it's pretty cowardly for someone to leave two messages not just disagreeing with my opinion but making sweeping statements about "bleeding heart liberals." (Yes, "bleeding" is spelled with 2 E's, no A's.)

I actually am more middle of the road. On some things I agree with the left side and other time with the right. I absolutely agree with my anonymous slammer that people should be responsible for their own actions. But I also realize not everyone is starting from the same set of circumstances. I am thankful for all that I have, and I am happy to share with those who are less fortunate and working to get themselves out of their bad situation.

I am sickened by the thought of the elderly and children who have suffered the most from the hot weather and lack of water. They have DIED. I think those easily preventable deaths are unacceptable.

I hope that all of you readers, whether you agree or disagree that the government took its time in responding, I hope you will do what you can to help the people who have now lost EVERYTHING. Volunteer to help the refugees in your area, donate to Salvation Army or Red Cross.

My leisurely (?) Saturday

I'm in Austin this weekend. Not for rest and relaxation, but for lots of toddler watching and running-behind and exercise! My sister Jennifer and I are practicing for next weekend's adventure race, and since Jenn is in such awesome shape, I'm trying to prove that she won't have to wait for me as much as the last race.

It's so wonderful to be around Colin and Anna. Colin calls me "Eno-wee." All L's are pronounced with a W sound. It's very cute. Anna is four-years-old and so much her own person now. She has a great imagination and loves to play pretend with her stuffed animals and other toys.

Anna had to get a vaccination today, and once we got there, it turned out Colin needed a booster, too. Anna was so brave. I told her to take a deep breath and to blow it out hard when she felt the shot. By the time she blew it out, the shot was over. She didn't even say "Ow."

Unfortunately, Colin's wasn't so easy. He said "Ow, my arm!" alarmingly as he began to wail. Since mom had been nearest to him when the nurse gave him this terrible surprise, he reached out for Auntie Emily to save him. He quickly got over it once we got back to the waiting room and sat down to watch the fish in the fish tank. I rubbed his arm while he wasn't paying attention, hoping to spread the vaccine and reduce the soreness later.

Since I'm staying in Colin's room in the bed next to his crib, I didn't get a lot of sleep. He awoke screaming at 1 a.m. and woke up at 7:30 in the morning. I tried to sleep a bit longer, but I could hear both him and Anna anxiously awaiting my awakening.

Once Colin took his nap this afternoon, Jenn said, "Let's go!" We took a bike ride around the neighborhood to the lap pool with Anna in the bike trailer behind Jenn. Once at the pool, we swam a few laps, pushing Anna on a float and encouraging her to swim along side us.

Jenn made a beautiful, tasty dinner: salmon, eggplant, zucchini and sweet potatoes on the grill, and bruchetta made from homegrown, garden fresh tomatoes and basil. It's only 9 p.m. but I'm ready to go to bed. I just have to wait for Colin to fall asleep before I can sneak in there!

Aftermath Hell of Katrina

I'm just sick about the devastation in Louisiana and Mississippi and the unfathomable slowness of the federal government to respond. And I feel so helpless, watching and reading about the thousands of people who are suffering and dying.

Yesterday at work, a coworker shared that the Dallas Salvation Army was holding a one-day drive for supplies to then take to the ravaged area. He and I went to Sam's at lunch and filled two carts full of bottled water, diapers, canned food, and other needed items. Today, I've been hearing additional means of donating money, items, time and even housing. Several thousand refugees are being sent to the Dallas area.

As many others have blogged about and expressed on TV, WHY has it taken so long for the government to get there? How can you just let all those innocent people die? How can you value the life of someone a world away in Iraq or Indonesia to send immediate aid, but leave the people of your own country to descend into hell?

My other means of transportation

I ride a motorcycle. (A Suzuki SV 650) Now that it's finally starting to "cool off" in Texas (90s instead of 100s), I'm riding more often to work. Plus, with gas prices going through the roof, it makes more sense to ride than drive. I get MUCH better gas mileage on my bike.

It's interesting the reaction I get from friends and strangers when they learn I ride. Once, when I stopped at the grocery store on my way in to work, a couple of guys saw me from across the parking lot. One said to the other, "Dude! It's a chick on a bike!" I don't usually like being referred to as a baby chicken, but I still thought that was pretty cool.

At work, we've added several new people over the last few months (the hotter than hell months when I don't ride much), so coworkers are still learning this fact about me. Girls say, "you go, girl!" and guys say, "you ride a bike? wow..."

Contrary to my brother-in-law Anthony's belief, I didn't start riding because guys think it's cool when a girl rides. I actually didn't even realize that.

My dad had a Honda motorcycle when I was 10-12 years old, and I remember a couple of times he would pick me up from school on it. I loved waving goodbye to my friends, saying, "that's my dad!" and climbing on the back. He would take me riding through back country roads and sometimes let me sit in front of him and pretend to steer. I would wear the motorcycle helmet while I rode my bicycle around the neighborhood, pretending it was a motorcycle. (You can imagine the absurdity of this: this was before bicycle helmets were used.)

Later on, I dated a couple guys with bikes, too. One a Harley guy and one a sports biker. The latter knew how much I enjoyed riding with him and encouraged me to take the safety course and learn how to do it myself. I didn't think I would like it, but he kept badgering me until I agreed to try it.

I didn't like it...I LOVED it. That was the year I turned 30, so I joked that getting my first motorcycle was like my "midlife crisis" purchase.

I know my mom worries. She even asked me, "You don't go on highways, do you?" (This is pretty impossible to avoid since my company's building is on a service road of a highway.) My grandmother can't even stand me talking about it. She just starts going "Ohhhh....I don't like that you ride that thiiiiiing..." until I change the subject.

It makes you a much more defensive driver. You have to constantly watch the cars around you, because more often than not, they don't see you. I pretend I'm invisible to them, taking the responsibility of staying out of their way on myself. I do a lot of pulse-driving, similar to how my grandmother drives her car. But I do it to stay out of car's blindspots.

I'm not one of those riders that fly by you, engines screaming. I don't do wheelies (front wheel up) or stoppies (back wheel up). I stick to what I learned in the safety course: know your limits and know the limits of your bike, and don't go beyond them. And I wear protective gear: helmet, motorcycle boots, gloves and jacket that have kevlar. (One of my coworkers teases me that the boots look like "retard shoes." They're definitely not for fashion.)

It's exhilirating when you get a stretch of open road. Then there's nothing but you and the bike. I can tune out all the other thoughts in my head and just concentrate on riding. Even a few minutes of not multitasking is so refreshing.

My beautiful bike 

Yoga for dummies

In January, I joined the local gym, both for fitness and social reasons. I was hoping to meet other singles in the area, but I've learned that everyone pretty much keeps to themselves. Still, I'm proud to report that I have continued to use the gym 3-5 times a week, despite the lack of reinforcement from the scale.

A friend suggested I try their classes, since it's more likely that you can strike up a conversation with someone you see regularly at a particular class. I've avoided the classes, partially because I don't want to feel stressed to get to the gym at a particular time and partially because I'm not the most coordinated person. It's disheartening to finally get the aerobics step just to realize you're the only one moving forward while the rest of the class is going backwards.

But, I decided to try a yoga class on Saturday. I dusted off my yoga mat, which hasn't seen any action in about two years, and headed over to the gym. I sat beside a guy who was also waiting for the previous class to finish and soon realized he was the yoga instructor. We waited several minutes, but no one else showed up. "I guess it's just you and me!" he exclaimed. (Uh oh, I thought.) "Instead of the class, would you like a personal instruction?" What could I say except Ok?

Carlos is a yoga purist. He believes in doing the poses correctly or not at all. I've come to realize I have muscles that I never tested before because I feel them quite acutely now. Although all the poses he put me through were ones I was familiar with, Carlos showed me the proper way to do each. Even my feet and hands got a workout!

Yoga for dummies

For fitness and in hopes of meeting some new friends, I joined the local gym in January. I'm proud to report that I've stuck with it and still go 3-5 times a week, although I've been disappointed to learn that everyone pretty much keeps to themselves. Now that I have my iPod Mini, I do the same thing. (thanks, Steph!)

A friend suggested I try some of the classes they offer at the gym. I haven't gone to those, mostly because I don't like to rush to make it to the gym at a specific time. It's difficult to make it there by 6 or even 7 some days with work and traffic. I'm also not the most coordinated person, so aerobics and bench aerobics are an extra challenge, with me usually going the opposite direction of the class. But I agreed that attending the classes would probably be more conducive to conversation and meeting others.

So, I picked out a yoga class to attend on Saturday. I showed up with my mat (which hasn't been used in probably 2 years) and sat down next to a guy who was also waiting for the previous class to finish. We started talking, and I realized he is the instructor Carlos. We waited for several minutes, but no one else showed up. "Looks like it's just you and me!" he said. (Uh oh, I thought.) "Instead of the class, do you want a personal lesson?" (What could I say except Ok?)

