As you smart commenters noted the last time I wrote about my friend-with-benefits, it seems we are dating, whether we call it that or not.
I finally admitted to FWB that I broke the rule (about being honest if we develop feelings so we could stop the benefits and remain friends). I started having feelings but was afraid to say anything because I didn't want to lose what we had. But, eventually, I realized it wasn't enough, and I had to take the risk of admitting my feelings. The conversation went well enough, and he admitted he's thought about feelings, too, but nothing's really changed. He stills calls me every day (HE calls ME), but I only see him about once a week. He's still maintaining his distance emotionally, too.
In many ways, this relationship is different than any previous. We laugh a lot, and I truly value our friendship and feel we can talk about anything. But it's also different in that usually when I've started dating someone, we want to spend all our free time together. Maybe it's good that we're taking it slowly, but I also worry that maybe "he's just not that into me," as the book says. Of course, I've asked him about that, and he denies that's the case.
I'm trying to just go with the flow, but I wish I got to see him more to see if this is really going anywhere or not.
3 comments:
FWB is a nice, decent guy. Maybe taking it slow is a good thing. He may be distant, but he is caring. And, it is better than totally losing your identity and morphing into a new love interest!
Taking it slow and allowing things to develop is generally preferable to rushing headlong into something only to realize - oops - not what I wanted. The fact that the guy didn't get all vague or bolt and run should be viewed as positive and the fact that he enjoys the pleasure of your company and not simply pleasure in your company is also a very big plus. And if you wanted to see him more, you could always ask him to do something, just don't make a big deal of it (make it seem spontaneous such as I just heard so and so is playing at so and so venue or did you read the review of x play and then would you be interested in going to see it? This way it makes it sound as if you are going regardless but inviting him to come along). And of course there are benefits to benefits!
It all seems too obtuse for my taste. If he is into you (no pun intended) you two should proceed with spending time together. If he isn't, even though you dig him, I'd stop wasting time. What is in a label, call what you are doing chicken-pecking for all I care, but neither of you should be guarded or scared with expressing emotion. I cannot imagine being intimate without being "real". I'm not saying the proverbial have to buy a cow or any stupid sh!t like that, but he is either invested in you or not.
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