A Date!

I have a date tomorrow! It's just drinks, but after such a long dry spell, it's pretty exciting.

I went to a friend's party a couple months ago. Many of his gay friends were there, and I enjoyed talking to everyone I met. It was a great party! Towards the end of the night, I was talking to one of the few straight guys there. I didn't think much of it -- he's younger than me -- but we had a good conversation (although I can't remember about what now). He did ask for my phone number, but I forgot about it.

And then he sent me a text message, saying "I'm not sure if you remember me, though I definitely remember you." and asking if I wanted to go out for drinks. So, we are. Tomorrow.

Dating?

People keep asking me if I'm dating. My response is, "I'm open to it!" I just haven't had any opportunities, but sure, I would like to go out. Not dating makes for a very boring blog, I know. My life right now is full of work, family time, work, travel for work, studying & homework, and training for the triathlon. I honestly don't know when I'd fit in a date anyway. For the past two Friday nights, I've scheduled sessions with my trainer. At least the gym is pretty empty on Friday nights! I was talking to a friend who is having some complicated relationship issues, and I sighed with relief that I don't have to deal with that. I've had my share of drama with boys, and I'm thankful not to have that in my life. And then recently a smug-in-a-happy-relationship friend asked me if I'm lonely. I answered honestly -- yes, sometimes, but I'm also enjoying my life as it is -- but she persisted, "But doesn't it get SO LONELY?" It got to me, making me focus on the lack instead of the abundance I have. I know part of me is fiercely independent. I don't want to be dependent on anyone for anything, but the truth is, we all need other people in our lives. Is it possible to have a relationship without dependence? I guess until I reconcile this in my head, it's best that I just focus on me.

The Other Person's Children

A couple years ago, my mom made an observation to me that given my age and the fact that I want to date men who are age appropriate, it was very likely that a potential mate would have kids from a previous relationship. I agreed that it was likely, and I wondered what that would be like. I've always been predisposed to love children and have often thought of adopting or foster parenting. But this would be different.

My relationship with Steve (prior to using code names on the blog) was my first experience with that. Unfortunately, his relationship with his ex was strained -- to put it mildly -- and he rarely saw his kids who lived with their mom in a neighboring state. The kids were 10 and 12; one struggling with behavioral challenges and the other with puberty. And both were still reeling from the divorce and not prepared to see their dad with someone else. While not the deciding factor in my calling it quits, the situation and tension with the ex put additional strain on our relationship.

With Fly Boy and his girlios, it's completely different. For one, he and his ex have a relationship based on friendship and agree on how they are raising the kids. He has the girls 50% of the time, not just sporadic weekends, and the girls are very secure in both their parent's love. They have seen their dad date before, and they have embraced me. They are younger and have also had a couple years to come to terms with their parents not being together, and they are well-behaved, sweet children. So while it is mind-blowing to go from spending my time as 1 to 1+1+3, it is a happy chaos.

A Nonchalant, but Momentous, Occasion

With a profession in law enforcement and national security, as well as above average intelligence, Fly Boy prides himself on being a good judge of character. I don't doubt it, as he has to make split second decisions in his line of work that can literally mean life or death to himself or his men.

Because he trusted me and meeting the 'rents had gone so well, FB thought I should meet the other generation, too -- his "girlios." I was much more nervous about this prospect than he was. The girlios -- aged 8, 5, and 4 -- had met his previous girlfriend, and since FB and his ex have such a great relationship, the girls didn't seem at all concerned that their dad was with another woman. But still, their pint-sized bodies held steely glances as they regarded me during that initial introduction.

I am good with kids. Always have been. But I still felt nervous and realized the momentousness of this occasion, even thought I appreciated Fly Boy's casualness about the meeting. Would they like me? What if they didn't? FB introduced me to them, and they immediately asked -- as he predicted -- what about the previous girlfriend? He explained they were now just friends, and the girls seemed more concerned that they wouldn't see the ex-girlfriend's kids than her. They asked if I had kids (looking for playmates), but the answer that I had one elderly cat seemed less than ideal.

I tried to make small talk, asking how old they were (even though I already knew), complimenting their earrings, and asking what they were playing. Their responses were mono-syllabic. I tried not to panic. The middle girl appraised me and stated, "You look like my mommy."

