Home at Last

I didn't have a chance to write while I was in England because although most of my relatives have computers, they would rather I visit with them then get absorbed into the screen. So, this will be a long post to cover the past week.

Ooh, there's so much to tell. I started off by meeting my dad at the London Gatwick Airport. We picked up my rental car and drove west to Bristol. I did pretty well driving on the other side of the road. My only frustration was that the Hyundai had switched the positions of the windshield wipers and the blinkers, so I often signaled my intent to change lanes by wiping the windshield.

After a pub lunch of fish & chips, I dropped Daddy at the train station where he took a train up to Chester to see his friend Keith. I then drove to Dursley, a small town in an area called the Cotswolds. My cousins Phil and Sonya live there, and Sonya's directions were perfect. Sonya took a couple days off work to play with me, and when she opened the front door, we both exclaimed at the same time: "I/You made it!"

We shopped in Gloucester that afternoon and saw the old cathedral. Sonya pointed out a tower that had been damaged in the civil war and laughed when I asked, "what civil war?" (It was in the 1600's)

We had a drink at the pub to meet some of her friends, and Phil met us there. The three of us then had an Indian feast at their local restaurant, Dil Raj. It was incredibly delicious.

On Friday, Sonya took me shopping in Cardiff, the capital of Wales. It was cold and rainy that day, but we stayed out of most of the weather by staying in the shops! We had a lovely home-cooked meal that night, and the next day, Phil rode with me up to Wellington to see his dad, my Uncle Ken.

It was like coming home. Uncle Ken is just the same as ever, and he gave me a great big hug. He then announced how glad he was that I was there and that as I'm such a good cook, I could cook him dinner! We had some of his son Chris' lamb along with the Californian wine I brought him. He regaled me with stories of his past, telling me how he had met Auntie Olive and the early years of their marriage. I could have stayed a week.

The next morning, I picked up my dad from his friend's house and drove to Runcorn. We saw Uncle Colin and Auntie Dot and their daughter Paula, a frequent commenter on my and my sisters' blogs. And I got to meet Paula's son Luke! What a sweetie. He's so adorable, and although he was wary of me at the beginning, he did give me a hug goodbye. Paula and I chatted in the kitchen, and again, I felt my time was too short. I could have visited with her for days.

Daddy and I next stopped in Weaverham to see Auntie Norma (another frequent blog commenter) and Uncle Noel. Auntie Norma was a little more subdued than her usual effervescent self as she's been having heart problems. She's scheduled for a stent on Friday, so everyone keep her in your thoughts! She looked the same as the last time I saw her and had made us a lovely cake.

We spent the night in Kelsall with Daddy's friends before heading back to London. There, we had dinner with my friends Alan and Hurriyet and their lovely children before going to a hotel near Gatwick for our last evening.

It WAS a quick trip, but I still enjoyed it so much. The English countryside is so picturesque, and we had three days in a row of sunshine! The weather was unusually mild for November, but I enjoyed the briskness of the air and the cold, cold water from the taps. I feel very loved after seeing everyone in England. I was so warmly received by them all. I also received a warm welcome home from Steve and my cat Sabrina. They were happy to see me again. And I'm happy to be home, but I won't wait 3 years again before going back.

Uncle Colin and Auntie Dot 

the view from Uncle Colin's of the bridge in Runcorn 

Paula's son Luke 

Uncle Ken 

Uncle Noel and Auntie Norma 

The reason I haven't posted in awhile...

...is because I've been "worshipping the porcelain" -- very ill for the past two days. The doctor says several viruses have been going around with my symptoms, so I don't really know if it was food poisoning or a virus. Either way, I'm happy to be on the mend.

The only really nice part about being sick was how wonderful Steve was. He brought me a baked potato and cottage cheese (he had to make two separate stops for that) on Sunday, and on Monday, he picked up my prescription and brought it to me over his lunch hour. The worst part of living alone is when you're sick and don't even want to go to the grocery store or pharmacy. Steve was such a life-saver. Plus, he told me today I didn't even look bad as a sick person.

Tomorrow I leave for England!!! I don't know which is more exciting: being away from my demanding job for a week or seeing all my loved ones and travelling through the beautiful countryside of England. I'll try to write from the road as much as I can.

My Passion

(Now, get your mind out of the gutter...)

I've written before about my volunteering at the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) and working with premies. This Monday was especially busy. When I arrived, Lily, the nurse I usually work with, said, "I REALLY need you tonight."

It's nice to feel like what you're doing really helps someone - both the nurses and the patients. Sometimes the nurses feel bad asking me to retrieve blankets or other supplies for them, but I really don't mind. It allows them to focus on their patients. Of course, my favorite thing to do is hold the babies.

I fed four babies this week and also got to help with a couple others. I talk to each of them and encourage them to eat and burp. I also got to speak a little Spanish to two new dads. My time there just flies by. I guess that's what happens when you're doing what you love.

In all my Mondays at Parkland, I've only witnessed one death. It was a new patient that had just been admitted into the unit. I was feeding another one in the same room. There were several nurses around this little boy, and a couple doctors were walking in and out. One of the doctors was watching the monitors and first noticed the breathing changing slightly. The baby was born at 27 weeks, very young when a normal term pregnancy is 40 weeks. Lungs are one of the last organs to develop, and most premies have some difficulty with their respiration. The doctor alerted the nurses who immediately started supplementing the child's breathing with a CPR bag, but unfortunately he kept crashing. They called a code blue and several more staff members rushed into the room, although the space around his little bed was already full. They brought the father in, along with a translator and a minister. The minister gave last rites as the translator repeated the words in Spanish. I felt for the father. His face was in total shock. They escorted him out and then stopped the CPR. One of the nurses was crying, and the charge nurse reassured her that she and everyone else on the team had done everything possible.

It was very surreal. I wasn't sad for the baby, because I believe he went to a better place, a peaceful, loving, painless place. But my heart hurt for the parents, who had been awaiting the birth of their child and now had to bury him.

I admire the nurses and doctors who do this miniature work so much. But wow, the responsibility. If I mess up at work, or if the project just doesn't work out because of unavoidable factors, I feel badly, but it's not like life and death. It would be hard to let go and not question every action you took.

Good Times

Steve and I had such a great weekend last weekend. It began early with my company's Halloween carnival. Steve attended and got to meet several of my coworkers. On Friday, we both took off work for the afternoon and drove to Waco. He met my grandma and great aunt Sudie, my aunt Cinda and her kids, Robert and Beverly. We taught him to play the domino game chicken foot, and we all had fun.

Robert's basketball team was playing a game in Waco that evening, and it was really exciting to watch! Unfortunately, they lost by 5 points. I really enjoyed Bevie's cheering and heckling of the players and referees. I wish we all lived closer so I could see more games.

On Saturday, Steve took me to a mountain biking trail not far from my house that I was unaware of. We had a brisk 5-mile ride through the woods. It was beautiful with the leaves turning fall colors. He gave me his "old" heart monitor because he got a new one from his boss. (I put old in quotes because it's only a few months old.) So, throughout the ride, he would ask if I was ok and what my heart rate was.

Later, I cooked him dinner and then we went to a costume party at a local club. I resurrected my Marilyn Monroe costume and won 3rd place ($50 gift certificate)! Steve was proud of me but thought I deserved 1st or 2nd.

Robert is the tallest on his team. And so handsome! 

Me, Cinda, Bev and Rob at the game 

Happy Halloween

I really enjoy Halloween. I love dressing up and acting like someone else for a day. Fortunately for me, my company goes all out for Halloween. Everyone dresses up for work and at the end of the day we have a carnival-type party. This year, we had our costume day on Thursday. (last Thursday)

someone's child as a little fish 

winner of my self-created pageant, Ms. USA Divorcee 

my VP as a 70's disco rollerskater 

the president as Cat in the Hat 

My friend Sarah as a Picasso 

Fiesta

Last Saturday afternoon, Daniel invited me to join him at his cousin's daughter's 1st birthday party. He said I just HAD to experience a Mexican birthday party. I enjoy learning about other cultures and I LOVE Mexican food, so I agreed to go.

Daniel said it started at 4:00, but then told me not to get there before 4:30. Good to know. He explained later that "it's a Mexican thing" and it is considered rude if you arrive on time, even to a wedding!

We actually arrived closer to 5:00, and they were still setting everything up. In the backyard, they had a bouncy house for the kids and several tables set up with balloons and baby angel figurines. There was a keg in the corner of the yard, and after another hour or so, they set up the food: chicken mole, some pork dish, rice and beans. There were also fresh corn tortillas and salsa. When I reached for the salsa, Daniel's aunt asked quickly in Spanish if I like spicy food. (She was concerned about me.) Daniel translated for me, and I told her "Me gusta!" Almost everyone was speaking strictly Spanish, so I got to practice my few phrases. Daniel kept chuckling at how "cute" my accent is.

The birthday girl was dressed all in white and looked like a little princess. Of course, at one year, she could care less about all the fuss going on around her.

I left around 7:00, but Daniel said the party would continue late into the night. It was very laid back, and everyone was very welcoming. I asked Daniel to join me as I host my family for Thanksgiving, so I can return the favor and show him a traditional American holiday.

A night out with my guy, Steve 

Progress?

