I had my second date with True NYer this week. We met at the Indian food restaurant he has told me about on our first meeting. When he walked over to me, I could smell cigarette smoke. Ew. That reminded me that I thought I had smelled it the first time we met, but since we were in a crowded bar, I couldn't be sure if it was him or someone else close by. Now I knew it was him, and that's a deal-breaker for me.
He seemed strangely nervous. He was sweating a lot at first, but I thought maybe he had hustled to get there. Then I noticed he would look me in the eye when I was talking, but when he spoke, he would look anywhere but my eyes. He also had this strange tic, often leaning his head to one side quickly and blinking hard.
I wanted to be straight-forward and ask him about the smoking, but I couldn't find an appropriate place in the conversation. As the dinner wore on, I could tell this wasn't going to go past this date. So I made a conscious decision to sabotage it, of sorts. I told him a crazy story, that although true, is something I have only shared with people who already know me very well.
It seemed to do the trick. We got in separate cabs without any promises of another date!
3 comments:
Sabatage away! I have done it before as well...if you know it is not going anywhere then don't waste your or his time!
MCW
I'm curious of the male perspective, but you're in company. I've done this and there have certainly been others. I don't think 2 dates earns total disclosure, and sometimes my read is that they are not looking for brutal honesty anyway. Your gut just knows, and why cut them down on your way out? I'm in my 'sunset' 30's, generally seek men in my age bracket, and expect a level of dating maturity. I'm confident when there's no longer a chance of connecting with someone, that should come across accurately in my communication and reactions - still pleasant, but noncommittal. If a man still reads it that I'm totally interested, is that my responsibility? I don't know - I've been single my whole life. I used to extend more courtesies, but I'm exhausted. :)
~ Traci
Some guys can take a hint and some can't. Based on the information at hand it's difficult to know into which category this guy falls. With your recounting of his body language I was expecting some revelation on his part as the punch line, like he was married or hadn't been honest in some significant way.Your sabotage story seems like an indirect version of "it's not you, it's me". I'd have said goodnight and sent him an e-mail thanking him for the evening but advising him that in his case it was 2 strikes and he was out.
PS I told you free cable was the way to go! :)
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