Beginnings & Endings

As I landed in Newark last night and saw the new moon, I was reminded of my Nana's saying "turn your pennies over" when she would see a new moon. I'm not sure exactly what she meant by that, but I've always taken it to mean it's a new beginning. Time to prepare for looking forward.

Feeling philosophical, I'm realizing that life is really full of beginnings and endings. Vacations, holidays, trips, birth and death, relationships. The beginnings are often much more anticipated and enjoyed than the endings, but without endings, we couldn't have new beginnings.

My holiday trip to Texas was so enjoyable, but it was so difficult to say goodbye to everyone. I got especially choked up driving out of Dallas. I was able to meet my girlfriends for our annual lunch and then took the opportunity to empty the storage unit I had there. I had a sense of finality doing that. If I move back to Texas, I don't think it would be to Dallas (more likely Austin). It was a relief to cross the storage unit off my list of to-do's, but I was sad to admit to my girlfriends that I've truly moved on.

Every time I say goodbye to my great aunt Sudie, I wonder if it's the last time I will see her. I don't mean to be morbid, but she is 93 (94 in January) and her body is becoming frail.

When I left Austin, Anna clung to me, sobbing "Don't go! Don't go!" It breaks my heart.

Unfortunately, I didn't take many pictures on my trip. I was truly enjoying my time with everyone and forgot to pull the camera out to document it all. I have a few I'll post later.

And now we look forward to a new year. What will 2009 bring?

Christmas Past

Merry Christmas!

This picture was taken in 1977 or 1978 when we lived in Cincinnati. This year, I'm spending Christmas day with Jennifer and will be with Stephanie the day after.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas!

How old are you?

Trying to see as many loved ones as I can while I'm in Texas. I saw my Grandma and my great aunt Sudie, my aunt & uncle and their kids, and got the opportunity to have lunch with my closest girlfriends. I've gotten more hugs in the past couple days than I have in a month! It's great.

A funny story about my aunt Sudie, who despite struggling with increasingly fragile health this year will turn 94 in January. We had a rare opportunity for a private conversation while my more vociferous Grandma was on the phone in the other room.

Sudie said, wistfully, "I always wished you had had a baby. I think that you would have had a beautiful baby."

I said, "Well, I haven't completely given up hope yet, Sudie!" with a chuckle.

"How old are you?" She inquired.

"36." To which she inhaled her breath with her lips pursed in a disparaging way.

"Don't wait too long. Don't wait until you're 40."

[Like I'm consciously choosing to wait to have kids. I've wanted to have kids as long as I can remember but life hasn't exactly worked out the way I planned.]

It's funny I'm being told I'm too old by almost-94-year-old aunt!

Awesome

He told me last night that I'm awesome.

:-)

He had tickets to a band I'd never heard of and was hoping a coworker would go with him to the show. The coworker backed out at the last minute, and I offered to meet him. It was snowing and cold yesterday, and I was already at home, so he told me to just stay home where it was warm. But he said the fact that I would offer to meet him and go see a band I didn't know was indicative of how "awesome" I am. "I know you would [come out and meet me] because you're awesome like that. You're really awesome, Emily."

I have a hard time accepting compliments, but that made me smile (and say Thank You, of course).

Mixed Up

It's Monday, which means I only have four days to work until I leave for the holidays and visiting family and friends. I'm excited to be taking a break and to get to see those who I love so much, but I can't believe it's here so soon! With Thanksgiving being so late this year, I feel like I have not had enough time to prepare for Christmas. I still have a couple gifts left to purchase/create, and although I bought Christmas cards this weekend, I haven't opened the box yet to begin addressing them.

On Friday, I finally got to meet some of FWB's friends. We went out in Jersey to a bar where his friend was playing in the band. FWB was invited to perform with them for one song, and he was great! I was so proud. He told me afterwards that his friends liked me and said I was "adorable." [I know it's a positive word, but it kinda makes me want to gag.]

On Saturday night, he went with me to a party thrown by a client of mine. He did great, talking to these people he doesn't know, and I was impressed again. I tried to tell him so on the way back to the city, but he pulled back again, explaining again how he's not ready for anything serious. All I wanted to say was that I like how it is right now. It's not like I'm wanting him to move in! I got kinda choked up. I feel like every time I try to tell him I like him (not LOVE), he pulls back and it makes me feel unwanted, left in the cold. So I'm trying not to like him too much, because I think he has a greater chance of hurting me than I do of hurting him.

I feel a bit beat up today. Physically and emotionally. On Friday, I fell down his apartment stairs on the way to meet his friends, and my ankle is still killing me, plus today I woke up with a cold.

Mom's Holiday Gift Weekend

This week totally got away from me. Between travelling, dealing with a bout of food poisoning, and holiday parties, I just didn't find the time to blog!

Here are some pictures from my mom's visit last weekend. Our family draws names for gifts, and my mom was my giftee this year. She wanted to go to the Rockette's, and my dad and I also conspired to get tickets to Gypsy on Broadway. It was a fun-filled weekend.

She arrived Thursday night and successfully navigated the trains from Newark to the World Trade Center station. My apartment is just a couple blocks from there, and I met her at the station. On Friday, I had to work, so after some brief instruction and a MetroCard, she headed up to Rockefeller Center on her own and found her way back again to meet me for lunch. That night we saw Gypsy, and Patti Lupone was absolutely fantastic. We stuck around afterwards and got her to sign our Playbills! (The back of my mom's blonde head is in the picture with Patti Lupone.)

On Saturday, after walking around the holiday booths at Union Square and brunch with a couple of my friends, we saw the matinee show of the Rockettes. They were terrific. My favorite part was when they acted out the complete nativity story with animals and singing and dancing. The scale of the production is unbelievable.

Then we walked up and down 5th Avenue enjoying the decorations and battling the crazy crowds, all the while trying to stay warm! We met up with another friend of mine for some hot chocolate and then headed back downtown to meet FWB for dinner. (He passed the mom inspection!)

On Sunday, my choir performed at church, and once we got home and out of the incredible cold, we decided to stay indoors! We had dinner that night with an old friend of mine from college who was in town for business. The next morning, we each headed to separate airports!

It was a lovely weekend and kicked off the holiday time for each of us, I think.

FWB Update

My mom was in town last weekend, and I'll post about that soon. But since I'm in Chicago and can't post accompanying pictures, I thought I'd give my loyal readers an update on Friend-with-Benefits.

Throughout my week in Austin, over Thanksgiving, FWB called me everyday, at least once. My sister Jenn remarked, "He is SO your boyfriend." But I know he doesn't consider himself that.

I told him that I was going to go out with other guys, if I got any offers. Not directly in response to that, but soon after, he invited me to go with him for a day trip to Atlantic City. He knew I'd never been, and while I'm not as interested in gambling as he is, he also knew I would be intrigued by their spa.