Last night, Steve and I met up with my gay boyfriend Daniel and some of his friends at some hip, ritzy bars in Uptown. Both places were full of beautiful people and loud music. I had been to one of the bars before, and I know the manager of security there. I guess I never really paid for my own drinks whenever I've been there, and Steve and I were shocked that our 2 drinks cost $18!

A friend of mine, reflecting on a past relationship, said she almost lost herself and is now getting to know herself again. Oh, I remember how that feels. In each of my three major adult relationships (Mark, Chris and Rod, for those who need reminding), I was so concerned with getting their approval, I didn't take care of myself. I let them take advantage of me and treat me poorly. I constantly felt like I had to earn their love.

Now, I'm entering into this relationship with Steve and balancing that with maintaining my sense of self. And I know now that I deserve to be treated with respect, just as I will treat others with respect. Steve is very easy-going and has been understanding of my push-pull and occasionally bumbling remarks. We each respect our individual time and our private time with our friends. And I think that makes the time we spend together that much sweeter.

On the Mend

Thank you all for your sympathy. I'm happy to report I'm on the mend! Today, both sides of my mouth are feeling better, and I'm even able to chew soft foods on the crown side. Whew!

Yesterday was also a tough day because I didn't hear from Steve. It was VERY unusual. I had called him and left 2 voicemail messages Tuesday night. I was disappointed not to hear from him, but he had mentioned he was helping a friend. He's spoiled me with morning messages of "have a good day!" and Wednesday morning, there was no message. I emailed him once I got to work and didn't get a reply. By this time, as you can imagine, my mind is working overtime. Did I do something to anger him? Could he have been in an accident?

I sent him a text message as I was leaving work: "What's up? I haven't heard from you in 24 hours."

And he texted me back: "Home sick. Slept all day."

Poor guy had been vomiting, unable to keep any solid food down, and sleeping as much as possible. He, too, seems to be on the mend today.

Update to Earlier Post

The periodontist was a cold, unfeeling jerk, but I think he isolated the problem. I say he was cold and unfeeling because he didn't seem at all affected by the spontaneous tears running down my face while he poked at the affected area. I couldn't help it. It hurt SO badly. He finally pulled out this small piece of bone that he says was inside my gums. He figured it got caught between my tooth and gum and my body was trying to push it out the other side of the gum. So it had made its way halfway through and was causing much discomfort to the surrounding tissue.

He didn't think it was my bone, but more likely something I ate, and said hopefully I will heal in a couple days.

I hope so. Because if he tries that again, I'm going to insist on squeezing his testicles to let him know how much pain I'm experiencing.

Don't Mess with Me Today

Pain sucks. Especially when it's in your head. Especially when it's in your MOUTH and it hurts to eat. I feel like someone is imposing a no-eat diet on me. And I'm pissed (and hungry).

When I was in Pittsburgh last week, my mouth started hurting on the lower right side. When I got back home, I called and saw the dentist on Wednesday. He took x-rays and did a thorough exam and determined that it must be "just" an ulcer. He said to swish with warm salt water (yum!) and take Advil and it should clear up in 7-10 days.

TODAY IS DAY 10 AND IT STILL HURTS LIKE HELL.

Add to this the fact that the same dentist put in a crown on the lower left side on Monday. Now I can't really chew on either side of my mouth because it hurts too much.

The dentist made an appointment for me to see a periodontist today, so hopefully he can make this go away!

I'm not sleeping well because of the pain either. So now I'm tired, hurting, hungry and do I need to mention cranky?

Heroes come in all forms

Between Cinderella, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty, I grew up fantasizing about my white knight in shining armor riding up to rescue me. Reality, of course, crashes the fairytale, and you realize that a) you should be self-sufficient and not need "rescuing," and b) who wears armor these days? it's not all that sexy.

I'm pretty handy around the house, probably due to all the times I hung out watching my dad do things in the garage or backyard. I've installed a light fixture on a fan, textured and painted my kitchen and bathroom, stripped and refinished the cabinets on the bar, and even fixed a leak under the kitchen sink. (Thanks to technology, I took a picture of the pipe that was leaking and showed it to the helpful salesman at Home Depot, telling him, "I need THIS.")

However, I am pretty unprepared to do much else in the way of plumbing. It's one of those areas like engines that I don't understand and get anxious when things start going wrong.

On Saturday morning (yeah, I know, I should have written this earlier, but just relax and read the story, ok?) I went to the bathroom first thing as always. I noticed the bath mat in front of the toilet was SOAKED. I must admit, my first thought was my feline companion had confused the mat with her litter box, but even if she REALLY had to go, she couldn't soak the whole mat. Plus, it didn't smell like urine. (Cat urine has a distinctively apalling smell that is unmistakable and very difficult to eliminate.)

I spoke to Steve on the phone and mentioned the bath mat, and he suggested I turn off the water to that toilet and he would check it for me when he came over later. So I did that and later in the day used my other toilet.

It wouldn't flush. Instead, the water is rising up to the edge. Uh oh... This toilet has done that to me twice before (twice in 2 years isn't so bad, I think) so I grabbed the plunger and attacked the toilet. Unlike previous times, though, nothing was changing, and in fact, water started coming UP the neighboring tub!

I called my friend who's husband is a plumber, and she said she'd have him call me. Meanwhile, I checked the first toilet, and there was more water on the floor. I called Steve in a panic, and he came right over. He was there when my plumber friend called and was able to understand his instructions. He ended up fixing the clog by using my garden hose in the "clean out" pipe out front. It was very impressive! (And saved me money because I didn't have to pay a plumber to come out.)

I think better than a brave knight who can horseback ride is a guy who can fix things around the house.

May I Have this Dance?

To answer a comment posted by my sis Jenn last week about the fact that I'm not posting much because I'm dating Steve:

[smiling]

Maybe. Steve was out-of-town, travelling for work for almost a week, and when he came back into town last Thursday night, I didn't post Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday. It's so nice to have someone to spend time with! We had a quiet dinner Thursday night, went out with friends of his on Friday night, went to a party for a friend of mine on Saturday night, and met my best friend for lunch on Sunday. Whew!

Steve is very sweet. He likes to drop me off at the airport and pick me up for my trips. It's very convenient for me, and it's nice to have someone waiting for you when you get home. I used to feel extra lonely when I travelled -- when you get to your destination, most people call someone at home to let them know you arrived. I would get there and wonder if anyone even knew I was out-of-town. As I was leaving, Steve said, "Call me when you get there and let me know you got there safely."

Last night, he called me and asked if I'd be interested in taking dancing lessons with him. How fun! I think it would be a blast, and as I'm sure my mom would say, it's a great opportunity to learn how he will react in a learning situation. We haven't determined what kind of dance yet, but I'm thinking maybe Salsa!

Worry? Who, Me?

In the past, I've been told (mainly by men who are probably scared of their own feelings) that I'm emotional. I prefer to say I'm passionate and empathetic, but at times, I will agree I may be a tad sappy. I'm in one of those phases right now.

You know it's bad when shopping for cards at Hallmark causes you to well up with tears, or watching the TV show House about a young girl with cancer causes a good bout of crying.

Work has been stressful lately, and hormones aren't helping the situation either. But as I was flying to Pittsburgh last night (I'm here for work for the next couple days), I was realizing how much of the "drama" in my life I create myself, or rather, how much of it is just in my head.

How often is it that we stress or worry over our perception of the way things are, only to discover later that we were wrong and there was nothing to worry about? I've had a couple of these lately, both personally and professionally, and I'm trying to take a step back and not spend so much energy worrying. As I once read, worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair. You expend a lot of energy, but you don't get anywhere.

Getting the Last Laugh

Oh, sweet victory.

Remember the guy who said he had a problem with the fact that I'd been married before, even though he knew that before we went on 3 dates? (See Leave the Past in the Past) Well, he just called!

"Remember me?"

Why, yes, I do.

"Well, we haven't spoken in awhile, but I wanted to call and see how you were doing."

I'm doing really well. In fact, I recently started dating this GREAT guy...

"Oh. Gee, that's great. Well, if things change, give me a call."

Ha! You wish!

(Actually, I think I said something, like: well, thanks for calling!)

Needing a Taste of Home

Since we moved around every 2-4 years growing up, I never know exactly how to answer the question "Where are you from?" Home has always been more of where my loved ones were rather than a particular city.

There were two exceptions: through the years, we always visited my mom's mom in Dallas and visited England to see my dad's family. I guess that's part of the reason I settled in Dallas, and why my heart often longs for the green hills of England.

Now with my sisters' and my blogs, I get to read comments from my Auntie Norma and cousin Paula almost daily. And I have a new blog-friend, Hannah, who writes about her dating travails in the UK. Just reading the way they write, the phrases and words they use, reminds me of England.

I've decided it's time to go back! Unlike the French, I truly enjoy British food, and I'm looking forward to some of my favorites, like a proper English breakfast, fish & chips, a Ploughman's lunch...

I'm planning on going in early November. Auntie Norma and Paula, I want to see you both! I don't have your email addresses (our email system crashed at work a few weeks ago and I lost my contact list), and I don't want to post my email address here. Could you each write me and let me know what your schedules are for November? If you don't have my email address, maybe you could write to my dad?

See you soon!

Such a Nice Guy

Yesterday, Steve delivered a beautiful, huge bouquet of flowers to my office! I was at lunch with a colleague at the time, and when I returned, all the girls in the office were buzzing about the bouquet and curious to know who had sent them.

