Sex? Maybe After a Drink or Two...

Interesting...

A new UK survey reveals that one in 20 women never have had sex while they were sober due to insecurities about their bodies.

Some other stats (which range from obvious to eye-opening):

• 75 percent of the women said it's easier to go wild after a couple of drinks.
• 40 percent of the women said they were always tipsy when they slept with someone for the first time.
• Almost 50 percent said they enjoy sex better after a few drinks.
• 14 percent of women in relationships said they cannot sleep with their partner unless they've had a couple drinks.

Do you think alcohol and sex go hand in hand?

A Busy but Fun Week Ahead

I went out with NM again last Friday. I really like that girl. She is so funny and very intelligent. And it's nice to have a new friendship that we are both interested in strengthening. (She's admitted the same frustration I've had with many people in NYC being too busy to keep in touch.)

And on Sunday, Aloha Guy arrived. He's here for a week, for work and for some sightseeing, and I'm really looking forward to spending more time with him. I'm expecting to see him every night except one, and it's nice to have someone to share dinner and the evening with. Tonight, although I'm not much of a football fan anymore (blame it on Texas' intense preoccupation with the sport), I agreed to watch the Dallas Cowboy game with him. He's a huge fan.

Last night, I cooked a homemade dinner for him (salmon with wild rice and squash), and as usual, he didn't show up empty handed. He brought me a bottle of wine from Benziger, a vineyard in Sonoma that I have a difficult time finding here. It was delicious!

Quick International Trip

I got asked by my colleagues in Toronto to come and speak to them about what I've been doing here in the U.S. I flew to Toronto on Tuesday afternoon, and I was surprised by how quick the flight was. The flight schedule says 90 minutes, but in reality, you're only in the air about 50 minutes. The only other time I flew to Toronto was when I lived in Dallas, and I guess I just have this idea that going to another country should take longer. There's so much about Canada that is so similar to America, but then there are just little things that make you realize you're in a "foreign" country. Like the billboard I saw that said "Now: Nonstop flights to Cuba." You wouldn't see that in the U.S.

I had dinner with my colleagues on Tuesday night, and they asked me so many questions, I was the last to finish my entree. I had work to do that night back at the hotel, and I was up until midnight putting the finishing touches on my presentation. Up early the next morning, I spoke for two hours (8:30-10:30). I hung around talking to them all for just a little longer before heading back to the airport around 11. I realized when I got back to the airport that from the time I landed to the time I took off, I was only there 20 hours. Quick trip! But I enjoyed it.




The pictures are of a beautiful old church near my company's Toronto office, with the CN Tower in the background; a filming we passed on the street of NYC cabs for a movie (Toronto poses as NYC for film crews), and a pub for Canadian beer Molson I found in the airport.

Compliments

It's so nice to get compliments, isn't it? As long as they are sincere, it's always nice to hear when you're doing something well or have touched someone in a positive way.

This week, I heard some great compliments:

From a coworker I don't see often, remarking on my weight loss, "Wow, you look amazing! You're disappearing!"

From a cashier at Starbucks, "Do you do your own makeup? It looks fabulous." (And yes, I do my own makeup. I thought that was hilarious...who else would do it? Obviously, I know you can hire people, but this was just an average workday.)

And the comment to my previous post from a new commenter Brad, "I really like your blog... You have taken what would normally be boring about someones life and wrote it beautifully."

THANK YOU!

It's my baby's birthday!

Yes, my cat Sabrina is sweet sixteen today. I can't believe we've been together so long. I remember seeing her the night she was born. Her mother was the cat of a boyfriend of mine in college, and we knew she was expecting a litter. We went out to a movie or something, and when we got back to his place, there were three little kittens mewing by their mama, under his bed.


Two of the kittens were striped like gray tabbies, and the third was all black. I knew I was going to take one of the striped girls, but I didn't know which one until one day my boyfriend's mom came to visit.





I was holding the kitten who would become Sabrina in my lap, and his mom came in the room and picked the kitten off my lap and took it with her to her seat on the other end of the couch. I was surprised -- it was kinda rude -- but didn't say anything. As soon as she sat down and put the kitten on her lap, Sabrina got up and walked back to MY lap. Yep, that was it. She was mine.

My Long Weekend

I'm comfortably settled in my new apartment, just a dozen or so flights below my previous one. My view has shifted to a northern view, and it is MUCH quieter. But I've also been knocked down by an increasingly potent respiratory virus. It just started as a sore throat, but I didn't get much rest this weekend. In fact, I pushed myself to get everything in place and unpacked. At this point, I only have one box left, and it contains framed pictures for the wall. But I finally can't go anymore. I thought I'd be okay once I got moving, but I only lasted at work for a couple hours. I've been sleeping for most of the day, drinking lots of liquids and cleansing my throat and nose with salt water. Now I'm just ready to feel better...

