Nantucket

While many of my family members are roasting in the severe Texas heat and drought, we've had such a slow start to summer here in the Northeast. June was almost completely washed out here in NYC, with only 5 days not having rain. Since July arrived, though, it is feeling like summer, and I've been reminded how much I enjoy summertime. For so many years, living in Texas, I dreaded the summer and the heat that zaps your energy, existing from the air conditioning in your house to the air conditioning in your car until you get to the air conditioning at work. Living further north, I've been enjoying feeling the warm (not hot) sun on my face and being able to enjoy the sunny days with outdoor activities.

This past weekend, I went to Nantucket to join my sister Steph and her kids for a few days. Nantucket is even cooler than NYC, and the water was so cold I only braved getting in on Saturday when we had the warmest weather.

Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock

Did you hear about this?
Two new techniques to preserve and transplant ovaries might give women a better chance to fight their biological clocks and have children when they are older, doctors announced Monday. In the past, scientists have performed ovarian transplants in women with cancer, since chemotherapy often causes infertility. Doctors typically take out patients' ovaries before the toxic treatment begins and then reimplant them later.

Now, recent advances to preserve ovaries and surgically implant them could make the procedure more widely available, helping women avoid fertility problems as they age. Many women are now delaying having a family until their 30s or 40s, when fertility problems become more common. Women in their 20s or 30s could theoretically have an ovary removed and frozen, and then have it reimplanted years later when they are ready to have children.

Full article

Interesting concept. Of course, even if this had been an option for me when I was in my 20s (or early 30s), I don't know if I would have taken advantage of it. I'm so romantic and hopeful, I always thought I would find the "right" guy and have kids in plenty of time. Honestly, my goal was to have kids before I turned 30. When I was 29 and knew that wasn't going to happen, I reset the goal to 35. Now I've missed that goal post, too! :-)

Sometimes when I mention the ol' biological clock, people say, "But you still look young!" Thanks for the compliment, but how I look on the outside doesn't mean anything for the eggs. I found these statistics, from Dr. Kevin Lederer, president of Fertility Centers of Illinois:

Until age 34, women have a 20 percent chance of conceiving in a given month and 20 percent of those pregnancies will end in a miscarriage.

After 35, a woman’s likelihood of conceiving in a given month drops to 10 percent and her miscarriage risk goes up to 30 percent.

After 40, she has a 5 percent chance of getting pregnant and a 40 percent chance of having a miscarriage. After 42, “99 percent of fertility is over,” Lederer said.

I know some women purposely delay having children, whether to focus on their career or be more financially secure or other reasons. But for me, it's just been a happenstance occurrence. I definitely feel like the window of opportunity is closing, but I don't want to rush into something just to have children of my own. I'm trying to be okay with the idea that it may not happen for me. (I'm mostly okay with it.) I feel very blessed to have other children in my life, especially my beautiful and wonderful nieces and nephews. Still, there is a sense of "there's no time to waste" when I think of potential suitors.

A little work, A little fun

For the record, I love 3-day weekends! I think every work week should be only 4 days and every weekend 3 days. It's so much better balanced.

I had a great weekend and got so much accomplished. My dear friend Lauren had her baby boy Luke on Wednesday, so I knew I needed to get moving on the quilt I'm making for him. (I should be done soon, and I'm really pleased with the materials and pattern. Stay tuned.) I also needed to tackle my closet, and I wanted to help my friend Christine celebrate her birthday on the 4th.

Since losing 24 pounds and two sizes (and so far keeping it off!), my closet was filled with things that no longer fit. I went through each piece and decided whether they fit, are still in decent shape or need tailoring. I put the ones to tailor in my hall closet and folded the rest for donation. I usually clean out my closet twice a year to get rid of anything I haven't worn in a year, but this time it was really substantial. That's right...six bags!

I found things in my closet that had been pushed to the back that I can now wear again. It was great to find things I'd forgotten about and to realize I have more options to work with than I thought. Plus, it felt very freeing to get it all organized and uncluttered.

Saturday night, I went to dinner with Christine and her friends and family at a Cuban restaurant in the Village. They had a live band playing music, and the singer was really fantastic. I spoke to him on his break, and he invited us to see them later at another location. From dinner, Christine and I headed over to the fireworks, but of course there were so many people on the streets, we couldn't get very close or get to a place with an unobstructed view. Then she suggested we go to karaoke. We both enjoying singing, and we did that for an hour or two and then headed over to the restaurant/bar where the Latin band was playing. It was packed but we were able to get close to the band. The singer smiled at us in recognition, and pretty soon we were dancing with different guys there. I'm not the best salsa dancer, but it is so much fun! We were there until it closed, and my feet ached from so much dancing. I got home after 4 a.m., which is VERY unusual for me.

Needless to say, Sunday was a recovery day for me. I worked some more on the quilt, watched some movies and did grocery shopping for the week. All in all, it was a great weekend.

