Sunday was my first night "in charge." It was also movie night, the weekly ritual being that the kids can watch a movie while they eat dinner. We watched Annie, and I made the chicken parm with spaghetti, croissants and avocado slices. They ate very well. My favorite part was after they finished eating. We watched the movie all snuggled together. I had bookend twins and Evie climbed on my lap. I loved it!
So today was my first full day. I'll admit I was a little nervous about it all last night and didn't sleep very well thinking about everything I needed to do. Paige & Graham are 7 and nearly self-sufficient in many ways, and Evelyn is 3. But it's still amazing to me how much energy it all takes! Once again, I have a renewed appreciation for my sisters as moms, as well as all the moms out there.
My big accomplishments today were getting three kids to three different schools on time (and without getting lost), picking them each up on time, making a healthy dinner, and getting them to bed on time with minimal distractions. It's 8:30, and I'm ready to go to bed myself!
I think the reward for today was when I tucked Evelyn into bed and she said, "I love you, Auntie Emily. I love you SOOOOO much!" :-)
Monday, August 30, 2010
Go Team!
I drove to Houston Saturday morning, and my sister Steph gave me a run-through of the school drop-off and pick-up. My three nieces and nephew go to three different schools! Fortunately, they are pretty well-timed -- providing traffic cooperates -- so you can drop off the first two, grab a cappucino, and drop off the little one. This morning was the first test, and everyone got to school on time! Yay!
Although I'm not a huge sports fan, it is always fun to experience sporting events live and feel the energy of the players and the crowd. On Saturday night, Steph and her husband took me and the kids to a Texans game. Oh, and we were in a box. It was pretty sweet! To me, the best part was watching the kids watch the game. It was the first time Evelyn (3-yrs) had ever been to a game, and she remarked several times that she was so excited AND that she was so excited to be going with "Auntie Em." :-)
Friday, August 27, 2010
Happy Faces
One of the big reasons for moving back to Texas was to be closer to my nieces and nephews. I am fortunate to have 5 total -- 2 living in the Austin area and 3 living in Houston.
The 2 here in Austin, Anna & Colin, visited my parents -- their grandparents -- for two weeks this month, and I caught these pictures as the joyfully returned to their parents: (sorry the first one is blurry)
And today, I got the opportunity to visit each of them at their school lunchtime, which is a quick 25-30 minutes. They were both beaming, and I got a couple snapshots. (Colin had to do one silly one in addition to a nice one.)
Tomorrow, I drive to Houston to see the other 3, and I'm going to take care of them for a few days while their parents are travelling! Should be good for some blog stories. :-)
The 2 here in Austin, Anna & Colin, visited my parents -- their grandparents -- for two weeks this month, and I caught these pictures as the joyfully returned to their parents: (sorry the first one is blurry)
And today, I got the opportunity to visit each of them at their school lunchtime, which is a quick 25-30 minutes. They were both beaming, and I got a couple snapshots. (Colin had to do one silly one in addition to a nice one.)
Tomorrow, I drive to Houston to see the other 3, and I'm going to take care of them for a few days while their parents are travelling! Should be good for some blog stories. :-)
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Dinner Date + Sleepover
I have a special visitor tonight: my niece Anna came for a sleepover! We tried out my new grill with teriyaki chicken and vegetables, and she helped me make some rice. At 9-years-old, she's a great helper in the kitchen, although she prefers preparing the meal to cleaning up. :-)
We had a nice conversation during dinner, too. She asked me if it was lonely living by myself and said she couldn't imagine living without her family. I explained that it's a little different once you're an adult, and that there are benefits to living alone.
After dinner, Anna enjoyed a bubble bath. We strategically placed the bubbles so I could take a picture of her reclining in the suds:
She's such a sweet girl, and right in between being a child and being a teenager. It's great to talk to her one-on-one and hear her thoughts about the world around her.
And she told me at least three times tonight, "I'm so glad you live in Austin now." Me, too.
We had a nice conversation during dinner, too. She asked me if it was lonely living by myself and said she couldn't imagine living without her family. I explained that it's a little different once you're an adult, and that there are benefits to living alone.
After dinner, Anna enjoyed a bubble bath. We strategically placed the bubbles so I could take a picture of her reclining in the suds:
She's such a sweet girl, and right in between being a child and being a teenager. It's great to talk to her one-on-one and hear her thoughts about the world around her.
And she told me at least three times tonight, "I'm so glad you live in Austin now." Me, too.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Still Reeling
Thanks for all the supportive comments.
This has really hit me hard. I wish I had seen some warning sign, but there was nothing. Logically, I knew it was all fast, but it was all so good, so easy. He said all the right things -- complimenting me on my appearance almost every day, telling me how proud he was of my professional accomplishments, admiring my singing voice and bragging about me, and he was so sweet and generous with me.
We made plans for the future -- some more detailed than others -- and we talked about a future marriage and children. We discussed everything (or so I thought) and we both admitted that this relationship seemed different than prior ones, that we were honest and mature, able to talk through things. He even told me how our relationship was better than his last one (the one he's gone back to).
I know I must be in denial, but I still can't believe it's all over. My heart aches. I wanted that life we had begun to build, that relationship and the kids. The realization of my dream. I don't know how he can throw it away so easily. I can't seem to.
I do wish I'd never met him. I was doing fine before: I was independent, strong, sure of myself. Now, I feel like I've been knocked sideways. I can't stop thinking about him and missing him and the girls.