Aging Gracefully?

A woman I know who is a little more than 10 years older than me and who I have admired for how well she takes care of herself recently got some minor cosmetic procedures -- from the looks of it, she got Botox and lip injections. I think it actually looks a bit weird, and I actually think she looked better before. What do you think? Would you get something done?

And then this week I found several gray hairs on my head. My highlights have grown out, and I'm due for a touch-up. I was planning on going a little darker for fall, but now I'm rethinking it since gray shows up more against dark hair. Damn, but they were a disappointing surprise. I mean, I know they're inevitable, but I didn't realize I had them! I guess the lighting in the new bathrooms at work is more illuminating (or my bathroom lighting at home is more forgiving). Until now, I've just colored my hair for the fun of it. Plus, I hate the dullness of my "dish-water blonde" color.

So, I'm all for coloring hair, but I don't think I would do anything else. But perhaps it's one of those things we don't consider until we look in the mirror and wonder what happened to our youth...

P.S. Please lay off my frequent commenter "jman." I appreciate his comments and don't want him to stop reading and sharing his opinions. I like the current blogger/reader relationship and not sure I want to change that by meeting him in person. And, of course, he may not want to meet me either, or may not be available.

Packing, Singing and Dancing

I spent the weekend doing some packing for my move next weekend, and there are boxes throughout my apartment. But I did get to enjoy some fun activities, too. On Friday, I stopped by a local pub in my neighborhood to check out their weekly karaoke scene. The rain had lessened their usual crowd, and the organizers remembered me from a previous time and invited me to sing as many songs as I wanted. I took them up on it! I sang my favorites and tried some new songs, including Sweet Dreams - Patsy Cline, Something to Talk About - Bonnie Raitt, At Last - Etta James, and Bubbly - Colbie Caillat.

On Saturday, I met up with my new friend Never Married. We had dinner and then went to a party for a friend of hers. Her friend was only turning 28, and the party was full of twenty-somethings. We two thirty-something gals felt a little out of place, but we cracked each other up with our comments about the music being too loud (which it actually was, but we even sounded old to our own ears!). I really enjoy NM's company. We have a lot in common and she cracks me up. Since the party wasn't really our "scene," we hopped over to another place where Cuban Musician was playing. NM and I finished the night dancing salsa with some guys and enjoying sangria.

Apt Update

After much searching (and all the crap that entailed), I determined a few things:
1) I have big, Texas-sized furniture
2) There are few neighborhoods that have big enough apartments in my price range to fit all my stuff
3) The West Village smells like urine, whether canine or human, I'm not sure
4) I'm beginning to not like change as much as I used to

And after the initial discussion with the management company of my building was fruitless, my second attempt was more successful. (It's all who you talk to...) So, I'm moving down a few floors to a very-slightly smaller apartment in my current building. I lose my view, but also the echoing construction noise from Ground Zero. I get to keep the convenience of a washer/dryer in my apartment, garbage disposal in my sink (very rare here), the doormen I know and love, the excellent building manager who is a sweetie, the gym I'm used to, and all the knowledge I've obtained about my existing neighborhood for a cheaper rent. Overall, I'm happy.

I've already lined up boxes, movers, cable and electric, and I've already started to pack. I'm moving next Saturday, the 5th, so my Labor Day holiday will be spent getting all settled in.

Oh, and if this change weren't enough, my office is moving this Friday, too! While I don't like having to shuttle between the two offices now at Times Square and Union Square, and while I detest Times Square and all the hawking advertisers and the hoards of people, I will miss Union Square's great shopping and farmers market. The new office is slightly closer to my home, so no concerns there. Just more change.

Pulling at the Heartstrings

One of my coworkers is out on maternity leave. She came by the office today with her perfect, gorgeous little daughter Phoebe.

As we all crowded around and "oohed" and "ahhed" over this precious little one, no one reached out to hold her. I went and washed my hands just in case I could get the opportunity. The mom offered, and everyone shrinked back, saying they were too nervous to hold such a newbie (she's one month). The mom looked at me, and of course, I told her I'd love to hold her.

Newborns are so easy to hold, they mold up against you and snuggle in. Phoebe was such a sweetie and slept the whole time I held her. When I changed her position, she would reach her arms above her head and arch her back in a stretch but kept her eyes closed the whole time. She made sweet little grunts and coos and smelled so sweet. Her skin was soft as only newborns' skin can be.

As much as I try and convince myself I've got it great with 5 nieces and nephews, I would so love to have a little newborn of my own. It was wonderful to get to spend a few minutes with such a sweet baby girl. And such a welcome break in my busy day.

All Gussied Up

Definition: Dressed up, as in Emily loves to get all gussied up and go to a fine event. The origin of this expression is not clear, though possibly it relates to the earlier use of the noun gussie (derived from a proper name) for an effeminate man. [Slang; mid-1900s]

And so I was on Saturday night. This isn't the best picture of me, but I wanted to show the back of the dress, which I believe has the most interesting feature. (And if I look tired, it's because this was taken at the end of the evening, when I got home.)