After I returned from Austin, we drove to "AC," as I was told they call it. He entered a poker tournament and I explored. I had a lovely massage at the spa and tried out the jacuzzi and steam room. I met him for a late lunch (he got knocked out of the tournament), and he taught me how to play 3-card poker. It was fun. I kept even, and he won a couple hundred.

The next day, I wrote him a quick email, thanking him for the adventure. He said, (and I quote), "I really like where this is heading, Emily."

What?! WHERE is this heading? I don't know. For now, I just take it day by day.

Funnies with A&C

Spending time with my niece Anna and my nephew Colin always brings me many reasons to smile. Anna amazes me with her intelligence, and Colin is such a comedian.

Below, you can see some of the pictures from last week. Anna and her friend Ruby decided to put underwear on their heads and tights on their arms. They came out of her room giggling.

Colin wanted to be Spiderman in the hallway and started to crawl up it. I gave him a boost and he beamed, although he admitted it was a tiny bit scary.

I took the kids to Waco for a surprise visit to Grandma & Sudie. I heard "Are we there yet?" way too many times, but I also heard Colin entertaining himself with a little rhyme:

"Anna takes off her head, Colin takes off his feet. Anna can't think, Colin can't walk!
Anna takes off her bum, Colin takes off his ears. Anna can't poop, Colin can't hear!
Anna takes off her mouth, Colin takes off his penis. Anna can't eat, Colin can't pee!"

And on and on. I was silently cracking up in the front seat while he kept going through different scenarios.

Fun Pictures from Thanksgiving

Feeling Loved

When I arrived in Austin on Sunday, my sister was waiting at the airport with both my niece and nephew. It's a bit of a drive to the airport, and sometimes they don't want to go all that way. So it meant a lot that they were both there to greet me. Anna and Colin were jumping up and down as soon as they saw me, and as I knelt down to hug them, I was almost pushed over from their enthusiastic greeting.

I'm getting a bit spoiled by the attention. Every morning, I get fresh hugs and kisses, and when I get home from my company's Austin office, again they run and hug on me. Lots of lovin's. It's great!

Vulnerable

I got a call on Saturday from my bank's Fraud Department. [Cue suspenseful music] It seems my debit card was compromised, and with two transactions, the thief pretty much wiped out my account. I'm very glad that the bank was on top of it and quickly noticed the out-of-the-ordinary activity and froze my card, but I also feel so angry and vulnerable.

I've learned the hard way how to manage my funds, and one of the ways I stay away from credit card debt is to use the debit card. It's so convenient...until something like this happens.

I'm not sure how the card got compromised, but it certainly threw a wrench in my plans for the weekend. Fortunately, I had taken out some cash the night before in preparation for this week's travel, so I'm now using that sparingly until I get a new debit card and the stolen money gets replaced, which may take several weeks. I know this happens often and everyone is vulnerable to such a theft, but it doesn't make it any more pleasant.

It's Friday and Sunny and I'm Looking Ahead

I was supposed to have a date tonight with FWB. He called me this morning to cancel. Bummer.

But I'm so focused on next week, I'm not giving him too much thought. On Sunday, I fly to Austin to spend the week there. Fortunately, my company allows us to work from other offices, so I will meet my Austin colleagues and spend some time in their offices Monday-Wednesday. It's a great option because I'm avoiding travelling on the busiest travel days of the year AND I get to spend the evenings with my sister Jenn and her family. Plus, I don't have to take vacation days to do it.

Unlike last year, when several of my NY friends and colleagues wondered from my frequent visits to Texas if I truly lived here or there, this year I haven't been travelling home as much, mostly due to the rising costs of airfare. And of course, the NYers don't understand that Texas is a big place, and I have people to visit in Dallas, Houston, Austin and Waco. Unfortunately, the place that sees the least of me is Dallas. I have some terrific friends there, but my family is in the other cities.

And of course, when you travel, you don't want to be on the road the whole time. You want to spend quality time with people you miss and love. For Thanksgiving, I'm focused just on Austin. My parents will come in for Thanksgiving, and I'm hoping to meet up with a couple friends there for drinks or lunch. I'm also planning on packing my suitcase with all the food items I can't find up here to bring a little taste of Texas back with me.

Impetuousness vs. Caution

Nothing new to report on the dating scene. [sigh] Every few weeks, I feel the need to have a "where are we" discussion with FWB, but nothing's really changed. He did say he "adores me." While that was wonderful to hear, it was still in a friendly sort of way.

I asked him what he thought about me dating other people. He said he wouldn't ask me not to, that he couldn't ask me to wait for him because he didn't know when (or if?) things would change for him, for him to be ready to take it to the next level, so to speak.

I don't really want to see other people, but I'm thinking maybe that will help me maintain some distance from FWB. But I feel a little guilty about it, even though I asked him about it.

I know I have a tendency to throw myself into things. Sometimes this doesn't work so well: my past marriages being obvious examples. Moving to NYC is another example in a non-romantic way. It's been much more difficult than I thought it would be, and I'm not sure I totally thought it completely through before acting. But it's also been good in many ways. I've definitely grown personally, and professionally it's been very positive. I recognize that I make decisions quickly, and I also know that it doesn't always work out well. But that's me. I can admire others' more thorough processes, and although it does sometimes make me impatient, in matters of the heart, being cautious may protect them from getting hurt. I'm usually willing to jump in with both feet, putting my heart out there, and on more than one occasion, I've been devastated by the results. But somehow I still believe in the possibility of love, and feel that it's worth the risk. Guess I'm a romantic!

Warmth & Cold

Forget fall. Winter has come in with a vengeance. Since Sunday, it's been significantly colder with bone-chilling winds. My skin is suffering the consequences, and I can't seem to get enough moisturizer. I've been bundling up with multiple layers -- for instance today I'm wearing a turtleneck under a trench, and to go outside I add my coat, scarf, gloves and hat. Sometimes I consider a ski-mask. The wind chaps my face and makes my eyes water. But one of the things I love is the combination of warmth and cold, like enjoying a cup of hot coffee, wrapping my hands around the cup to enjoy the heat, or snuggling in for the night under piles of blankets. My cat Sabrina comes up to my shoulder and sniffs and digs in the blanket. I lift it up for her to climb in. She goes under, then turns around so her head is out with mine, slamming her body up against me, effectively spooning with me. Then I can put the covers back down and snuggle with her. She doesn't stay that way all night, but I enjoy feeling her purr beside me.

Quiet Weekend

Yesterday started off normal enough. I got my apartment cleaned up and headed out to my favorite Mexican dive in the West Village for fish tacos. They make really good fish tacos, and although you have to buy chips & salsa (not free like it is in Texas), it has a really nice flavor.

Leaving there, I walked East towards the Village and to Broadway, looking to get some Christmas shopping done when I started feeling ill. I quickly curbed the shopping for a subway home, and spent the rest of the afternoon and evening on the couch. I don't know if I had a virus or if it was something I ate (too soon for the fish tacos, but maybe something from yesterday?), but since the sky opened up and poured rain, it was good to be safely inside. Sabrina (my cat) warily watched the windows as the storm played out, and she kept me company on the couch as I watched my Netflix.

