I had a second date with Cattle Baron last weekend. Again, great conversation: he told interesting stories and listened to mine attentively. He again insisted on paying -- I still feel a little weird about this. I like being independent, and I can afford to pay for myself. When I know someone else is paying, it makes me more cautious about what I order (maybe I shouldn't pick the most expensive entree or glass of wine), and I wonder what expectations come with it. Perhaps that's the NYer in me questioning why anyone would be nice without an ulterior motive.
I let him drive for this date, and when he dropped me back off at "home" -- my sister's -- he kissed me. And...nothing. I didn't really like the kiss. He has very thin lips and they were too firm. I tried. But I don't really want to kiss him again. And I've gotten to the point in my life where I don't want to have to teach someone the basics like how to kiss well.
So, while he's angling for another date, and while I do enjoy spending time with him, I don't think it's going anywhere but friendship. I'm debating how and when to tell him that. I want to be honest and not string him along if he's not looking for just a friend.
But there are others on Match...and I've got a couple meet-ups already scheduled.
8 comments:
Glad you are here and dating again! After 5 years, I think I am ready to start dating again. Thinking of trying online dating, too since my work is 99.9% women. I hope to see you soon!
Is it he is a bad kisser or just that he doesn't kiss how you like? I mean I don't want to date you because you have thin lips that you hold too firmly when kissing? It might be unique in the annals of dating as a reason why I don't want to go out with you anymore. Just like communication can be key in terms of letting your partner know what you like and don't like when getting horizontal, maybe it applies equally when locking lips. After all if you are enjoying his company this seems a pretty flimsy reason. This concludes the judgmental portion of the comment.
As for the paying for dinner business, it could be evidence of mcpism or it could be him being a gracious host in the sense that you are his guest since he invited you out. If there is a third date maybe you could say great but this time it's on me.
Well said, jman..he sounds shy to me,Em. and if his lips were 'thin and hard' sounds very much to me that he isn't used to too many kisses which could be a good thing.:) also I wouldn't write him off just yet..one thing I hate is open mouthed kisses..yuck! GERMS! so he has an ally in me :) xx
A.Norma. (call me old fashioned) :)
Aunty Norma - open mouth kissing? Quelle horreur! What will those horrid French think of next? Cut, fried potatoes? I'd have thought to a germaphobe any kind of kissing would be anathema, but it can't do much for one's love life!
I am sitting here cracking up over jman and Aunty Norma. Hilarious. As for the cattle baron, I hope he doesn't read your blog. Secondly, if there truly aren't any sparks at all and you don't want to kiss him again I would shut it down. It's not fair to you or him to string him along hoping things change. Maybe you should explain that you value him as a friend but just don't see the relationship developing into something more. Then he can decide if he wants another 'friend'.
Good luck with the other matches.
I've never had no personal chemistry + no kissing chemistry later = chemistry. I have had personal chemistry + tepid kissing chemistry build into real kissing chemistry. Once we are OUR age (there w/ you) - if you don't feel it's there, it's usually not. If you want to leave no doubt, I agree, insist on treating for at least part of #3.
Also glad to see Texas dating options for you! Hope you are not at it long!
hahahaha.. jman! first of all can I explain why it may be a good thing if he's not used to 'kissing' ..it may mean that he's not kissed many Girls being so busy moving Cattle and all that ..second: I AM a 'Germaphobe' and I never realised it :) so thank-you for that info.Now to my 'love life' just one word describes that,jman..SUPERB (giggle) last of all..I love French wine. :)
A.Norma.x (Em. hope the next date is more to your satisfaction) x
I feel like the commentary is "the Jman and Norma show." :-)
ColeBugsmommy: thanks! I'm so excited to be in Austin and hope to see you soon, too.
jman: The bad kissing isn't the only reason I don't want to date him. I just don't have feelings for him more than friendship, even though I respect him and wish I did. I can't force that.
Aunty Norma: I like kissing! (even with my mouth open) Shocking, I know.
Anonymous: Yes, I hope he doesn't read this either. I never mentioned to him I write a blog.
T1: My thoughts exactly.
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