I think there were legitimate reasons his last relationship didn't work, and I don't think it will work again. I think it's just a matter of time, and he may come crawling back. I hope I can be strong and protect myself, but right now, I just want it all back.
This has really hit me hard. I wish I had seen some warning sign, but there was nothing. Logically, I knew it was all fast, but it was all so good, so easy. He said all the right things -- complimenting me on my appearance almost every day, telling me how proud he was of my professional accomplishments, admiring my singing voice and bragging about me, and he was so sweet and generous with me.
We made plans for the future -- some more detailed than others -- and we talked about a future marriage and children. We discussed everything (or so I thought) and we both admitted that this relationship seemed different than prior ones, that we were honest and mature, able to talk through things. He even told me how our relationship was better than his last one (the one he's gone back to).
I know I must be in denial, but I still can't believe it's all over. My heart aches. I wanted that life we had begun to build, that relationship and the kids. The realization of my dream. I don't know how he can throw it away so easily. I can't seem to.
I do wish I'd never met him. I was doing fine before: I was independent, strong, sure of myself. Now, I feel like I've been knocked sideways. I can't stop thinking about him and missing him and the girls.
I think there were legitimate reasons his last relationship didn't work, and I don't think it will work again. I think it's just a matter of time, and he may come crawling back. I hope I can be strong and protect myself, but right now, I just want it all back.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Oh No
Well, here's your chance to say, "I told you so."
FB came back from his trip -- his annual pilgrimage to Memphis for Elvis week -- where he saw his ex-girlfriend and realized he still has feelings for her. And -- surprise of all surprises -- she wants him back.
He's decided he has to "see this thing through."
Yes, I am a fool for getting sucked in so quickly, for believing his declarations of love and getting attached to his sweet girls. I feel like an idiot, but mostly I'm just devastated and hurt. I really thought we had something good going.
FB came back from his trip -- his annual pilgrimage to Memphis for Elvis week -- where he saw his ex-girlfriend and realized he still has feelings for her. And -- surprise of all surprises -- she wants him back.
He's decided he has to "see this thing through."
Yes, I am a fool for getting sucked in so quickly, for believing his declarations of love and getting attached to his sweet girls. I feel like an idiot, but mostly I'm just devastated and hurt. I really thought we had something good going.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Enjoying Domesticity
One of the benefits of not being in NYC is the more balanced lifestyle. I still have to work hard, but there's so much other things to do and enjoy here in Austin! Of course, I want to do everything, which is impossible. FB has been out of town for awhile, but I've been busy getting settled.
My new big purchases include a washer and dryer and a grill!!! I know, I know, so very exciting. I can now clean clothes any time I want, and I can enjoy the tastiness of grilled food. I missed a grill when I was in NYC.
So here's a few pics of my new adobe!
My new big purchases include a washer and dryer and a grill!!! I know, I know, so very exciting. I can now clean clothes any time I want, and I can enjoy the tastiness of grilled food. I missed a grill when I was in NYC.
So here's a few pics of my new adobe!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
The Other Person's Children
A couple years ago, my mom made an observation to me that given my age and the fact that I want to date men who are age appropriate, it was very likely that a potential mate would have kids from a previous relationship. I agreed that it was likely, and I wondered what that would be like. I've always been predisposed to love children and have often thought of adopting or foster parenting. But this would be different.
My relationship with Steve (prior to using code names on the blog) was my first experience with that. Unfortunately, his relationship with his ex was strained -- to put it mildly -- and he rarely saw his kids who lived with their mom in a neighboring state. The kids were 10 and 12; one struggling with behavioral challenges and the other with puberty. And both were still reeling from the divorce and not prepared to see their dad with someone else. While not the deciding factor in my calling it quits, the situation and tension with the ex put additional strain on our relationship.
With Fly Boy and his girlios, it's completely different. For one, he and his ex have a relationship based on friendship and agree on how they are raising the kids. He has the girls 50% of the time, not just sporadic weekends, and the girls are very secure in both their parent's love. They have seen their dad date before, and they have embraced me. They are younger and have also had a couple years to come to terms with their parents not being together, and they are well-behaved, sweet children. So while it is mind-blowing to go from spending my time as 1 to 1+1+3, it is a happy chaos.
My relationship with Steve (prior to using code names on the blog) was my first experience with that. Unfortunately, his relationship with his ex was strained -- to put it mildly -- and he rarely saw his kids who lived with their mom in a neighboring state. The kids were 10 and 12; one struggling with behavioral challenges and the other with puberty. And both were still reeling from the divorce and not prepared to see their dad with someone else. While not the deciding factor in my calling it quits, the situation and tension with the ex put additional strain on our relationship.
With Fly Boy and his girlios, it's completely different. For one, he and his ex have a relationship based on friendship and agree on how they are raising the kids. He has the girls 50% of the time, not just sporadic weekends, and the girls are very secure in both their parent's love. They have seen their dad date before, and they have embraced me. They are younger and have also had a couple years to come to terms with their parents not being together, and they are well-behaved, sweet children. So while it is mind-blowing to go from spending my time as 1 to 1+1+3, it is a happy chaos.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Family Time
So last Thursday, I had Vetmommy and her family over for dinner. And, to meet Fly Boy.