"Oh, really?" I replied with what I hoped was a calm voice, while wondering if FB had truly just chosen me because I looked like his type. "Yes," she said, "But with a different face." I laughed, realizing she was looking at my adult woman body. She later followed that observation with another -- that my butt is like her mom's: big -- while she has a small butt. (I am taking this as a purely proportional assessment: child vs adult.)

We all got into his truck and drove to dinner. The middle child (I am also the middle of three girls) announced she had a song for us. Her original, spontaneous composition started with "Daddy has a new girlfriend" and also had a verse which included "First, Daddy had Mommy as a girlfriend, then he had Miss B___ as a girlfriend, and now he has Miss Emily as a girlfriend." It was sweet and funny. The other girls joined in.

After dinner, the littlest one climbed up into my lap and snuggled in with her head under my chin. She looked up at me and declared, "You're snuggly." My heart melted a bit as I told her she was too.

The oldest one wrote me a sweet note the next day, stating I was one of her favorite people. And, she conspiratorially whispered to me, "I KNOW Daddy's going to marry you because when he introduced you to us, he said 'I really, really like her' and he never said that about Miss B___." I thanked her for the intel.

And so, I have three new little friends in Austin. Before I met them, I had a conversation with Fly Boy that I wasn't quite ready to use the title "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" yet. But when the oldest asked her dad -- when he first introduced me -- "Is she a friend or a girlfriend?" FB and I locked eyes and I gave him a quick nod. They are so innocent and sweet, and like them, I am focusing on living in the moment.

Amazing

It all started with an email through Match.com. Fly Boy emailed me saying he found my profile interesting. He particularly liked that I noted that I believe every soul has value and responded to my requirements of height-weight proportionate (he's 5'10" 210#) and the absolute disdain I have for tobacco use (Never!).

However, when I clicked through to his profile, two things in particular made me stop short of liking it: he chose the field "no more kids/happy if the other person has kids of their own" and "recently divorced." In addition, he had mentioned in his email to me that he works as a police officer and is a Navy Commander. While impressive, I've never been the type to go for police officers, and based on my experience (ex-husband #2 and another short-term guy), I'm not very interested in military guys either. Regarding the kids, he wrote in his profile of his three young girls (with accompanying ADORABLE picture). Rather than the auto "No thank you" response Match offers, I decided to write him back and let him know of my two show-stoppers. To my surprise, he wrote back. And further surprise, his response was very well-written. He not only explained his thinking behind what he wrote (he's open to more kids -- in fact, thinks "there can never be too many of them" and explained he's been separated for about four years and has an excellent relationship with his ex) but he also responded that he heard and understood my objections.

I found myself writing back to him again. Partially because he was a good writer and demonstrated intelligence. He wrote me the next time about how he takes his little girls (8, 5, and 4) on "dates," showing them how they should be treated and giving them one-on-one time with dad. [AW!!!] He also talked about being a pilot and asking if I'd ever been in a one-engine plane (not yet!).

As we shared emails about our backgrounds, we found similarity in the frequent relocations: mine due to my dad's airline company employment and Fly Boy's due to his dad being in the Army. He wrote about some of the leadership opportunities he's had in the Navy and how he's trying to bring that learning to his fellow officers at the police department. He also expressed interest in learning more about what I do and complimented me on my successes.

After several long emails, we exchanged phone numbers. The first call lasted TWO HOURS but seemed like 30 minutes. FB's not only intelligent, he's funny. He has the admirable ability to laugh at himself and also is not afraid to point out when I've done something that is mockable (in a respectful way -- he makes me laugh at myself when I'm taking myself too seriously).

We talked a couple more times before setting a date to meet one afternoon for coffee. I knew we had intellectual compatibility, but would we have physical chemistry? Well...that initial "coffee date" lasted 8 hours! FB took me to dinner and we talked non-stop. He has beautiful blue eyes, but he is hesitant to smile often or long. It became a challenge to me to try and make him smile -- it lights up his face when he does.

FB asked to see me the next day -- but that was move-in day to my new apartment. Not exactly a fun activity for anyone. But he reassured me that he was just interested in spending time with me. He turned out to be a huge help, offering to unpack boxes or do whatever needed doing, and stayed until he had to go to work that evening at the police department.

