Oh No

Well, here's your chance to say, "I told you so."

FB came back from his trip -- his annual pilgrimage to Memphis for Elvis week -- where he saw his ex-girlfriend and realized he still has feelings for her. And -- surprise of all surprises -- she wants him back.

He's decided he has to "see this thing through."

Yes, I am a fool for getting sucked in so quickly, for believing his declarations of love and getting attached to his sweet girls. I feel like an idiot, but mostly I'm just devastated and hurt. I really thought we had something good going.

The Other Person's Children

A couple years ago, my mom made an observation to me that given my age and the fact that I want to date men who are age appropriate, it was very likely that a potential mate would have kids from a previous relationship. I agreed that it was likely, and I wondered what that would be like. I've always been predisposed to love children and have often thought of adopting or foster parenting. But this would be different.

My relationship with Steve (prior to using code names on the blog) was my first experience with that. Unfortunately, his relationship with his ex was strained -- to put it mildly -- and he rarely saw his kids who lived with their mom in a neighboring state. The kids were 10 and 12; one struggling with behavioral challenges and the other with puberty. And both were still reeling from the divorce and not prepared to see their dad with someone else. While not the deciding factor in my calling it quits, the situation and tension with the ex put additional strain on our relationship.

With Fly Boy and his girlios, it's completely different. For one, he and his ex have a relationship based on friendship and agree on how they are raising the kids. He has the girls 50% of the time, not just sporadic weekends, and the girls are very secure in both their parent's love. They have seen their dad date before, and they have embraced me. They are younger and have also had a couple years to come to terms with their parents not being together, and they are well-behaved, sweet children. So while it is mind-blowing to go from spending my time as 1 to 1+1+3, it is a happy chaos.

Family Time

So last Thursday, I had Vetmommy and her family over for dinner. And, to meet Fly Boy.

I rushed home from work and rapidly started preparing dinner: pasta with red sauce, turkey Italian sausage, and sauteed veggies. Jenn and her entourage arrived with fresh-from-the-garden tomatoes and basil to make a caprese salad, and Anthony opened the wine. The kids explored my new place, proclaiming it great, and when FB arrived with the bread, we all sat down for dinner. The whole evening seemed to zoom by for me with bustling activity, conversation and hostess duties (I'm always overly concerned about everything going just right), but it seemed like FB made a good impression, although Anna & Colin were a little disappointed he wasn't dressed in his police uniform.

Over the weekend, FB had his girls, and we tried out the pool at my apartment complex. It was fun, although I was on alert watching the three of them, who have varying skills at swimming and varying comfort levels with risk-taking. Remembering the time I spent with them over the weekend, the sounds I remember the most fondly are their giggles and sweet songs. Oh, and I have lots of new refridgerator artwork with dear little messages of adoration.

Settling In

I can't believe it's already Thursday. Time is flying by, and my days are packed with so much. I'm still getting settled, although all but two boxes are unpacked. I still have a few more pictures to hang, and I continue to replenish condiments and other grocery staples that I had to discard when I moved. I am loving my new place. The 2 bed/2 bath feels HUGE to me after my 1/1 in NYC, and there are more closets than I can actually fill. I have a large back porch and little fenced yard in the back, and the apartment complex backs up to a state-protected wooded area. I can't hear any noise other than crickets, frogs and the soothing coos of doves. It's very peaceful.

Of course, the only drawback to all this woodsy-ness is the plentiful -- and varied -- insect life. Ick. In my high-rise in the concrete jungle, I didn't have any bugs. But it's a small inconvenience. There's definitely not an insect problem -- I'm just squeamish about creepy crawlies!

Last weekend, my sweet cousin Bev drove up from College Station. She helped me organize, and I purchased a guest bed for the extra room for her to sleep on. After a busy Saturday, we had a quiet evening at home and quality girl talk over Mojitos. The last time I really had such a nice visit with her was just before she started college when she visited me in NYC three years ago. She is so dear to me, and it was great to catch up.

And she got to be the first family member to meet Fly Boy. When she and I went for dinner at a Chinese restaurant on Friday night -- which turned out to be very strange because of the karaoke system that was the main attraction and the overly serious singers -- I got a text from FB that he was finishing up a call not too far from where we were. Bev asked if we could go see him, and he said of course! (Note: I am hesitant about the whole police thing, and don't like to even think about the fact that he's in dangerous situations every day. I do not have a burning desire to go on "ride-alongs" or hang out at the station. I respect what he and his officers do, but I'd rather keep work at work.) FB assured me that the scene was secured and it was safe for us to come by. (They were just finishing up paperwork stuff.) He was very proud to introduce me to two of the guys who work for him, and we chatted with them for a few minutes. The next day, he met us for brunch, and Bev and FB each got to know each other a little better. Bev gave him a thumbs-up.

Next up: FB will get vetted by the vet: Vetmommy and her family.

A Nonchalant, but Momentous, Occasion

With a profession in law enforcement and national security, as well as above average intelligence, Fly Boy prides himself on being a good judge of character. I don't doubt it, as he has to make split second decisions in his line of work that can literally mean life or death to himself or his men.

Because he trusted me and meeting the 'rents had gone so well, FB thought I should meet the other generation, too -- his "girlios." I was much more nervous about this prospect than he was. The girlios -- aged 8, 5, and 4 -- had met his previous girlfriend, and since FB and his ex have such a great relationship, the girls didn't seem at all concerned that their dad was with another woman. But still, their pint-sized bodies held steely glances as they regarded me during that initial introduction.