I rushed home from work and rapidly started preparing dinner: pasta with red sauce, turkey Italian sausage, and sauteed veggies. Jenn and her entourage arrived with fresh-from-the-garden tomatoes and basil to make a caprese salad, and Anthony opened the wine. The kids explored my new place, proclaiming it great, and when FB arrived with the bread, we all sat down for dinner. The whole evening seemed to zoom by for me with bustling activity, conversation and hostess duties (I'm always overly concerned about everything going just right), but it seemed like FB made a good impression, although Anna & Colin were a little disappointed he wasn't dressed in his police uniform.
Over the weekend, FB had his girls, and we tried out the pool at my apartment complex. It was fun, although I was on alert watching the three of them, who have varying skills at swimming and varying comfort levels with risk-taking. Remembering the time I spent with them over the weekend, the sounds I remember the most fondly are their giggles and sweet songs. Oh, and I have lots of new refridgerator artwork with dear little messages of adoration.
I rushed home from work and rapidly started preparing dinner: pasta with red sauce, turkey Italian sausage, and sauteed veggies. Jenn and her entourage arrived with fresh-from-the-garden tomatoes and basil to make a caprese salad, and Anthony opened the wine. The kids explored my new place, proclaiming it great, and when FB arrived with the bread, we all sat down for dinner. The whole evening seemed to zoom by for me with bustling activity, conversation and hostess duties (I'm always overly concerned about everything going just right), but it seemed like FB made a good impression, although Anna & Colin were a little disappointed he wasn't dressed in his police uniform.
Over the weekend, FB had his girls, and we tried out the pool at my apartment complex. It was fun, although I was on alert watching the three of them, who have varying skills at swimming and varying comfort levels with risk-taking. Remembering the time I spent with them over the weekend, the sounds I remember the most fondly are their giggles and sweet songs. Oh, and I have lots of new refridgerator artwork with dear little messages of adoration.
Thursday, August 05, 2010
Settling In
I can't believe it's already Thursday. Time is flying by, and my days are packed with so much. I'm still getting settled, although all but two boxes are unpacked. I still have a few more pictures to hang, and I continue to replenish condiments and other grocery staples that I had to discard when I moved. I am loving my new place. The 2 bed/2 bath feels HUGE to me after my 1/1 in NYC, and there are more closets than I can actually fill. I have a large back porch and little fenced yard in the back, and the apartment complex backs up to a state-protected wooded area. I can't hear any noise other than crickets, frogs and the soothing coos of doves. It's very peaceful.
Of course, the only drawback to all this woodsy-ness is the plentiful -- and varied -- insect life. Ick. In my high-rise in the concrete jungle, I didn't have any bugs. But it's a small inconvenience. There's definitely not an insect problem -- I'm just squeamish about creepy crawlies!
Last weekend, my sweet cousin Bev drove up from College Station. She helped me organize, and I purchased a guest bed for the extra room for her to sleep on. After a busy Saturday, we had a quiet evening at home and quality girl talk over Mojitos. The last time I really had such a nice visit with her was just before she started college when she visited me in NYC three years ago. She is so dear to me, and it was great to catch up.
And she got to be the first family member to meet Fly Boy. When she and I went for dinner at a Chinese restaurant on Friday night -- which turned out to be very strange because of the karaoke system that was the main attraction and the overly serious singers -- I got a text from FB that he was finishing up a call not too far from where we were. Bev asked if we could go see him, and he said of course! (Note: I am hesitant about the whole police thing, and don't like to even think about the fact that he's in dangerous situations every day. I do not have a burning desire to go on "ride-alongs" or hang out at the station. I respect what he and his officers do, but I'd rather keep work at work.) FB assured me that the scene was secured and it was safe for us to come by. (They were just finishing up paperwork stuff.) He was very proud to introduce me to two of the guys who work for him, and we chatted with them for a few minutes. The next day, he met us for brunch, and Bev and FB each got to know each other a little better. Bev gave him a thumbs-up.
Next up: FB will get vetted by the vet: Vetmommy and her family.
Of course, the only drawback to all this woodsy-ness is the plentiful -- and varied -- insect life. Ick. In my high-rise in the concrete jungle, I didn't have any bugs. But it's a small inconvenience. There's definitely not an insect problem -- I'm just squeamish about creepy crawlies!
Last weekend, my sweet cousin Bev drove up from College Station. She helped me organize, and I purchased a guest bed for the extra room for her to sleep on. After a busy Saturday, we had a quiet evening at home and quality girl talk over Mojitos. The last time I really had such a nice visit with her was just before she started college when she visited me in NYC three years ago. She is so dear to me, and it was great to catch up.
And she got to be the first family member to meet Fly Boy. When she and I went for dinner at a Chinese restaurant on Friday night -- which turned out to be very strange because of the karaoke system that was the main attraction and the overly serious singers -- I got a text from FB that he was finishing up a call not too far from where we were. Bev asked if we could go see him, and he said of course! (Note: I am hesitant about the whole police thing, and don't like to even think about the fact that he's in dangerous situations every day. I do not have a burning desire to go on "ride-alongs" or hang out at the station. I respect what he and his officers do, but I'd rather keep work at work.) FB assured me that the scene was secured and it was safe for us to come by. (They were just finishing up paperwork stuff.) He was very proud to introduce me to two of the guys who work for him, and we chatted with them for a few minutes. The next day, he met us for brunch, and Bev and FB each got to know each other a little better. Bev gave him a thumbs-up.