Aloha Update

Aloha Guy is in Hawaii for a vacation and sent me a postcard yesterday.

Oh, and it turns out he's not QUITE divorced yet. All the paperwork has been filed, but it's not final for a couple months.

I know from personal experience and from dating a guy that had just gotten a divorce that it takes time to recover from something like that. There's a lot of emotions you have to deal with, and then with kids involved, it definitely takes everyone time to learn the new relationships.

Aloha Guy seems a little too clingy to me, and after a text message that he ended "Love ya" and a multiple-page handwritten love letter, I told him to back off. Attentive is sweet, but his actions have made me feel uncomfortable. Oh well. As my sister Steph said, "Aloha means 'hello' and 'goodbye.'"

Enjoying Free Activities in NYC

Last Saturday, we actually got some sun! (We've only had 5 days in June that it hasn't rained.) I enjoyed getting out on my bike for a nice ride up the West side, where there is a protected bike path, and then I stopped for some free kayaking in the Hudson River.
I learned about the kayaking last year, and it's such a treat. It's FREE and all you have to do is sign a waiver and they let you borrow a lifejacket and kayak. I was out for about 30 minutes. I figure it's a good arm workout after my hour on the bike for my legs.

Saturday night, it rained as I was walking over to the East River for a free opera performance. "River to River" is a series of performances by musical artists that occurs at different venues on the Hudson and East Rivers. Saturday was a performance by the NY Opera and Orchestra, and one of the tenors attends my church. He occasionally sings solos at church and awes us all with his world-class talent. There were several singers who performed a collection of songs from various operas, including Rigoletto and the Barber of Seville.

The rain was pretty heavy as I walked over to the venue, but it cleared up just before performance time and we were treated to several rainbows over the stage. The whole thing was beautiful.

This Makes Me Mad

A story in Newsweek reports on a recent psychological experiment where participants were shown photos of women's and men's faces looking sad, afraid, angry or disgusted, with a sentence beneath each image purporting to explain the emotion, such as "buried a family pet" for a sad face, or "was threatened by an attacker" for a fearful one. The participants offered starkly different explanations for the emotions, saying that the women were "emotional" while the men were "having a bad day" even when the expressions and explanations were identical. So while the men were perceived to have a feeling because of context, women were perceived to be temperamental or have an emotional nature.

Women are often touted as the more emotional sex, and it's not considered a positive thing. But the scientific evidence to support that theory is skimpy. This study concluded "The stereotype of the overly emotional female is grounded in the belief that women express emotion because they are emotional creatures, but men express emotion because the situation warrants it. Regardless of whether women are objectively more emotionally expressive, people attribute their emotional behaviors to a more emotional nature."

This annoys me because I've actually been told in the past by a boss [who I couldn't stand] that I am "too emotional." I describe myself as passionate, and wouldn't you want someone who is passionate about what they do rather than someone who doesn't give a damn?

The Future of Dating?

This was sent to me by a friend and gave me a chuckle.
I wish this technology was available now!

Incredible Entertainment

Last week, my mom and I attended Andrea Bocelli's concert at Madison Square Garden. It was absolutely fantastic. He sang mostly classical opera pieces, but he also had a couple of other styles thrown in here and there, such as "My Way," which he sang while playing the piano.



He was joined by a full orchestra and choir and special guests, including a fantastic soprano and a world-class flutist. He gave an incredible seven encores, and the audience was enthusiastic in its appreciation.


I had seen Andrea Bocelli perform as one of the many performers at the Concert for Diana in London in 2007, and he was one of my favorites. His talent is unmistakeable, and his blindness is only evident in that he closes his eyes while singing and doesn't make any gestures with his hands or arms. It's all in his beautiful voice.

The Hamptons, Dahling

You need a certain amount of activity to provide fodder for a blog, but too much activity, and there's no time or energy to blog! This week has been a whirlwind. Besides work being consistently busy (still so thankful to have a good job in this economy), I've had dinner with an old colleague, been keeping up with exercise, seen a fantastic concert, and cleaned my apartment in preparation for my mom's visit. (I usually clean up on the weekend, but since I've been gone the last two weekends, it was sorely needing scrubbing, dusting and vacuuming!)

Last weekend, I got an amazing invitation to a house in the Hamptons from one of my vendors. The Hamptons is a collection of towns on the eastern edge of Long Island, most of which end in "-hampton" like South Hampton, East Hampton, Bridgehampton. I was actually in Sag Harbor, but it's that same general area and so is considered in "the Hamptons."

We've been experiencing very strange weather here in the northeast with temperatures so mild they are bordering on cold and a seemingly endless supply of rain. It doesn't feel like summer at all. But I'm not complaining because most of my family is sweltering in the Texas heat. Last weekend we had a few patches of sun, but it was still pretty cool, with highs only in the low 70's F (22C). So, due to the weather and the accommodations, I never left the house we were staying at.