We had dinner with his best friend and his girlfriend. When Steve drove me home, he was playing his favorite CD. He kissed my hand and said he really loves my perfume. I kissed his hand back, and Steve said, "I love you too."

I think I stopped breathing. I was thinking, I'm NOT ready for this.
I said, "What did you say?"

He said again, "I love you too."

I said, "Uhh..."

And then he realized what I had heard and started laughing and pointing to the CD player. "U2! U2!"

We both cracked up laughing.

Keeping the Audience in Mind

Well, I did it. I told Steve about my blog. He read the entries I wrote about him and ALL THE HISTORY. Said his favorite was Pet Peeves.

He's the first guy I've dated that I've told about the blog, mostly because I've made fun of the other guys and they didn't last long enough to let them know about my closet writer. I'm touched that he read it all, that he found it interesting enough to keep going and that he's interested in me to learn about me through my blog. But now, of course, I have to be careful what I write!

Not that there's anything bad to write. Things are moving along nicely. We are enjoying each other's company and have spent time both going out and staying in. But as my fellow bloggers will understand, you have to keep your audience in mind when venting.

For example, my family all reads this. (Steve was a bit alarmed to learn this. "Your WHOLE family?") So I don't want to write about my parents or sisters doing things that might, possibly, if-I-wasn't-such-an-even-tempered-person, annoy me. Of course, they are such wonderful, considerate, loving people that those things don't occur often. If at all. Right, family? (desperate attempt to get you all to comment)

My Own Personal Hurricane Evacuees

Early Wednesday morning I received a call from my sister Stephanie in Houston. With forecasters warning of Hurricane Rita’s approach and experiencing firsthand the increasing panic of fellow Houstonians at the bank, gas station and grocery store, she wisely decided to pack up the twins and head north to Dallas. Her husband Al was already in Dallas on what he was expecting to be a daytrip for business. He headed over to my house, and we anxiously waited to hear Steph’s progress.

We were hoping Steph would get as far as Waco, but the highways were already getting clogged with the millions fleeing the impending storm. She decided to head west towards Lexington and our aunt’s house instead. A trip that usually takes 1 ½ to 2 hours took 8.

Thursday morning, Steph headed north again. It took her another 8-9 hours to get to Dallas (this trip usually takes 3 ½ hours). By this time, I had left, travelling on business to Pittsburgh. But Al was at my house to welcome his family. He had gone shopping and stocked my pantry and fridge with all their favorite foods.

When I arrived home from the airport on Friday, it was so nice to come home to Stephanie in my kitchen and two precious little ones playing in my backyard! Steph and Al were very appreciative and thanked me for opening my home and apologized for the “invasion,” but I didn’t mind. I enjoy my home’s solitude and quiet, but sometimes it gets lonely.

Paige and Graham are talking so much now, and they sing! Paige especially enjoys singing. Al and I took them to the park near my house and took bread to feed the ducks nearby. On our way back, I was carrying Paige, and I started singing “Twinkle, twinkle little star.” She joined right in with her sweet high voice.

Graham is still a charmer. He has a devilishly handsome grin, and he gave me lots of kisses. He enjoyed strumming Grandad’s guitar (he calls it “pittar"). Paige is slower to warm to people, but my heart soared when she scooted her body to lean against me as we were watching Dora. And on Saturday, when we went to the mall for lunch, she called out my name and grabbed my hand.

Now my house is quiet again. I am putting things back in their proper place (my house wasn’t exactly toddler-proof), although I still haven’t found my tea cozy…

Another Successful Date

We had a great dinner last night! Steve picked me up at 7:00, and we went to a little Thai restaurant in Las Colinas. Another star for him: he likes spicy food! (For those of you who don't know, I LOVE spicy food.) We ordered two spicy dishes and some red wine and shared it all.

It was a nice, leisurely paced dinner. We were one of the last tables in the restaurant, but we just talked and talked.

Afterwards, we went to a pub on the way back to my house and played darts. Neither of us is very good, but we each got a bullseye once.

I haven't yet mentioned his hot-rod of a car: a new Chrysler minivan! It's his company car, and he gets to choose from a list of cars. He actually chose the minivan to purposefully scare off the many women in the Dallas area who are superficial and materialistic. I think it's hilarious! He said a lot of women ask a guy what they drive. I don't know enough about cars or care what a person drives. He says he loves building it up, "It's a brand-new, silver, nice interior..." then hits them with the bombshell "Chrysler minivan!!!"

Smiling

I've had such a lovely weekend. It all started last Thursday. I went to my local haunt for a drink and a salad (I think they offset each other) and ended up sitting at the bar next to this guy, Steve. He was getting his check and about to leave when we started talking, but he decided to stay. I was very impressed with him. He's intelligent, ambitious, CUTE, nice and worldly. He lived in Germany for 12 years, first as a teen and then working for his current company. He's 38, divorced with two kids, who live with their mom in New Mexico. We had a really great conversation, exchanged business cards and a great kiss.

He called me the next morning. So sweet! I had told him I was going to Waco to visit my grandma & great aunt on Friday and wouldn't be back until Saturday afternoon, and he asked if I would give him a call when I got back in town.

Grandma and I went to a concert. This was a make-up event for the opera that got cancelled this spring when the organization ran out of funds. The two lead opera singers performed several opera pieces and some Broadway ones. The baritone was much better suited to the opera. His pronounciation and style were just too proper for the Broadway songs. The soprano stole the show. She was so talented and hit so many high notes, making it all appear effortless.

I had a nice visit with Grandma and Sudie and just as I was leaving, my phone rang. It was Steve. You know, it's so rare to find someone who really likes you that you also really like. I was touched that he called, and we talked as I headed back to Dallas. We each had plans for the early evening (I had a friend's 40th birthday party and he had dinner plans with friends), but we agreed to meet up around 8:30 or so.

The party was fun, good food, conversation and lots of laughter. Steve called as promised at 8:00, but neither of us was ready to meet. We finally met up around 11:30 at a dance club. A friend of mine from the party went with me, and we all danced until the club closed at 2:00. It was such a blast. My hair was wet with sweat around my face from dancing so much. And I just remember laughing and smiling a lot.

I try to keep my blog G-rated for my myriad of readers which include my cousin and my dad. So some of you will have to read between the lines.

Steve came back to my house and we talked and kissed until 3:30 or 4. He's so sweet. This combination of being attracted to someone and also feeling so comfortable with them is new to me.

I made him breakfast this morning. He calls when he says he will and did again this afternoon. We had originally planned to go cycling (he's into mountain biking!), but both of us were tired from lack of sleep. But he said he still wanted to see me, if I wanted, and he came over and watched a football game with me, and I made a simple dinner. He was very complimentary.

Other great things:
He likes my cat Sabrina. And she likes him.
He's learning how to ride a motorcycle and was impressed with mine.
He said I have a European/English look about me. (I love that!)
He has told me several times how thankful he is to have met me.
He's been genuinely interested in learning about my family and looking at the pictures around my house.
He has several friends that have been in his life for 15 years or so.
He speaks very highly and respectfully about his dad.
We agree on our political leanings and basic spiritual beliefs.
While he was here for dinner, he killed a nasty cockroach that found it's way into my kitchen.
He's very open about his past and takes responsibility for his part in his marriage not working.
He's financially secure and owns two houses (one here and one in Virginia Beach).
Did I mention he's a great kisser?

I can't help smiling. This is fun. More to come! We have plans to have dinner on Tuesday.

Race Results

They finally posted the results. Jennifer's and my team, Viva Terlingua, named after her terrific, soulful dog that passed away last year, finished in 1 hour 54 minutes, placing 54 out of 86.

I'm Not Shy

I mentioned to some of my coworkers that I have a blog that is mostly read by family and friends and a few online blog-friends, and she was almost horrified. She couldn't believe I would be thrilled to get strangers' comments about what I wrote. She just saw it as an invasion of privacy or something. (Yes, I explained that blogs, being on the world wide web, are open to the online public.)

My sister Jennifer and I met a cute Irish guy at the race last weekend. He was one of the staff organizing and working the race, and we met him on Saturday when we dropped off our bikes and boat. He caught us trying to both squeeze into the one-person boat on dry land, and we all had a good laugh at what must have been an amusing sight. We spoke with him for a few minutes and learned he lives in the Austin area (figures...a much hipper town than Dallas) and is from northern Ireland. (And he wasn't wearing a wedding ring. I know, not a definite sign that someone's not married, but a good start.)

We saw him several times during the race, and I called out to him once, "Hey, Irish!" He smiled and cheered us on.

After we finished, I looked for him but didn't see him again. I really wanted to talk to him, so...I just sent an email to the race director through the race's website asking him for the guy's name or to forward my message to Irish Guy. Kinda crazy, and I realize in today's world of privacy concerns, the race director may think I'm a psycho-stalker-girl and not give me the info. But, what the hell? I figure it doesn't hurt to ask, and if he says no or doesn't pass the message along, I'm no worse off than I am now. And if he does pass the message along, maybe it will make Irish Guy smile at least.

The Proof is in the X-Ray

A couple years ago, I started having some pretty strange symptoms from my scoliosis. Every so often when I would stand up after sitting at my desk, my right hip would give out on me, and if I didn't catch myself, I would collapse to the floor. It wasn't exactly painful (except if I hit the floor or furniture on the way down), but it was very disconcerting.