Next up: FB will get vetted by the vet: Vetmommy and her family.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
A Nonchalant, but Momentous, Occasion
With a profession in law enforcement and national security, as well as above average intelligence, Fly Boy prides himself on being a good judge of character. I don't doubt it, as he has to make split second decisions in his line of work that can literally mean life or death to himself or his men.
Because he trusted me and meeting the 'rents had gone so well, FB thought I should meet the other generation, too -- his "girlios." I was much more nervous about this prospect than he was. The girlios -- aged 8, 5, and 4 -- had met his previous girlfriend, and since FB and his ex have such a great relationship, the girls didn't seem at all concerned that their dad was with another woman. But still, their pint-sized bodies held steely glances as they regarded me during that initial introduction.
I am good with kids. Always have been. But I still felt nervous and realized the momentousness of this occasion, even thought I appreciated Fly Boy's casualness about the meeting. Would they like me? What if they didn't? FB introduced me to them, and they immediately asked -- as he predicted -- what about the previous girlfriend? He explained they were now just friends, and the girls seemed more concerned that they wouldn't see the ex-girlfriend's kids than her. They asked if I had kids (looking for playmates), but the answer that I had one elderly cat seemed less than ideal.
I tried to make small talk, asking how old they were (even though I already knew), complimenting their earrings, and asking what they were playing. Their responses were mono-syllabic. I tried not to panic. The middle girl appraised me and stated, "You look like my mommy."
"Oh, really?" I replied with what I hoped was a calm voice, while wondering if FB had truly just chosen me because I looked like his type. "Yes," she said, "But with a different face." I laughed, realizing she was looking at my adult woman body. She later followed that observation with another -- that my butt is like her mom's: big -- while she has a small butt. (I am taking this as a purely proportional assessment: child vs adult.)
We all got into his truck and drove to dinner. The middle child (I am also the middle of three girls) announced she had a song for us. Her original, spontaneous composition started with "Daddy has a new girlfriend" and also had a verse which included "First, Daddy had Mommy as a girlfriend, then he had Miss B___ as a girlfriend, and now he has Miss Emily as a girlfriend." It was sweet and funny. The other girls joined in.
After dinner, the littlest one climbed up into my lap and snuggled in with her head under my chin. She looked up at me and declared, "You're snuggly." My heart melted a bit as I told her she was too.
The oldest one wrote me a sweet note the next day, stating I was one of her favorite people. And, she conspiratorially whispered to me, "I KNOW Daddy's going to marry you because when he introduced you to us, he said 'I really, really like her' and he never said that about Miss B___." I thanked her for the intel.
And so, I have three new little friends in Austin. Before I met them, I had a conversation with Fly Boy that I wasn't quite ready to use the title "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" yet. But when the oldest asked her dad -- when he first introduced me -- "Is she a friend or a girlfriend?" FB and I locked eyes and I gave him a quick nod. They are so innocent and sweet, and like them, I am focusing on living in the moment.
Because he trusted me and meeting the 'rents had gone so well, FB thought I should meet the other generation, too -- his "girlios." I was much more nervous about this prospect than he was. The girlios -- aged 8, 5, and 4 -- had met his previous girlfriend, and since FB and his ex have such a great relationship, the girls didn't seem at all concerned that their dad was with another woman. But still, their pint-sized bodies held steely glances as they regarded me during that initial introduction.
I am good with kids. Always have been. But I still felt nervous and realized the momentousness of this occasion, even thought I appreciated Fly Boy's casualness about the meeting. Would they like me? What if they didn't? FB introduced me to them, and they immediately asked -- as he predicted -- what about the previous girlfriend? He explained they were now just friends, and the girls seemed more concerned that they wouldn't see the ex-girlfriend's kids than her. They asked if I had kids (looking for playmates), but the answer that I had one elderly cat seemed less than ideal.
I tried to make small talk, asking how old they were (even though I already knew), complimenting their earrings, and asking what they were playing. Their responses were mono-syllabic. I tried not to panic. The middle girl appraised me and stated, "You look like my mommy."
"Oh, really?" I replied with what I hoped was a calm voice, while wondering if FB had truly just chosen me because I looked like his type. "Yes," she said, "But with a different face." I laughed, realizing she was looking at my adult woman body. She later followed that observation with another -- that my butt is like her mom's: big -- while she has a small butt. (I am taking this as a purely proportional assessment: child vs adult.)
We all got into his truck and drove to dinner. The middle child (I am also the middle of three girls) announced she had a song for us. Her original, spontaneous composition started with "Daddy has a new girlfriend" and also had a verse which included "First, Daddy had Mommy as a girlfriend, then he had Miss B___ as a girlfriend, and now he has Miss Emily as a girlfriend." It was sweet and funny. The other girls joined in.
After dinner, the littlest one climbed up into my lap and snuggled in with her head under my chin. She looked up at me and declared, "You're snuggly." My heart melted a bit as I told her she was too.
The oldest one wrote me a sweet note the next day, stating I was one of her favorite people. And, she conspiratorially whispered to me, "I KNOW Daddy's going to marry you because when he introduced you to us, he said 'I really, really like her' and he never said that about Miss B___." I thanked her for the intel.
And so, I have three new little friends in Austin. Before I met them, I had a conversation with Fly Boy that I wasn't quite ready to use the title "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" yet. But when the oldest asked her dad -- when he first introduced me -- "Is she a friend or a girlfriend?" FB and I locked eyes and I gave him a quick nod. They are so innocent and sweet, and like them, I am focusing on living in the moment.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Amazing
It all started with an email through Match.com. Fly Boy emailed me saying he found my profile interesting. He particularly liked that I noted that I believe every soul has value and responded to my requirements of height-weight proportionate (he's 5'10" 210#) and the absolute disdain I have for tobacco use (Never!).