There are muscles on my body that have never before been put to the test. I know this because I am now sore in odd places, like diagonally from my ribs to my hipbone. I even got a good workout in my feet and hands.

Carlos is a purist and insists on proper positioning. He said, "if you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all." Although I was familiar with each of the poses he put me through, I learned how to do each a little better. I couldn't move very well yesterday, but no pain, no gain, right?

Learning to Trust Myself Again

A few weeks ago, I wrote about a visit to my local dance club in Weekend Report. I mentioned a gorgeous guy that I talked to briefly, who ended up with a table of girls.

I saw him again last Friday. Still breathtakingly cute. He smiled sheepishly and said I must be mad at him (for ditching me last time). I said no, not mad, just a little disappointed. Well, this time he wasn't letting me get away. We talked for a couple hours and had a nice conversation. I told him I was expecting my gay boyfriend to show up with his mom. He kinda raised his eyebrow at that but went on to say how he doesn't judge others and understands how women feel safe with gay guys.

When said gay boyfriend arrived, I introduced them briefly and left Mr. Gorgeous to help the family (mom, aunt, friend and brother were all there) find a table. When I came back to Gorgeous, he vehemently said, "I'm not shaking that guy's hand!" This was really out-of-the-blue, because he wasn't anywhere around at the time. I reassured him that gayness "doesn't rub off" and reminded him that this guy, in addition to being a good friend of mine, was a human being just like us. Gorgeous-now-looking-less-so went on to explain that he doesn't condone that kind of behavior. So, it's getting uncomfortable at this point, and we change the subject as I'm thinking how much I've learned about him with this outburst.

Equally out-of-the-blue, he says,

"Do you want to go get naked?"

Laughing out loud, I reply, "No, not really!"

If this is his pick-up line, he needs to work on it.

With two divorces under my belt, I sometimes doubt my ability to choose wisely when it comes to men and relationships. But I think God is sending me some easy pitches to regain my confidence. This one was easy. Thanks, up there!

Addendum in response to an anonymous post: I meant to write and post this earlier in the week, but this week has been incredibly hectic for me. I apologize for making you wait for the story!

Blog Spam?!?

I type in my blog address to see if anyone has posted comments. I'm thrilled to see there's 9 comments to my earlier post...and then I read them. Seven of them were spam! I haven't experienced this before, but I'm pissed! Each one said something like "Love your blog. I'll be bookmarking it. Hey, check out my site on landscaping/poker/cialis/party hostesses/Russian girls, etc..."

Don't put your filth on my site!

However, if you are a true reader/family/friend, please do leave a comment. I love getting the feedback and knowing I made you laugh or at least wrote something that you can relate to.

New beginnings for Annie

On Sunday, I helped my goddaughter Annie move into her college dorm for her freshman year at North Texas University. She's excited and apprehensive about all the new things she'll be experiencing. The dorm is nice but no frills. Annie has always had her own room, so cramming all her stuff into half a room was a challenge, but it looked good when we left.

On one of the many trips up to the second floor of the dormitory, Annie met her Resident Advisor. On another trip, the RA stopped me and said, "I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name." I just smiled and said "Don't worry about it. I'm not moving in -- it's my goddaughter!"

Several upperclassmen were volunteering to help the freshmen move their boxes and stuff into the dorms. It was great because both of Annie's parents have back problems at the moment. (Her dad has had a bad back for years, and her mom -- my BF -- fell last week and bruised her shoulder blade and back.) I was expecting to do most of the heavy lifting myself, but there were lots of young people ready and willing to help.

To move her television, BF and I enlisted the help of a young guy with a nametag of Todd. He started asking me lots of questions, and I got the idea that he thought I was moving in. When I said, "I'm not the one moving in. I graduated from college 11 years ago." his eyebrows shot up and he said, "Wow. You carry your age well!"

Ha ha ha! I think that's a combination of "you carry yourself well" and "you age well" or something.

BF wouldn't even laugh about it. She gets annoyed that people think I'm younger than I am. But I thought it was pretty cool.

Things my sister wanted to know about me

My sister Jenn is a very talented writer, in addition to being a great mom and wonderful veterinarian. I check her blog daily to read the latest about my niece and nephew or her work or just life in general. So, when she recently wrote about getting a meme (in the blogger world, a meme is like a theme passed from blog to blog) and solicited requests to be interviewed, I naively accepted the challenge.

The following are her questions and my answers.

1) If you could go back and change your birth order, would you? What would you pick?

You're trying to goad me here...I know it. Based on the old home movies of my reaction when little sister Stephanie was brought home from the hospital, I'm guessing I would have been happy being the baby. I've never really given this much thought. I read The Birth Order Book and found it very interesting, but of the many times I've wished I could go back and change something in my life, this isn't in the top 100. I try to learn from what I've been given (middle child) and use that positively.

2) If you could relocate to any other city, and your friends and family would still be close, and you'd still have a great job, what city would you choose?

I'm not sure exactly, but I know it would be on the coast. I just love the water. It speaks to my soul and makes me feel calm. Of the coastal cities I've been to, possible options would include Seattle, San Francisco, or San Diego.

3) What is one of your happiest childhood memories?

Sitting around the dining room table with my family and singing songs to Daddy's guitar playing after dinner. I remember when Daddy was teaching us harmony, and we were all singing "Dreams" by the Everly Brothers. Mommy sang one part with Jenn and Steph, and Daddy and I were singing the other part. I kept getting swayed to sing with the other girls, and we'd begin again. Then suddenly, it just clicked, and I could hear the other part but still sing my part. I love the sounds of harmony and our whole family singing together.

4) Describe an ideal first date.

First, a description by what it's not: none of the first dates I've ever been on. To me, a first date is awkward, both people trying to figure each other out and impress the other. An ideal first date would be with the ideal person: someone with whom you feel comfortable being yourself, where conversation flows easily and you find yourself laughing often. I would like a slow dinner in a restaurant that's not too noisy, so you don't have to shout to be heard or strain to hear what he's saying. And if there's chemistry, which on the ideal date there would be, end the evening with plans to see each other again and a short kiss.

5) What is your favorite physical attribute?

Of myself? Probably my eyes or my lips. Although as we age, our lips pale in color and wrinkle and get thin, so I'm sticking with the eyes. Even though the skin around them changes with age, your eyes are the "windows to the soul" from birth to death. I like that I have large, hazel eyes. They occasionally change color, like when I cry, they get really green.

Okay, that's it! Now, who's next?
Want an interview of your own? Instructions:

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying “Interview me.” You must leave your blog address so I can think of good questions for you! Caveat: Offer is limited to the first 5 responders with a blog.

2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person’s will be different. I’ll post the questions in the comments section of this post.

3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Don't feel like being seen in public

I've been travelling for work the past couple days. A group of us left on Sunday night and returned home late last night. Although I'd met this client before, you always want to present yourself in the best possible manner.

So when I noticed a nasty zit right in the entrance of my right nostril on Sunday night, I wasn't thrilled. Besides being terribly painful, it made half my nose really red. And I definitely didn't want anyone to mistake it for a booger.

Monday night, I was equally disappointed to find a NEW nasty zit between my eyes at the top of my nose. (It's not equidistant between my eyes, more to the right side.) It's also very painful, and now I'm concerned that everyone is looking at IT rather than looking into my eyes.

To round it all out, I have a nervous habit of picking my nails to bits. It's a life-long habit that I have tried to break numerous times. Actually, I think as a child, I bit my nails, now I just pick at them. So, during these all-day meetings, my nails and cuticles suffered. Monday was the left hand, and Tuesday was the right.

I'm a mess. Glad to be home, but I wish it was cold enough to wear a ski mask and gloves all day long to hide my glaring imperfections.

Nothing much

I haven't written in five days. Sorry if you've been checking for something new. I just haven't been inspired to write much. Or, I've thought of a topic and then discounted it, thinking it wasn't entertaining enough.

I met a really interesting guy on Friday night. He looks like a guy I had a crush on (oh...who am I kidding? I still have a crush on) that lives in New York. This guy, Mel, just moved to Austin from Dallas. We had a great conversation about our respective careers and the differences between Austin and Dallas. He was funny and witty and very complimentary. I didn't realize until later that I was standing on his right the whole time. I didn't even notice the wedding band, and I usually look for those right off. I was so disappointed. He noticed my obvious disappointment and said he hadn't meant to mislead me. [Sigh] I knew he seemed too good to be true.