I've known about my back being slightly off center since I was 13 or so. Remember those days in gym class where all the girls would have to stand around without their shirts and get checked for scoliosis? I usually went home with a note telling my parents they saw an irregularity. I was checked out by a doctor, but he said it wasn't serious.

About 10 years ago, I went to an orthopedist because my back was giving me a lot of pain (more than I had gotten accustomed to). He took x-rays, and for the first time, I could see where and how my spine went off course. The lumbar vertebrae curved to the right, and the cervical vertebrae curved to the left to compensate. The doctor told me my scoliosis was only 10-15 degrees off normal, not bad enough to require surgery but just something that would give me discomfort. Basically, he told me to live with it and to check in with him as I aged.

And so I just accepted the chronic lower back pain, and I often popped my neck by leaning my head to either side. It gave me some relief.

But two years ago, I decided to put my previous biases about chiropractors aside and give it a try. I met a petite chiropractor about my age at a local health fair, and she honestly answered my questions and addressed my concerns. And she gave me hope. She said she could help.

After only a few months, I was feeling so much better. I could sleep better because I wasn't in as much pain. I could sit in cars more comfortably. I could even turn my head without having to turn my whole torso to look over my shoulder. After a year, she took x-rays and compared them with my starting x-rays. The difference was noticeable. The vertebrae had moved, although they were still not completely in-line.

We took x-rays again today, two years since I began the therapy. The x-rays confirmed why I wasn't having as much pain and the reason for the increased mobility and flexibility. My back x-ray no longer shows any sign of curvature. It's unbelievable. She actually said "we've eliminated your scoliosis." I never thought that was possible! I never dreamed that high. I was just hoping for a reduction of pain, but I have gotten so many additional benefits. I feel so grateful to my doctor and that I found her.

W.A.R. II

Yesterday was my second Women's Adventure Race, and I'm happy to report I could tell a marked improvement in my performance!

It was held on a large YMCA camp ground west of Fort Worth. The drive was long, especially with the astronomical gas prices, but the venue was really gorgeous. Similar to last time, there was a run, bike, water event and another bike portion. But Jenn and I agreed the run should have been called a hike. There were very steep climbs that no one was running through. We did run on the straighter areas, though.

The bike section was so scenic through the woods. Jenn led most of the time, although we switched a couple times. The only slow part was the areas drenched in sand. You just cannot keep bike wheels turning through deep sand. We had to get off our bikes and walk them through that part, but otherwise, I didn't have to stop to catch my breath at all, unlike last time. It also helped that I got us CamelBacks to carry water and easily drink throughout the race.

The kayak that Jennifer mentioned in her recent post, Keep Austin Weird, was pretty small. We practiced the day before (on dry land) and figured we could get our butts in but would have to straddle the boat and keep our legs out. Once in the water, our legs were dragging us down and Jenn kept hitting my leg with her paddle. I jumped out, almost capsizing her, and grabbed the back of the boat and kicked. She said, "I can't see you, but I can hear you!" With her paddling and my flutter kick, we made it around the pond.

Then back on the bikes, and this time we didn't have to stop for the mystery events. The mystery events were pretty much all the same as the Austin race. I think we were both a little disappointed that there wasn't anything new, but I also felt more prepared, knowing what was coming.

All in all, it was a great day. Anthony's parents came out with his nephew Andrew and the kids, Anna & Colin. The day was overcast, which kept the heat down. I was exhausted afterwards (and didn't do much of anything the rest of the day), but I'm actually not too sore today. I feel ready for the next one!

A few pictures from last weekend

I didn't take many pictures last weekend, but below are a couple. Jenn kept me pretty busy preparing for this weekend's Women's Adventure Race.

Cutie Colin being silly at the breakfast table 

Anna enjoys a gelato treat after getting a vaccine 

Colin gulps down the chocolate gelato 

Missing you

Coming back from Austin this weekend, I am struck by how solitary and quiet my life is. Anna & Colin are so full of life and love, and I delight in being around them. But when I leave, there is such a huge hole in my heart. Their absence is more acute when I first leave.

Jennifer and Anna dropped me off at the airport. As I was waiting to board the plane, my phone rang. It was Anna saying, “I wish you could come back right now.” Me, too.

Rebuttal

So obviously I started a little political controversy here with my post about the government's response to the Katrina disaster. While there is the ability to leave anonymous messages on my blog, I think it's pretty cowardly for someone to leave two messages not just disagreeing with my opinion but making sweeping statements about "bleeding heart liberals." (Yes, "bleeding" is spelled with 2 E's, no A's.)

I actually am more middle of the road. On some things I agree with the left side and other time with the right. I absolutely agree with my anonymous slammer that people should be responsible for their own actions. But I also realize not everyone is starting from the same set of circumstances. I am thankful for all that I have, and I am happy to share with those who are less fortunate and working to get themselves out of their bad situation.

I am sickened by the thought of the elderly and children who have suffered the most from the hot weather and lack of water. They have DIED. I think those easily preventable deaths are unacceptable.

I hope that all of you readers, whether you agree or disagree that the government took its time in responding, I hope you will do what you can to help the people who have now lost EVERYTHING. Volunteer to help the refugees in your area, donate to Salvation Army or Red Cross.

My leisurely (?) Saturday

I'm in Austin this weekend. Not for rest and relaxation, but for lots of toddler watching and running-behind and exercise! My sister Jennifer and I are practicing for next weekend's adventure race, and since Jenn is in such awesome shape, I'm trying to prove that she won't have to wait for me as much as the last race.

It's so wonderful to be around Colin and Anna. Colin calls me "Eno-wee." All L's are pronounced with a W sound. It's very cute. Anna is four-years-old and so much her own person now. She has a great imagination and loves to play pretend with her stuffed animals and other toys.

Anna had to get a vaccination today, and once we got there, it turned out Colin needed a booster, too. Anna was so brave. I told her to take a deep breath and to blow it out hard when she felt the shot. By the time she blew it out, the shot was over. She didn't even say "Ow."

Unfortunately, Colin's wasn't so easy. He said "Ow, my arm!" alarmingly as he began to wail. Since mom had been nearest to him when the nurse gave him this terrible surprise, he reached out for Auntie Emily to save him. He quickly got over it once we got back to the waiting room and sat down to watch the fish in the fish tank. I rubbed his arm while he wasn't paying attention, hoping to spread the vaccine and reduce the soreness later.

Since I'm staying in Colin's room in the bed next to his crib, I didn't get a lot of sleep. He awoke screaming at 1 a.m. and woke up at 7:30 in the morning. I tried to sleep a bit longer, but I could hear both him and Anna anxiously awaiting my awakening.

Once Colin took his nap this afternoon, Jenn said, "Let's go!" We took a bike ride around the neighborhood to the lap pool with Anna in the bike trailer behind Jenn. Once at the pool, we swam a few laps, pushing Anna on a float and encouraging her to swim along side us.

Jenn made a beautiful, tasty dinner: salmon, eggplant, zucchini and sweet potatoes on the grill, and bruchetta made from homegrown, garden fresh tomatoes and basil. It's only 9 p.m. but I'm ready to go to bed. I just have to wait for Colin to fall asleep before I can sneak in there!

Aftermath Hell of Katrina

I'm just sick about the devastation in Louisiana and Mississippi and the unfathomable slowness of the federal government to respond. And I feel so helpless, watching and reading about the thousands of people who are suffering and dying.

Yesterday at work, a coworker shared that the Dallas Salvation Army was holding a one-day drive for supplies to then take to the ravaged area. He and I went to Sam's at lunch and filled two carts full of bottled water, diapers, canned food, and other needed items. Today, I've been hearing additional means of donating money, items, time and even housing. Several thousand refugees are being sent to the Dallas area.

As many others have blogged about and expressed on TV, WHY has it taken so long for the government to get there? How can you just let all those innocent people die? How can you value the life of someone a world away in Iraq or Indonesia to send immediate aid, but leave the people of your own country to descend into hell?

My other means of transportation

I ride a motorcycle. (A Suzuki SV 650) Now that it's finally starting to "cool off" in Texas (90s instead of 100s), I'm riding more often to work. Plus, with gas prices going through the roof, it makes more sense to ride than drive. I get MUCH better gas mileage on my bike.

It's interesting the reaction I get from friends and strangers when they learn I ride. Once, when I stopped at the grocery store on my way in to work, a couple of guys saw me from across the parking lot. One said to the other, "Dude! It's a chick on a bike!" I don't usually like being referred to as a baby chicken, but I still thought that was pretty cool.

At work, we've added several new people over the last few months (the hotter than hell months when I don't ride much), so coworkers are still learning this fact about me. Girls say, "you go, girl!" and guys say, "you ride a bike? wow..."

Contrary to my brother-in-law Anthony's belief, I didn't start riding because guys think it's cool when a girl rides. I actually didn't even realize that.

My dad had a Honda motorcycle when I was 10-12 years old, and I remember a couple of times he would pick me up from school on it. I loved waving goodbye to my friends, saying, "that's my dad!" and climbing on the back. He would take me riding through back country roads and sometimes let me sit in front of him and pretend to steer. I would wear the motorcycle helmet while I rode my bicycle around the neighborhood, pretending it was a motorcycle. (You can imagine the absurdity of this: this was before bicycle helmets were used.)