However, when I clicked through to his profile, two things in particular made me stop short of liking it: he chose the field "no more kids/happy if the other person has kids of their own" and "recently divorced." In addition, he had mentioned in his email to me that he works as a police officer and is a Navy Commander. While impressive, I've never been the type to go for police officers, and based on my experience (ex-husband #2 and another short-term guy), I'm not very interested in military guys either. Regarding the kids, he wrote in his profile of his three young girls (with accompanying ADORABLE picture). Rather than the auto "No thank you" response Match offers, I decided to write him back and let him know of my two show-stoppers. To my surprise, he wrote back. And further surprise, his response was very well-written. He not only explained his thinking behind what he wrote (he's open to more kids -- in fact, thinks "there can never be too many of them" and explained he's been separated for about four years and has an excellent relationship with his ex) but he also responded that he heard and understood my objections.
I found myself writing back to him again. Partially because he was a good writer and demonstrated intelligence. He wrote me the next time about how he takes his little girls (8, 5, and 4) on "dates," showing them how they should be treated and giving them one-on-one time with dad. [AW!!!] He also talked about being a pilot and asking if I'd ever been in a one-engine plane (not yet!).
As we shared emails about our backgrounds, we found similarity in the frequent relocations: mine due to my dad's airline company employment and Fly Boy's due to his dad being in the Army. He wrote about some of the leadership opportunities he's had in the Navy and how he's trying to bring that learning to his fellow officers at the police department. He also expressed interest in learning more about what I do and complimented me on my successes.
After several long emails, we exchanged phone numbers. The first call lasted TWO HOURS but seemed like 30 minutes. FB's not only intelligent, he's funny. He has the admirable ability to laugh at himself and also is not afraid to point out when I've done something that is mockable (in a respectful way -- he makes me laugh at myself when I'm taking myself too seriously).
We talked a couple more times before setting a date to meet one afternoon for coffee. I knew we had intellectual compatibility, but would we have physical chemistry? Well...that initial "coffee date" lasted 8 hours! FB took me to dinner and we talked non-stop. He has beautiful blue eyes, but he is hesitant to smile often or long. It became a challenge to me to try and make him smile -- it lights up his face when he does.
FB asked to see me the next day -- but that was move-in day to my new apartment. Not exactly a fun activity for anyone. But he reassured me that he was just interested in spending time with me. He turned out to be a huge help, offering to unpack boxes or do whatever needed doing, and stayed until he had to go to work that evening at the police department.
The next day (Sunday), he asked me to lunch, and then spur-of-the-moment invited me to join him to drive out to see his parents just outside of Austin. It all seemed natural enough -- not overly formal like so many of these such meetings -- that I found myself agreeing. Plus, I just wanted to spend more time with him. He's genuinely interested in me: my job, my family, what's important to me -- and at the same time, he's more than I would have thought possible in a police/Navy guy.
His parents were lovely. I thoroughly enjoyed talking to both of them. He's very close with his parents and his younger sister (in LA).
There's more...but it's late, I'm in Chicago (for work, and I'm tired. And this blog post is long enough! Suffice it to say that I really like FB. So much so that I cut off my Match profile. And for the first time in a really long time, it doesn't seem like a sacrifice to give up meeting other people. And for his part, FB is so complimentary, supportive and respectful of me and what I do and what I'm about. It's just amazing.
However, when I clicked through to his profile, two things in particular made me stop short of liking it: he chose the field "no more kids/happy if the other person has kids of their own" and "recently divorced." In addition, he had mentioned in his email to me that he works as a police officer and is a Navy Commander. While impressive, I've never been the type to go for police officers, and based on my experience (ex-husband #2 and another short-term guy), I'm not very interested in military guys either. Regarding the kids, he wrote in his profile of his three young girls (with accompanying ADORABLE picture). Rather than the auto "No thank you" response Match offers, I decided to write him back and let him know of my two show-stoppers. To my surprise, he wrote back. And further surprise, his response was very well-written. He not only explained his thinking behind what he wrote (he's open to more kids -- in fact, thinks "there can never be too many of them" and explained he's been separated for about four years and has an excellent relationship with his ex) but he also responded that he heard and understood my objections.
I found myself writing back to him again. Partially because he was a good writer and demonstrated intelligence. He wrote me the next time about how he takes his little girls (8, 5, and 4) on "dates," showing them how they should be treated and giving them one-on-one time with dad. [AW!!!] He also talked about being a pilot and asking if I'd ever been in a one-engine plane (not yet!).
As we shared emails about our backgrounds, we found similarity in the frequent relocations: mine due to my dad's airline company employment and Fly Boy's due to his dad being in the Army. He wrote about some of the leadership opportunities he's had in the Navy and how he's trying to bring that learning to his fellow officers at the police department. He also expressed interest in learning more about what I do and complimented me on my successes.
After several long emails, we exchanged phone numbers. The first call lasted TWO HOURS but seemed like 30 minutes. FB's not only intelligent, he's funny. He has the admirable ability to laugh at himself and also is not afraid to point out when I've done something that is mockable (in a respectful way -- he makes me laugh at myself when I'm taking myself too seriously).