Yesterday was 65* and muggy with humidity, and today has begun bright and sunshine-y. It's so clear, I can see way into Jersey. I checked the weather, and it's also very cold! Being up 30 floors, I never really have to turn my heat on. But I've learned not to be deceived by the beautiful looking weather. That storm brought through colder air, and the high today is only 50. I'm not complaining...I'm still enjoying the change in weather after so many years of mostly summer in Texas.

I'm (thankfully) feeling better, so I'm off to church and then hope to get that shopping done that I started yesterday.

Good Signs

The scale has been kind lately. I don't weigh myself often -- sometimes not even each week -- but I'm tracking my progress, and thankfully, the progress is going in a downward trend! I'm happy to report I've now lost 6 pounds. While it's slow progress, I'm doing it in a way that will be easy to maintain and will [hopefully] result in permanent weight loss.

In addition to the scale, last week I had to take a belt to a shoe repair shop to get a new hole punched in it. It just wasn't tight enough! :-)

And I found a pair of corduroy slacks in my closet -- funny how things can just disappear in there and you don't look at them for months -- and was going to put them in the donation bag I have because they are a size lower than what I'm currently wearing. It's so disheartening to try those old sizes on and realize again that you're no longer that size. But I guess I was feeling brave and decided to give them a last go before I put them in the donation pile. THEY FIT! So exciting. I've worn them twice since then.

Texas on my Mind

I'm wearing my fancy cowboy (cowgirl?) boots today. They are black with silver trim. My mom and I bought them in El Paso for me to wear to an audition for Opryland. While the audition wasn't a success, I was proud that they didn't cut me off as quickly as some of the singers and let me finish the first verse. I figured it couldn't have been too bad.

On the subway tonight, a guy got on wearing a hat with the emblem from my college alma mater, Texas A and M. (Can't find the ampersand on this stupid blackberry) I gave him the thumbs-up Gig Em sign and he asked when I graduated. Then he said something about their football team not being so great this year. I shrugged. I haven't watched a college game in years. I don't watch much football at all anymore. In Texas, football is king, and although it's annoying that so much of the school funding goes to support the football program, I have fond memories of Friday night games throughout high school and college games on Saturdays after Friday night Yell Practice. It was fun to have that school spirit and feel like a part of something bigger than myself.

Dating or Not Dating?

As you smart commenters noted the last time I wrote about my friend-with-benefits, it seems we are dating, whether we call it that or not.

I finally admitted to FWB that I broke the rule (about being honest if we develop feelings so we could stop the benefits and remain friends). I started having feelings but was afraid to say anything because I didn't want to lose what we had. But, eventually, I realized it wasn't enough, and I had to take the risk of admitting my feelings. The conversation went well enough, and he admitted he's thought about feelings, too, but nothing's really changed. He stills calls me every day (HE calls ME), but I only see him about once a week. He's still maintaining his distance emotionally, too.

In many ways, this relationship is different than any previous. We laugh a lot, and I truly value our friendship and feel we can talk about anything. But it's also different in that usually when I've started dating someone, we want to spend all our free time together. Maybe it's good that we're taking it slowly, but I also worry that maybe "he's just not that into me," as the book says. Of course, I've asked him about that, and he denies that's the case.

I'm trying to just go with the flow, but I wish I got to see him more to see if this is really going anywhere or not.

Images of New York

I've been enjoying a quiet weekend after three weekends of visitors and travel. Last weekend, I joined a visitor on a double-decker bus tour of the city. It was cold (hence the hat, scarf and bundled up coat) but it was nice to see the sights and hear all the history from the tour guide.

Gems from the Farmers Market

Voting, NY-style

I voted this morning. Although some people made disparaging remarks that I didn't take advantage of early voting and was probably going to have to suffer through extreme crowds, I found it to be very well-organized and the entire experience took only 90 minutes.

The polling place for my district is the Surrogate Courthouse. It's an incredible structure, with marble floors and columns, brass fixtures and a painted ceiling in the foyer.

I learned it was completed in 1907 and was built as part of the early 20th century "City Beautiful movement, along with the Municipal Building and the New York County Courthouse. The idea behind the City Beautiful movement was to transform cities with spectacular, imposing classical buildings, fine artwork, and broad boulevards. The intention was to provide an uplifting experience for the community."

It certainly added to my voting experience.

O You! was Outstanding

As my mom foreshadowed in her comment to my previous post, we attended the O You! conference last Saturday in San Francisco. It was a fantastic event.









There were several thousand women there, and we saw several mother-and-daughter duos.







The line-up of speakers was straight out of the O Magazine, and due to concurrent sessions, we had to choose four. Other than one session, my mom and I were together. I saw Martha Beck, Suze Orman, Stacy London and Marianne Williamson. As you can see in one of my pictures, Stacy came down into the crowd and walked very close to us. She was fantastic, providing realistic advice to everyone about fashion and style. She took questions from the audience, which turned into personal critiques (very respectful) of the individual and some personalized advice. Martha Beck was my favorite of the day. She was genuine, fascinating and funny. She is a professional coach but actually got into more of a spiritual/life area that resonated with me. In contrast, Marianne Williamson, who is known for the spiritual side, didn't connect with me or my mom.


Suze Orman was dynamic and hilarious. She began her talk by saying, "You may have noticed the title for this session was 'The 8 Habits of Wealthy Women.' It has now been renamed: 'What the hell is going on in this country and how does it impact all of us.'" She also gave very practical advice (I took notes) and predicted that we won't be out of this financial crisis until 2015.



The day ended with an unplanned visit by Oprah. Her BF Gayle King led the event and told us in her opening speech that she pleaded with Oprah to show up. Although Oprah looked tired (she admitted having finished several tapings of her show and other interviews), she was very inspiring.

I would definitely recommend one of these events. I have some advice for them to improve their website, but overall it was a very energizing and uplifting day. The Moscone venue was fantastic, and since there were a limited number of men in attendance, I truly appreciated that they redesignated most of the men's restrooms to women. They are planning on posting the presentations by each speaker on their website: www.oyouonline.com Currently, you can find videos from last year's conference there.

I Heart San Francisco

I have always enjoyed San Francisco.








I love being near the water, and the fresh seafood is incredible. It also has a nice vibe. My mom noted how wide and clean the streets were. We walked to dinner in the evening and found the streetlights were very bright and cheery. The only detractor is the overwhelming number of homeless and beggars. Every block had at least one.










We took a cable car from our hotel over to the bay.









The hills always amaze me, and the street pictured is Lombardi Street, the crooked-est street. While you can't see the zig-zag, it does show the elevation differences and the beautiful view.