My gay boyfriend, Daniel, comes back into town this week. Yea! My dancing partner is back! His mom is coming to visit, too, and he wants me to meet her. Should be interesting. His mom knows he's gay but isn't thrilled about it. I wonder if hanging out with an older divorcee will be considered good or worse? ha ha

Pet Peeves

A list of things that really get on my nerves (in no particular order):

1. Hair in the sink. Why is it that hair is beautiful on a loved one's head, but if one strand leaves the bunch and is then found in another location, it's icky. Add to this my own hair strands when they flee their proper location and wrap around my arms. I'm always freaked out that it's a bug crawling on me.

2. Bugs. Especially those that attempt to crawl on me.

3. People (notably coworkers) who leave their dishes in the sink when there are TWO empty dishwashers with signs on them stating they are empty. There's also a sign about "your mother doesn't work here...clean up after yourself." Yes, we have a janitor, but he has the whole huge building to care for. His main responsibility is not getting your used coffee cup into the dishwasher.

4. Long-time married people that give me suggestions on how to meet guys:
"Have you tried church?" I've tried multiple churches.
"It's always best to get set up by friends." Done that, no success yet. Everyone left says they don't know any other singles.
"Have you tried a dating service?" Currently trying #4.
"Anyone nice at your work?" Been there, done that. Probably not going to venture there again.
"You need to get out there." And exactly where is out there?

5. Eating less and working out more and still no change on the f***ing scale.

6. People who drive slow in the left lane. The left lane is for PASSING, idiots. If several cars go around you on the right, you're probably going too slow to be in the left, otherwise known as "fast," lane.

7. Meetings during lunchtime that don't include lunch.

8. Stupid people. Now, if someone is ignorant, they can be taught. But if you're stupid, there's just not much hope for you.

9. Americans who travel abroad and expect everything to be just like America. Even the language. If you're going to be that arrogant, don't leave your little town.

10. Cigarette smoking. I don't get it. It's not cool, it makes you smell, it stains your teeth and it's the number one cause of lung cancer. And I'm allergic and asthmatic, so keep it away from me.

11. Skinny people who moan that they've gained weight. Do you want to compare saddlebags or potbellies? I win, so shut up.

Weekend Report

I got my hair cut on Saturday. (Finally!) Nothing too radical. I entertained the idea of really cutting it short or doing something really different, but in the end, I chickened out. I just had 3 inches and more layers cut. (By the way, NO ONE has noticed here at work. Very observant folks here.)

So I was feeling pretty spunky Saturday night and decided to hit my local club for some live music and dancing. As I was enjoying a drink at the bar, I got a tap on my shoulder. I turned to see an older man of at least 70 smiling and asking me if I would like to dance, assuring me that he was a really good dancer. Ah, what the hell?

It was early in the evening, and we were the only ones on the dance floor. He told me he's a dance instructor, and his moves cracked me up. He spun around, pretended to wipe his brow with his hand and pointed at me. I just kept laughing.

When the song was over, I appropriately thanked him and he asked me if I was there with friends. I said yes, they just hadn't arrived yet (easier to explain than the truth of being there alone AND I didn't want him to feel he had to rescue me from my aloneness). I went back to the bar and a woman grabbed my arm.

"You can say you're with us!" motioning to her husband. "We were watching and felt so bad for you!"

I just kept laughing and assured her the guy was a gentleman. When he came by to ask me again later, I was talking to a gorgeous guy (more my own age), who later ditched me for a table of girls. Guess one wasn't enough for him.

I also met two guys who were in town for company training. One was from Trinidad, the other from Ireland. They were very interesting and cute, and they enjoyed beating me soundly at several games of pool. (I'm terrible, to put it nicely.) I convinced them I was much better at dancing than pool. The Irish guy asked me which of them I liked better. (I was flirting with both of them.) I said I liked them both, and he intimated that I could choose to go home with either of them. I was having fun, but I just smiled and said, "I'm not going home with either of you. I'm going home alone!" They laughed, and we continued to just hang out and dance.

Training note: I lifted weights on Friday and took a long bike ride on Saturday through my neighborhood which includes several steep hills. (Jenn, I only stopped for water breaks. I didn't have to walk up any of the hills!) Jennifer and I are gearing up for the next Women's Adventure Race in Ft. Worth on September 11.

Just my luck

My mom sent me a funny card this week. A girl is sitting alone on the beach, watching two hotties play volleyball. It says, "Why are all the best guys either married or gay?" The inside goes on to say, (paraphrasing), "or assholes? or slobs who leave toenail clippings around? or[something else completely undesirable]?"

(The card didn't really use profanity, but that word kinda sums up a lot of men that I've had the unfortunate opportunity to meet.)

A guy friend of mine, who reads my blog but is too chicken to leave a comment, remarked that I have the worst luck in men. It made me laugh, but it also made me feel really good to get that validation.

I was thinking this morning, it's been 14 months since I broke up with Rod. (I was going to come up with a witty, descriptive nickname for him, but I couldn't think of anything that would completely describe all the bullshit.) This is the longest I think I've ever gone without a boyfriend, and I don't say that in a sad, pity-me way because in many ways, it's been a very positive thing. I've gotten a lot stronger in who I am and what I want and know that I won't settle for less than I deserve.

By the way, I did get a marriage proposal this week. My gay boyfriend Daniel had to go home to Mexico this week to renew his visa or something and asked me half-joking, half-serious to marry him so he could get legal status in the States. I just laughed and said "can you imagine what my parents would say/think?" Ha ha ha!

What happened?

Brief synopsis: "37, never married, single professional in Ft. Worth, 5'11", born and raised in Montana, enjoys fly fishing, hiking, going out or staying in. Looking for a woman who is independent, spontaneous, honest and attractive."

He emailed me (through Match) and expressed an interest. Ok, I thought. He's cute, professional and seems to have a lot of the qualities I'm looking for. I wrote back, and we exchanged several emails.

Then, he wrote back, "I know this is last-minute, but would you like to meet for a drink tonight?"

Throwing caution to the wind, I decided to do it. After all, I was planning on an evening of the gym and re-runs.

We met, and he was cute and nice and fun...we left the bar and went out for dinner. We talked until 10 p.m. and as he was leaving, he remarked, "Oh! I don't have your number." I offered to email it to him and did that night with a note saying I'd had a great time.

That was 6 days ago... (crickets chirping)

Do what you love

Every Monday for the past four years, I volunteer at the local county hospital, Parkland, in the neonatal intensive care unit. I hold premies, feed them, change diapers and help the nurses as much as possible. With my health background, I'm fascinated by the medical procedures and abnormalities that I've seen. I'm sickened by the parents who subject their unborn children to the effects of illegal drugs, and I try to give all the babies I meet some love and attention that they need so much at this time in their lives.

I love my volunteer work, so much so that it doesn't seem like work at all. It's so rewarding to me, and the nurses I've gotten to know are such beautiful, caring people. I really miss seeing the babies when I have to miss a Monday because of travelling for work or when I'm sick. (And, by the way, I know that here in the States "travelling" is only supposed to have one L, but it looks weird to me, and since my dad's from the U.K., I'm claiming exemption and sticking with the proper English! It's not a typo.)

I met my best friend (BF) 11 years ago when she was a volunteer at the non-profit I was working for. We have volunteered together over the years at many different community and church events. Her husband also has a volunteer spirit, and they have instilled this in their daughter, too. He is very active with his own religion's community group and is currently heading up a transportation committee for a week-long event for young athletes. The youth have arrived from all over the nation and from a couple of different countries for an Olympics-type competition. BF literally begged me to help, to volunteer for an evening or two.

I got a postcard in the mail (in BF's handwriting) stating I was signed up to volunteer three evenings this week -- Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. Grr...so not only do I have to miss Parkland, but I have to reschedule with my counselor whom I usually see on Wednesday evenings. This time is critical to my maintaining some semblance of sanity.

Oh, and can you be at the event site at 5 p.m.?

My work is very demanding and hectic. We are currently in a tremendous growth spurt, and there's more work than resources. Oh, and our hours are (at minimum) 8:30-5:30.

Okay, so I bust my butt to get outta work at 4:55 and drive to the event location. I got there at 5:15. Not bad considering Dallas traffic. I checked in with the volunteer coordinator and found BF's husband. He told me we were awaiting the buses bringing the kids and would be directing them into the building.

It's hot here in Dallas in August. I could feel the sweat dripping down my back and soaking my bra as we waited.

The 45 buses finally arrived around 7:00. (Sooo glad I rushed out of work to stand around in the heat...) We got all the kids inside, reminding them to remember which bus they were on because that would be the one they were to return on. Several of the volunteers loudly vocalized their opinions of how the process could have been handled more efficiently. There were too many chiefs in this crowd.

I guess a lot of the volunteers know each other, but I didn't know any of them. A couple of them asked me how I had gotten involved, but after the initial pleasantries, they pretty much left me alone. So I had a couple hours to sit around and think to myself and watch other people. (Boring!)