We talked a couple more times before setting a date to meet one afternoon for coffee. I knew we had intellectual compatibility, but would we have physical chemistry? Well...that initial "coffee date" lasted 8 hours! FB took me to dinner and we talked non-stop. He has beautiful blue eyes, but he is hesitant to smile often or long. It became a challenge to me to try and make him smile -- it lights up his face when he does.
FB asked to see me the next day -- but that was move-in day to my new apartment. Not exactly a fun activity for anyone. But he reassured me that he was just interested in spending time with me. He turned out to be a huge help, offering to unpack boxes or do whatever needed doing, and stayed until he had to go to work that evening at the police department.
The next day (Sunday), he asked me to lunch, and then spur-of-the-moment invited me to join him to drive out to see his parents just outside of Austin. It all seemed natural enough -- not overly formal like so many of these such meetings -- that I found myself agreeing. Plus, I just wanted to spend more time with him. He's genuinely interested in me: my job, my family, what's important to me -- and at the same time, he's more than I would have thought possible in a police/Navy guy.
His parents were lovely. I thoroughly enjoyed talking to both of them. He's very close with his parents and his younger sister (in LA).
There's more...but it's late, I'm in Chicago (for work, and I'm tired. And this blog post is long enough! Suffice it to say that I really like FB. So much so that I cut off my Match profile. And for the first time in a really long time, it doesn't seem like a sacrifice to give up meeting other people. And for his part, FB is so complimentary, supportive and respectful of me and what I do and what I'm about. It's just amazing.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Online Dating
Online dating is interesting. You see some strange profiles, such as the guy who posted a college football photo of himself saying "this is me, plus 20 years." Profiles also show someone's writing skills -- or lack thereof -- but to me, it seems like a valid way to meet others who have similar interests and values...if both people are honest.
I had a date last Friday. It was so amazingly good, I'm having a difficult time trying to figure out how to write about it all. Plus, I'm still in the middle of getting settled and moving in, while planning a business trip for tomorrow... I don't have the internet working yet at home, so I'm in Starbucks at the moment, doing some work on my day off (grrr, but can't be avoided). I need more time to write it all out, so sorry for the foreshadowing.
Suffice it to say, for now, that I've found someone worth spending more time with. And the great thing is, he's feeling the same about me.
I had a date last Friday. It was so amazingly good, I'm having a difficult time trying to figure out how to write about it all. Plus, I'm still in the middle of getting settled and moving in, while planning a business trip for tomorrow... I don't have the internet working yet at home, so I'm in Starbucks at the moment, doing some work on my day off (grrr, but can't be avoided). I need more time to write it all out, so sorry for the foreshadowing.
Suffice it to say, for now, that I've found someone worth spending more time with. And the great thing is, he's feeling the same about me.
Friday, July 23, 2010
80's Flashback
A good friend of my sister Jenn's who I've met and hung out with on a couple occasions when I visited invited me to join her at Adult Night at the roller skating rink.
I remember roller skating as a kid, and at least in my memories, I was fairly good. Nothing fancy, but I could skate backwards or forwards and jam to the music. So while it's not an activity I would have sought out on my own, I thought I could enjoy it and experience something with new eyes.
Jenn's friend is a petite, mixed ethnicity girl full of laughter and fun. She jokes with everyone in a nice way and is completely willing to laugh at herself as well. Her infectious laugh usually entices everyone to join in. She is a beautiful mix of Japanese and Indian, and she's the first one to poke fun at her two cultures. She calls her mix Japindian, which seems as good a name as any for the blog.
So Japindian and I went roller skating on Tuesday. She's very serious about her skating and has even bought her own skates! She was nice enough to stay with me as I relearned how to navigate on wheels, and I am proud to say I didn't fall once, not even when some idiot ran into my right calf as he was trying to weave through the crowd. Speaking of the right leg, it got a great workout. They only did one "reverse skate" song, so the left leg was basically just along for the ride.
I think the biggest entertainment of the evening for Japindian was to escort me to the women's bathroom. I understand why that area isn't carpeted, but it seems ridiculous that the floor is also sloped. So while you're trying to hygienically squat over the porcelain fixture which seems significantly lower since you're on skates, you also have to hold on to the walls of the stall and hope you don't go crashing through the door with your pants down. Japindian had warned me about this but still kept laughing as I (successfully!) balanced through.
There weren't any interesting guys at the skating rink, at least not interesting in the would-like-to-date way. There were several show-boaters, and besides the speedy ones weaving and dodging through the crowd, there were a few doing spins and tricks in the middle of the floor. Some of these guys look the same as the ones who hung around the rink back in the 80's. I was grateful no one asked us to join in on the Couples Skate song.
Japindian wants me to commit to joining her every Tuesday. I don't know about a long-term commitment, but I'd probably do it again.
I remember roller skating as a kid, and at least in my memories, I was fairly good. Nothing fancy, but I could skate backwards or forwards and jam to the music. So while it's not an activity I would have sought out on my own, I thought I could enjoy it and experience something with new eyes.
Jenn's friend is a petite, mixed ethnicity girl full of laughter and fun. She jokes with everyone in a nice way and is completely willing to laugh at herself as well. Her infectious laugh usually entices everyone to join in. She is a beautiful mix of Japanese and Indian, and she's the first one to poke fun at her two cultures. She calls her mix Japindian, which seems as good a name as any for the blog.