I took a three-hour train ride out there, and the masses of people trying to cram on the train was overwhelming. But I didn't want to miss it and have to wait for the next one in two hours, so I pushed my way into the car, finding a middle seat and a place for my suitcase. It seemed like everyone from NYC was headed out there!

I overheard two girls talking on the way there, and at one point, one said, "It would be so lonely to be on this train alone!" But I didn't feel lonely. I enjoyed the quiet time, time to myself.

The house is beautiful, with 5 bedrooms, 6 baths and two dens with extra sleeping space (aka sofas), a clay tennis court and a heated pool. It's surrounded by trees and has an eclectic collection of artwork. There were only a few of us who got there on Friday night, and we played Rock Band and an American Idol game. (I love to sing and blew everyone away getting perfect scores on singing. Ha!) Saturday started out nice weather-wise, so I "played tennis" with some of the other guests. I put it in quotes because I've never played tennis before although I used to watch it on TV with my dad. We just focused on hitting the ball back and forth and didn't keep score or worry if the ball bounced twice. We played for a couple hours, and it was a great workout!

Then we headed down to the pool, and while originally I was so hot from playing tennis, the warm, heated water wasn't as refreshing as I'd hoped, as the afternoon wore on and the wind grew colder, the warm water was comforting. We stayed in the water to avoid getting out and being too cold!

I have to say, though, it was the first time I can remember feeling confident in a bikini. I've lost a total of 24 pounds through all the diet changes and exercising and training for the triathlon. And I finally feel good about my body. Oh, and all the single guys there were flirting with me. :-)

One of the guys grilled tuna steaks for dinner on Saturday, and they were SO good. We all hung out and talked and played games until late into the night. Sunday was recuperation and travel home, but all in all in was a great weekend.

Piano & Swimming

I've been too busy to post lately, so I've got some "stored material" here.

In addition to the tri, the days I was in Austin were filled with many activities the kids were doing. I was so pleased to get to attend their piano recital and swim meet.

Colin looked so dapper in his almost-suit outfit that Nana bought him for the cruise. And both kids did REALLY well on their performances. (Remember they've only been playing for a few months.)






At the swim meet, one of the parents draws elaborate artwork on the kids. He draws in permanent marker to last through the swimming (and a few more days), and his talent is really incredible. Anna and Colin's swim team is the Piranhas and they were competing against the Sharks, so Anna's design has the piranhas attacking the shark.

Here's Anna's last event, the breaststroke. Although she's last to finish in this heat, her technique looks good!

More Tri Pics

Just a few more pictures I received today from the Tri...

My niece Anna grabbed my hand at the end of the run and crossed the finish line with me. She looks much more exuberant than I do at that point!

I am a Triathlete

This year was my third time to join my big sister Jenn on the Danskin Triathlon in Austin, TX. I knew the heat was going to kick my butt, and it did. But I was VERY pleased with my overall time.

The first year, in 2006, it took me 2 hours and 32 minutes to complete the whole thing (1/2 mile swim in open water in a lake, 12 miles biking on a very hilly course, and 3.1 miles running/walking also on a hilly course).

The second year, 2007, I shaved a little time off and completed in 2 hours and 29 minutes.

I skipped last year, due to moving to NYC and other factors. But I really missed it, and committed to doing it again this year.

And my completion time this year? 2 hours and 8 minutes! Yay! I did better in each event and was quicker on my transition times (the time between events when you change gear). The hardest time for me was on the run. It was really warm by then, and I felt like I was going to vomit the entire time. (I didn't, though.) I had to walk quite a bit, but I finished jogging. My niece Anna grabbed my hand and crossed the finish line with me.

Jenn did terrific as always, finishing in 1 hour 49 minutes.




Afterwards, we had our usual post-race brunch at a little Mexican restaurant that has delicious migas and fresh, homemade tortillas with Jenn's friend Kareen.


We've been pretty much vegetables since we finished this morning. My muscles don't hurt, but everything is very tired. Jenn and I each took a nap this afternoon, but I will be ready to go to sleep early tonight. And as sick as I felt during the run (and right after), I'm glad I did it and proud of my time. Still gotta catch Jenn, though...

Green Eyes

Here is a picture showing GED's beautiful eyes. As the story goes...

Back in 1998, I was dating a guy (who became ex-husband #2) who was taking a special training course at work. He called me to come meet some of his colleagues from Holland who were also in the class, and I went to meet them at the bar of a Texas steakhouse. When I walked in, I said hello to my boyfriend and he introduced his new friends. I shook hands with the first, then the second, and when I locked eyes with the third, I exclaimed, "Oh my God, you have beautiful eyes!" Immediately, I blushed when I realized I had said that out loud, and he laughed. (He told me later he wondered if this was how American women greeted new friends!) I was so embarrassed, although it was an honest statement, and we somehow managed to get past that pretty quickly and had a lovely evening all getting to know each other. They were in Texas for 6 weeks or so, and we all hung out together many times and kept in touch afterwards.