We bought fresh crab and shrimp salad for lunch -- delicious -- and saw this seagull enjoying his own salad. I'm not sure if someone bought it especially for him or just left it there for his access. The bird was enjoying it.



We went to Pier 39 and saw the seals. Their consistent barking kept giving me the giggles.







We had fantastic food each night -- sushi, Mexican and Italian. Here we are at the Mexican place with our Macho Margaritas. They had chopped and roasted jalapenos in them! Very tasty, very spicy.

travel and learning

As one of my friends wrote me in a recent email, my previous post stirred up quite a shit storm of activity in the comments! It's nice to get comments, real evidence that people are reading and inspired enough by my post to share their point of view.

For the past couple days, I've been in San Francisco. I'm here for a conference for work, networking with people from 7 am to 11 pm, and as I flew across country to get here (quite a long flight of 6 hours), I felt a cold coming on. I'm starting to feel a bit better, just in time...

My mom is flying in to join me in San Fran for the weekend. We are attending an Oprah conference on Saturday, and while Oprah herself won't be there, we will see Suze Orman, Martha Beck, Stacey London and others. (A great opportunity for internal, personal work!)

I haven't seen my mom since our family vacation in June, so it will be great to see her and catch up. Plus, I love San Francisco. Such a beautiful, fun city.

Deep Thoughts

(Yes, the title is an old SNL reference to Jack Handey.)

We had another gorgeous fall weekend here in NYC. The weather has definitely turned, and jackets and scarves are mandatory attire. I walked my favorite path along the Hudson River and enjoyed the crisp air and bright sun glinting off the water.

Sometimes I think I think too much. When writing about travelling alone recently, Jenn wrote that she got tired of hearing her own voice in her head. Maybe that's it. I do so enjoy good conversations with others. The monologue in my head is getting old.

I've been pondering the big questions, like What's my purpose in life? Am I supposed to be here (NYC)? What's the reason for it all? Work is going fine, but sometimes when I consider what's really important (family, friends, making a difference), it all seems so pointless.

I've thought about moving back to Texas, maybe Austin instead of Dallas this time. But will I be admitting defeat? Saying that I couldn't hack it in the Big City? Am I giving up too easily? And if I move there, will it really be any different? I can't escape the monologue, wherever I go. I'll have to start over all over again, putting out the same effort to make friends and create a social life. But at least I'd have family close by.

No decisions at this time. Just questions.

The Long-Awaited Girls' Weekend

My "big" sis Jenn came to visit last weekend. Before you chastise me for not posting earlier, let me explain that this week has been very busy with client presentations (3) and travel (Philly and Boston) with planes, trains and automobiles.

Last Friday, Jenn was arriving at JFK airport, which is the farthest from Manhattan, but since she was coming in at 9:30 p.m., I decided to take the subway out to meet her and planned on taking a taxi back into the city. I was amazed and horrified that the subway took so long to get out there! I had planned on getting out there before she arrived and brought a book to keep me company. Unfortunately, I was still on the airtrain trying to get to her terminal when she called and said she was there. (I kept her waiting 20 minutes, which stressed me out a bit.)

After waiting through a LONG taxi line, we told the driver to take us straight to the restaurant, suitcase and all (not that uncommon in NYC), since we were both hungry. I had called the restaurant to make a reservation, but the lady I spoke to said not to worry about a reservation, just show up at that hour (between 10:30-11 p.m.). The restaurant was in the ever-trendy Meat Packing district, and of course, there was a line out front and some fierce looking doormen choosing who got in. After some finagling, we did get in (thank goodness). By this time, I was quite worked up (stressed!) because I wanted everything to go smoothly for Jenn. But she's so easygoing, probably the most so in our family, and she helped me relax by telling me she was just happy to be there and enjoying whatever happened. 

Since I have a king size bed, Jenn slept on the unused portion. I was surprised I woke up before she did on Saturday morning, but she revelled in the quiet -- no kids to wake her up, and because of the holiday weekend, no construction noise from Ground Zero. After some fruit and a virtual visit with the kids back home through iChat, we met my friends (and sisters) Liesel and Erin for brunch. Then I took Jenn by my office and to the Union Square farmers' market. We also stopped into a discount store, but didn't find anything worth buying there. Back home, we dropped off our grocery purchases and speed-walked over to the Hudson River and kayaking. It was a little cold, and Jenn accidentally splashed me once with her oar, but it was beautiful and fun. Then we speed-walked back home to get cleaned up for dinner and our Broadway show.

Traffic was horrendous going uptown to the Theater District, and we were late for our dinner reservation. The Italian food was terrific but we both agreed we would have liked to have lingered over it a bit more. However, the show must go on! Our theater was just a couple short blocks from the restaurant, and Wow, oh WOW is Wicked an incredible show! I've been wanting to see it for some time, but not wanting to go on my own, and it was great to share it with Jenn.

On Sunday, we went to church and then headed uptown to go to MoMA (Museum of Modern Art). We ran into a street fair, which I love, and got some cheap but tasty eats for lunch. Unfortunately, we were unable to see the Van Gogh exhibit at MoMA because it had sold out for the day. I don't go to many museums -- just not my thing -- so now I know you can (and should) buy tickets ahead of time.

However, this freed up some time for shopping. I took Jenn to Macy's, which is 7-8 stories high and a block wide. She got some great deals and we thoroughly exhausted ourselves. Dinner that night was at another fabulous Italian restaurant, and my FWB (friend-with-benefits) joined us for a glass of wine (and low-key scrutiny...he passed).

We were up late our last night, and a bit tipsy on the wine, but Jenn was up early the next morning to head to the airport. I was sad to see her go. It was so great having her here and so easy to be around her. 

You can read Jenn's recaps of the eventful weekend on her blog.

The Annual Embarrassment

One of the "joys" of being a woman is annual gynecological check-ups.

One of the "joys" of a new job is new insurance and the necessity to get a new doctor because the previous one doesn't accept the new insurance.

Then there's finding a doc that is currently accepting new patients. And I narrow the field further because I only want to see a female doc after an embarrassing incident during college. After MANY phone calls, I finally find a female doc in my neighborhood who is still accepting my insurance and also will take a new patient. Great. Sign me up.

As I'm trying to get all my information at the ready (date of last period, brand of pills, etc.), I realize I'm going to an Asian woman, and she will likely be petite and will likely make a deal of my weight. Yay.

First, there are the questions about physical health and history. I got a raised eyebrows response when I told her I've been on the pill for 16 years. (The truth is 18 years, but 16 is what came out of my mouth...not sure why, but the raised eyebrows was definitely a reason to want to bend the truth further. Why don't they treat doctors about poker faces?) She then asked my age and [hopefully] realized that's not as bad as it initially sounds.

She had me stand on the scale and asked if I'd recently gained weight. Nope, it's been pretty steady, doc. (Actually, I've recently lost 2 lbs, but since that's not really a lot when the goal is much more, I didn't mention it. Although I considered fabricating that I've lost 20 lbs. to make my current weight seem not as bad...)