So Japindian and I went roller skating on Tuesday. She's very serious about her skating and has even bought her own skates! She was nice enough to stay with me as I relearned how to navigate on wheels, and I am proud to say I didn't fall once, not even when some idiot ran into my right calf as he was trying to weave through the crowd. Speaking of the right leg, it got a great workout. They only did one "reverse skate" song, so the left leg was basically just along for the ride.
I think the biggest entertainment of the evening for Japindian was to escort me to the women's bathroom. I understand why that area isn't carpeted, but it seems ridiculous that the floor is also sloped. So while you're trying to hygienically squat over the porcelain fixture which seems significantly lower since you're on skates, you also have to hold on to the walls of the stall and hope you don't go crashing through the door with your pants down. Japindian had warned me about this but still kept laughing as I (successfully!) balanced through.
There weren't any interesting guys at the skating rink, at least not interesting in the would-like-to-date way. There were several show-boaters, and besides the speedy ones weaving and dodging through the crowd, there were a few doing spins and tricks in the middle of the floor. Some of these guys look the same as the ones who hung around the rink back in the 80's. I was grateful no one asked us to join in on the Couples Skate song.
Japindian wants me to commit to joining her every Tuesday. I don't know about a long-term commitment, but I'd probably do it again.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
So Close
I had a second date with Cattle Baron last weekend. Again, great conversation: he told interesting stories and listened to mine attentively. He again insisted on paying -- I still feel a little weird about this. I like being independent, and I can afford to pay for myself. When I know someone else is paying, it makes me more cautious about what I order (maybe I shouldn't pick the most expensive entree or glass of wine), and I wonder what expectations come with it. Perhaps that's the NYer in me questioning why anyone would be nice without an ulterior motive.
I let him drive for this date, and when he dropped me back off at "home" -- my sister's -- he kissed me. And...nothing. I didn't really like the kiss. He has very thin lips and they were too firm. I tried. But I don't really want to kiss him again. And I've gotten to the point in my life where I don't want to have to teach someone the basics like how to kiss well.
So, while he's angling for another date, and while I do enjoy spending time with him, I don't think it's going anywhere but friendship. I'm debating how and when to tell him that. I want to be honest and not string him along if he's not looking for just a friend.
But there are others on Match...and I've got a couple meet-ups already scheduled.
I let him drive for this date, and when he dropped me back off at "home" -- my sister's -- he kissed me. And...nothing. I didn't really like the kiss. He has very thin lips and they were too firm. I tried. But I don't really want to kiss him again. And I've gotten to the point in my life where I don't want to have to teach someone the basics like how to kiss well.
So, while he's angling for another date, and while I do enjoy spending time with him, I don't think it's going anywhere but friendship. I'm debating how and when to tell him that. I want to be honest and not string him along if he's not looking for just a friend.
But there are others on Match...and I've got a couple meet-ups already scheduled.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
A Nice First Date
I met Cattle Baron for a drink -- wanted to start off with something defined and short in case it wasn't good -- but we progressed to dinner. He talked a lot about himself at first, not asking me many questions, but when we got to dinner, I got a chance to share as well. He insisted on paying, saying that's how he was raised and he would be offended if I paid. I did get the door for myself on the way out, and he mentioned he would have gotten it for me if I had given him a chance. I laughed and said I was NY-ified and used to being independent.
It was a good first date. CB seems like a really nice, sweet guy, and when he smiles, it reminds me of someone -- I can't quite put my finger on who yet. He has a definite Southern drawl and talked about how he's always lived in small towns. I countered that I've always lived in cities, and wouldn't have it any other way.
He was very polite and intelligent. The conversation was easy. But there weren't really any sparks. I enjoyed his company and agreed to see him again. But driving "home" (to my sister's where I'm staying until my apt is ready), I have to admit that I don't think the sparks are something that comes with time. I think you either have chemistry, or you don't.
It was a good first date. CB seems like a really nice, sweet guy, and when he smiles, it reminds me of someone -- I can't quite put my finger on who yet. He has a definite Southern drawl and talked about how he's always lived in small towns. I countered that I've always lived in cities, and wouldn't have it any other way.
He was very polite and intelligent. The conversation was easy. But there weren't really any sparks. I enjoyed his company and agreed to see him again. But driving "home" (to my sister's where I'm staying until my apt is ready), I have to admit that I don't think the sparks are something that comes with time. I think you either have chemistry, or you don't.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Taking the Plunge (Again)
I have a date tomorrow! I'm excited because it's been so long since I had one, but of course, I'm a little nervous, too.
I took the plunge back into online dating. I work online, shop online, blog online (obviously), and it just seems like it should work. It SEEMS like it would be a good way to meet people and find people with something in common. But of course, it's not that easy.
In the past, I've tried Match.com, Yahoo personals, eHarmony and Chemistry, as well as offline dating services. This time, I decided to go back to Match. It's been the longest time since I tried them, and it's popular so it should have plenty of candidates.
The guy I'm meeting tomorrow emailed me through the site, asking what I had liked best about Paris and shared his thoughts on the city -- so I knew he had travelled abroad. We've spoken on the phone a few times, and he seems very nice. The most unusual thing (to me) about him is that he owns cattle -- 80 head of cattle to be exact. I know next to nothing about cattle, but I told him I could tell him a lot about navigating the NYC subways. Other than the country-mouse/city-mouse thing, we do have things in common, and the conversation has been easy on the phone. So we'll see...