The next day (Sunday), he asked me to lunch, and then spur-of-the-moment invited me to join him to drive out to see his parents just outside of Austin. It all seemed natural enough -- not overly formal like so many of these such meetings -- that I found myself agreeing. Plus, I just wanted to spend more time with him. He's genuinely interested in me: my job, my family, what's important to me -- and at the same time, he's more than I would have thought possible in a police/Navy guy.

His parents were lovely. I thoroughly enjoyed talking to both of them. He's very close with his parents and his younger sister (in LA).

There's more...but it's late, I'm in Chicago (for work, and I'm tired. And this blog post is long enough! Suffice it to say that I really like FB. So much so that I cut off my Match profile. And for the first time in a really long time, it doesn't seem like a sacrifice to give up meeting other people. And for his part, FB is so complimentary, supportive and respectful of me and what I do and what I'm about. It's just amazing.

Online Dating

Online dating is interesting. You see some strange profiles, such as the guy who posted a college football photo of himself saying "this is me, plus 20 years." Profiles also show someone's writing skills -- or lack thereof -- but to me, it seems like a valid way to meet others who have similar interests and values...if both people are honest.

I had a date last Friday. It was so amazingly good, I'm having a difficult time trying to figure out how to write about it all. Plus, I'm still in the middle of getting settled and moving in, while planning a business trip for tomorrow... I don't have the internet working yet at home, so I'm in Starbucks at the moment, doing some work on my day off (grrr, but can't be avoided). I need more time to write it all out, so sorry for the foreshadowing.

Suffice it to say, for now, that I've found someone worth spending more time with. And the great thing is, he's feeling the same about me.

So Close

I had a second date with Cattle Baron last weekend. Again, great conversation: he told interesting stories and listened to mine attentively. He again insisted on paying -- I still feel a little weird about this. I like being independent, and I can afford to pay for myself. When I know someone else is paying, it makes me more cautious about what I order (maybe I shouldn't pick the most expensive entree or glass of wine), and I wonder what expectations come with it. Perhaps that's the NYer in me questioning why anyone would be nice without an ulterior motive.

I let him drive for this date, and when he dropped me back off at "home" -- my sister's -- he kissed me. And...nothing. I didn't really like the kiss. He has very thin lips and they were too firm. I tried. But I don't really want to kiss him again. And I've gotten to the point in my life where I don't want to have to teach someone the basics like how to kiss well.

So, while he's angling for another date, and while I do enjoy spending time with him, I don't think it's going anywhere but friendship. I'm debating how and when to tell him that. I want to be honest and not string him along if he's not looking for just a friend.

But there are others on Match...and I've got a couple meet-ups already scheduled.

A Nice First Date

I met Cattle Baron for a drink -- wanted to start off with something defined and short in case it wasn't good -- but we progressed to dinner. He talked a lot about himself at first, not asking me many questions, but when we got to dinner, I got a chance to share as well. He insisted on paying, saying that's how he was raised and he would be offended if I paid. I did get the door for myself on the way out, and he mentioned he would have gotten it for me if I had given him a chance. I laughed and said I was NY-ified and used to being independent.

It was a good first date. CB seems like a really nice, sweet guy, and when he smiles, it reminds me of someone -- I can't quite put my finger on who yet. He has a definite Southern drawl and talked about how he's always lived in small towns. I countered that I've always lived in cities, and wouldn't have it any other way.

He was very polite and intelligent. The conversation was easy. But there weren't really any sparks. I enjoyed his company and agreed to see him again. But driving "home" (to my sister's where I'm staying until my apt is ready), I have to admit that I don't think the sparks are something that comes with time. I think you either have chemistry, or you don't.

Taking the Plunge (Again)

I have a date tomorrow! I'm excited because it's been so long since I had one, but of course, I'm a little nervous, too.

I took the plunge back into online dating. I work online, shop online, blog online (obviously), and it just seems like it should work. It SEEMS like it would be a good way to meet people and find people with something in common. But of course, it's not that easy.

In the past, I've tried Match.com, Yahoo personals, eHarmony and Chemistry, as well as offline dating services. This time, I decided to go back to Match. It's been the longest time since I tried them, and it's popular so it should have plenty of candidates.