Green eyes are the rarest color. And strangely, I've dated three guys (including GED) with green eyes. I must be drawn to them in some way.

An Amazing Visit

When it rains, it pours, the saying goes. And it certainly has been an unusual week for me.

Just days after Aloha Guy left, I got another visitor. This one had been planned for some time, but I didn't want to write about it beforehand. I wanted to see how it would go first.

Nearly nine years ago, I had a relationship with a guy from Holland. I fell madly in love with this Green-Eyed Dutchman, but he ended up breaking my heart. Of course, now I can understand why he chose what he did at the time (he had a daughter and decided to try to make it work with her mother), but it was a terrible time for me when it ended. Over the last nine years, we've kept in touch sporadically, an occasional phone call or email every couple years or so. But each of us has been going through various relationships, and when he got in touch with me a few months ago, it was the first time we were both unattached and single at the same time. 

We both were curious to see if there were any feelings still left between us, and agreed we should see each other. He now lives in Barcelona, and neither of us had been to the other's city before. We decided he should come to NYC because as a European he has much more vacation time than I do, the flights were cheaper coming this way then the reverse, and I felt he owed me after the ending nine years ago.

For the past four days, I've been playing tour guide, and we saw all the famous sites including Times Square, Central Park, Rockefeller Center, 5th Avenue, Grand Central, the United Nations building, the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty, the Brooklyn Bridge, Little Italy, Soho and the West Village. It was so easy to be with the Green-Eyed Dutchman again, and exciting, too. There are definitely strong feelings between us, but neither one of us is ready to make a decision about what to do next.

He told me I look great (so glad I've been losing weight and training for the tri!) and that I seem like a stronger person now, not just physically but emotionally too. He looks older, but not much different than before, and he seems wiser and more grounded than years ago. We talked about everything and nothing. He annoyed me with the way he loves to pick fights about different things, but we also had some great laughs, comfortable silences, and romantic evenings. I cried to see him go, but I'm hopeful to see him in a few months or so with him playing tour guide in Barcelona.

The Long Birthday Weekend

My birthday was on Sunday. This year is an odd-number year for me, and for some reason, I don't like odd numbers as much as even ones. Something about a number being divisible by two makes me feel more balanced. Strange, I know, but both times I married (which if you haven't been reading long, didn't work) were in odd-number years.

To prepare for facing another year, I treated myself to a spa on Saturday. I found a package deal online that included everything I wanted for an amazing price -- body scrub, massage, and facial, plus they give you champagne and chocolate! (Although, that was a bit strange. It's a day spa, so it's in a regular office building, tucked away on the fourth floor, looking completely nondescript from the outside. Upon entering, they had soft music and lighting, and the rooms were comfortable and clean. They gave me the champagne and one single chocolate after my treatments, and showed me to a small table and chair and surrounded me with a folding room divider. So I sat, looking at the room divider, eating my chocolate while sipping champagne!) The staff is all Eastern European, and the woman doing my facial asked me in a heavy accented voice how old I am. When I told her my still-thirtysomething age, she remarked in surprise that she thought I was much younger! (This is not just good customer service, folks. She was looking at my face with that bright light and magnifying lens.)

On Sunday, Aloha Guy arrived, having taken the red-eye flight in from LA. We met at my place before going to church. When he had originally asked me what my plans were for my birthday, I told him all I had planned was church, and he asked if he could go with me. I was pleased he wanted to. After church, I have choir practice, but the jetlag was catching up to him by then, so he retired for several hours to his hotel. Later that afternoon, we met up and did some touristy things and had a late dinner at one of my favorite places in Tribeca. Oh, and some nice kisses. :-)

Monday was a gorgeous day, and we spent much of it enjoying the sunshine and mild temperatures, including a picnic lunch down near the Hudson River. He had work in the city on Tuesday, and we met after our works at my place. (He picked up sushi at a place I recommended.)

All in all, it was a really great time. He's so very generous -- always offering to pay, considerate -- he insisted on spoiling me (Oh, if you insist!), and very complimentary. He's also very laid back and not at all pushy like the guys I've met here in NYC. The only flags I've seen so far are that he's recently divorced, has two kids from his marriage, and lives in LA. So I'll see him when he's on this coast and let the rest unfold as it will.

Flowers!

First, the chocolates.
Then, the music.
Now, I get flowers!

Today, I got a beautiful bouquet of mixed flowers delivered to work, courtesy of Aloha Guy in honor of my birthday.

It's impressive that this guy is so persistent and sweet. The card was very casual, just wishing me a wonderful day. So although my faithful reader and commenter "jman" mentioned it might be too much too soon, Aloha Guy has been very nonchalant in his conversations and messages. I don't feel like he's "expecting" anything, and even when I asked if there's something particular he wants to do or see while he's in NYC, he said he just wants to spend time with me, even just sitting on a park bench.

It's the second time this week that he's put a smile on my face. I like this wooing business!