We got the kids back on the buses starting at 9 p.m. No surprise, several kids couldn't remember which bus was theirs. We finally got everyone on the correct bus and headed back to the community center, where the host families would be picking up their kids. More chaos ensued there, and I finally got home around 11 p.m. Needless to say, I'm exhausted.

I kept telling myself that I was doing a good thing by volunteering, but I was left with a bad taste in my mouth. I'm going back to the babies.

The words I've been longing to hear

On Friday, I actually dressed up for work. (We have a very casual environment where flip-flops and t-shirts are perfectly acceptable, although I actually don't wear either of those to work.) The president and senior VP were taking the presentation team for that big pitch we recently won out to lunch at Nobu, the most talked-about highly regarded Japanese restaurant currently in Dallas. We weren't told beforehand where we were going, just told to be "well-dressed."

So I actually wore a skirt and heels. (My feet were screaming at me by the end of the day, but hey, I looked good.)

My VP said to me, "Have you been losing weight?"

Ah...such a nice thing to say!

(By the way, the food was incredible.)

You know you need to lose weight when...

I was reading someone else's blog, and it reminded me of this story.

A couple years ago, when Rod and I were together, we went down to Austin to visit my sister Jennifer and her family. Jenn and Anthony are very frugal, and they also don't make big decisions or big purchases quickly. Anthony is very diligent in researching options and looking for the best price of things.

They have a kitchen dinette set that they have had for at least 8 years. It was perfect for them when they were a newly married couple, but after a couple kids and the MIL's dog scratching the top, let's just say they could do better. I have done my part to try and encourage a new purchase...

So we were all sitting around at their table, Jenn, Anth, little Anna, Rod and me, enjoying a delicious home-cooked meal by Jenn and some tasty wine. (I think this was before Colin was born.) All of the sudden, we hear a loud cracking noise, and I feel the seat beneath me giving way. There I am on the floor with the chair I had been occupying now split under me. My ass hurt, but my pride hurt more. Jenn exclaimed, "Are you ok?" but the guys just couldn't stop laughing. Now there were only 5 chairs.

Fast forward to a couple weekends ago when I was down there visiting and participating in the race with Jenn. They have such a cozy house, and it's so nice to sit around the table with a whole family...very different than my usual meal of take-out or leftovers in front of the TV. There we were, sitting around the table, unprepared for the CRACK! Oh no, not again! Oh, yes...the chair beneath me cracked and crashed to the floor. Anthony busted out laughing while I was saying, "Not again! Not again!" I can't believe with all the people who have sat at that table on those same chairs, only I have broken not one, but TWO! As I've posted before, I've really been struggling with my weight, and this is VERY disheartening.

Part martyr, part able-to-laugh-at-myself, the next day, Anna wanted to sit in the chair I had brought in from the other room (not one of the original set). I told her it was ok, but then I would have to sit in her chair (one of the originals). And I said to her, "You know what happens when Auntie Emily sits in those chairs..." And she soberly replied, "Yeah. They break."

So now there are 4...

It's not you, it's me

So Ed, the guy I had brunch with (see Online dating sucks...), text-messaged me on my phone on Monday saying he'd enjoyed meeting me, etc. I struggled with whether to reply and what to say. I decided to be honest with him and not just leave him wondering. I wrote back it was nice to meet him, too, but it just wasn't a connection for me, and wished him good luck.

He wrote back: "I figured you felt that way. Just curious, what was not right? Please be honest. I appreciate the feedback."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Again, I struggled with whether I need to write back. I mean, how do you say in a nice, non-offending way, "I don't think you're attractive, you talk too much and you don't watch the news!" I decided to ask a few friends and coworkers for their advice. Here's what they suggested I write back:

Janet: "My degree was in health education, not psychology. Get a counselor if you want feedback."

Stephen M: "Case in point."
Stephen L: "Unsubscribe."

Online dating sucks, but at least I'm meeting people

Although some people have told me I'm too picky, I don't take offense to it. I haven't been picky enough in the past, and now I know what I want and don't want to settle for less than I deserve.

I met someone this weekend that I've been emailing and talking to for a few weeks. He found me through my profile on Match.com. I've enjoyed talking to him. He seems like a gentleman and was reasonably attractive. But there's just no way of knowing until you meet someone in person.

It's still amazing to me how people can look so different from their pictures. I think it's the 2-D versus 3-D effect. When you meet someone in person and then later see a picture of them, your brain automatically makes the connection. However, done in reverse -- seeing a picture of someone and then meeting them in person -- is not always so instantly recognizable. When you see a picture of someone for the first time, your brain fills in the 3-D details -- for example, how much their cheeks or chins protrude from their face. Then you see them in person, and you have to adjust your mental image to the actual.

This guy, Ed, didn't look too different from his photos except for the fact that his cheekbones were more sunken then I had imagined. It just kinda throws you for a while.

The meeting was ok, but I don't think I'll see him again. He talked 80% of the time, hardly giving me a chance to interject anything into the conversation. But the final straw was his admitting that he doesn't watch the news or read newspapers because it doesn't affect his life. I kept thinking about all the terrorist activities that are occurring in London, Madrid and elsewhere...how could you not think your life could be affected? It's already happened in New York and Oklahoma City. It's amazing to me that someone could be so short-sighted and egocentric.

I've tried dating services, church singles groups, getting set up by friends. Online dating isn't perfect, but I think it's probably more reliable than meeting guys in bars.

Overcoming personal obstacles

I saw an interview with Kate Winslet in which she was discussing society's views of women and their size. She has gotten a lot of negative press about her body, which I think is gorgeous. She said she's not into starving herself or plastic surgery and just eats healthy and stays busy with her two toddlers. She also recounted a conversation she had with Leonardo diCaprio:

She says, "Leo [DiCaprio], when we were doing Titanic, said, 'There are so many girls out there who think that to be successful and to be beautiful and to be loved and respected it means you have to be thin.' And this kind of really struck a chord with me. I thought, 'He's right, this image is being translated to teenage girls.'" Then, Kate says, "When the Academy Awards came around, I thought, 'I'm young. I'm 21 years old and I'm in this movie and it's very successful and I have been nominated for an Academy Award for this and I haven't done any of this through being skinny or through starving myself or anything like that.' And so I thought, 'I'm just going to hold my head high and I'm just going to be the person that I am.'"

I realized that this is a false belief I've held about myself, that to be loved and respected I must be thin. When I think about it logically, it seems ridiculous, but there's a part of me that truly believes this. Right now, I'm the heaviest I've ever been, but this is also the most in shape I've ever been.

I'm also reading this great book suggested to me by my counselor, Jo (a brilliant woman who provides me with great insight and is helping me destruct these false beliefs). Written by Sue Monk Kidd, When the Heart Waits is her personal story of a spiritual journey of sorts. She wrote about a time in her life when she felt stuck and unhappy with her current situation and how she worked through it. I highly recommend it to anyone who feels like they are in a transition time.

What is the sex of your brain?

I just took an interesting (albeit long) assessment on BBC's site that analyzes how you think and whether your mind is predominantly male or female.

I wasn't surprised to learn that I'm smack in the middle! I have some traits that are very female-oriented, such as verbal ability and empathy, and others that are typically male, such as spatial orientation.

Very interesting. Find out your Sex ID Profile!

My darling niece and nephew

Colin continues to be my little buddy. He's so sweet, running up to me periodically and leaning against me or coming to give me unbidden kisses! A couple of times this weekend he said all three syllables of my name, but mostly he calls me "Emmy" or "Enny."

Luckily for me, he still sleeps in a crib, so I get to stay in the bed in his room. The first morning I was there, he woke up, stood up in his crib and said, "Whaddya doin'?" I laughed and said, "I'm sleeping!" but I got up and picked him up.

The last morning I was there, I guess he was used to me being there. I heard him rustling around in his crib and peeked out of one eye to see him stand up and looking over at me, "Wake up!" he demanded.

He's certainly talking more and more. He's also asserting himself with his older sister, telling her, "No, Anna! I do it!" and "I turn!" (my turn) He's a mimic, repeating whatever we say, and when I called for Jennifer, he started saying her name, too. "Jennifer!"

On the other hand, Anna is in full imagination mode. Her favorite show is the Backyardigans, a group of six animal characters that find adventure in their backyard. For the past several days, she had claimed to be Pablo and her mom is Tyrone. I became Tasha, and Colin is Austin. Daddy is Daddy Austin. Whenever you say something to her and call her by name (Anna), she says, "You mean 'Pablo'?"

We were shopping on Saturday at Target and Kohl's, and Anna would yell out, "Tyrone! Come find me!" and Jennifer would answer, "Where are you, Pablo?" It struck me as funny to be walking out of these stores with Jennifer saying, "Come on, Pablo" to this little blonde haired girl.

Jennifer is a great sport and really encourages her kids' imagination. Anthony was tiring of it. I understand. You want to just call her Anna and hear her call you by your name. At one point he said something to her about "Mommy" and she said, "You mean 'Tyrone'?" And he said, "No, I mean 'Mommy'." She turned to me and said, "Daddy doesn't like to play Backyardigans."

