Friday, August 20, 2010

Still Reeling

Thanks for all the supportive comments.

This has really hit me hard. I wish I had seen some warning sign, but there was nothing. Logically, I knew it was all fast, but it was all so good, so easy. He said all the right things -- complimenting me on my appearance almost every day, telling me how proud he was of my professional accomplishments, admiring my singing voice and bragging about me, and he was so sweet and generous with me.

We made plans for the future -- some more detailed than others -- and we talked about a future marriage and children. We discussed everything (or so I thought) and we both admitted that this relationship seemed different than prior ones, that we were honest and mature, able to talk through things. He even told me how our relationship was better than his last one (the one he's gone back to).

I know I must be in denial, but I still can't believe it's all over. My heart aches. I wanted that life we had begun to build, that relationship and the kids. The realization of my dream. I don't know how he can throw it away so easily. I can't seem to.

I do wish I'd never met him. I was doing fine before: I was independent, strong, sure of myself. Now, I feel like I've been knocked sideways. I can't stop thinking about him and missing him and the girls.

I think there were legitimate reasons his last relationship didn't work, and I don't think it will work again. I think it's just a matter of time, and he may come crawling back. I hope I can be strong and protect myself, but right now, I just want it all back.

8 comments:

Silverdale said...

He sounds like a Schmuck - I think that is an American expression.

Anonymous said...

i think schmuck would be understood in most parts of the world.

welcome home emily.

mark ballard

paula said...

Oh Em, I want to hurt him (and her) soooo bad XXXX

Anonymous said...

My heart, too, is breaking for you, sweetheart. Love you lots, M

Anonymous said...

I know you are hurting, but you do not want this. As in previous comments, this guy is not worthy of you. I think the warning was that it probably was so fast. I think it takes a decent amount of time to really get to know someone. I know people would argue with that. When I started dating my husband, I knew things were good pretty quickly, but I did not make any quick moves. I am pretty confident that there is someone out there for you, Emily but never forget that you are a strong, amazing woman. It is much better to be alone than with the wrong person.

bobocela said...

I read your blog and this is my first time to comment. I understand what you're going through not because I've been wildly successful at so many relationships but because I understand the difference between dating in NYC and dating down here in Texas. I too made the move myself and the men are WILDLY different. Soon, you'll start to see a trend again and you'll see FB isn't much different than most TX men. It doesn't make them bad (there are many good ones) just something different you'll have to get used to! too soon we get too old, too late we get too smart! Love your blog!

Anonymous said...

You wrote"but right now, all I can think is that I shouldn't trust so easily."
But,Emily,that is in your makeup and there's nothing wrong with that..don't try to change NOW :( you went with your Heart and that's the way to go NOT with your Head in matters of Love and Relationships..this way you can say that you felt in your Heart that it was right..OK? but if you had gone in with your Head then you would have said you 'made a bad decision' so be prepared now for your next move (only then will you understand what I am trying to say) Will get off my Soap Box now. :) xx

Aunty Norma.

Debbie said...

Emily, So sorry to hear that the relationship didn't work out. Men can be such _________s (fill in any word you want). I just broke off a 10 year relationship because my guy was lying to me about calling his ex. Just to show you there is hope, I want to share the story of my friend. She is my inspiration. She was single and raising her kids alone for 14 years. She is over 40 and thought she met a great guy. They got engaged and she was happy. One day I saw her and she was very distraught. He turned out to be a control freak and she broke off the engagement. She went out of town to an RV park to visit her parents and get away for a week just to recover. Well, she met her future husband there. They fell in love, got married, she retired and they are seeing the country together. They have been married for 2 years and she is the happiest woman I know. So, my dear, please don't give up. I know that right now you are hurting terribly and I wish there was a magic fix. However, please don't take this wishy washy dude back. There is someone out there who is right for you. I wish you the best. Keep your chin up. One day you will realize that you are smiling again and not thinking of him every minute. I promise.