(Yes, the title is an old SNL reference to Jack Handey.)
We had another gorgeous fall weekend here in NYC. The weather has definitely turned, and jackets and scarves are mandatory attire. I walked my favorite path along the Hudson River and enjoyed the crisp air and bright sun glinting off the water.
Sometimes I think I think too much. When writing about travelling alone recently, Jenn wrote that she got tired of hearing her own voice in her head. Maybe that's it. I do so enjoy good conversations with others. The monologue in my head is getting old.
I've been pondering the big questions, like What's my purpose in life? Am I supposed to be here (NYC)? What's the reason for it all? Work is going fine, but sometimes when I consider what's really important (family, friends, making a difference), it all seems so pointless.
I've thought about moving back to Texas, maybe Austin instead of Dallas this time. But will I be admitting defeat? Saying that I couldn't hack it in the Big City? Am I giving up too easily? And if I move there, will it really be any different? I can't escape the monologue, wherever I go. I'll have to start over all over again, putting out the same effort to make friends and create a social life. But at least I'd have family close by.
No decisions at this time. Just questions.
16 comments:
Emily..I just have to say this to you after reading your posting..what are you trying to prove and who to? Why not move to Houston and BE near your Family ..well some of your Family :o) ..time you settled down,Gypsy Emily, you're just like your English Nanna! Being serious now..you gotta make some roots,Em.
A.Norma.(who cares) :o)
Why did you move to NY in the first place? NYC doesn't have to have defeated you for you to determine that you are happier near your family. On the other hand your family has their own family going on, what you want in the end is your own family, where you are part of the center not a planet on the periphery. And that, as I see it, is the source of your discontent. I can't say if NYC is a harder place to meet someone, let alone the right someone, but if nothing else there are a lot more someones in NYC.
I think too much too. If only we could shut off that inner voice. Sometimes some inner peace would be great! Just follow your heart, no the voice!
I ponder the same questions Emily. It is not easy to be a 30-something singleton! I think that you will know in your heart when it is time to move. Please don't look at it as defeat if you decide to move. Life is a journey, not a competition with yourself or anyone else. It takes a strong woman to move to a new city alone and create a life for herself. You have already made it in the Big City!
As you know, making changes and starting over is never easy, but you seem to be able to adapt to new situations and make friends easily. There really is no wrong decision in this instance. Stay true to yourself.
I remember Oprah once saying, "Wherever you go, there you are," which is so true. Unfortunately, we cannot escape that inner monologue! - Tiffany :-)
Wow, you got some real advice with obvious thought put into it from all these people. Nice to see that those who care are so kind and thoughtful.
What if you just focused on one thing: Pursuit of happiness. Where would that take you?
I have thought about your post a while. I agree with Tiffany, it takes a strong woman etc.. and, you have always been strong. You've made some difficult decisions to change things you were not happy with and made decisions that were correct. NYC was a great choice. You will have an insight for the rest of your life that one who has never LIVED in NY can have.
Do what you gotta do. Life's a voyage; the sea days are terrific and the ports of call are what you make 'em. (Galveston ain't that great)
My goodness, you ought to invest your energy in figuring out why you continue to have these challenges along with the ten other issues you reguarly post in your blog. It's a shame your faithful blog commentors never ask you to look within, instead they only agree with you which is a shame. You have real issues, face them, dig deep, get to the truth and address them one by one. Nothing will go the way you wish until you do.
Gimmee a break, last poster.
Put a sock in it.
Thanks for all the comments.
To the anonymous poster who said I don't look "within," that's what this post was about! We all have our own issues, and I do face mine, thank you.
Thanks, Daddy (get2eric), for sticking up for me!
Well I just have to post again sorry..Anonymous! can you not see that is what Emily has done 'looked within' as you put it?
She is a brave Woman and she is now wondering on how she can better herself even further in the Heart department..she has proved herself in the Career dept. but Em. I know that you are very Family minded and I still advise you to move nearer (not next door haha) to your siblings..:o) A.Norma.x
I don't know Emily personally, but it doesn't sound like she is asking for advice from anyone. It seems she is only pondering her own future/feelings on her blog just to get it down 'on paper'. From reading her blog, she gives the impression of being a very intelligent and reflective woman who will make the right decision for herself when the time and circumstances are right. (Sorry, Emily, for speaking of you in the third person on your own blog--haha)
You got it!
Emily,
I am so irritated by what “anonymous” said…it is clear in your blog that you are just putting your thoughts out there and you are kind enough to give us readers a little bit of insight into your heart and mind – ironic that you have so many comments on this one - we all clearly want you to keep thinking – (and writing).
I think it is so cool that Eric was the first to come to your defense – don’t mess with the bond between Daddy and daughter…it transcends even cyberspace!
Your feelings are normal – we all wonder if we have made the right decisions – In church a few Sundays ago we had the following reading – it really hit home with me – maybe it will give you a little something.
“Brothers and sisters: Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me. Then the God of peace will be with you.” Philippians (4:6-9)
So what is the point? – perhaps it is to stop – right at this moment and find the beauty. I see it in you - in all that you write and that lovely photo on your blog.
Gail
...well it's me again!and last word on this subject for me(sorry Emily) but I have the right to 'give advice' because Emily is my Niece ..if it's wrong to speak 'third person' on a blog..I won't do it again..but my hackles were up you see,Em? grrrr
..A.Norma.x
Hello again! I just had to check back to see if "Anonymous 5:39pm" had the nerve to respond again. He/she had me fired up! I guess there will always be an insensitive nut or two that will respond. It does sound like you have a lot of people who love and support you, and a dad that stands up for you. Go Eric!!
I just want to thank you for being so open and honest with your thoughts, feelings and struggles. You help to remind me that I am not alone. Seriously, it means more than you know.
I really liked Gail's post. That scripture is one of my favorites! - Tiffany
Emily..I think (as does Gail) that the picture on your blog is lovely and shows a deep 'at peace' with yourself and the World. :o)
A.Norma.x
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