The guy I'm meeting tomorrow emailed me through the site, asking what I had liked best about Paris and shared his thoughts on the city -- so I knew he had travelled abroad. We've spoken on the phone a few times, and he seems very nice. The most unusual thing (to me) about him is that he owns cattle -- 80 head of cattle to be exact. I know next to nothing about cattle, but I told him I could tell him a lot about navigating the NYC subways. Other than the country-mouse/city-mouse thing, we do have things in common, and the conversation has been easy on the phone. So we'll see...

Trying the Younger Set

While there are millions of people in NYC, it's just not that easy to meet people. Perhaps it's because people tend to stick to their own groups and take longer to open up to newbies. And it's a well-known fact that there are more single women than single men here...and the men know it. So I apologize for the lack of dating-related stories. Believe me, I've probably missed dating more than you've missed hearing about it!

But I'm happy to report I had a date...with a younger man. Now, generally I have dated men my age or older, but I figured...eh, why not? This particular younger man is someone I used to work with. He's nice and cute, and he asked me out for a belated birthday drink/dinner.

I chose Sala, a great tapas place with delicious sangria. We had a great time, conversation flowed easily, and he was very complimentary and a good kisser. I sent him a text message the next morning thanking him, but...nothing. Radio silence. Crickets. I suppose someone should teach this young guy how to treat a woman and be respectful. But I don't have the patience. Besides, I hate the term "cougar."

Flirting is an Art Form

I've been neglecting the blog. Work is crazy as ever (certifiably insane kind of crazy), and I'm in triathlon training mode, going to the gym or the pool every day. And I just haven't felt like blogging much. But I do have a story to share...Jury Duty guy.

We finally found an evening that worked for both of us, and he let me pick the place. I found a nice bar/lounge in Soho not too far from my office. The date was for drinks, but we stayed for several hours and shared some appetizers to keep some sort of check on the blood-alcohol levels. He asked me a lot of questions about myself -- almost to the point where he wasn't doing much talking about himself -- but did sprinkle in several compliments about my appearance and warned me "I'm going to flirt with you." Great, bring it on. I like my share of flirting.

Only, apparently, he doesn't really understand how to flirt, the innuendo and suggestive dialogue. His definition of flirting is decidedly more crass and obvious.

After laying his cards on the table and telling me that he wanted to be completely honest with me that he's not interested in a relationship, he started to "flirt." He asked me things like what position is my favorite, my bra size, and other things which I can't even write. I deflected the questions. It was obvious he's just looking for a good time gal, and while I can be fun to be around, I'm not looking for his type of rendezvous.

He said, "Oh, you're a relationship girl," in such an accusing tone I defended myself and disagreed with him. I'm not afraid to be alone, and steadfastly believe it's better to be on my own than in the wrong relationship (see divorce #1 and #2). I'm not one who is anxiously looking to be married just to be married. But I would like to meet someone and see where it goes, naturally letting it develop into something more, or not, as opposed to having the boundaries of what this could or couldn't be defined on the first date.

So he asked me if I wanted to come over and watch a movie at his place the next night. No thanks. I want more than just a friend-with-benefits, and I deserve to be treated with more respect.

A Busy but Fun Week Ahead

I went out with NM again last Friday. I really like that girl. She is so funny and very intelligent. And it's nice to have a new friendship that we are both interested in strengthening. (She's admitted the same frustration I've had with many people in NYC being too busy to keep in touch.)

And on Sunday, Aloha Guy arrived. He's here for a week, for work and for some sightseeing, and I'm really looking forward to spending more time with him. I'm expecting to see him every night except one, and it's nice to have someone to share dinner and the evening with. Tonight, although I'm not much of a football fan anymore (blame it on Texas' intense preoccupation with the sport), I agreed to watch the Dallas Cowboy game with him. He's a huge fan.

Last night, I cooked a homemade dinner for him (salmon with wild rice and squash), and as usual, he didn't show up empty handed. He brought me a bottle of wine from Benziger, a vineyard in Sonoma that I have a difficult time finding here. It was delicious!

When It Rains...

Yesterday we had an incredible storm here in NYC. Massive thunder, drenching rain and spectacular lightning starting mid-afternoon. Walking home at the end of the day, my bare arms and legs got wet and I found myself sliding around in my sandals, but I kinda liked feeling the rain on me.