Too Good To Be True?

So after the chocolates that were delivered to my hotel in D.C. last week, I got an email from Aloha Guy that he'd like to take me out for my birthday. He's going to Boston for work next week and coming to NYC first to see me. I'm surprised and pleased and looking forward to having something to do on my b-day.

And today, I received a FedEx package from him with two compilation CDs of Hawaiian music. He offered to make them when we went to dinner last week, and I said I'd like that. (Remember in the 80's when we used to make mixed tapes?) Still, I was surprised that he actually did it and sent them so quickly.

This guy seems so nice! Am I so jaded by my experiences here that this seems so unusual? I read recently on another single gal's blog that her West coast friend remarked she couldn't believe what we NYC girls put up with. She also had this interesting chart on her blog from National Geographic:



As you can see, NYC and the surrounding area has the most single women, while the LA area has the most single men. (Texas is looking pretty good in this chart, too.)


Hmm...

5K

On Sunday, I ran a 5K with my sister Jenn, her husband Anthony and my 8-year-old niece Anna. It was an unusually cool morning in Austin, and the crisp air seemed to help us all pick up our feet.

Jenn blew us all away, as we knew she would, and finished first in our group. (Her sweet dog Francesca had no problem keeping up with her pace.)






I was thrilled with my time of 36 minutes, 25 seconds, but I've decided I don't look great running. :-)







And Anna and Anthony were right behind me.

A Follow-Up

I went to Washington, D.C. this week for a conference where I was speaking. And Aloha Guy sent me chocolates to my hotel room. Wow! I was very pleasantly surprised.

(In conversation the previous day, he had asked me nonchalantly where I was staying and remarked that it was a nice hotel. I had no idea what he was planning.)

Surprisingly Good Time

When I was in D.C. for a conference in April, I went out with some vendors, and I met a guy who was also in town for a conference. He seemed very nice, and was very easy to talk to, so we exchanged business cards. He's originally from Hawaii (so I'm going to dub him Aloha Guy), but now lives in LA. He mentioned when we met that he was coming to NYC in May.

And he looked me up. Aloha Guy was only in town for a couple of days, so we decided to meet up for drinks. I took him to the Campbell Apartment, which is in Grand Central Terminal. It was a lavish office space in the 1920's and has been restored to the glories of that time. We had a couple drinks, and the conversation was going so well, we decided to grab dinner.

I suggested Sushi Samba, one of my favorites that is a fusion of Japanese, Brazilian and Peruvian cuisines. The flavor combinations are just spectacular. Aloha Guy enjoyed the food as well, and I loved it that he let me choose everything. (I guess I enjoy control sometimes!)

The best thing was the ease of conversation. I feel like, if nothing else, I could really be friends with this guy. It's tough making friends in NYC -- I often get told that I'm "too nice" (and it's not a compliment) -- and even tougher getting together with those friends.

I really enjoyed spending time with Aloha Guy and talking with him. I've been to Hawaii many times, and it is one of my favorite places for its incredible beauty and laid back lifestyle. We also talked about our travels. He's never been to Europe but has travelled extensively in Asia, so we swapped stories about different cities and cultures. And the whole thing was very comfortable. I never felt like he was pressuring me for anything more than my current company. (So different from the forced-upon kiss of the date I had a couple weeks ago!) We parted with just a hug, and he said he'd be in touch the next time he was coming to the East Coast.

Exercise = Endorphins

I was feeling a bit low on Friday and Saturday. A long work week just about beat me down, and the week of dreary rain also dampened my mood. I'm also pondering what to do about my birthday. (My upcoming birthday doesn't fill me with dread because it's another year older, but I'm dreading spending it alone.)

I usually talk to my mom on Saturdays. We catch up on what's going on with the family and trade stories about work and stuff. I told her I was down (and maybe even cried a bit) and she encouraged me to get out and get some exercise. She also gave me a good way to put my birthday in perspective, saying we will celebrate it while I'm in Texas to also celebrate my sister's, dad's and nephew's birthdays. (May's a busy month for our family.) 

I took her advice and got out on my bike, riding up the West coast of Manhattan where there's a bike path along the West Side highway. I rode up to 70th Street, then across to Central Park where I could get at least some mild hills. Back on 72nd to the West side, I rode back down, enjoying the salt water smell and the kite event that was happening on one of the piers. 

And whattya know, mom was right. I did feel better. (Although my butt is still a little sore.)

Funny joke

How is sex like snow?

You never know how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

Showers & Quilts

This past Saturday, I had two baby showers to attend.

Baby showers aren't every single gal's favorite activity, especially those of us who are pining for a baby of our own, but two of my dear friends here in NYC are both expecting their firsts -- both girls. And I have been working on making each of them a quilt. Usually, I ask the moms what their nursery theme is and design a quilt to match that. But both these gals -- Erin and Kelly -- told me to just create whatever. The only guidance I got was that Erin asked that it not have too much pink, and Kelly requested bright pink.