Then it's the lovely paper gown, opening in the front. She takes my blood pressure and tells me it's borderline. (I'm usually low.) Am I nervous, she asks? Are you kidding me?!*? I'm basically naked in front of a strange, petite woman. Yeah, I'm not exactly my most comfortable.

She makes small talk while she does the usual poking and prodding, and because of my age, the small talk is about mammography. Yes, I'm on the north side of 35, and a baseline mammogram is recommended anytime between now and 40. [Ugh.] She says my only risk factor is that I'm over 35 and haven't had kids. I mention this hasn't been by design, that I really want to have kids. She says, "you just have to be ready to settle down." Thanks. Actually, I AM ready to "settle down" (what a horrible phrase...as if I'm partying it up every night and can't be bothered to be a steady influence for a minor), I just haven't met the right guy yet. She asks if the guy I'm seeing might be the right one. Oh, that's right, I may have alluded that Friend-with-benefits is a steady guy I'm seeing for the past 6 months. Uh, too soon to tell.

And then, because the current conversation and the fact that I'm still in this awful blue paper gown isn't bad enough, she brings up the weight issue.

[Yeah, can we finish this conversation once I have my clothes back on?]

Spotlight, please

Karaoke. The word makes some people cringe, but it always gives me a thrill. I remember when I was first introduced to its hypnotizing power in college. Several local bars would hold weekly contests, and my fellow choir members and I would go in groups to try and win. I won several times: Sometimes the prize was dinner for two, once it was $50, and once just a lame t-shirt.

I went out with my new co-workers last week to bid farewell to one who has decided to take a new direction in his life. (Get out of the agency business? Who would ever consider leaving this?) We began at a nice bar not far from the office, but it soon became the site of an Obama rally, and while most of us were supporters of the candidate, we weren't thrilled with the prospect of listening to local organizers' speeches. We wandered over to a second place, which has A KARAOKE SYSTEM! Wee!!!

I sang Sweet Dreams (Patsy Cline), La Bamba and Something to Talk About (Bonnie Raitt). The sound system wasn't great, but I just can't pass up the opportunity to perform!

I know from family stories (and personal experience) that I get this personality trait from both sets of grandparents. My paternal grandfather was quite the entertainer in his small town, and my maternal grandmother still enjoys commanding the attention of others. Her vivaciousness is especially evident in her retirement community, and she recently has gained some local notoriety with her Wii bowling. (She's not familiar with the brand "Wii," but describes it to me as "very technological.")

You can see in this video that the camera loves her. Perhaps I'm biased, but I think she really shines in this local news piece. While on occasion my Grandma has embarrassed me, I am proud of her accomplishments (in Wii bowling) and her continued zest for life. I also realize I'm probably going to be just like her in my later years!

Hit Me Again, Matchmaker

So I never heard from Match #2 again. Not totally disappointed, as I didn't feel any physical attraction. To protect his identity, I've been referring to him among my friends as "Mr. Small Hands." I didn't blog about this previously, but during our meeting, he called attention to his hands, saying he had injured one in karate. We were both looking at his hands, and I noticed they were pretty small for a guy. Unfortunately, I have large hands for a girl (my uncle Joe used to say "these are football-catching hands!" not that I can do that), and I'd prefer a guy I date to have larger hands than me. If I have the bigger hands in the relationship, it makes me feel ungainly, butchy, and not very feminine.

So he never called again. And I'm okay with that.

And I just received Match #3! I'll be calling him soon to set up a meeting. From the brief email intro we get from the service, I know he's interested in "sports, dining out and music." Stay tuned...

Non-Dating

It's been awhile without a post. There haven't been any dates to report on, and contrary to my anonymous commenter in the previous post, I sure haven't seen a line of men vying for the opportunity to spend time with me. (But if that commenter has any friends...let me know!)

About the only dating I'm doing is going out with Friend-With-Benefits (FWB), but they're not "Date" dates. We've become very good friends, talking on the phone just about every day for a few minutes at least, and I always enjoy his company. But FWB says he's still not ready to date (still dealing with personal crap after his last devastating relationship and break-up). It's the whole "it's not you, it's me" argument. I vacillate between being annoyed at this and not really caring. Part of me feels like we're basically already dating, so why not call it that. I don't think anything would really change. But the other part of me worries that things might change, that actually calling it "dating" might make both of us take it more seriously, and I'm not sure whatever-this-is would last.

So I'm trying to just enjoy the moment, as they say. We've gone out a couple times to nice restaurants, hung out at a bar for a football game, and tonight we're seeing a comedian. Funny, though...when we have these non-date-dates, we don't have sex. What's with that?!

Autumn is in the Air

It seems like overnight it has become fall, my favorite time of year. As I walk through City Hall Park in the mornings on my way to the subway, I can feel a crispness in the air. The leaves haven't started to turn yet, but already people can be seen in jackets and colorful scarves.

It was a beautiful weekend weather-wise. I volunteered with the Hudson River Park and found myself weeding and pruning along my favorite waterway. I signed up for the volunteer activity through New York Cares, the volunteer clearinghouse of opportunities, and didn't realize I was committing to a multi-week project. But I enjoyed it, so it's not an issue. Plus, the coordinator said I can miss a day if I'm travelling or otherwise occupied.

I'm very excited that my sister Jenn is coming to visit in a few weeks! I don't know which is more exciting: that she's coming to visit me for the first time in NYC or that she's coming alone, sans kids and husband. (Of course, the kids and husband aren't thrilled to be missing out on the trip.) I'm already making plans and getting tickets and reservations...it will be great to share it all with her.

The Nose Knows

I have a very strong sense of smell. Occasionally, when walking past mounds of garbage on the street in NYC or in a particularly pungent subway station, I have to hold my breath or focus on just breathing through my mouth.

The way a guy smells is very important to me. I'm not talking about sweat or "body odor," but I'm referring to someone's natural smell, underneath the cologne or sweat. It's something that either is very attractive to me or completely repulsive. Sometimes, I can smell someone just sitting across the table from me. Other people do not have such a strong scent and it may take nuzzling their neck to discover their individual aroma.

Earlier today, I rode the elevator with a UPS delivery guy. He emitted such a strange, strong odor, I found myself holding my breath and sneaking oxygen in small gulps.

According to scientists, how our body odors are perceived as pleasant and sexy to another person is a highly selective process. We usually smell best to a person whose genetically based immunity to disease differs most from our own, with the idea that together you could produce stronger, healthier children.

Maybe it's pheromones, or maybe just compatibility, but smell is definitely a deal-breaker for me.

Can't Commit

I volunteered on Saturday with a group from my church at the Habitat for Humanity work site in Brooklyn. It's Habitat's largest housing project yet, a multi-unit structure that will house 41 families. We mounted sheets of concrete around the tubs to prevent mildew.

