It's Monday, which means I only have four days to work until I leave for the holidays and visiting family and friends. I'm excited to be taking a break and to get to see those who I love so much, but I can't believe it's here so soon! With Thanksgiving being so late this year, I feel like I have not had enough time to prepare for Christmas. I still have a couple gifts left to purchase/create, and although I bought Christmas cards this weekend, I haven't opened the box yet to begin addressing them.
On Friday, I finally got to meet some of FWB's friends. We went out in Jersey to a bar where his friend was playing in the band. FWB was invited to perform with them for one song, and he was great! I was so proud. He told me afterwards that his friends liked me and said I was "adorable." [I know it's a positive word, but it kinda makes me want to gag.]
On Saturday night, he went with me to a party thrown by a client of mine. He did great, talking to these people he doesn't know, and I was impressed again. I tried to tell him so on the way back to the city, but he pulled back again, explaining again how he's not ready for anything serious. All I wanted to say was that I like how it is right now. It's not like I'm wanting him to move in! I got kinda choked up. I feel like every time I try to tell him I like him (not LOVE), he pulls back and it makes me feel unwanted, left in the cold. So I'm trying not to like him too much, because I think he has a greater chance of hurting me than I do of hurting him.
I feel a bit beat up today. Physically and emotionally. On Friday, I fell down his apartment stairs on the way to meet his friends, and my ankle is still killing me, plus today I woke up with a cold.
4 comments:
Oh Emily....you don't know me, and I don't know you (except from your blog)--but I wish I could give you a hug! Relationships can be so hard and so confusing sometimes. I hope the new year delivers just what you want and need.
Two steps forward one step back; it's still progress. And don't worry about FWB's protests, they sound like something said more for his benefit than yours. His actions speak louder than his words. Maybe he mistook your fall down his stairs as you trying to tell him you were falling head over heels for him! Feel better.
You will be here soon and surrounded by love.
Amen to Jenn's comment - you will be here soon and We Love You!!!
Love, M
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