Colin singing and dancing "the Hokey Pokey"

Anna, just looking beautiful

Triumphant after finishing the Women's Adventure Race in Austin

We did it!

Okay, I knew Jenn would finish, but I still had doubts whether I would! The race was divided up into sections, 1) run/walk, 2) bike, 3) swim, 4) bike, 5) the "gauntlet".

We started off at 9:15 a.m. with the run through the woods, along with a rubber chicken that each team has to carry as their third teammate. There were so many women, the "traffic" made us walk through the first section. We jogged for awhile and then walked again. Our first "mystery event" was scrambling up a mountain of gravel! We felt like kids again, up the gravel and back down again. At the end of the run, we were told to clip our shoes together with a caribiner and do the rest of that section as a 3-legged race!

Back to the transition area, we picked up our bikes and helmets. Now we faced the trails on our bikes. It seemed to me that the majority of the trail was uphill! The bike trip was broken up by more mystery events. The first was just to toss our chicken through a hoop. Others were more inventive -- we were handcuffed to each other through a rope obstacle course, had to balance (walking sideways) along a wide tube, and, my favorite, the intellectual puzzles! I did well on the mystery events. Jenn actually had trouble with the balancing part and had to do it three times. This made me feel a little better for making her stop or walk for me to catch my breath. The puzzles were fun -- word scrambles, word finds, geometry and other math. We got all our answers right. (Other teams weren't so lucky and had to keep working on their answers until they got a minimum number right.)

Back on the bikes, I was thinking about doing this same course again for the second bike section (minus the events). I honestly didn't know how I'd do it...I was trying to think how I'd break it to Jenn...but part of me didn't want to forfeit...

It was hot, but the worst thing for me was the pain in my lungs. It hurt so much to breathe, and I couldn't catch my breath. I used my inhaler 5 times, and I was starting to think it wasn't having an effect anymore.

We (finally) got back to the transition area to ditch our bikes and pick up our floats for the swim. As we approached the starting area, we saw Anthony and the kids! Anna started running in circles around us, chanting "We found them! We found them!" They were so happy to see us, but we still had half the race to go!

Our float for the swim was Anna's whale, Shami (not Shamu, because she's a girl). We also had to wear annoying life vests (race rule). We hiked to the lake and stepped in the sticky mud to wade through thigh-high weeds in the water. The water felt good, and it had also started to rain. We made it about a third of the way through when they spotted lightning in the distance and had everyone exit the lake. We were glad we got to do at least some of the water portion.

We headed to the transition area again, where we dropped off our swimming stuff and got back on the bikes. By now it was REALLY raining, pelting us on our left side and cooling everything off considerably. Now the tricky part was the mud! It was very slippery, and there were a lot of ruts in the path. We saw a couple women who crashed. I still had to walk some, but I made it through. This time when we got to the transition area, all we had left was the gauntlet, so named for its entry to the finish line and its many obstacle events.

We climbed over a rope wall, crawled through kid-size tunnels, rolled through the mud under a rope mesh and then crawled through a water tank under additional ropes. We were soaked, muddy and glad it was over! The announcer called out our names and team name as we crossed the finish line. Whew. What a relief.

After a feast from Carraba's, we headed back to the Martin house to rinse off all the mud.

Now, after a lovely dinner by Jenn (how in the hell did she have the energy to cook?), I feel pretty good. I'm glad I finished, I know how to work towards the next one in Dallas in September, and I'm glad it's over! We finished in 2 hours 20 minutes. (And, by the way, I think the last team came in around at 3 hours.)

A good day

Good news...I learned today that we won that big business pitch! This will mean quite a change at work for me -- instead of having 5-6 accounts, I will just have this one for 9-12 months. It's going to be a great challenge.

I arrived in Austin today, and Jenn and I went on a practice bike ride tonight. I did okay, although I forgot to take a shot of my asthma inhaler beforehand. Jenn was very enthusiastic and kept yelling "Great!" when I got up the hills. Tomorrow we'll drop our bikes off at the race site.

Anna & Colin were so excited when I arrived, they were both screaming and giggling. I guess it was too much for Colin...he ran into Montana's cage and sat in there watching Anna and I for a few minutes. I finally got him to come out and give me a hug. And he gave us sweet goodnight kisses tonight, complete with "Mmmm..."

In Training

Next weekend is the adventure race. As I've told my friends and colleagues that I'm going to do this race, they look at me quizzically and ask, "have you been training?"

I guess this race is out-of-character for me, but that's part of the challenge. I think it will be very physically challenging for me. Each of the events would probably be enough for me on their own, but this will be all three: running, biking and swimming (sort of). The water portion is kicking or paddling a floatation device or boat. (Jenn, have you figured out what we're using yet?) Jenn was going to explore their storage unit for old swimming floats, and Anna offered her large blow-up Shamu.

I took a long bike ride this morning around my neighborhood. It's hot. And my butt really started to burn on all the inclines. (Yeah, I know, it can use it.) I have a water bottle holder on my bike, but I couldn't figure out how to get to it while I was riding, and I didn't want to stop because I thought my body would refuse to get back on and keep going. I'm so grateful for my iPod Mini, my birthday present from Stephanie. Music really helps keep your mind off the physical twinges and inspires you on.

Now I have to go into work. (Yuk) I'm going on a very important presentation, and we have to practice today. The presentation team consists of me, another director, 4 VPs and our President. No pressure.

Leave the past in the past

Well, I couldn't stand not knowing. I called Chris on Friday. He said he had had a really busy week and that was 75% of the reason he hadn't called -- the other 25% being that he still wasn't sure about whether he could accept the fact that I've been married before. Ok, so at least I knew. But then he asked me out for Saturday night.

We saw a movie (War of the Worlds -- very action-packed and suspenseful), and afterwards, I left feeling very down. I was feeling similar to how I felt often during my relationship with Rod, that I had to prove that I was worthy of his love and attention. It's a rotten feeling. It's like Chris has already judged me based on a past mistake, but he doesn't even really know me. I don't need that. I've struggled with my "status" enough and tried to forgive myself for making a bad decision (or two).

A Bitter Aftertaste

Not knowing if I should leave the cucumber on the vine to get darker green, I called the most knowledgeable gardener I know, my brother-in-law Anthony. He clued me in that the longer you leave cucumbers on the vine, the more bitter they get. Uh, oh...

So I picked the one in the picture as well as another and tried them out. Sure enough, it was pretty bitter.

I omitted something from last weekend's post-game report on my dates with Chris. He said I seemed wonderful, intelligent, yada, yada, yada...(you can almost hear the "but" right?)...but he wasn't sure if he could "handle" the fact that I'm divorced.

This really upset me for two reasons. First, he knew this before he asked me out. I'm very honest, and it is in my profile. We even talked about it on the phone before we ever met. Second, this is something I can't do anything about! It's so frustrating. I told him, I'd change it if I could, but unfortunately, I don't have the ability to go back and time and undo all my mistakes.

So, I haven't heard from him. I guess he decided he couldn't handle it. Whatever. Well, I guess, like the cucumbers, there will be more!

Look what I found in my garden! A HUGE cucumber! 

Weekend Review

Friday night went really well! Chris is a very nice guy, and we had a great time talking and eating Mexican food. Right in the middle of dinner, this teenager came up to the table and, looking directly at me, said, "Mom, can I please have the keys? The car is getting really hot." I did not recognize this kid and didn't know what he was talking about! I said, "I don't know you!" But he persisted, "Mom, really, can I just have the keys?" Then Annie and her friend Becca and Janet all came around the corner laughing. (I had mentioned to Janet that morning where Chris and I were meeting.) Chris took it all in stride and politely met everyone. And Annie introduced me to my "son," Emmanuel.

After dinner, Chris showed me his house in Frisco. It's very nice and surprisingly (for a bachelor) well-decorated! We enjoyed some wine and more conversation. Since we both work for or with pharmaceutical companies, we understand each other's work and can talk easily about the challenges. He asked me out for Saturday night.

We both had busy Saturdays, running errands and such, and by evening, I was pretty worn-out. We decided to see a movie, Batman Begins. It was great! We caught a quick dinner at Pei Wei before the movie, and afterwards came back to my house. He was very complimentary of my house and asked lots of questions about my decorations and the work I've done on the house. (He was very impressed with your patio cover, too, Daddy.) Then he asked, "Do you play cards?"

I haven't found many men who enjoy playing cards, but I love playing games of all sorts. I found a pack, and he suggested Gin Rummy. I beat him every single hand! I really wasn't trying all that hard, but it became comical. Chris was a good loser and didn't take it too seriously.