Yesterday, several people joined the church after completing the four week New Members class. A couple of people teased me that I haven't joined yet. The Methodist church asks you to commit to giving "your prayers, your presence, your gifts and your service." I'm already doing all that, but still I feel very hesitant about making the official commitment of joining.

Am I afraid of commitment? Possibly.

Logically, it doesn't make sense. After all, there's nothing truly required to be a member, and I'm already active in the choir, tithing, and volunteer activities. I'm not sure what's holding me back. Maybe I like not being "tied down," even to a church.

9/11 Tribute

The "Tribute in Light" is shining again, marking the location where the Twin Towers once stood. It's a beautiful remembrance.

And check out this photo montage on Newsweek, picturing how steel beams from the World Trade Center towers have been used in many memorials across the country and world.

Musings & Observations

Many species of animals have been observed behaving in herd or pack mentality. It is characterized by individuals in a group acting together without planned direction. It can become dangerous or violent when a pack attacks, such as a pack of dogs attacking a newcomer to the group. Sometimes, humans act like this, too.
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The squirrels in Union Square are so tame. If you are calm and still, and if there's not too much pedestrian traffic, they will walk right up to you, within 12 inches, and look at you, silently pleading for a bite of whatever you're eating. The pigeons will come even closer, but they're not as cute.
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I've been counting (don't ask me why) how many celebrities and rodents I've seen since moving to the city. Celebrities: 5. Rodents: 19. (This doesn't include squirrels. I'm just counting rats and mice, most often seen in the subway, down on the track.)
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New York City has a lot to offer, including some really horrible smells.
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Far too many cabbies in the City don't know where they're going, but few will admit to their mistake and voluntarily cut the fare. Almost makes up for the fact that you arrive 20 minutes late.

Defining Success

The great thing about Facebook (and other similar social networks) is that old friends can find each other again. (The bad thing about Facebook is that people from your past that you never really liked request to be your friend.)

Last week, I got a friend request from a girl who was one of my good friends in 7th through 9th grade. Talk about blast from the past! The ironic thing is, I've been thinking about her lately, as there is a girl at my new office that reminds me of her.

I enjoyed catching up with her and hearing what she's doing now. I was envious of her family photos representing her husband and three kids. Upon investigation, she told me two of the kids are her husband's from a previous marriage, and her daughter is also from a previous marriage. She's got a great job in Austin as a recruiter and joked that she might call on me someday to recruit me.

She gushed over my "success" -- my job, my position with a company in NYC -- but I told her to me, she seems like the more successful one with not only a good job but a beautiful family and husband.

Sometimes I feel like I'm just biding my time until my "real" life begins.

The Meeting

My second match -- Jon -- was nice. I had Googled him ahead of time and was able to see his Facebook profile picture and find out where he worked.

He chose the bar, a small, hip place on the Lower East side. This was fine by me as I still don't know a lot of cool hangouts. I arrived 15 minutes early -- you never know how traffic is going to be, and I'd rather be early than late -- and noticed he was standing outside by the door, talking on his cell phone. He barely glanced at me as I walked in, so he obviously didn't think I was the one he was waiting for. I went in to the bar and watched him. He made several phone calls and watched for people coming in, checking his watch periodically. At exactly 7:30, when we were supposed to meet, I text messaged him, "Are you standing outside? I'm at the bar." I just couldn't take the suspense any longer, and I figured if he saw me and wanted to leave, so be it. He came in and sat down, though.

As I noticed in our brief phone conversation, he's pretty quiet. I learned he's an only child, raised on Long Island, NY, and works in sales/marketing. He's attractive: 6 feet, dark hair, brown eyes. He keeps in shape by swimming, volleyball and karate. But honestly, I felt like I did most of the talking. Blah, blah, blah! Why is it when you're nervous, you either become an unstoppable chatterbox (me) or as quiet as a turtle (him)?

Overall, it went fine. After about an hour, I was getting hungry and asked if he wanted to grab some food somewhere. He admitted he'd eaten before, and I said I'd just pick something up on my way home. Then he said, "So, should we go?" It was kind of an awkward ending. I wasn't trying to end it, just getting hungry. Oh well.

Since he wasn't overly expressive, I wasn't sure what he thought of the meeting, so I asked, "Well, should we do this again sometime?" He said yes and we said goodbye.

I'm not going to call him. I'm leaving the ball in his court, so to speak. We'll see if he calls.

Tonight...the Second Match

Some of my friends and family have asked me "any news from the Matchmaker?" After the last disaster, when I provided copious feedback and expressed my incredible disappointment, I knew it might be awhile before they matched me with another. Not because I came off as difficult, but because they didn't want to make that big of a mistake again. Plus, they told me many of their customers go "on hold" during the summer months when they are travelling. I assured them I'd rather wait for a good one then be matched with someone just for the sake of a match.

So it's with some amount of trepidation that I go to meet match #2 tonight. Our one brief phone conversation was a bit awkward (did I wake him (in the middle of the afternoon)? catch him unawares? did he forget he signed up with this service?) He picked the bar we are meeting at tonight, so I don't even know what to expect. We'll see...

My Youniverse

My mom passed this personality assessment on to me. It's cool: you choose from a group of photos to complete each statement, such as "The best thing about friends is..."


My assessment rings true:


Dreamer
You're romantic in your outlook with a bit of a taste for the exotic. You love feeling the sea breeze in your hair, sun on your skin...You always take the first dip. When it comes to art, you appreciate flair and precision. Highbrow and in the know, you've got an eye for fine detail....


Thriller
You're insatiable! Your thirst for affection never drops. There's always so much flirting to be done! When it comes to holidays (vacation), you like to be immersed in a completely different world.


Back to Basics
You love the luxury of taking time for yourself. There's nothing quite as enjoyable as relaxing, unwinding and living a pampered life. And why not? You deserve it. As for the home, you have very cool and contemporary taste. You like your surroundings to be simple and functional.


Thoughtful
For you, friendship is all about being there for one another. You can't imagine life without your best friends.

Try it out for yourself: Http://DNA.imagini.net/friends

Baby in my future?

So, while I was in New Orleans for that brief visit, I did visit a palm reader/Tarot card gal. (Had to see if the NY and NO psychics were in synch!?)

She laid down the tarot cards and said "Oh my" in a dismayed voice.
"What?" I giggled to hear my doomsday fate.
"I hope you want kids," she said.
"I do!!"

Apparently, there were a multitude of cards predicting my fertility. I asked if there was a man in the picture, and the answer was no! LOL!

Brief Trip to New Orleans

Here's Peter, Lindsay and Emma in New Orleans. We wandered down to this bench on the banks of the Mississippi after we arrived on Thursday. I was sitting beside Peter when suddenly something sharp poked my left forearm. 

"Ouch! What the hell was that?"

We figured it must have been a bee, as I pulled the stinger out of my arm. It stung for several hours, and then proceeded to turn red and swell over the next day or so.