I am good with kids. Always have been. But I still felt nervous and realized the momentousness of this occasion, even thought I appreciated Fly Boy's casualness about the meeting. Would they like me? What if they didn't? FB introduced me to them, and they immediately asked -- as he predicted -- what about the previous girlfriend? He explained they were now just friends, and the girls seemed more concerned that they wouldn't see the ex-girlfriend's kids than her. They asked if I had kids (looking for playmates), but the answer that I had one elderly cat seemed less than ideal.

I tried to make small talk, asking how old they were (even though I already knew), complimenting their earrings, and asking what they were playing. Their responses were mono-syllabic. I tried not to panic. The middle girl appraised me and stated, "You look like my mommy."

"Oh, really?" I replied with what I hoped was a calm voice, while wondering if FB had truly just chosen me because I looked like his type. "Yes," she said, "But with a different face." I laughed, realizing she was looking at my adult woman body. She later followed that observation with another -- that my butt is like her mom's: big -- while she has a small butt. (I am taking this as a purely proportional assessment: child vs adult.)

We all got into his truck and drove to dinner. The middle child (I am also the middle of three girls) announced she had a song for us. Her original, spontaneous composition started with "Daddy has a new girlfriend" and also had a verse which included "First, Daddy had Mommy as a girlfriend, then he had Miss B___ as a girlfriend, and now he has Miss Emily as a girlfriend." It was sweet and funny. The other girls joined in.

After dinner, the littlest one climbed up into my lap and snuggled in with her head under my chin. She looked up at me and declared, "You're snuggly." My heart melted a bit as I told her she was too.

The oldest one wrote me a sweet note the next day, stating I was one of her favorite people. And, she conspiratorially whispered to me, "I KNOW Daddy's going to marry you because when he introduced you to us, he said 'I really, really like her' and he never said that about Miss B___." I thanked her for the intel.

And so, I have three new little friends in Austin. Before I met them, I had a conversation with Fly Boy that I wasn't quite ready to use the title "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" yet. But when the oldest asked her dad -- when he first introduced me -- "Is she a friend or a girlfriend?" FB and I locked eyes and I gave him a quick nod. They are so innocent and sweet, and like them, I am focusing on living in the moment.

Amazing

It all started with an email through Match.com. Fly Boy emailed me saying he found my profile interesting. He particularly liked that I noted that I believe every soul has value and responded to my requirements of height-weight proportionate (he's 5'10" 210#) and the absolute disdain I have for tobacco use (Never!).

However, when I clicked through to his profile, two things in particular made me stop short of liking it: he chose the field "no more kids/happy if the other person has kids of their own" and "recently divorced." In addition, he had mentioned in his email to me that he works as a police officer and is a Navy Commander. While impressive, I've never been the type to go for police officers, and based on my experience (ex-husband #2 and another short-term guy), I'm not very interested in military guys either. Regarding the kids, he wrote in his profile of his three young girls (with accompanying ADORABLE picture). Rather than the auto "No thank you" response Match offers, I decided to write him back and let him know of my two show-stoppers. To my surprise, he wrote back. And further surprise, his response was very well-written. He not only explained his thinking behind what he wrote (he's open to more kids -- in fact, thinks "there can never be too many of them" and explained he's been separated for about four years and has an excellent relationship with his ex) but he also responded that he heard and understood my objections.

I found myself writing back to him again. Partially because he was a good writer and demonstrated intelligence. He wrote me the next time about how he takes his little girls (8, 5, and 4) on "dates," showing them how they should be treated and giving them one-on-one time with dad. [AW!!!] He also talked about being a pilot and asking if I'd ever been in a one-engine plane (not yet!).

As we shared emails about our backgrounds, we found similarity in the frequent relocations: mine due to my dad's airline company employment and Fly Boy's due to his dad being in the Army. He wrote about some of the leadership opportunities he's had in the Navy and how he's trying to bring that learning to his fellow officers at the police department. He also expressed interest in learning more about what I do and complimented me on my successes.

After several long emails, we exchanged phone numbers. The first call lasted TWO HOURS but seemed like 30 minutes. FB's not only intelligent, he's funny. He has the admirable ability to laugh at himself and also is not afraid to point out when I've done something that is mockable (in a respectful way -- he makes me laugh at myself when I'm taking myself too seriously).

We talked a couple more times before setting a date to meet one afternoon for coffee. I knew we had intellectual compatibility, but would we have physical chemistry? Well...that initial "coffee date" lasted 8 hours! FB took me to dinner and we talked non-stop. He has beautiful blue eyes, but he is hesitant to smile often or long. It became a challenge to me to try and make him smile -- it lights up his face when he does.

FB asked to see me the next day -- but that was move-in day to my new apartment. Not exactly a fun activity for anyone. But he reassured me that he was just interested in spending time with me. He turned out to be a huge help, offering to unpack boxes or do whatever needed doing, and stayed until he had to go to work that evening at the police department.

The next day (Sunday), he asked me to lunch, and then spur-of-the-moment invited me to join him to drive out to see his parents just outside of Austin. It all seemed natural enough -- not overly formal like so many of these such meetings -- that I found myself agreeing. Plus, I just wanted to spend more time with him. He's genuinely interested in me: my job, my family, what's important to me -- and at the same time, he's more than I would have thought possible in a police/Navy guy.

His parents were lovely. I thoroughly enjoyed talking to both of them. He's very close with his parents and his younger sister (in LA).

There's more...but it's late, I'm in Chicago (for work, and I'm tired. And this blog post is long enough! Suffice it to say that I really like FB. So much so that I cut off my Match profile. And for the first time in a really long time, it doesn't seem like a sacrifice to give up meeting other people. And for his part, FB is so complimentary, supportive and respectful of me and what I do and what I'm about. It's just amazing.