So, in summary, he's a great guy who's a lot of fun. Cute, smart, tall, nice manners... I think I'll see him again. (In case you were wondering, this is the first guy since my break-up last year that has lasted past 2 dates!)

Something to Look Forward To

I haven't written for awhile because I've been travelling. After Seattle was a trip to Houston for my niece and nephew's 2-year-old birthday party, then Philadelphia for a new business pitch, and now I'm in New York for another new business pitch. I'm looking forward to being home this weekend.

And exciting news! I have a DATE on Friday!!! After not having any luck with eHarmony, I decided to try Match.com for a few months. I actually still had an inactive account with them from a short stint in 2001. It was interesting reading my descriptions of myself that I had written at that time. I'm in a different place now...more independent, more comfortable with myself.

I've been emailing back and forth with this guy, Chris. He's not originally from Dallas or Texas (a big plus in my book). He's 33, 6'2", a pharmaceutical sales rep, never married (but engaged once), and he's got a great sense of humor. We talked for the first time last night (while I was stuck in Chicago) and ended up talking for an hour. So far, everything seems good, so we agreed to meet for drinks and maybe dinner on Friday. I'll let you know how it goes!

A New Challenge

Inspired by my buff, athletic, older sis, I have agreed to join her in the Women's Adventure Race. (Part of me is thinking, what the hell are you doing?)

Jennifer just finished her first triathlon, and I've warned her that I will most likely slow her down, but she assured me this race is fun and suited for beginners.

It has three parts: running, biking and a water leg in which you use a watercraft/floating device you have bought or made. I'm most concerned with the running. Currently, I don't run. I've never considered myself a runner. I consider myself an asthmatic.

But, I'm excited about taking on this challenge! I've never been very athletic, (oh, who I am I kidding, I've never been AT ALL athletic), but I think if I start slow and work my way up, I can make it through the race. At lunch today, I bought some good running shoes as a financial and emotional commitment. Now, I just have to get a bike...

Home Sweet (Hot as Hell) Home

Regretfully, I had to leave beautiful Seattle and the warm, welcoming home of the Brooks Family to return to my demanding job and the ever-present Texas heat. When I boarded the plane in Seattle, it was 61*. When we landed here, it was 91* at 8:30 p.m. Ugh. The heat hits you like a wall and zaps your strength.

I'm really dragging ass today... partially due to the two hour time change and partially due to having to work instead of play. And my next two weeks are going to be crazy busy: I'm travelling on Friday to Houston for the twins' 2nd birthday party, leaving there on Sunday to fly to Philadelphia for a pitch on Monday. I'll be in the office on Tuesday, and I leave again on Wednesday for New York for another pitch. At least I'm racking up the frequent flier miles, but each of those trips is on a different airline.

I had such a good time in Seattle. It's really scenic, and so different from Dallas. I still can't believe I've been here 11 years, and part of me yearns for a change.

Oh, one funny story I forgot to tell in my previous post. When Lindsey took me out with her friends on Friday night, I was talking to this guy at the bar. The guy next to him, who at first I thought was with the guy I was talking to, asked me who I was there with. I motioned that I was there with my cousin, and saw the look on Lindsey's face when he approached her. So I asked him a question to get him away from her. I can't remember what the question was, but when he replied, I told him not to lie to me because I was a cop and could tell if someone was lying. He had heard I was from Dallas and said, "You're a cop in Dallas? There's some bad stuff going on there." And I nodded, saying "Yeah, it's some scary shit." He also grabbed my bicep and his eyes widened when I flexed. (I have been working out, you know.) The guise did the trick...he backed off and left us alone, and I called out to him, "Now, you be careful tonight." ha ha ha!

Watching the sea otters at the Aquarium 

"Lindsey, stand on your porch and wave so we can see you from the Space Needle!" 

Seattle Aquarium touch pool 

Cheese slab going through grater 

Pike's Market 

The Great Northwest

I'm in Seattle for a few days, visiting my Aunt Cathy, Uncle Buck and cousins -- Kelley (27) and Lindsey (23). It's beautiful and COOL -- such a welcome change from the sweltering heat in Dallas.

Yesterday, Kelley & Cathy took me to Pike's Market, an open-air market for local farmers and merchants, famous for its fish-throwing. There are several street performers and musicians, too, and they told me how my niece Anna unabashedly danced to the music when she visited. (I tried to resist that temptation.) We visited the original Starbuck's, and I couldn't help but think how my ex-boyfriend Rod would have loved to say he'd been there. (When we travelled, we always had to find the local Starbuck's and take his picture by the sign.) I was surprised that the original is not as commercialized. It looks like a very simple, all brown, none of the trademark green that you see so prevalent in their other stores.

We had lunch at a cheese-making place, known for their curds. "Curd" is such a weird word. Not very appetizing, although the cheese was tasty. We ate at the counter which overlooked their glassed-in operation. These two men were using snow shovels to move the large amounts of cheese around. They fed large slabs of cheese into a shredder, forming the curds. The slabs were white and resembled fat. It was kind of disgusting and fascinating at the same time!

Later, Cathy and I had dinner with Lindsey at a great pizza place overlooking the water. We were across the bay from the city, and it was a beautiful evening. Lindsey took me out with her friends to a couple of local bars. At one point, she asked me who I was looking at, and said, "The one with the bald spot?" (Poor guy was thinning, but not exactly bald.) I just laughed and said he looked more my age than hers. I guess as I've gotten older, whether or not a guy has hair is not a requirement.

Today, we're planning on going down to the waterfront for seafood and a visit to the Aquarium. Seems a bit of a contradiction, but I guess it's just two ways of enjoying the bounties of the sea.

You gotta kiss a lot of frogs...

After my exciting novel-reading Friday, last Saturday, I needed some company. I called a couple people, but no one was around, so I headed out solo to a bar in Addison that is trying to mimic an English pub. It actually made me "homesick" for a traditional English pub, where you can just sit and have a pint and chat with the locals. Really, I was just hoping for some conversation, and maybe a little harmless flirting!

This place was PACKED. I watched several people for awhile and saw a guy that seemed to be on his own. I noticed he was wearing cowboy boots with his jeans, and the bar was playing pretty classic rock. So I asked him if this was his type of music. He broke out in a charming grin and shook his head, "No, not really!"

We talked for a long time. He was cute, about 6 foot, brown hair, blue eyes. Something about him reminded me a little of my high school boyfriend, Shane. His name is Lance, he's 35, and he was sporting a sunburn from coaching 11-year-olds baseball earlier that day. I asked if he had a kid on the team, and he said no, no kids, and told me he was in the middle of a divorce. I can relate to that and told him so because he seemed embarrassed to have to tell me he wasn't legally single yet.

We exchanged phone numbers, and I kissed him before I left. He wasn't a great kisser, though. He kinda rushed in with his tongue, and I like to start a little slower with just closed mouth kisses. I tried to lead by example, but it wasn't working.

Lance called me last night, and told me he'd like to see me again. :-) He also said he would have to be careful about seeing me because of the impending divorce. I told him again that I understood and wouldn't mind if he wanted to wait until it was final. Well...it turns out he hasn't exactly even filed yet! I started asking questions, and it also turns out he still lives with his wife and she doesn't know she's a soon-to-be-ex! WHOA!!!

I told him I don't want to be part of a domestic dispute. I like my life simple, and when (if?) he gets a divorce, he can call me up then.

Mi Cocina

My favorite Mexican food restaurant in Dallas is Mi Cocina. I've been to almost all of their locations, from Richardson to Highland Park. And I was thrilled when I moved to Valley Ranch to find one there.

Most of the waiters and staff know me by now. I go in there probably once a week. One of my favorite times is late Saturday morning for brunch. I take a magazine and eat Chilequiles, scrambled eggs mixed with tomatoes, onions, jalapenos and tortilla strips, served with beans, a side salad and tortillas. Mmm... And Mi Cocina's salsa is simply the best. I usually eat at least two bowls-full.

This past Saturday, I slept in late after an exciting evening of novel-reading. (I got caught up in this book and was crying when one of the characters got close to death from cancer. I had to finish it and ended up reading until 1:40 a.m.) So I decided to go to brunch with Oprah magazine at my local Mi Cocina. No makeup, hair in ponytail, workout clothes on for my gym visit later in the day.

I'm sitting there enjoying my solitude and Oprah articles when I notice at one of the other tables is this guy from work that I have a huge crush on! (He started working for the company in December. He's gorgeous and so nice and unfortunately practically engaged.) He's eating with two women, one of whom I assume is his almost-fiance (who's BEAUTIFUL), and he's facing my direction. Oh, please, don't notice me on today of all days. I know he lives downtown, and I was a little peeved he was at MY Mi Cocina.

I managed to avoid any "meetings of the eyes" and slunk out as unobtrusively as possible. My waiter held the door for me and said "See you tomorrow!"
(No, I don't go that often. It was a joke!)