Later on, I dated a couple guys with bikes, too. One a Harley guy and one a sports biker. The latter knew how much I enjoyed riding with him and encouraged me to take the safety course and learn how to do it myself. I didn't think I would like it, but he kept badgering me until I agreed to try it.

I didn't like it...I LOVED it. That was the year I turned 30, so I joked that getting my first motorcycle was like my "midlife crisis" purchase.

I know my mom worries. She even asked me, "You don't go on highways, do you?" (This is pretty impossible to avoid since my company's building is on a service road of a highway.) My grandmother can't even stand me talking about it. She just starts going "Ohhhh....I don't like that you ride that thiiiiiing..." until I change the subject.

It makes you a much more defensive driver. You have to constantly watch the cars around you, because more often than not, they don't see you. I pretend I'm invisible to them, taking the responsibility of staying out of their way on myself. I do a lot of pulse-driving, similar to how my grandmother drives her car. But I do it to stay out of car's blindspots.

I'm not one of those riders that fly by you, engines screaming. I don't do wheelies (front wheel up) or stoppies (back wheel up). I stick to what I learned in the safety course: know your limits and know the limits of your bike, and don't go beyond them. And I wear protective gear: helmet, motorcycle boots, gloves and jacket that have kevlar. (One of my coworkers teases me that the boots look like "retard shoes." They're definitely not for fashion.)

It's exhilirating when you get a stretch of open road. Then there's nothing but you and the bike. I can tune out all the other thoughts in my head and just concentrate on riding. Even a few minutes of not multitasking is so refreshing.

My beautiful bike 

Yoga for dummies

In January, I joined the local gym, both for fitness and social reasons. I was hoping to meet other singles in the area, but I've learned that everyone pretty much keeps to themselves. Still, I'm proud to report that I have continued to use the gym 3-5 times a week, despite the lack of reinforcement from the scale.

A friend suggested I try their classes, since it's more likely that you can strike up a conversation with someone you see regularly at a particular class. I've avoided the classes, partially because I don't want to feel stressed to get to the gym at a particular time and partially because I'm not the most coordinated person. It's disheartening to finally get the aerobics step just to realize you're the only one moving forward while the rest of the class is going backwards.

But, I decided to try a yoga class on Saturday. I dusted off my yoga mat, which hasn't seen any action in about two years, and headed over to the gym. I sat beside a guy who was also waiting for the previous class to finish and soon realized he was the yoga instructor. We waited several minutes, but no one else showed up. "I guess it's just you and me!" he exclaimed. (Uh oh, I thought.) "Instead of the class, would you like a personal instruction?" What could I say except Ok?

Carlos is a yoga purist. He believes in doing the poses correctly or not at all. I've come to realize I have muscles that I never tested before because I feel them quite acutely now. Although all the poses he put me through were ones I was familiar with, Carlos showed me the proper way to do each. Even my feet and hands got a workout!

Yoga for dummies

For fitness and in hopes of meeting some new friends, I joined the local gym in January. I'm proud to report that I've stuck with it and still go 3-5 times a week, although I've been disappointed to learn that everyone pretty much keeps to themselves. Now that I have my iPod Mini, I do the same thing. (thanks, Steph!)

A friend suggested I try some of the classes they offer at the gym. I haven't gone to those, mostly because I don't like to rush to make it to the gym at a specific time. It's difficult to make it there by 6 or even 7 some days with work and traffic. I'm also not the most coordinated person, so aerobics and bench aerobics are an extra challenge, with me usually going the opposite direction of the class. But I agreed that attending the classes would probably be more conducive to conversation and meeting others.

So, I picked out a yoga class to attend on Saturday. I showed up with my mat (which hasn't been used in probably 2 years) and sat down next to a guy who was also waiting for the previous class to finish. We started talking, and I realized he is the instructor Carlos. We waited for several minutes, but no one else showed up. "Looks like it's just you and me!" he said. (Uh oh, I thought.) "Instead of the class, do you want a personal lesson?" (What could I say except Ok?)

There are muscles on my body that have never before been put to the test. I know this because I am now sore in odd places, like diagonally from my ribs to my hipbone. I even got a good workout in my feet and hands.

Carlos is a purist and insists on proper positioning. He said, "if you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all." Although I was familiar with each of the poses he put me through, I learned how to do each a little better. I couldn't move very well yesterday, but no pain, no gain, right?

Learning to Trust Myself Again

A few weeks ago, I wrote about a visit to my local dance club in Weekend Report. I mentioned a gorgeous guy that I talked to briefly, who ended up with a table of girls.

I saw him again last Friday. Still breathtakingly cute. He smiled sheepishly and said I must be mad at him (for ditching me last time). I said no, not mad, just a little disappointed. Well, this time he wasn't letting me get away. We talked for a couple hours and had a nice conversation. I told him I was expecting my gay boyfriend to show up with his mom. He kinda raised his eyebrow at that but went on to say how he doesn't judge others and understands how women feel safe with gay guys.

When said gay boyfriend arrived, I introduced them briefly and left Mr. Gorgeous to help the family (mom, aunt, friend and brother were all there) find a table. When I came back to Gorgeous, he vehemently said, "I'm not shaking that guy's hand!" This was really out-of-the-blue, because he wasn't anywhere around at the time. I reassured him that gayness "doesn't rub off" and reminded him that this guy, in addition to being a good friend of mine, was a human being just like us. Gorgeous-now-looking-less-so went on to explain that he doesn't condone that kind of behavior. So, it's getting uncomfortable at this point, and we change the subject as I'm thinking how much I've learned about him with this outburst.

Equally out-of-the-blue, he says,

"Do you want to go get naked?"

Laughing out loud, I reply, "No, not really!"

If this is his pick-up line, he needs to work on it.

With two divorces under my belt, I sometimes doubt my ability to choose wisely when it comes to men and relationships. But I think God is sending me some easy pitches to regain my confidence. This one was easy. Thanks, up there!

Addendum in response to an anonymous post: I meant to write and post this earlier in the week, but this week has been incredibly hectic for me. I apologize for making you wait for the story!

Blog Spam?!?

I type in my blog address to see if anyone has posted comments. I'm thrilled to see there's 9 comments to my earlier post...and then I read them. Seven of them were spam! I haven't experienced this before, but I'm pissed! Each one said something like "Love your blog. I'll be bookmarking it. Hey, check out my site on landscaping/poker/cialis/party hostesses/Russian girls, etc..."

Don't put your filth on my site!

However, if you are a true reader/family/friend, please do leave a comment. I love getting the feedback and knowing I made you laugh or at least wrote something that you can relate to.

New beginnings for Annie

On Sunday, I helped my goddaughter Annie move into her college dorm for her freshman year at North Texas University. She's excited and apprehensive about all the new things she'll be experiencing. The dorm is nice but no frills. Annie has always had her own room, so cramming all her stuff into half a room was a challenge, but it looked good when we left.

On one of the many trips up to the second floor of the dormitory, Annie met her Resident Advisor. On another trip, the RA stopped me and said, "I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name." I just smiled and said "Don't worry about it. I'm not moving in -- it's my goddaughter!"

Several upperclassmen were volunteering to help the freshmen move their boxes and stuff into the dorms. It was great because both of Annie's parents have back problems at the moment. (Her dad has had a bad back for years, and her mom -- my BF -- fell last week and bruised her shoulder blade and back.) I was expecting to do most of the heavy lifting myself, but there were lots of young people ready and willing to help.

To move her television, BF and I enlisted the help of a young guy with a nametag of Todd. He started asking me lots of questions, and I got the idea that he thought I was moving in. When I said, "I'm not the one moving in. I graduated from college 11 years ago." his eyebrows shot up and he said, "Wow. You carry your age well!"

Ha ha ha! I think that's a combination of "you carry yourself well" and "you age well" or something.

BF wouldn't even laugh about it. She gets annoyed that people think I'm younger than I am. But I thought it was pretty cool.

Things my sister wanted to know about me

My sister Jenn is a very talented writer, in addition to being a great mom and wonderful veterinarian. I check her blog daily to read the latest about my niece and nephew or her work or just life in general. So, when she recently wrote about getting a meme (in the blogger world, a meme is like a theme passed from blog to blog) and solicited requests to be interviewed, I naively accepted the challenge.

The following are her questions and my answers.

1) If you could go back and change your birth order, would you? What would you pick?

You're trying to goad me here...I know it. Based on the old home movies of my reaction when little sister Stephanie was brought home from the hospital, I'm guessing I would have been happy being the baby. I've never really given this much thought. I read The Birth Order Book and found it very interesting, but of the many times I've wished I could go back and change something in my life, this isn't in the top 100. I try to learn from what I've been given (middle child) and use that positively.

2) If you could relocate to any other city, and your friends and family would still be close, and you'd still have a great job, what city would you choose?

I'm not sure exactly, but I know it would be on the coast. I just love the water. It speaks to my soul and makes me feel calm. Of the coastal cities I've been to, possible options would include Seattle, San Francisco, or San Diego.

3) What is one of your happiest childhood memories?

Sitting around the dining room table with my family and singing songs to Daddy's guitar playing after dinner. I remember when Daddy was teaching us harmony, and we were all singing "Dreams" by the Everly Brothers. Mommy sang one part with Jenn and Steph, and Daddy and I were singing the other part. I kept getting swayed to sing with the other girls, and we'd begin again. Then suddenly, it just clicked, and I could hear the other part but still sing my part. I love the sounds of harmony and our whole family singing together.