Aloha Guy is still around. He came into town a few weeks ago, and I really enjoyed his company. But, he's too smart and investigative and found the blog. Wasn't too happy with what I've written versus what I haven't written. So I find myself censoring my writing more than usual. However, I must say he continues to show his interest in me, which is flattering, and has a penchant for giving me gifts, which I'll admit I love. Yesterday, I received chocolates at work -- two big boxes which made me very popular with my colleagues.

I was anticipating going out with a vendor last night for dinner, but it got cancelled at the last minute. My attempts to make other plans were fruitless, so I decided to head to the gym. At the gym, my iPhone rang (which I was using as an iPod, so I answered). A new character to tell you about...

A few weeks ago, out on the town with a girlfriend, we went to a Cuban restaurant for dinner. In addition to fabulous mojitos, they had live music, and the singer/bassist was absolutely fantastic. On their break, I went over to compliment him, and his speaking voice was every bit as resonant and musical as his singing voice. He said they were playing later at another club that I wasn't familiar with, and I gave him my number to text me the info while not committing that we would show up.

We did show up and had a fabulous time. Cuban Musician was happy to see us and made a point of speaking to me on the breaks, even though most of the crowd were long-time fans and everyone wanted to talk to him. He's very cute...

And I've been out to see him perform a couple other times at different places around the city. He's a good kisser, but I haven't thought about it too seriously. He's fun, and very effusive in his compliments. He keeps telling me how much he likes me, but I guess I'm playing aloof. Our lives are so different, but I like hearing about his passion for music and how he composes, his travels and his contagious zest for life.

And then, last night, Cuban Musician called to ask if he could cook for me. I accepted and was entertained with his antics in the kitchen while he boasted repeatedly how good he was at cooking. I just laughed at him...until we sat down and ate. It was fantastic. He didn't follow a recipe and said this was a dish he'd created himself. And even if I told you the different ingredients -- including orange juice, rosemary, butter, onions, chicken -- it wouldn't begin to describe the savory goodness, and I don't think I could replicate it. As we finished the wine I brought, he sang for me. A very nice evening.

Dinner & a Workout

Aloha Guy was in town last week for business, and I met him a couple times for dinner and a workout.

He's a little better now that I've told him to chill. He's very much a gentleman, and he certainly knows how to treat a lady. But I'm still keeping him at arms length. For one thing, every time I ask about his marriage, he gets very uncomfortable. It makes me wonder, is he really divorced? Or is he just saying that? Wouldn't be the first time a guy pretends to be available.

Aloha Guy is very into fitness, and he offered to show me some different exercises with weights to take my exercise program to the next level. He showed me several different things and encouraged me to take it slow, but I guess I overdid it, trying to show him that I could do it all. My legs were killing me for the next couple days! Definitely going to take it slower from here on.

The Future of Dating?

This was sent to me by a friend and gave me a chuckle.
I wish this technology was available now!

An Amazing Visit

When it rains, it pours, the saying goes. And it certainly has been an unusual week for me.

Just days after Aloha Guy left, I got another visitor. This one had been planned for some time, but I didn't want to write about it beforehand. I wanted to see how it would go first.

Nearly nine years ago, I had a relationship with a guy from Holland. I fell madly in love with this Green-Eyed Dutchman, but he ended up breaking my heart. Of course, now I can understand why he chose what he did at the time (he had a daughter and decided to try to make it work with her mother), but it was a terrible time for me when it ended. Over the last nine years, we've kept in touch sporadically, an occasional phone call or email every couple years or so. But each of us has been going through various relationships, and when he got in touch with me a few months ago, it was the first time we were both unattached and single at the same time. 

We both were curious to see if there were any feelings still left between us, and agreed we should see each other. He now lives in Barcelona, and neither of us had been to the other's city before. We decided he should come to NYC because as a European he has much more vacation time than I do, the flights were cheaper coming this way then the reverse, and I felt he owed me after the ending nine years ago.

For the past four days, I've been playing tour guide, and we saw all the famous sites including Times Square, Central Park, Rockefeller Center, 5th Avenue, Grand Central, the United Nations building, the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty, the Brooklyn Bridge, Little Italy, Soho and the West Village. It was so easy to be with the Green-Eyed Dutchman again, and exciting, too. There are definitely strong feelings between us, but neither one of us is ready to make a decision about what to do next.