We were down in the French Quarter, in downtown New Orleans. There are all these beautiful balconies.

The night before we left, we took a paddleboat dinner cruise on the Natchez. It was great. The food was terrific and the tour was very informative and interesting.

After the dinner cruise, we went back to the hotel to change and go out on the town, but we received letters under our doors stating the hotel had to close by 8 a.m. the next morning due to the mandatory evacuation. They suggested we all get to the airport while taxis and traffic were still moving. We packed up and spent our last night in the airport. It was impossible to sleep, with the constant announcements and other noise. We were all exhausted but happy to see the ticket agents come in at 4 a.m. The airport was FREEZING cold, and Lindsay offered her hoodie to Peter.

Lindsay and I walked over to a Denny's around 2 or 3 a.m. We learned from a Homeland Security guy there that most of the airport and airline employees had been released from duty, and Homeland Security and TSA workers were flown in from all around the country to run the airport. As a parting gift, he told us, "There's only about 1/3 of the crew to run the airport, and we're expecting 20,000 people, so you better get there early." 

Early? We're already there! I don't know how we could have gotten there any earlier.

We all got out Saturday morning. Home, exhausted, but home.

Evacuation Plan

Just a quick post to let those of you who know I'm in New Orleans this weekend know that I'm okay and I already have booked an earlier flight to get out of here.

I came down with some friends from NYC for the Labor Day weekend. We were originally scheduled to go back on Monday, but the city is rapidly and efficiently preparing for evacuation. My new flight is early tomorrow morning. (Hurricane Gustav is planned to hit here on Monday night or Tuesday, but I remember Steph's experience trying to evacuate Houston from Hurricane Rita -- many, many hours stuck in traffic that wasn't moving -- and I want to get out asap.

Anyway, I'll post again once I get home. It's too hot and humid here anyway for this Yankee. :-)

Motherly Meddling

I had drinks with some girlfriends from my previous job on Monday. It was so great to catch up with them and just laugh about silly stuff. One of them mentioned that her mom recently gave her an article about the top 10 online dating services, and another commented that her mom is always trying to set her up with anyone from "a waiter to a skater" (said as we were close by the skaters practicing at Union Square). They definitely both feel some pressure by their mothers to find someone and "settle down." (I don't get this pressure from my mother...perhaps because I've already been married...twice?)

Then last night, I went to a casual get-together at my apartment building. I'd been invited by a paper that was slipped under my door. Only 6 of us showed up, but everyone was very nice and interesting. One older couple were both very accomplished and great conversationalists. When a single young guy came and joined us, the woman said, "We've got a single 31-year-old daughter!" We all laughed as he politely agreed to meet her at some point in the undetermined future.

Do you think it's just because these moms want their daughters to be happy, and they are defining happy as in a relationship? Or is our society still defining personal success as someone who is married? There are such mixed messages for young women. Are we complete on our own or do we need someone to complete us?

Finally, Just Me

I've been reading through my old posts. Wow, there was a time there when I was dating a lot! I need to recreate that again...

I also posted a couple years ago about trying to wean off the antidepressants. Well, this year, I did it successfully.

When I turned 36 in late May, I realized I've been on antidepressants for 12 years, a third of my life! I decided that I had the will and the coping mechanisms now to try life's challenges on my own. Knowing from last time the withdrawal effects I would experience, I talked to my doctor about weaning off my dose is small increments. She didn't think I would have that much dizziness and should be able to complete the process in a couple weeks, but I disagreed and told her what it was like for me before. I did it "my way," and six weeks after I started, the weaning process was concluded.

It's been about eight weeks since then, and I'm doing well. The biggest change I've noticed (which isn't THAT big at all) is that I feel all of my emotions more acutely. The antidepressants seem to put a damper on everything, and now I feel anger, sadness, elation...all very clearly.

I've been a little sad lately, as may be obvious in my previous post. I'm lonely and miss my friends. I cry, but it's not the uncontrollable, unceasing crying of depression. And I still enjoy the small things, like the squirrels in the park or watching a toddler take wobbly steps. I'm doing okay.

Giving a long-distance friend this update a few days ago, he asked if I regretted getting on the antidepressants. Not at all. I think they helped me get through a rough time and supported me while I grew personally and learned new ways of dealing with the crap life throws at you. But I am proud of myself for taking off those "training wheels"....

One is the Loneliest Number

I just finished watching Sex and the City for the second time. Since I bought the series a month ago, I've been enjoying watching the episodes all over again, laughing out loud at the witty lines, identifying with the characters and the dating successes and catastrophes that are so true to life, and crying at the touching moments.

I go to restaurants by myself...often. This is still surprising to some people, as I learned when I mentioned it to a friend last week and learned again as I entered a sushi restaurant on Friday night.

"Hi, just one. Can I sit at the sushi bar?"

"There's just one of you?" the hostess asked to confirm.

"Yep. Just the one of me."

Usually at a sushi bar, it's not as obvious to be alone as it can be at other restaurants. You have something to look at (the sushi chefs) besides the other patrons, and there's no glaringly empty chair across from you from which the place setting is removed as soon as your single ass sits down.

I've remarked before that I'd rather be lonely by myself than lonely in a relationship. I've been both, and at least lonely by yourself seems logical and there's a hope that the situation will change. In one of the goodbye tributes on Sex and the City, one of the producers mentions how it's possible in New York to be surrounded by millions of people and feel completely alone. I know that feeling all too well, too.

And when I watch the four friends of the fictional show get together over brunch and share their lives, it makes me miss my three friends back in Dallas -- Wendy, Lauren, and Sherry. Although none of us are as racy as the Sex and the City characters -- nor do we have such graphic discussions -- we are all unique in our own ways and yet share a closeness and history of being there for each other. I miss them terribly.

I still love living in the City. I enjoyed a beautiful day, taking a long bike ride along the Hudson River and finishing with a kayak excursion in the River. The sun was reflecting off the water like glittering diamonds, the waves were comforting and soothing, and the smell of the salt water was delightful. But I wish I had someone to share it with.

Drinking

So have you read about the debate surrounding lowering the drinking age to 18? Some colleges and universities are supporting the effort, saying it might encourage students to drink less, especially binge drinking. Opponents say it would increase drunk driving and alcohol-related injuries.

How about the fact that we allow 18-year-olds to vote and to serve our country in the military. If they are considered old enough to help decide our country's leaders or put their lives on the line, shouldn't they have the ability to decide for themselves about alcohol consumption?

Fortunately for me, I was raised in a much-more-tolerant-than-average household regarding alcohol. Similar to European cultures, we were allowed to have a small glass of wine with special dinners. Having it there and available took the allure away. While friends of mine in high school would drink to get drunk, I never saw the appeal.

I realize binge drinking is a problem, but I don't think it's just a problem for kids in their teens or early 20's. I still see it in people in their 30's and beyond. Perhaps our community leaders and health organizations should focus more on responsible drinking. What do you think?