4) Describe an ideal first date.

First, a description by what it's not: none of the first dates I've ever been on. To me, a first date is awkward, both people trying to figure each other out and impress the other. An ideal first date would be with the ideal person: someone with whom you feel comfortable being yourself, where conversation flows easily and you find yourself laughing often. I would like a slow dinner in a restaurant that's not too noisy, so you don't have to shout to be heard or strain to hear what he's saying. And if there's chemistry, which on the ideal date there would be, end the evening with plans to see each other again and a short kiss.

5) What is your favorite physical attribute?

Of myself? Probably my eyes or my lips. Although as we age, our lips pale in color and wrinkle and get thin, so I'm sticking with the eyes. Even though the skin around them changes with age, your eyes are the "windows to the soul" from birth to death. I like that I have large, hazel eyes. They occasionally change color, like when I cry, they get really green.

Okay, that's it! Now, who's next?
Want an interview of your own? Instructions:

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying “Interview me.” You must leave your blog address so I can think of good questions for you! Caveat: Offer is limited to the first 5 responders with a blog.

2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person’s will be different. I’ll post the questions in the comments section of this post.

3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Don't feel like being seen in public

I've been travelling for work the past couple days. A group of us left on Sunday night and returned home late last night. Although I'd met this client before, you always want to present yourself in the best possible manner.

So when I noticed a nasty zit right in the entrance of my right nostril on Sunday night, I wasn't thrilled. Besides being terribly painful, it made half my nose really red. And I definitely didn't want anyone to mistake it for a booger.

Monday night, I was equally disappointed to find a NEW nasty zit between my eyes at the top of my nose. (It's not equidistant between my eyes, more to the right side.) It's also very painful, and now I'm concerned that everyone is looking at IT rather than looking into my eyes.

To round it all out, I have a nervous habit of picking my nails to bits. It's a life-long habit that I have tried to break numerous times. Actually, I think as a child, I bit my nails, now I just pick at them. So, during these all-day meetings, my nails and cuticles suffered. Monday was the left hand, and Tuesday was the right.

I'm a mess. Glad to be home, but I wish it was cold enough to wear a ski mask and gloves all day long to hide my glaring imperfections.

Nothing much

I haven't written in five days. Sorry if you've been checking for something new. I just haven't been inspired to write much. Or, I've thought of a topic and then discounted it, thinking it wasn't entertaining enough.

I met a really interesting guy on Friday night. He looks like a guy I had a crush on (oh...who am I kidding? I still have a crush on) that lives in New York. This guy, Mel, just moved to Austin from Dallas. We had a great conversation about our respective careers and the differences between Austin and Dallas. He was funny and witty and very complimentary. I didn't realize until later that I was standing on his right the whole time. I didn't even notice the wedding band, and I usually look for those right off. I was so disappointed. He noticed my obvious disappointment and said he hadn't meant to mislead me. [Sigh] I knew he seemed too good to be true.

My gay boyfriend, Daniel, comes back into town this week. Yea! My dancing partner is back! His mom is coming to visit, too, and he wants me to meet her. Should be interesting. His mom knows he's gay but isn't thrilled about it. I wonder if hanging out with an older divorcee will be considered good or worse? ha ha

Pet Peeves

A list of things that really get on my nerves (in no particular order):

1. Hair in the sink. Why is it that hair is beautiful on a loved one's head, but if one strand leaves the bunch and is then found in another location, it's icky. Add to this my own hair strands when they flee their proper location and wrap around my arms. I'm always freaked out that it's a bug crawling on me.

2. Bugs. Especially those that attempt to crawl on me.

3. People (notably coworkers) who leave their dishes in the sink when there are TWO empty dishwashers with signs on them stating they are empty. There's also a sign about "your mother doesn't work here...clean up after yourself." Yes, we have a janitor, but he has the whole huge building to care for. His main responsibility is not getting your used coffee cup into the dishwasher.

4. Long-time married people that give me suggestions on how to meet guys:
"Have you tried church?" I've tried multiple churches.
"It's always best to get set up by friends." Done that, no success yet. Everyone left says they don't know any other singles.
"Have you tried a dating service?" Currently trying #4.
"Anyone nice at your work?" Been there, done that. Probably not going to venture there again.
"You need to get out there." And exactly where is out there?

5. Eating less and working out more and still no change on the f***ing scale.

6. People who drive slow in the left lane. The left lane is for PASSING, idiots. If several cars go around you on the right, you're probably going too slow to be in the left, otherwise known as "fast," lane.

7. Meetings during lunchtime that don't include lunch.

8. Stupid people. Now, if someone is ignorant, they can be taught. But if you're stupid, there's just not much hope for you.

9. Americans who travel abroad and expect everything to be just like America. Even the language. If you're going to be that arrogant, don't leave your little town.

10. Cigarette smoking. I don't get it. It's not cool, it makes you smell, it stains your teeth and it's the number one cause of lung cancer. And I'm allergic and asthmatic, so keep it away from me.

11. Skinny people who moan that they've gained weight. Do you want to compare saddlebags or potbellies? I win, so shut up.

Weekend Report

I got my hair cut on Saturday. (Finally!) Nothing too radical. I entertained the idea of really cutting it short or doing something really different, but in the end, I chickened out. I just had 3 inches and more layers cut. (By the way, NO ONE has noticed here at work. Very observant folks here.)

So I was feeling pretty spunky Saturday night and decided to hit my local club for some live music and dancing. As I was enjoying a drink at the bar, I got a tap on my shoulder. I turned to see an older man of at least 70 smiling and asking me if I would like to dance, assuring me that he was a really good dancer. Ah, what the hell?

It was early in the evening, and we were the only ones on the dance floor. He told me he's a dance instructor, and his moves cracked me up. He spun around, pretended to wipe his brow with his hand and pointed at me. I just kept laughing.

When the song was over, I appropriately thanked him and he asked me if I was there with friends. I said yes, they just hadn't arrived yet (easier to explain than the truth of being there alone AND I didn't want him to feel he had to rescue me from my aloneness). I went back to the bar and a woman grabbed my arm.

"You can say you're with us!" motioning to her husband. "We were watching and felt so bad for you!"

I just kept laughing and assured her the guy was a gentleman. When he came by to ask me again later, I was talking to a gorgeous guy (more my own age), who later ditched me for a table of girls. Guess one wasn't enough for him.

I also met two guys who were in town for company training. One was from Trinidad, the other from Ireland. They were very interesting and cute, and they enjoyed beating me soundly at several games of pool. (I'm terrible, to put it nicely.) I convinced them I was much better at dancing than pool. The Irish guy asked me which of them I liked better. (I was flirting with both of them.) I said I liked them both, and he intimated that I could choose to go home with either of them. I was having fun, but I just smiled and said, "I'm not going home with either of you. I'm going home alone!" They laughed, and we continued to just hang out and dance.

Training note: I lifted weights on Friday and took a long bike ride on Saturday through my neighborhood which includes several steep hills. (Jenn, I only stopped for water breaks. I didn't have to walk up any of the hills!) Jennifer and I are gearing up for the next Women's Adventure Race in Ft. Worth on September 11.

Just my luck

My mom sent me a funny card this week. A girl is sitting alone on the beach, watching two hotties play volleyball. It says, "Why are all the best guys either married or gay?" The inside goes on to say, (paraphrasing), "or assholes? or slobs who leave toenail clippings around? or[something else completely undesirable]?"

(The card didn't really use profanity, but that word kinda sums up a lot of men that I've had the unfortunate opportunity to meet.)

A guy friend of mine, who reads my blog but is too chicken to leave a comment, remarked that I have the worst luck in men. It made me laugh, but it also made me feel really good to get that validation.

I was thinking this morning, it's been 14 months since I broke up with Rod. (I was going to come up with a witty, descriptive nickname for him, but I couldn't think of anything that would completely describe all the bullshit.) This is the longest I think I've ever gone without a boyfriend, and I don't say that in a sad, pity-me way because in many ways, it's been a very positive thing. I've gotten a lot stronger in who I am and what I want and know that I won't settle for less than I deserve.

By the way, I did get a marriage proposal this week. My gay boyfriend Daniel had to go home to Mexico this week to renew his visa or something and asked me half-joking, half-serious to marry him so he could get legal status in the States. I just laughed and said "can you imagine what my parents would say/think?" Ha ha ha!

What happened?

Brief synopsis: "37, never married, single professional in Ft. Worth, 5'11", born and raised in Montana, enjoys fly fishing, hiking, going out or staying in. Looking for a woman who is independent, spontaneous, honest and attractive."

He emailed me (through Match) and expressed an interest. Ok, I thought. He's cute, professional and seems to have a lot of the qualities I'm looking for. I wrote back, and we exchanged several emails.

Then, he wrote back, "I know this is last-minute, but would you like to meet for a drink tonight?"

Throwing caution to the wind, I decided to do it. After all, I was planning on an evening of the gym and re-runs.

We met, and he was cute and nice and fun...we left the bar and went out for dinner. We talked until 10 p.m. and as he was leaving, he remarked, "Oh! I don't have your number." I offered to email it to him and did that night with a note saying I'd had a great time.