He told me I look great (so glad I've been losing weight and training for the tri!) and that I seem like a stronger person now, not just physically but emotionally too. He looks older, but not much different than before, and he seems wiser and more grounded than years ago. We talked about everything and nothing. He annoyed me with the way he loves to pick fights about different things, but we also had some great laughs, comfortable silences, and romantic evenings. I cried to see him go, but I'm hopeful to see him in a few months or so with him playing tour guide in Barcelona.

The Long Birthday Weekend

My birthday was on Sunday. This year is an odd-number year for me, and for some reason, I don't like odd numbers as much as even ones. Something about a number being divisible by two makes me feel more balanced. Strange, I know, but both times I married (which if you haven't been reading long, didn't work) were in odd-number years.

To prepare for facing another year, I treated myself to a spa on Saturday. I found a package deal online that included everything I wanted for an amazing price -- body scrub, massage, and facial, plus they give you champagne and chocolate! (Although, that was a bit strange. It's a day spa, so it's in a regular office building, tucked away on the fourth floor, looking completely nondescript from the outside. Upon entering, they had soft music and lighting, and the rooms were comfortable and clean. They gave me the champagne and one single chocolate after my treatments, and showed me to a small table and chair and surrounded me with a folding room divider. So I sat, looking at the room divider, eating my chocolate while sipping champagne!) The staff is all Eastern European, and the woman doing my facial asked me in a heavy accented voice how old I am. When I told her my still-thirtysomething age, she remarked in surprise that she thought I was much younger! (This is not just good customer service, folks. She was looking at my face with that bright light and magnifying lens.)

On Sunday, Aloha Guy arrived, having taken the red-eye flight in from LA. We met at my place before going to church. When he had originally asked me what my plans were for my birthday, I told him all I had planned was church, and he asked if he could go with me. I was pleased he wanted to. After church, I have choir practice, but the jetlag was catching up to him by then, so he retired for several hours to his hotel. Later that afternoon, we met up and did some touristy things and had a late dinner at one of my favorite places in Tribeca. Oh, and some nice kisses. :-)

Monday was a gorgeous day, and we spent much of it enjoying the sunshine and mild temperatures, including a picnic lunch down near the Hudson River. He had work in the city on Tuesday, and we met after our works at my place. (He picked up sushi at a place I recommended.)

All in all, it was a really great time. He's so very generous -- always offering to pay, considerate -- he insisted on spoiling me (Oh, if you insist!), and very complimentary. He's also very laid back and not at all pushy like the guys I've met here in NYC. The only flags I've seen so far are that he's recently divorced, has two kids from his marriage, and lives in LA. So I'll see him when he's on this coast and let the rest unfold as it will.

Too Good To Be True?

So after the chocolates that were delivered to my hotel in D.C. last week, I got an email from Aloha Guy that he'd like to take me out for my birthday. He's going to Boston for work next week and coming to NYC first to see me. I'm surprised and pleased and looking forward to having something to do on my b-day.

And today, I received a FedEx package from him with two compilation CDs of Hawaiian music. He offered to make them when we went to dinner last week, and I said I'd like that. (Remember in the 80's when we used to make mixed tapes?) Still, I was surprised that he actually did it and sent them so quickly.

This guy seems so nice! Am I so jaded by my experiences here that this seems so unusual? I read recently on another single gal's blog that her West coast friend remarked she couldn't believe what we NYC girls put up with. She also had this interesting chart on her blog from National Geographic:



As you can see, NYC and the surrounding area has the most single women, while the LA area has the most single men. (Texas is looking pretty good in this chart, too.)


Hmm...

Surprisingly Good Time

When I was in D.C. for a conference in April, I went out with some vendors, and I met a guy who was also in town for a conference. He seemed very nice, and was very easy to talk to, so we exchanged business cards. He's originally from Hawaii (so I'm going to dub him Aloha Guy), but now lives in LA. He mentioned when we met that he was coming to NYC in May.

And he looked me up. Aloha Guy was only in town for a couple of days, so we decided to meet up for drinks. I took him to the Campbell Apartment, which is in Grand Central Terminal. It was a lavish office space in the 1920's and has been restored to the glories of that time. We had a couple drinks, and the conversation was going so well, we decided to grab dinner.