So I created the quilts to match each of their personalities. Erin's quilt is made of pastels -- green, yellow and purple. (The back is light green with purple butterflies.) Erin is such a sweet person, one of the nicest people I know, and she's very traditional. I used a pattern I had done before, so I knew I could complete it well and quickly.

Kelly's quilt is bright and bold, just like she is. I chose a simple pattern, but it has a twist: every other square is made up of smaller squares. I chose the bright pink and purple to create those little patchwork squares. I sewed long strips of purple and pink in groups of five, and then cut the sewn strips crosswise and sewed the new rows together, alternating the colors. It didn't take as long as I feared, and the back fabric matched the yellow with bright butterflies in the solid squares.

I was thrilled that both Erin and Kelly were excited and touched by the quilt I made for their baby girl. And now I just have one more to do, for a friend whose baby boy is due in July.

Another NY Date

The guy I met last night described himself as an "Authentic NYer" -- born, raised and always lived in Manhattan. At first look, I was glad he looked like his pictures online (not always the case) and recognized me right away from mine, saying I looked exactly like my pictures, too.

We met at a great bar where he knows the bartender, and I got the bar's signature martini, which included orange-flavored vodka and a wine-based liqueur. It was refreshing without being too sweet. He got a whiskey-based cocktail, and while he offered me a taste, I don't like the smell of whiskey at all. He was very intrigued about my drink, and after several questions about it, I realized he wanted to try it and offered him a taste. After that, he felt like he could take a sip of my drink whenever he felt like it. It was strange, and I called him on it. He said, "Well, you said to share it with you!" which I did not. A sip is not "share." Whatever.

He enjoyed talking and apparently hearing himself talk. He's quite confident he's an interesting conversationalist. But the multiple times he interrupted me were annoying. I also noticed he had several mannerisms that, in my opinion, were effeminate. And while that usually sets my Gaydar off, I've seen this with other straight NY guys, and I think it's just a difference between Southern men and Yankee men. But I have a difficult time finding this attractive in a man.

In the middle of a conversation, he motioned to the bartender to give us the check and said, "let's get out of here, go somewhere else." Since it was 7:30, I assumed he meant grab a bite to eat, but you know what assuming gets you...

As we left the bar and started walking, I asked him, "Where are we going?" He stopped for a minute and said, "How about a rooftop? Is it too cold for you?" I agreed that sounded like fun and asked again where he was thinking of. "My place, of course! What did you think I meant by rooftop?" Well, I was thinking of the rooftop bars that I have been to in this city, and I'm not sure what you are planning. I told him that while I'm still learning the cultural differences between here and Texas (and believe me, there are many!), I did learn the hard way about not inviting someone up to your apartment unless you're expecting something. He asked me about how I learned that and completely agreed with the guy and told me I was in the wrong. (Yeah, thanks, I figured that out!) He also told me he wasn't expecting anything other than to enjoy my company. I still felt a little weird, though... (WHY don't I listen to my gut???)

He fixed me a drink - but not himself one - and again helped himself to sips of my drink. Weird. He was also overly touchy. He kept touching my hands or my arm while he was talking to me. Out-of-the-blue, he asked me, "Are you attracted to me?" and I was so caught off guard, I just told him the truth, sort-of, saying, "A little."

"A little?!" he was obviously disappointed. I told him I needed to get to know him more, that attraction to me is more than just how someone looks. He recovered, saying he only found me a little attractive, too. So I thought, maybe we can be good friends...

He showed me his balcony (NOT a rooftop) and moved in close. I panicked and put my hands on his chest and asked, "You're not going to kiss me, are you?" (Dumb question, of course that's what he was going to do.) Unfortunately, my question didn't stop him, but I just gave him a closed-mouth kiss and wiggled away.

I went to the bathroom and while I had a moment to myself, started thinking of ways to get out of there. But when I came back to the living room, he said, "Did you have everything you needed in there?" I laughed and said yes, toilet paper and a sink with soap. Then abruptly he asked, "Do you want me to walk you down stairs to get a cab?" What a 180-degree shift, but I wasn't going to pass up that opportunity and said, "Yes, please. That would be nice."

The best part of the date was the cab ride home!

This & That

I've been a bad blogger lately. Sorry, and thanks if you're still reading!

Couple of snapshots: last weekend I was in Dallas to see my girlfriends and celebrate Lauren's third pregnancy. Instead of a[nother] baby shower, we decided to go to a spa. It was great, but after the spa treatments was even better. We had lunch at my favorite Tex-Mex restaurant and talked and talked. Then we went to Wendy's house and talked and drank some more. It was just so nice to be with these people who I love and enjoy so much. Very restorative.



And spring has finally come to NYC in the last week of April! I snapped this shot at City Hall Park, where I took some of my wintery scenes earlier this year.


Tonight I'm off to meet a new guy...someone I met through Chemistry.com. Full report tomorrow!