That was 6 days ago... (crickets chirping)

Do what you love

Every Monday for the past four years, I volunteer at the local county hospital, Parkland, in the neonatal intensive care unit. I hold premies, feed them, change diapers and help the nurses as much as possible. With my health background, I'm fascinated by the medical procedures and abnormalities that I've seen. I'm sickened by the parents who subject their unborn children to the effects of illegal drugs, and I try to give all the babies I meet some love and attention that they need so much at this time in their lives.

I love my volunteer work, so much so that it doesn't seem like work at all. It's so rewarding to me, and the nurses I've gotten to know are such beautiful, caring people. I really miss seeing the babies when I have to miss a Monday because of travelling for work or when I'm sick. (And, by the way, I know that here in the States "travelling" is only supposed to have one L, but it looks weird to me, and since my dad's from the U.K., I'm claiming exemption and sticking with the proper English! It's not a typo.)

I met my best friend (BF) 11 years ago when she was a volunteer at the non-profit I was working for. We have volunteered together over the years at many different community and church events. Her husband also has a volunteer spirit, and they have instilled this in their daughter, too. He is very active with his own religion's community group and is currently heading up a transportation committee for a week-long event for young athletes. The youth have arrived from all over the nation and from a couple of different countries for an Olympics-type competition. BF literally begged me to help, to volunteer for an evening or two.

I got a postcard in the mail (in BF's handwriting) stating I was signed up to volunteer three evenings this week -- Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. Grr...so not only do I have to miss Parkland, but I have to reschedule with my counselor whom I usually see on Wednesday evenings. This time is critical to my maintaining some semblance of sanity.

Oh, and can you be at the event site at 5 p.m.?

My work is very demanding and hectic. We are currently in a tremendous growth spurt, and there's more work than resources. Oh, and our hours are (at minimum) 8:30-5:30.

Okay, so I bust my butt to get outta work at 4:55 and drive to the event location. I got there at 5:15. Not bad considering Dallas traffic. I checked in with the volunteer coordinator and found BF's husband. He told me we were awaiting the buses bringing the kids and would be directing them into the building.

It's hot here in Dallas in August. I could feel the sweat dripping down my back and soaking my bra as we waited.

The 45 buses finally arrived around 7:00. (Sooo glad I rushed out of work to stand around in the heat...) We got all the kids inside, reminding them to remember which bus they were on because that would be the one they were to return on. Several of the volunteers loudly vocalized their opinions of how the process could have been handled more efficiently. There were too many chiefs in this crowd.

I guess a lot of the volunteers know each other, but I didn't know any of them. A couple of them asked me how I had gotten involved, but after the initial pleasantries, they pretty much left me alone. So I had a couple hours to sit around and think to myself and watch other people. (Boring!)

We got the kids back on the buses starting at 9 p.m. No surprise, several kids couldn't remember which bus was theirs. We finally got everyone on the correct bus and headed back to the community center, where the host families would be picking up their kids. More chaos ensued there, and I finally got home around 11 p.m. Needless to say, I'm exhausted.

I kept telling myself that I was doing a good thing by volunteering, but I was left with a bad taste in my mouth. I'm going back to the babies.

The words I've been longing to hear

On Friday, I actually dressed up for work. (We have a very casual environment where flip-flops and t-shirts are perfectly acceptable, although I actually don't wear either of those to work.) The president and senior VP were taking the presentation team for that big pitch we recently won out to lunch at Nobu, the most talked-about highly regarded Japanese restaurant currently in Dallas. We weren't told beforehand where we were going, just told to be "well-dressed."

So I actually wore a skirt and heels. (My feet were screaming at me by the end of the day, but hey, I looked good.)

My VP said to me, "Have you been losing weight?"

Ah...such a nice thing to say!

(By the way, the food was incredible.)

You know you need to lose weight when...

I was reading someone else's blog, and it reminded me of this story.

A couple years ago, when Rod and I were together, we went down to Austin to visit my sister Jennifer and her family. Jenn and Anthony are very frugal, and they also don't make big decisions or big purchases quickly. Anthony is very diligent in researching options and looking for the best price of things.

They have a kitchen dinette set that they have had for at least 8 years. It was perfect for them when they were a newly married couple, but after a couple kids and the MIL's dog scratching the top, let's just say they could do better. I have done my part to try and encourage a new purchase...

So we were all sitting around at their table, Jenn, Anth, little Anna, Rod and me, enjoying a delicious home-cooked meal by Jenn and some tasty wine. (I think this was before Colin was born.) All of the sudden, we hear a loud cracking noise, and I feel the seat beneath me giving way. There I am on the floor with the chair I had been occupying now split under me. My ass hurt, but my pride hurt more. Jenn exclaimed, "Are you ok?" but the guys just couldn't stop laughing. Now there were only 5 chairs.

Fast forward to a couple weekends ago when I was down there visiting and participating in the race with Jenn. They have such a cozy house, and it's so nice to sit around the table with a whole family...very different than my usual meal of take-out or leftovers in front of the TV. There we were, sitting around the table, unprepared for the CRACK! Oh no, not again! Oh, yes...the chair beneath me cracked and crashed to the floor. Anthony busted out laughing while I was saying, "Not again! Not again!" I can't believe with all the people who have sat at that table on those same chairs, only I have broken not one, but TWO! As I've posted before, I've really been struggling with my weight, and this is VERY disheartening.

Part martyr, part able-to-laugh-at-myself, the next day, Anna wanted to sit in the chair I had brought in from the other room (not one of the original set). I told her it was ok, but then I would have to sit in her chair (one of the originals). And I said to her, "You know what happens when Auntie Emily sits in those chairs..." And she soberly replied, "Yeah. They break."

So now there are 4...

It's not you, it's me

So Ed, the guy I had brunch with (see Online dating sucks...), text-messaged me on my phone on Monday saying he'd enjoyed meeting me, etc. I struggled with whether to reply and what to say. I decided to be honest with him and not just leave him wondering. I wrote back it was nice to meet him, too, but it just wasn't a connection for me, and wished him good luck.

He wrote back: "I figured you felt that way. Just curious, what was not right? Please be honest. I appreciate the feedback."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Again, I struggled with whether I need to write back. I mean, how do you say in a nice, non-offending way, "I don't think you're attractive, you talk too much and you don't watch the news!" I decided to ask a few friends and coworkers for their advice. Here's what they suggested I write back:

Janet: "My degree was in health education, not psychology. Get a counselor if you want feedback."

Stephen M: "Case in point."
Stephen L: "Unsubscribe."

Online dating sucks, but at least I'm meeting people

Although some people have told me I'm too picky, I don't take offense to it. I haven't been picky enough in the past, and now I know what I want and don't want to settle for less than I deserve.

I met someone this weekend that I've been emailing and talking to for a few weeks. He found me through my profile on Match.com. I've enjoyed talking to him. He seems like a gentleman and was reasonably attractive. But there's just no way of knowing until you meet someone in person.

It's still amazing to me how people can look so different from their pictures. I think it's the 2-D versus 3-D effect. When you meet someone in person and then later see a picture of them, your brain automatically makes the connection. However, done in reverse -- seeing a picture of someone and then meeting them in person -- is not always so instantly recognizable. When you see a picture of someone for the first time, your brain fills in the 3-D details -- for example, how much their cheeks or chins protrude from their face. Then you see them in person, and you have to adjust your mental image to the actual.

This guy, Ed, didn't look too different from his photos except for the fact that his cheekbones were more sunken then I had imagined. It just kinda throws you for a while.

The meeting was ok, but I don't think I'll see him again. He talked 80% of the time, hardly giving me a chance to interject anything into the conversation. But the final straw was his admitting that he doesn't watch the news or read newspapers because it doesn't affect his life. I kept thinking about all the terrorist activities that are occurring in London, Madrid and elsewhere...how could you not think your life could be affected? It's already happened in New York and Oklahoma City. It's amazing to me that someone could be so short-sighted and egocentric.

I've tried dating services, church singles groups, getting set up by friends. Online dating isn't perfect, but I think it's probably more reliable than meeting guys in bars.

Overcoming personal obstacles

I saw an interview with Kate Winslet in which she was discussing society's views of women and their size. She has gotten a lot of negative press about her body, which I think is gorgeous. She said she's not into starving herself or plastic surgery and just eats healthy and stays busy with her two toddlers. She also recounted a conversation she had with Leonardo diCaprio:

She says, "Leo [DiCaprio], when we were doing Titanic, said, 'There are so many girls out there who think that to be successful and to be beautiful and to be loved and respected it means you have to be thin.' And this kind of really struck a chord with me. I thought, 'He's right, this image is being translated to teenage girls.'" Then, Kate says, "When the Academy Awards came around, I thought, 'I'm young. I'm 21 years old and I'm in this movie and it's very successful and I have been nominated for an Academy Award for this and I haven't done any of this through being skinny or through starving myself or anything like that.' And so I thought, 'I'm just going to hold my head high and I'm just going to be the person that I am.'"

I realized that this is a false belief I've held about myself, that to be loved and respected I must be thin. When I think about it logically, it seems ridiculous, but there's a part of me that truly believes this. Right now, I'm the heaviest I've ever been, but this is also the most in shape I've ever been.

I'm also reading this great book suggested to me by my counselor, Jo (a brilliant woman who provides me with great insight and is helping me destruct these false beliefs). Written by Sue Monk Kidd, When the Heart Waits is her personal story of a spiritual journey of sorts. She wrote about a time in her life when she felt stuck and unhappy with her current situation and how she worked through it. I highly recommend it to anyone who feels like they are in a transition time.