My Bed Partner

If you know me very well, you know I love my sleep. Sleep is very important to everyone's overall health. There are studies that show that most Americans don't get an adequate amount of sleep, and most experts agree you should get 8 hours a night. I do really well on 9.

I realize my sisters (and all other mothers) are probably rolling their eyes at this point. I know, when I took care of Jenn's kids for a week, I didn't get enough sleep either. But I'm single. I have to deal with occasional loneliness, but I get to sleep.

Or so you would think.

I have a darling cat, Sabrina, who is 11 years old. She has lasted longer than any man in my life (excluding you, Daddy), and she is very special to me. She greets me when I come home at night and snuggles with me. She's very loving and has quite a personality. While you make think I'm biased, I've actually had friends of mine who are admittedly dog-only people who have actually agreed that Sabrina is pretty cool, even if she is a cat.

Sabrina has a couple of bad habits, though. For one, she seems to have separation anxiety (diagnosed by Dr. Jenn) and protests my absence by pooping in the front living room. On the one hand, I'm grateful it's not urine, because cat urine is a stink that is difficult to find where they did it and impossible to rid your house of the smell. But...the front living room is supposed to be the "formal" living room. Okay, not that I have much furniture in there (nothing to sit on), but still. It is the first place people walk into. Okay, not many people are walking into it other than me. Let's just say I'm tired of picking up poop everyday.

And before you give me suggestions, believe me, I've tried it. For example:
I've put an extra litter box in the room. She pooped in it once and then pooped around it.
I've sprayed the floor with some kind of avoidance spray. I think I heard her laugh, and she pooped on it anyway.
On Saturday, I actually walked into the room while she was pooping in the corner. "NOOOO!" I yelled at her. She kept looking at me, still hunched over, with that "pushing" expression on her face. "NO, Sabrina! Bad girl! No!" I clapped and yelled. Still pooping. I picked her up and threw her outside. I was so pissed she wasn't even phased by my interruption. (And I thought it was separation anxiety? I was HOME.)

The other bad habit is that she feels the need to wake me during the night to pet her. The poop presents are one thing, but now you're messing with my sleep?!? She will knock anything off my nightstand, swiping it with her paw to hit the wall and onto the floor. So I have removed everything from the nightstand except the lamp. But she stands up on her back paws to rub the side of her face against the lampshade, causing the lamp to wobble and sway. I wake groggily to the thump, thump of the lamp. Or, for variety, she will stretch so her front paws are balanced on the headboard and swing the painting above my head. Both of these noises I now recognize and awaken instantly with "NO, Sabrina!" After initially running away, she jumps up on the bed beside me, purring, as if to say, "Oh, you're awake? Wouldn't you like to pet me?"

This morning it was 5 a.m. Of course, after the initial NO, I try to reason with her, "Five o'clock is WAY too early!"

Yes, I talk to my cat. For example, every day when I leave, I tell her goodbye and tell her not to poop in the front room.

Sabrina 

A Funny

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

*************************************************

This just cracked me up! One of the things I love about living alone is never having to share the remote.

One down and one nice ego boost

Remember Matt? The guy who speaks French, Italian, Japanese, and of course, English? Well, we've decided to end it.

He called me this weekend to see if I was free on Monday, and I called him back, leaving a voice mail that I already had plans. Today, I got an email from him asking if my unresponsiveness was because I wasn't interested. I told him I did respond -- don't know why he didn't receive the message -- but I decided to be honest with him and told him I just think of him as a friend. He said he understands and since he's "quite attracted" to me, he didn't think he could just be friends. Oh, and "have a nice summer."

On another note, I invited Daniel to go dancing at my favorite club this weekend. He was impressed with the great music and, as he put it, so many cute guys! (Yes, he realizes that they are probably all straight and didn't approach anyone.) He's a great dancer, and it's fun just dancing and knowing that he's not reading anything into it. We also compared notes on the guys.

One REALLY cute guy started talking to me, and it turns out he's 25! Oh, so cute, but I think a wee bit too young for me. He kept trying to convince me he's not too young for me and that I look 26 or maybe 27. It was a great compliment since I just celebrated my 33rd birthday! Also, I could see he had a pierced tongue. That would be weird for me. I can't imagine kissing someone with something like that. Maybe I am all of 33!

Stepping Out of the Box

A couple weeks ago, I went to a happy hour for one of my company's VPs that is retiring. Not that he's old (everyone at my company is pretty young), but he and his partner have saved enough money to travel the world and not work for an indefinite period of time. Very nice.

Yes, I said his "partner." He's gay, so the happy hour was at a gay bar in the gay district of Dallas. I hadn't been there before, and I definitely wanted to say goodbye to Dave.

The most eye-popping thing was the shot guys! Out of the corner of my eye I saw flesh...a topless guy walking by with a tray of shots. Nice bod, but obviously gay.

Dave and his partner Don introduced me to a friend of theirs named Daniel. He's a sweet, innocent guy from Mexico, here to study at university. He had recently turned 21, (God, I feel old!) and we just hit it off. We exchanged phone numbers before I left because he said he'd go dancing with me, even if it was at a "straight club."

Daniel called me on Friday and asked me to join him and his cousin, who was celebrating her birthday. I paused when he told me where...2009. A club that was (in the 90s) known as 2001 and was an incredible country and western bar. I used to frequent it with my roommate Lauren, and actually met my second ex-husband there. Now, it is a Tejano bar, the huge parking lot packed to the brim each night with pickups and hoopties.

Telling myself I should be more adventurous and more accepting of others, I agreed to meet Daniel. I swear I was the only white face there, and I felt like I was glowing in the near-dark of the bar. Daniel's cousin, celebrating her 19th birthday, (oh, yeah, I'm old), went off dancing with her boyfriend, so I quickly saw why Daniel was oh so happy to have me for company. The music was like a German oom-pah song, and everyone on the dance floor was bouncing up and down to the tune. It was difficult to keep a straight face!

Daniel told me, "I hate this place. I never would have agreed to come here except it's my cousin's birthday. I hate all these Mexicans."
I said, "Daniel! You can't say that! YOU're Mexican."
"Yes, but this is a different class, you know? This is ghetto," he said with a laugh.

So I went to a ghetto Mexican club with a gay 21-year-old this weekend. Now I can cross THAT off my list!

Dating Pet Peeves

MSNBC and Elle magazine did a survey of 27,000 men and women asking them about their likes and dislikes of the other sex. The biggest turnoffs were reported as bad breath, bad body odor, unwashed hair and too much makeup. The article explains that a daily bath is important.

Do people (men) really need to be told this? Of course this is a minimum requirement!

I also like that while "too much makeup" is listed as one of the top turnoffs, on the room for improvement list, men mentioned "wear more makeup."

A friend recently asked me how the dating life was going (non-existent), and reminded me to be picky. Not a problem. I have MUCH higher expectations than lack of body odor. And I can't stand when men wear too much makeup...

The crud

I haven't posted in awhile. I've been recuperating from my Austin trip. Colin was so generous to share his cooties, and my body has obliged by producing excess mucus ever since. I didn't even do much this weekend, trying to get over it. But here it is Monday morning, and I'm still exhausted and sneezing.

My sneezes are quite loud. It's a family trait. Unfortunately, it can startle unsuspecting people, or cats. I sneezed and caused Sabrina to jump the other morning. Poor kitty. She looked at me like I did it on purpose to scare her.

Great moments

Yesterday, Anna gave me a big good-morning hug. She said, "you smell good." I said thank you, I took a shower the night before. "You smell perfectly wonderful."

Last night at dinner, we had pizza. Colin was so excited, he sat at the table for 20 minutes before I got home with the pizza. Then he entertained Nana and me after he finished eating by pulling his bib halfway off his head. (It's one of those bibs that has a neck like a t-shirt.) He pulled it up to his forehead and said "hat!" He was peeking out the side with the majority of the bib covering the left side of his face. So cute! He pulled it back down and the next time he pulled it up to his hairline with the bib tossed back over his head. He looked like a nun! Nana and I couldn't keep from laughing. Then he said "kiss" and I went over to him. He put his hands on either side of my face and gave me a sweet kiss.

Anna also told me yesterday that I am her BEST friend. I guess she's forgiven me for being firm with her.

Please leave comments

Ok, I just found out I can allow people to post comments anonymously, and I have turned on this feature. Now you have no excuse not to comment!

Lots of activities tires the kids and the auntie

I didn't post anything last night because I was too tired. I took Bev and the kids to the Children's Museum in the morning, and we ran around trying out all their exhibits. Bev would follow one of them and I would follow the other, and when we passed each other, we'd switch kids. Colin loved the train area. I think we spent 30 minutes there. They have a toy train that goes around the room and lots of buttons to push. Colin says, "I push! I push!"

Anna enjoyed all their dinosaur exhibits, and she was the best audience member for story time. In fact, she was the only child that stayed still for all three stories.