A Date or Something

Tonight I had a "date" with a guy that was virtually introduced with me by an old acquaintance of mine in Texas. I say date in quotes because it wasn't an official set-up but more of a casual introduction. I worked with this woman 13-14 years ago (am I really that old?) and we recently got back in touch through LinkedIn. When she heard I was in NYC and still single, she suggested I meet a friend of hers from college who is a lawyer here.

We exchanged a couple of emails and realized we live in the same general area of the city. He suggested we meet tonight at an Italian place in Tribeca with a great bar and restaurant. I dressed nicely, in a brown skirt with brown knee-high boots, and a turquoise top with matching jacket. It's raining cats-and-dogs today, so I put my hair up. I got to the place first and was conversing with the Italian bartender about how different NYC is from either Italy or Texas when he arrived...in jeans and a jacket like those that go with jogging suits. So I was definitely overdressed. Oh well, I wore this to work, too, so it's not like I dressed up especially for this meeting.

We had a nice conversation, and we have enough in common to keep it going through different topics. He made more than one reference to age, and I got the feeling he thinks he's too old for me. But I just got the feeling that he wasn't very interested in me, perhaps because he didn't really look at me when I answered his questions and was easily distracted by whoever just walked in the door. I even saw him check out one girl from head to toe while he was talking to me.

It obviously wasn't a "love connection," but hopefully we can be friends. He's lived here for 9 years and mentioned so many great places and things that I want to check out.

Night out in D.C.

Last week, I was in Washington, D.C. for a conference for work. One evening, I was taken out to dinner by a vendor who wants to partner with us on business. They insisted on "wooing" me, even though I told them I think they have a good product and am already willing to work with them.

There were three guys, two married and one who has a girlfriend, so it wasn't a flirtatious encounter, but as I have mentioned before, I really enjoy male company. One of them kept remarking, though, "I don't understand why you're still single!" And, although on the surface this is flattering, it is usually -- as it was this time -- followed up with something like, "Are you too picky?"

How to respond? I usually explain that I am divorced, TWICE, and if I am "too" picky now, that is a good thing!

Later, he said again, "I just don't understand why you're alone..." and it seemed like he was trying to figure out if there's something seriously wrong with me under the surface! Ha! Well, I may be unique (aren't we all?) but I'm not THAT abnormal.

We had a great dinner -- they ordered Cakebread wine -- and then we went to a little bar and danced to 80's music. I got back to the hotel late after begging to go back (most of them kept on going).

I also really enjoyed the conference. It was my first time "tweeting" on Twitter from a conference, and I'm thrilled that my tweets were well received by the Twitter community. Several of my quotes were re-tweeted, and I gained many followers.

Many Fish in the Sea?

Things are picking up a bit in the dating scene. After being email-interviewed by a journalist in London about online dating, I signed up for free trials on Chemistry.com and eHarmony.com. Both have personality tests created by psychologists which they then use to match you with compatible people. But after going through the steps again, I remember why I don't like eHarmony. They send me way too many profiles to look through, and I dutifully review them and mark the ones I find interesting. Maybe it's just my luck, but whoever I make the first move on always seems to "close" the match. And again, the reason 99% of the guys choose as why they're closing the match is "Other." I NEVER pick "Other." I usually pick "I don't feel the chemistry is there." The profiles also don't seem to have enough information. Most guys write the bare minimum in answer to the questions, and many of the profiles read similarly.

Chemistry.com seems to be doing a little better for me. They give you more information about why they matched you with the person, and the profiles tend to have more copy than just monosyllabic responses. I'm currently emailing with three guys -- two of them have the same name, and that's a bit confusing -- and I'm about to set up a time to meet one of them.

Plus, I got in contact with someone through LinkedIn.com that I haven't seen in over ten years, and she has put me in touch with a guy-friend of hers here in the city. So if it's a numbers game, I'm definitely got more opportunities. Now I just have to keep them all straight and remember what I've said to whom...

And I guess I'm not alone. Apparently, singles turn to online dating to cope with the recession. (Not my reason, but the more, the merrier!)

Is it wrong to sabotage a bad date?

I had my second date with True NYer this week. We met at the Indian food restaurant he has told me about on our first meeting. When he walked over to me, I could smell cigarette smoke. Ew. That reminded me that I thought I had smelled it the first time we met, but since we were in a crowded bar, I couldn't be sure if it was him or someone else close by. Now I knew it was him, and that's a deal-breaker for me.

He seemed strangely nervous. He was sweating a lot at first, but I thought maybe he had hustled to get there. Then I noticed he would look me in the eye when I was talking, but when he spoke, he would look anywhere but my eyes. He also had this strange tic, often leaning his head to one side quickly and blinking hard.

I wanted to be straight-forward and ask him about the smoking, but I couldn't find an appropriate place in the conversation. As the dinner wore on, I could tell this wasn't going to go past this date. So I made a conscious decision to sabotage it, of sorts. I told him a crazy story, that although true, is something I have only shared with people who already know me very well.