What is the sex of your brain?

I just took an interesting (albeit long) assessment on BBC's site that analyzes how you think and whether your mind is predominantly male or female.

I wasn't surprised to learn that I'm smack in the middle! I have some traits that are very female-oriented, such as verbal ability and empathy, and others that are typically male, such as spatial orientation.

Very interesting. Find out your Sex ID Profile!

My darling niece and nephew

Colin continues to be my little buddy. He's so sweet, running up to me periodically and leaning against me or coming to give me unbidden kisses! A couple of times this weekend he said all three syllables of my name, but mostly he calls me "Emmy" or "Enny."

Luckily for me, he still sleeps in a crib, so I get to stay in the bed in his room. The first morning I was there, he woke up, stood up in his crib and said, "Whaddya doin'?" I laughed and said, "I'm sleeping!" but I got up and picked him up.

The last morning I was there, I guess he was used to me being there. I heard him rustling around in his crib and peeked out of one eye to see him stand up and looking over at me, "Wake up!" he demanded.

He's certainly talking more and more. He's also asserting himself with his older sister, telling her, "No, Anna! I do it!" and "I turn!" (my turn) He's a mimic, repeating whatever we say, and when I called for Jennifer, he started saying her name, too. "Jennifer!"

On the other hand, Anna is in full imagination mode. Her favorite show is the Backyardigans, a group of six animal characters that find adventure in their backyard. For the past several days, she had claimed to be Pablo and her mom is Tyrone. I became Tasha, and Colin is Austin. Daddy is Daddy Austin. Whenever you say something to her and call her by name (Anna), she says, "You mean 'Pablo'?"

We were shopping on Saturday at Target and Kohl's, and Anna would yell out, "Tyrone! Come find me!" and Jennifer would answer, "Where are you, Pablo?" It struck me as funny to be walking out of these stores with Jennifer saying, "Come on, Pablo" to this little blonde haired girl.

Jennifer is a great sport and really encourages her kids' imagination. Anthony was tiring of it. I understand. You want to just call her Anna and hear her call you by your name. At one point he said something to her about "Mommy" and she said, "You mean 'Tyrone'?" And he said, "No, I mean 'Mommy'." She turned to me and said, "Daddy doesn't like to play Backyardigans."

Colin singing and dancing "the Hokey Pokey"

Anna, just looking beautiful

Triumphant after finishing the Women's Adventure Race in Austin

We did it!

Okay, I knew Jenn would finish, but I still had doubts whether I would! The race was divided up into sections, 1) run/walk, 2) bike, 3) swim, 4) bike, 5) the "gauntlet".

We started off at 9:15 a.m. with the run through the woods, along with a rubber chicken that each team has to carry as their third teammate. There were so many women, the "traffic" made us walk through the first section. We jogged for awhile and then walked again. Our first "mystery event" was scrambling up a mountain of gravel! We felt like kids again, up the gravel and back down again. At the end of the run, we were told to clip our shoes together with a caribiner and do the rest of that section as a 3-legged race!

Back to the transition area, we picked up our bikes and helmets. Now we faced the trails on our bikes. It seemed to me that the majority of the trail was uphill! The bike trip was broken up by more mystery events. The first was just to toss our chicken through a hoop. Others were more inventive -- we were handcuffed to each other through a rope obstacle course, had to balance (walking sideways) along a wide tube, and, my favorite, the intellectual puzzles! I did well on the mystery events. Jenn actually had trouble with the balancing part and had to do it three times. This made me feel a little better for making her stop or walk for me to catch my breath. The puzzles were fun -- word scrambles, word finds, geometry and other math. We got all our answers right. (Other teams weren't so lucky and had to keep working on their answers until they got a minimum number right.)

Back on the bikes, I was thinking about doing this same course again for the second bike section (minus the events). I honestly didn't know how I'd do it...I was trying to think how I'd break it to Jenn...but part of me didn't want to forfeit...

It was hot, but the worst thing for me was the pain in my lungs. It hurt so much to breathe, and I couldn't catch my breath. I used my inhaler 5 times, and I was starting to think it wasn't having an effect anymore.

We (finally) got back to the transition area to ditch our bikes and pick up our floats for the swim. As we approached the starting area, we saw Anthony and the kids! Anna started running in circles around us, chanting "We found them! We found them!" They were so happy to see us, but we still had half the race to go!

Our float for the swim was Anna's whale, Shami (not Shamu, because she's a girl). We also had to wear annoying life vests (race rule). We hiked to the lake and stepped in the sticky mud to wade through thigh-high weeds in the water. The water felt good, and it had also started to rain. We made it about a third of the way through when they spotted lightning in the distance and had everyone exit the lake. We were glad we got to do at least some of the water portion.

We headed to the transition area again, where we dropped off our swimming stuff and got back on the bikes. By now it was REALLY raining, pelting us on our left side and cooling everything off considerably. Now the tricky part was the mud! It was very slippery, and there were a lot of ruts in the path. We saw a couple women who crashed. I still had to walk some, but I made it through. This time when we got to the transition area, all we had left was the gauntlet, so named for its entry to the finish line and its many obstacle events.

We climbed over a rope wall, crawled through kid-size tunnels, rolled through the mud under a rope mesh and then crawled through a water tank under additional ropes. We were soaked, muddy and glad it was over! The announcer called out our names and team name as we crossed the finish line. Whew. What a relief.

After a feast from Carraba's, we headed back to the Martin house to rinse off all the mud.

Now, after a lovely dinner by Jenn (how in the hell did she have the energy to cook?), I feel pretty good. I'm glad I finished, I know how to work towards the next one in Dallas in September, and I'm glad it's over! We finished in 2 hours 20 minutes. (And, by the way, I think the last team came in around at 3 hours.)

A good day

Good news...I learned today that we won that big business pitch! This will mean quite a change at work for me -- instead of having 5-6 accounts, I will just have this one for 9-12 months. It's going to be a great challenge.

I arrived in Austin today, and Jenn and I went on a practice bike ride tonight. I did okay, although I forgot to take a shot of my asthma inhaler beforehand. Jenn was very enthusiastic and kept yelling "Great!" when I got up the hills. Tomorrow we'll drop our bikes off at the race site.

Anna & Colin were so excited when I arrived, they were both screaming and giggling. I guess it was too much for Colin...he ran into Montana's cage and sat in there watching Anna and I for a few minutes. I finally got him to come out and give me a hug. And he gave us sweet goodnight kisses tonight, complete with "Mmmm..."

In Training

Next weekend is the adventure race. As I've told my friends and colleagues that I'm going to do this race, they look at me quizzically and ask, "have you been training?"

I guess this race is out-of-character for me, but that's part of the challenge. I think it will be very physically challenging for me. Each of the events would probably be enough for me on their own, but this will be all three: running, biking and swimming (sort of). The water portion is kicking or paddling a floatation device or boat. (Jenn, have you figured out what we're using yet?) Jenn was going to explore their storage unit for old swimming floats, and Anna offered her large blow-up Shamu.

I took a long bike ride this morning around my neighborhood. It's hot. And my butt really started to burn on all the inclines. (Yeah, I know, it can use it.) I have a water bottle holder on my bike, but I couldn't figure out how to get to it while I was riding, and I didn't want to stop because I thought my body would refuse to get back on and keep going. I'm so grateful for my iPod Mini, my birthday present from Stephanie. Music really helps keep your mind off the physical twinges and inspires you on.

Now I have to go into work. (Yuk) I'm going on a very important presentation, and we have to practice today. The presentation team consists of me, another director, 4 VPs and our President. No pressure.

Leave the past in the past

Well, I couldn't stand not knowing. I called Chris on Friday. He said he had had a really busy week and that was 75% of the reason he hadn't called -- the other 25% being that he still wasn't sure about whether he could accept the fact that I've been married before. Ok, so at least I knew. But then he asked me out for Saturday night.

We saw a movie (War of the Worlds -- very action-packed and suspenseful), and afterwards, I left feeling very down. I was feeling similar to how I felt often during my relationship with Rod, that I had to prove that I was worthy of his love and attention. It's a rotten feeling. It's like Chris has already judged me based on a past mistake, but he doesn't even really know me. I don't need that. I've struggled with my "status" enough and tried to forgive myself for making a bad decision (or two).

A Bitter Aftertaste

Not knowing if I should leave the cucumber on the vine to get darker green, I called the most knowledgeable gardener I know, my brother-in-law Anthony. He clued me in that the longer you leave cucumbers on the vine, the more bitter they get. Uh, oh...

So I picked the one in the picture as well as another and tried them out. Sure enough, it was pretty bitter.

I omitted something from last weekend's post-game report on my dates with Chris. He said I seemed wonderful, intelligent, yada, yada, yada...(you can almost hear the "but" right?)...but he wasn't sure if he could "handle" the fact that I'm divorced.

This really upset me for two reasons. First, he knew this before he asked me out. I'm very honest, and it is in my profile. We even talked about it on the phone before we ever met. Second, this is something I can't do anything about! It's so frustrating. I told him, I'd change it if I could, but unfortunately, I don't have the ability to go back and time and undo all my mistakes.

So, I haven't heard from him. I guess he decided he couldn't handle it. Whatever. Well, I guess, like the cucumbers, there will be more!