Flirting is an Art Form

I've been neglecting the blog. Work is crazy as ever (certifiably insane kind of crazy), and I'm in triathlon training mode, going to the gym or the pool every day. And I just haven't felt like blogging much. But I do have a story to share...Jury Duty guy.

We finally found an evening that worked for both of us, and he let me pick the place. I found a nice bar/lounge in Soho not too far from my office. The date was for drinks, but we stayed for several hours and shared some appetizers to keep some sort of check on the blood-alcohol levels. He asked me a lot of questions about myself -- almost to the point where he wasn't doing much talking about himself -- but did sprinkle in several compliments about my appearance and warned me "I'm going to flirt with you." Great, bring it on. I like my share of flirting.

Only, apparently, he doesn't really understand how to flirt, the innuendo and suggestive dialogue. His definition of flirting is decidedly more crass and obvious.

After laying his cards on the table and telling me that he wanted to be completely honest with me that he's not interested in a relationship, he started to "flirt." He asked me things like what position is my favorite, my bra size, and other things which I can't even write. I deflected the questions. It was obvious he's just looking for a good time gal, and while I can be fun to be around, I'm not looking for his type of rendezvous.

He said, "Oh, you're a relationship girl," in such an accusing tone I defended myself and disagreed with him. I'm not afraid to be alone, and steadfastly believe it's better to be on my own than in the wrong relationship (see divorce #1 and #2). I'm not one who is anxiously looking to be married just to be married. But I would like to meet someone and see where it goes, naturally letting it develop into something more, or not, as opposed to having the boundaries of what this could or couldn't be defined on the first date.

So he asked me if I wanted to come over and watch a movie at his place the next night. No thanks. I want more than just a friend-with-benefits, and I deserve to be treated with more respect.

This Makes Me Mad

A story in Newsweek reports on a recent psychological experiment where participants were shown photos of women's and men's faces looking sad, afraid, angry or disgusted, with a sentence beneath each image purporting to explain the emotion, such as "buried a family pet" for a sad face, or "was threatened by an attacker" for a fearful one. The participants offered starkly different explanations for the emotions, saying that the women were "emotional" while the men were "having a bad day" even when the expressions and explanations were identical. So while the men were perceived to have a feeling because of context, women were perceived to be temperamental or have an emotional nature.

Women are often touted as the more emotional sex, and it's not considered a positive thing. But the scientific evidence to support that theory is skimpy. This study concluded "The stereotype of the overly emotional female is grounded in the belief that women express emotion because they are emotional creatures, but men express emotion because the situation warrants it. Regardless of whether women are objectively more emotionally expressive, people attribute their emotional behaviors to a more emotional nature."

This annoys me because I've actually been told in the past by a boss [who I couldn't stand] that I am "too emotional." I describe myself as passionate, and wouldn't you want someone who is passionate about what they do rather than someone who doesn't give a damn?