The Future Foretold (?)

When I was out on the town with my friend Lindsay last Saturday, we had a fabulous dinner at Sushi Samba in the West Village and then wandered around trying to waste time until we met up with our friends later.

The West Village is a happening place in the evenings. Lots of bars, tattoo parlors, sex toy shops and psychics. We stopped at a psychic and I had my palms read just for fun.

It was interesting. She correctly identified that I was starting a new adventure (my new job), and that I had recently made a big move. She said an ex was trying to get in touch with me (true) and that I should stay away from that (already am). She said I will have a long life and two kids, a boy and a girl (hope so). And then she said I'll probably get married around 35.

I cracked up laughing, as I'm currently 36. Which I told her. And she said, "Oh! You look so young! I thought you were 28 or 29! Well, it [marriage] will come soon."

Yeah, right. Nice cover.

So It's That Easy?

I just read an article stating that the secret to meeting someone is having a positive attitude and believing it will happen. (They also give "more practical" tips, all of which I have tried.)

I vacillate between such positivity and utter cynicism. Fortunately, I have friends who can be positive for me when I can seem to muster it myself.

I have a dear friend back in Dallas who is absolutely certain that I will meet Mr. Right in NYC and that my destiny is the real reason I moved here. I love her optimism, even if sometimes I think it's a bit silly. But it's touching that she believes in this dream of mine even more than I do at times.

Being the New Kid

Growing up, we moved around a lot. While I was born here in NYC (Queens baby!), my parents moved us to Dallas before I was 2 years old. A few years later we moved again, and every 2-4 years after that: Cincinnati, OH; St. Louis, MO; Dallas, TX (again); Midland, TX; Houston, TX; El Paso, TX. Then I went off to college (College Station, TX) and back to Dallas after graduation.

While I suppose there are things I missed by moving around, there was a lot I gained as well. But it's never easy being the new kid.

Today I started a new job. Although today was just orientation -- paperwork and company policies -- I did meet a couple new colleagues. The nice thing about my last two new experiences is that my reputation proceeds me. My new colleagues are genuinely happy to meet me and already know a little about me.

As anyone knows that knows me, I can talk to pretty much anyone. So that's not a problem. But remembering all the new names and who does what is the challenge!

(Tomorrow should be my real first day. I'm anxious and a little nervous and excited. And just like the first day at a new school, I've already picked out my outfit.)

Quilt Making

So I finally finished this quilt for precious little Nora, who will turn 1 in a couple weeks.

Last year was a busy one for quilts. I think I made five or six. This last one took the longest. I not only chose my most challenging pattern yet, but I also got distracted with the move and new life in NYC.

I think a lot about the parents and the baby as I make a quilt. This one is going to friends in Dallas, Ian & Lori. Ian was pretty insistent that the quilt I had already made for their son a couple years ago was more than enough gift, but I decided to ignore him. Their surprise little daughter needed a quilt of her own.

Happy Anniversary to me and NYC

It was a year ago this week that I moved to The City. I have changed so much and learned so much in the past year.

When I first arrived, I was blown away by how different everyday life is here compared to that of Dallas and every other place I've lived. Suddenly, I didn't have a car, or motorcycle -- I still really miss the bike -- and yet I didn't miss driving. Okay, except when trying to haul a lot of purchased goods, such as wine, home to downtown.

No more supermarkets, either. Now I shop in little grocery stores that may or may not have all the items I'm looking for. And I buy my toiletries from a drug store. Before moving here, I would avoid buying items from a drugstore because of the ridiculously expensive prices. There even more outrageously priced here, but other than making a big excursion to Target in Brooklyn, the drugstore is the only place in Manhattan to get those items. And again, your choice is limited. (I remember going shopping with my sister Jenn in Austin and she was looking for a particular kind of personal item. She was frustrated that she couldn't find it, while I was amazed that she had a huge long aisle with multiple brands to choose from!)

My NY friends are proud of me that I'm becoming more of a NYer. I find myself frustrated with the tourists who get in my way when I'm walking quickly to work or late for church, but I'm still nice, too, and I've given many people directions, even going up and asking obviously confused tourists if they need help. My language has become more peppered with profanity, and I've learned how to bargain with street vendors and talk back to taxi drivers trying to take me out of my way for an extra buck.

I'm absolutely LOVING having four real seasons again! In Texas, spring and fall generally only last a week or two, and summer takes up 75% of the year, with numerous days over 100*F. Here, I get to enjoy the beauty of each season, and as fall is around the corner, I'm looking forward to cooler temperatures and wearing jackets again, not to mention the glorious colors as the trees turn.

I love learning about other cultures and different perspectives on life. It's been interesting to me to see the differences in my Texas friends and family and my NY friends. Take for instance my apartment. Here in NY, it is agreed that I landed a great place. My NY friends come over and say "WOW, it's so big!" My Texas friends and family make diminutive comments -- nothing deragatory,but they will say how it's small or cute or "not that big." I just smile, but when I related this to one of my NY friends, she was offended for me. I had to explain how much space I used to have in Dallas to try to give her an idea of the scale difference. Just different perspectives. It is much smaller, but I've simplified my possessions to just what I need.

When I moved here, saying goodbye to all my friends and family in Texas, I told myself I would try it for a year. I reasoned that I could do anything for a year, and I could always move back. But so much has happened in the past year...and I'm not ready to leave. I've met some wonderful new friends -- Lindsay, Rob, Erin, Liesel, Kelly -- and I've become even more independent and confident in myself. I still miss my family and friends back home, but in some ways, I cherish them more now.

And now, as I begin yet another adventure with a new job beginning on Monday, I'm hopeful and optimistic about whatever the next year brings.

Hair Day

I'm getting used to not working. I've finally started to relax and really enjoy having my time as my own.

Yesterday, enjoying a lazy morning, checking email and catching up online, I went to the gym and burned 350 calories on the elliptical. Then I headed to midtown near Times Square to see a new hairdresser (Sam) that is recommended by my friend Lindsay. I told him how frustrated I was with my last color and cut. I knew I wanted to go darker this time, more of a brunette color, and I thought I would need to go shorter to fix the botched cut from last time. Sam said he could keep the length and we agreed on a nice brunette color with lighter highlights. The only thing about color and highlights is that it takes forever. I was there for about 3 hours. And my scalp was quite sensitive at the end of all the pulling, tugging, multiple washes, etc.

Sam cut my hair in a shag sort of cut to keep the length and use the absolutely ridiculously short layers that had been created by the hairdresser I'm not going to see again. But I don't really like a shag on me. Sam could tell from my face I wasn't thrilled (and I'm still getting used to the color). I told him I still didn't like having four or five inches of layers at the bottom, and he said he could cut it more. So we did it! We cut all the length off.

Here's a pic taken by my Mac (not great, but it does the job). What do you think?