It seemed to do the trick. We got in separate cabs without any promises of another date!

Smell & Attraction

I've written before about my strong sense of smell. Today, a study was released that proves women have a stronger sense of smell than men.

Women's noses can penetrate fancy colognes and detect male body odor, but men don't have the same ability, say U.S. researchers. And they speculate that women may be more sensitive to biologically relevant information in sweat that might, in fact, help them select a mate. Read more.

And in another study I read about last year, oral contraception skewed women's hormones and altered the type of male scent women find most attractive. Basically, the contraceptive Pill could also be responsible for skewing their hormones and attracting them to the “wrong” partner.

A study by British scientists suggests that taking the Pill can change a woman’s taste in men — to those who are genetically less compatible. The research found that the Pill can alter the type of male scent that women find most attractive, which may in turn affect the kind of men they choose as partners. Read more.

Third, my mom gave me a heads up to a recent Oprah show that in part talked about how men are more attracted to women who ovulate, which you obviously don't do if you're on the Pill.

Karl Grammer and Elizabeth Oberzaucher are leading the research on the human scent's influence on sexual attraction. They've found that when women are ovulating, they produce copulins, a scent that attracts men. The researchers believe when a man gets a whiff of copulins, his testosterone levels rise. As a result, he secretes androstenone, an odor that repels women who aren't ovulating. Read more.

My conclusion? I may not be attracting the right men, or be attracted to the right men, if I'm on the Pill. Maybe THAT'S why I chose some of the oh-so-obviously wrong men in my past! I realize it's probably more complicated than that, but hormones are powerful forces. And choosing a different form of birth control is a lot easier than months of counselling! (which I've also done.)

Need a Good Headline

Readers, I need your help.

I'm considering trying [again] online dating, and I need a catchy headline. The headline and the picture are what get people to click. Of course, I want to attract the right people, and I don't want anything too risque.

So please vote for your favorite or suggest one:

• Come Away With Me
• Do or Do Not. There is no Try.
• Hope endures
• Hazel-eyed Triathlete Looking for Partner
• Beauty + Brains is more fun

Date with a True NYer

I started getting a little anxious as I left work last night and headed downtown to the bar to meet my date from the matchmaker. But, nothing to do but just charge through that.

I got there just a couple minutes before he did. I didn't know much about him, but from the way he was standing surveying the crowd, I thought it might be him. I approached and after confirming it was him, introduced myself. The bar was very crowded, so we choose a table and ordered a couple drinks.

He's NY-born and bred and has a classic Queens accent. Although he works in the financial field, he has survived his company's layoffs (so far), and since he's more on the accounting side, he's not one of the Wall Street guys that everyone loves to hate right now.

We had a nice talk and seem to have commonalities. After 2 drinks, he suggested we grab something to eat, so we went to a nearby sushi place. The conversation stalled a bit at dinner. I'm not sure if it was because we had run out of things to talk about or because he was still getting over a cold and seemed to be fading. He was very polite and walked me home, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

We've got plans for dinner on Tuesday. So we'll see... There weren't any sparks, but I enjoyed the conversation (more before dinner than during) and I know I can learn more about the city from him.

Blind Date

So I'm meeting match #4 tonight from the matchmaker service. (In case you're wondering what happened to match #3, I never met him. This will make me sound like a snob, but I've learned from past experience that it's important to me that the other person have similar education and goals. After talking to #3 on the phone, I learned he loves his work as an installer of cable boxes and has no aspirations of doing anything more. We spoke several times, and he just seemed too simple and not interesting to me.)

I don't know much about #4: I know he has a shaved head, is 5'8" and that he's in the financial field. We spoke briefly on the phone, and I know he has a nephew and we both like Star Wars.

At least my past experiences have made me not have any expectations for tonight.

Stay tuned for the full report tomorrow...

Some Pictures from the Weekend

Last weekend, I went to Austin for my niece Anna's 8th birthday. I got to see both sisters and all my nieces and nephews, my parents, and later my uncle Tom. It was a nice boost of family time.

Since Anna and her brother Colin have been exposed to the Star Wars movies, it has become a part of their imaginative play and shown up in their artwork. Anna asked for a Star Wars themed party and an R2D2 cake.

My brother-in-law Anthony makes masterpiece cakes. He'll deny it and point out the defects, but every year, he creates a work of art. Plus, they actually taste good -- even the icing! Anthony's uncle Volker from Germany helped put some of the finishing touches on the cake.

















My sister Jenn researches online for theme games each year, and she did a great job of explaining the games to all the kids, even those who hadn't seen the movies. We made simple "Jedi" tunics out of muslin and added a brown sash. Each kid also got a blow-up light saber.




Jenn did Anna's hair like Padme Amidala, and I styled Colin's hair like Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen's version).











It was a fun party. Anna rated the day 10 out of 10, and it was great to see all my nieces and nephews and sisters!