We left there to go to Central Market for lunch and the playground. We had saved bread bits all week for the ducks and turtles. And when we pulled up, I mentioned we would eat first, and then feed the ducks. "NOoooooo! I want to feed the ducks FIRST!" Anna didn't like my plan.

The kids eat a lot some meals, and other meals not so much. So I decided to order a small cheese pizza for me to share with Colin. Anna had a hamburger & fries, or I should say, fries and a little bit of hamburger. Colin must have been VERY hungry because he ate most of our pizza!

They both enjoyed running around the playground, and Anna enjoyed talking to her mommy when she called. Then we walked down to the bridge and threw the bread for the ducks and turtles. Colin and Anna chased the pidgeons on our way back to the store, shouting and waving their arms around.

I've learned everything takes a little longer with toddlers. We still had to get a few things from the store, and it was getting dangerously close to naptime for Colin. He had a meltdown in the bread section. We were almost done!

We finally got everyone and everything back in the van, and drove 3 blocks, and Anna says, "I have to go to the bathroom!" Again. We stopped at the first gas station I saw, and it was really disgusting. I tried to keep Anna from touching much of anything.

I made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. Nana arrived at 6, and Cinda & Lee arrived shortly after to pick up Beverly. Anna must have thought that since Nana was here, I was going to leave, too. (Since once I arrived, Oma left.) We had a rough night (many messy accidents).

Today is raining, so we've watched a couple movies. Colin is currently taking a nap, and Anna is dancing with Nana in the living room to Billy Joel. Colin told me while we were watching Finding Nemo, "I happy."

Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah...

(referring to Anna & Colin's Muddah and Faddah) We haven't heard from you lately...

Anna only gets 2 milks a day. Does Colin have a limit?
If I run out of dog food, what kind should I buy? (There's a great special on Ol' Roy...)

Gross poopy stories:
When I took Anna to school, Bev stayed home with Colin O. Colin had gotten hot last night and had taken his footy pajamas off his body, mostly. They were inside out but still clinging to his feet. So when he got up, he just ran around like a white-trash kid in just diapers.

Bev was cleaning up the kitchen from breakfast when Colin came over, stuck his hand down the back of his diaper, and withdrew it, now covered in poop, to declare "yucky." Damn right yucky.

The past few days, I've been a little concerned about the cat, Claudio. I've cleaned the litter box every day as directed, but all I've found is clumps of urine. No poop. What do you do for a constipated cat? He seems happy enough.

As Bev and I were enjoying a appetizer in the kitchen while cooking dinner, Montana (dog) came in licking her chops. "What have you gotten into?" Bev asked. Oh, no. I suddenly realized what's been happening to Claudio's turds. Montana's appetizers. Yucky again.

Dinner is an ordeal. I think I don't like being the disciplinarian. I'd rather be the fun auntie. So after dinner, I asked Bev to take the kids outside while I cleaned the kitchen. It's funny how cleaning the kitchen seems like a respite.

Montana was outside with them and had to add to the land mines in the yard. Colin had to investigate. Bev brought him inside, insisting I wash his hands because he had "squeezed a turd." He also pronounced this poop "yucky."

Ok, enough about poop.

Colin is so sweet. He says hi and bye to strangers and things. When we were at the park this morning, he saw and identified a helicopter. As it was flying out of sight, he said, "Bye, 'copter."

I gave up on fixing nice dinners tonight. They had Morningstar Farms chicken nuggets and Ramen noodles, as Colin calls them "No-nos," with awe in his voice. (Bev and I had leftovers.) The noodleman asked for multiple servings, each one with a prompted "please," but several no-nos never made it to his mouth. They were all over his chair and placemat. Montana could tell it was a good night to be under the table...only she ended up with noodles on top of her, too.

Both kids have lamented that their mom and dad aren't here. They miss you guys. Anna and I are counting down the days.

Status Quo

Today was a little better. Both kids go to school for part of the day, and that was a welcome break. Also, Beverly arrived around 10 and was a BIG help. I also had 3 cups of coffee today, and that helped, too.

Anna is still testing me regularly, although no accidents today. Yea! They ate a little better tonight, although Anna REFUSED to try my mashed potatoes. She said she wanted regular potatoes, which of course was impossible as they were all mashed.

For lunch, Bev knew where the Freebird's is in Pflugerville, and Colin helped us eat our enormous burritos. He seemed very happy there, pointing out everything to us. And when we put him to bed tonight, you could hear him practicing his counting in Spanish, "Uno, dos, tres..."

That's about it. Chickens, dog and cat have all been fed. The trash and recycling are on the curb, and there is laundry running in the washing machine. All quiet for now.

First, do no harm

Today was my first day posing as a single mom to my sister's 2 and 4-yr-olds. Oh my God. My back and feet are killing me, I've hardly eaten anything all day, and I'm absolutely exhausted, and it's only 9:15. And did I mention I just now got a shower today?

It started innocently enough. Of course, my sister's mom-in-law was still here this morning. I took Anna to preschool on time and came back before she left. Then Colin and I had the day together. What to do... I decided to take him down to Austin's Central Market, which also has a nice restaurant and great playground.

I took a wrong turn and got lost on the way, so I think we were driving for 45 minutes or so. Colin's a trouper, though, and kept me entertained with his sightings. "Duck!" (truck) "BIG Duck!"

We finally made it and played on the playground for about an hour. By that time it was noon, so we headed to the restaurant. Uh, oh...the line is out the door! I thought Colin wouldn't do well waiting in a long line, so I decided to drive to Freebird's, a great burrito place on the way home.

Guess I missed the exit for Freebird's...not doing so well navigating Austin at this point. Now Colin is telling me he's hungry. I had the diaper bag with me and dug out a container of Cheerios for him. Only problem is, I forgot to bring a sipee cup of anything. I know, I know. BIG mistake.

About 5 minutes later, Colin asks for "mimi" (milk). I tell him I don't have any. "Juice?" Sorry, bud. "Water?" (sounding more desperate) I tell him I forgot. "You forgot?" I feel really bad, like a terrible auntie.

I took him to Rudy's, a BBQ place that's good and noisy and that he's been to before. I bought milk first off and thought we'd split beans, cream corn and chicken. He wouldn't eat any of it. All he would eat was the nasty white bread that would make his parents very displeased with me. They also didn't have high chairs, so he was on my lap or on the bench next to me. That didn't last long. "Down." No, I told him, you can either sit with me or sit here on the bench. Small whining episode ensued. I decided to pack up our lunch and take him home.

We weren't here long before we had to get Anna. She was happy to see me when I picked her up. A couple hours later, she was howling that she wanted her Mommy and Daddy home RIGHT NOW. She had 3 accidents (pee) tonight, one on my lap, thank you very much, and threw a really nice tantrum at dinner. I repeated all the phrases I've heard Jenn and Anthony tell her, and told her to go to her room if she was going to continue. She refused to budge, so I carried her to her room and shut the door. Howling ensued. I swear, if she knew how, she would have been cussing out her Auntie Emily.

Neither one of them ate much for dinner, and I'm concerned now that I didn't get enough of each of the food groups in them. I did manage to bathe and get them into bed pretty close to the plan. And as I was reading Anna her bedtime story, she alerted me that two of the chickens were out in the yard. Yes, my sister the vet has a dog, a cat and 5 chickens that I'm also taking care of. I had to chase the chickens around, grab them and put them back in their coop. They squeal like pigs when you pick them up.

Janet said I did ok because I kept the kids safe. They are still each in one piece. Tomorrow, my cousin Beverly (15) comes to help me out. Thank God for Beverly.

Another one bites the dust

Bart called me this week and was very supportive about my frustration with my work. I talked to him again on Saturday. Both times we had easy conversation and talked for quite a while.

Then, as I was walking into my favorite neighborhood club on Saturday, he was walking out. We stopped and talked, and he said, "I don't know if you noticed, but I've kinda been pulling away from you." I stifled a laugh and told him no, I hadn't noticed. (We'd only had one date, and I'd talked to him twice on the phone that week. I wonder what it would have been like if he wasn't "pulling away"?)

Anyway, he said it worried him that I had said I was a little freaked out when he told me he wanted to get married in a year. (He was also going on and on about how this could be the beginning of a great relationship...) He said the last girl he dated said she was freaked out and turned out to be emotionally unavailable. He also expressed concern that I had mentioned depression. I told him point-blank that I am an honest, straightforward person. I've been treating depression since '96, and as that's not something I can change, if he had a problem with it, he could walk.

He seemed surprised that I was so matter-of-fact and not at all upset. He said he was leaving because the band wasn't very good. (I could hear from the doorway that they were playing a great song, and I was trying not to move to the music.) I can't remember how we left it exactly, but I don't think I'll be anxious to pick up the phone if I see he's calling.