I suggested Sushi Samba, one of my favorites that is a fusion of Japanese, Brazilian and Peruvian cuisines. The flavor combinations are just spectacular. Aloha Guy enjoyed the food as well, and I loved it that he let me choose everything. (I guess I enjoy control sometimes!)

The best thing was the ease of conversation. I feel like, if nothing else, I could really be friends with this guy. It's tough making friends in NYC -- I often get told that I'm "too nice" (and it's not a compliment) -- and even tougher getting together with those friends.

I really enjoyed spending time with Aloha Guy and talking with him. I've been to Hawaii many times, and it is one of my favorite places for its incredible beauty and laid back lifestyle. We also talked about our travels. He's never been to Europe but has travelled extensively in Asia, so we swapped stories about different cities and cultures. And the whole thing was very comfortable. I never felt like he was pressuring me for anything more than my current company. (So different from the forced-upon kiss of the date I had a couple weeks ago!) We parted with just a hug, and he said he'd be in touch the next time he was coming to the East Coast.

Another NY Date

The guy I met last night described himself as an "Authentic NYer" -- born, raised and always lived in Manhattan. At first look, I was glad he looked like his pictures online (not always the case) and recognized me right away from mine, saying I looked exactly like my pictures, too.

We met at a great bar where he knows the bartender, and I got the bar's signature martini, which included orange-flavored vodka and a wine-based liqueur. It was refreshing without being too sweet. He got a whiskey-based cocktail, and while he offered me a taste, I don't like the smell of whiskey at all. He was very intrigued about my drink, and after several questions about it, I realized he wanted to try it and offered him a taste. After that, he felt like he could take a sip of my drink whenever he felt like it. It was strange, and I called him on it. He said, "Well, you said to share it with you!" which I did not. A sip is not "share." Whatever.

He enjoyed talking and apparently hearing himself talk. He's quite confident he's an interesting conversationalist. But the multiple times he interrupted me were annoying. I also noticed he had several mannerisms that, in my opinion, were effeminate. And while that usually sets my Gaydar off, I've seen this with other straight NY guys, and I think it's just a difference between Southern men and Yankee men. But I have a difficult time finding this attractive in a man.

In the middle of a conversation, he motioned to the bartender to give us the check and said, "let's get out of here, go somewhere else." Since it was 7:30, I assumed he meant grab a bite to eat, but you know what assuming gets you...

As we left the bar and started walking, I asked him, "Where are we going?" He stopped for a minute and said, "How about a rooftop? Is it too cold for you?" I agreed that sounded like fun and asked again where he was thinking of. "My place, of course! What did you think I meant by rooftop?" Well, I was thinking of the rooftop bars that I have been to in this city, and I'm not sure what you are planning. I told him that while I'm still learning the cultural differences between here and Texas (and believe me, there are many!), I did learn the hard way about not inviting someone up to your apartment unless you're expecting something. He asked me about how I learned that and completely agreed with the guy and told me I was in the wrong. (Yeah, thanks, I figured that out!) He also told me he wasn't expecting anything other than to enjoy my company. I still felt a little weird, though... (WHY don't I listen to my gut???)

He fixed me a drink - but not himself one - and again helped himself to sips of my drink. Weird. He was also overly touchy. He kept touching my hands or my arm while he was talking to me. Out-of-the-blue, he asked me, "Are you attracted to me?" and I was so caught off guard, I just told him the truth, sort-of, saying, "A little."

"A little?!" he was obviously disappointed. I told him I needed to get to know him more, that attraction to me is more than just how someone looks. He recovered, saying he only found me a little attractive, too. So I thought, maybe we can be good friends...

He showed me his balcony (NOT a rooftop) and moved in close. I panicked and put my hands on his chest and asked, "You're not going to kiss me, are you?" (Dumb question, of course that's what he was going to do.) Unfortunately, my question didn't stop him, but I just gave him a closed-mouth kiss and wiggled away.

I went to the bathroom and while I had a moment to myself, started thinking of ways to get out of there. But when I came back to the living room, he said, "Did you have everything you needed in there?" I laughed and said yes, toilet paper and a sink with soap. Then abruptly he asked, "Do you want me to walk you down stairs to get a cab?" What a 180-degree shift, but I wasn't going to pass up that opportunity and said, "Yes, please. That would be nice."

The best part of the date was the cab ride home!