I took the plunge back into online dating. I work online, shop online, blog online (obviously), and it just seems like it should work. It SEEMS like it would be a good way to meet people and find people with something in common. But of course, it's not that easy.
In the past, I've tried Match.com, Yahoo personals, eHarmony and Chemistry, as well as offline dating services. This time, I decided to go back to Match. It's been the longest time since I tried them, and it's popular so it should have plenty of candidates.
The guy I'm meeting tomorrow emailed me through the site, asking what I had liked best about Paris and shared his thoughts on the city -- so I knew he had travelled abroad. We've spoken on the phone a few times, and he seems very nice. The most unusual thing (to me) about him is that he owns cattle -- 80 head of cattle to be exact. I know next to nothing about cattle, but I told him I could tell him a lot about navigating the NYC subways. Other than the country-mouse/city-mouse thing, we do have things in common, and the conversation has been easy on the phone. So we'll see...
Monday, July 12, 2010
Slowing Down to Texas Pace
I think it's going to take me awhile to shake off NY...things move much slower here, which isn't all together bad, but just different.
Yesterday, I dropped off my sister Jenn and her family at the airport for their much-anticipated vacation to Chile. I was so sad to see them go, but I hope I didn't show it. I am excited for them, but it is so unnaturally quiet and lonely at their house without them.
I was thrilled that my uncle Tom and his girlfriend asked me to join them for dinner. I have seen them so rarely in the past several years, and it seemed so easy to get together for a spur-of-the-moment meal and we ended up talking for hours.
Before meeting them, I ran to the grocery store for a few things, intending on just being there a few minutes. One of the things I found frustrating in NYC was the small markets with limited items. Often, I would have to visit three different stores in various parts of the city to get all the necessary items for one of my recipes. Not so in Texas...you know how they say everything's bigger in Texas? The grocery stores are MASSIVE. There are so many items. Just looking at the milk, they must have had 20 different kinds. The choices were almost overwhelming. Although I do appreciate having the choices, it takes me longer to make a decision on the simplest things. That, and I'm not familiar with the store layout yet. :-)
Another thing to get used to: driving again. I've only driven rarely in the past three years, and it still takes all my concentration. It's no longer second-nature to me, but it's coming back quickly.
I also noticed today how courteous people are. I walked from my office over to the bank and cars that could have turned in front of me actually waited until I had passed in front of them. That wouldn't have happened in NYC! I found myself smiling, and someone I passed said Hello!
I stopped into Starbucks for an afternoon caffeine fix. The cashier forgot to call my order to the barista, so I reminded her, and she gave me a coupon for a free drink next time. They're NICE here. The whole wait time was much less than the overcrowded Starbucks near my NY office. Oh, and cheaper!
Yesterday, I dropped off my sister Jenn and her family at the airport for their much-anticipated vacation to Chile. I was so sad to see them go, but I hope I didn't show it. I am excited for them, but it is so unnaturally quiet and lonely at their house without them.
I was thrilled that my uncle Tom and his girlfriend asked me to join them for dinner. I have seen them so rarely in the past several years, and it seemed so easy to get together for a spur-of-the-moment meal and we ended up talking for hours.
Before meeting them, I ran to the grocery store for a few things, intending on just being there a few minutes. One of the things I found frustrating in NYC was the small markets with limited items. Often, I would have to visit three different stores in various parts of the city to get all the necessary items for one of my recipes. Not so in Texas...you know how they say everything's bigger in Texas? The grocery stores are MASSIVE. There are so many items. Just looking at the milk, they must have had 20 different kinds. The choices were almost overwhelming. Although I do appreciate having the choices, it takes me longer to make a decision on the simplest things. That, and I'm not familiar with the store layout yet. :-)
Another thing to get used to: driving again. I've only driven rarely in the past three years, and it still takes all my concentration. It's no longer second-nature to me, but it's coming back quickly.
I also noticed today how courteous people are. I walked from my office over to the bank and cars that could have turned in front of me actually waited until I had passed in front of them. That wouldn't have happened in NYC! I found myself smiling, and someone I passed said Hello!
I stopped into Starbucks for an afternoon caffeine fix. The cashier forgot to call my order to the barista, so I reminded her, and she gave me a coupon for a free drink next time. They're NICE here. The whole wait time was much less than the overcrowded Starbucks near my NY office. Oh, and cheaper!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Austin
Just a brief post to announce I made it to Austin, and everything went according to plan with the move (so far). The movers arrived at 9:50 a.m., and everything was packed in their truck by 1:10 p.m. I cleaned the apartment and gave the keys to the new tenant and headed to JFK airport on time.
My poor cat, Sabrina, had a stressful time of it, despite the sedative, and attacked my hands a couple times when I tried petting her in her carrier bag. The plane was delayed taking off, making our time on the plane even longer. I was so anxious to get here -- both for Sabrina's sake and to see my family who was eagerly awaiting my arrival -- so that probably made it seem longer, too.
I'm exhausted and sore and only half done with the move -- I don't move into my new place until later in the month -- but I'm glad to be here.
My poor cat, Sabrina, had a stressful time of it, despite the sedative, and attacked my hands a couple times when I tried petting her in her carrier bag. The plane was delayed taking off, making our time on the plane even longer. I was so anxious to get here -- both for Sabrina's sake and to see my family who was eagerly awaiting my arrival -- so that probably made it seem longer, too.
I'm exhausted and sore and only half done with the move -- I don't move into my new place until later in the month -- but I'm glad to be here.
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