I was delighted to be invited and attend my cousin Rob's senior banquet at West Point on Saturday evening. It was Ring weekend, and he received his senior ring at a special ceremony on Friday. I met up with him and his new girlfriend Brittany on Saturday in the city, and we headed up by train later that afternoon. It was great to catch up with his parents and grandparents, whom I hadn't seen for some time. The only downside was that the grand banquet hall isn't air conditioned, and we had the worst hot, swampy, humid weather imaginable. We all sweated through our nice dinner, passing up the piping hot coffee that was offered with dessert.

Unfortunately, my camera battery pooped out on me, so I only got a couple shots. I'm hoping others will share their photos with me.

One thing of note: the dress I wore was one I originally purchased in 1995. I've kept it all these years because I just loved it, but it hasn't fit for a long while. I was thrilled it does now!

Fun, but Not Funny

Thanks for all your kind comments. My back is feeling better. (knock on wood!) It's been a bit touch and go for the last few days, but it definitely feels better than last week.

This weekend, I was feeling okay and wanted to get together with my new friend. I met her a few weeks ago when I went out alone, hoping to meet up with Cuban Musician later. She's a beautiful African American girl around my age who's lived in NY her whole life and has never been married. So, Never Married was really sweet and we got along easily. She was out with a married girl friend, who remarked how impressed she was I was out by myself!

We all hung out for awhile, and before parting ways, we exchanged emails. So when I saw an interesting comedy act in the daily NY paper AM NY, I asked if she'd like to go. She suggested instead we go to a free comedy show she knew about in the West Village.

It started out a bit slow, but there was one act that really got us laughing. And then their headliner came out, a young woman who talked about her single parenting and living in NY. It was an absolute train wreck. It was really uncomfortable. She was loud and not funny and it just went ON and ON and ON. She just complained about different things in her life, but instead of being funny, it seemed like we were in on her personal therapy session. I asked the waitress for our check THREE TIMES, and we finally just got up and walked to the door to wait for the check. We weren't the only ones.

We left there and grabbed a late dinner, and then I got to hear more about NM's dating life. She's gone back and forth with two exes, and told me she really wants to meet new people. I agreed to help her try!

A Painful Distraction

Dating, and life in general, has been sidelined lately due to excruciating back pain.

I have slight scoliosis, curvature of the spine, which isn't severe enough for corrective surgery but does provide frequent pain. I have gotten significant relief from chiropractic adjustments, which has given me weeks without any back pain, and regular massage. But occasionally, it gets really severe, and the pain is so all-consuming I have difficulty thinking of anything else.

I've been dealing with this situation for the past couple weeks. It finally got so bad I saw my doctor and got muscle relaxers. I'm taking them -- because they take the edge off the painful spasms -- but I hate the way they make me feel, like I'm underwater and sluggish. But at the moment, if I don't take them, the spasming brings me to tears and prevents me from sleeping.

Acupuncture last night helped, too. And today I feel almost human again. Hopefully I am nearing the end of this and I can get back to my life!

A New Quilt

My dear friend Lauren in Dallas had her third child this summer, and after two little girls we were all excited for her to have a son! Before I left Texas, one of my favorite fabric stores went out of business, and I bought several fabrics to take advantage of the great deals. I ended up using those fabrics for each of the girls' quilts I made earlier this year, and I asked Lauren if she would be open to a cowboy themed quilt for little Luke.

I'm very pleased with how this one turned out. It's one of my favorites to date.

Quote from a man who gets it

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before, she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect -- you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break -- her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there." -Bob Marley

Maybe Not, After All

Sometimes you can't write about something that's painful when it happens. It takes a bit of distance to get perspective and to let the raw emotions fade a bit.

I didn't write about my plans with the Green-Eyed Dutchman (GED) before now because I was still working it all out in my head. Basically, we discussed that if we were going to give this relationship a try, we would need to live in the same country. And since he has two daughters from a previous marriage in the Netherlands, it was obvious that it would be me that would need to move.

I looked into the options. While he lives in Barcelona now, my Spanish is minimal at best, and the economic recession has hit Spain hard. There was no way I could find a job as an English-only speaker. However, I could find work speaking only English in the Netherlands. GED had been thinking of moving back anyway, so we looked at Amsterdam.

It was an exciting and frightening idea. On the one hand, I'd be leaving my country and culture, far away from most of my family (closer to those relatives in the UK). But I rationalized that moving to NYC from Dallas had been a huge culture shock, too, and perhaps this experience had prepared me for this next adventure.

Long-distance relationships suck, even in the best circumstances. So while GED and I talked and emailed frequently after his visit, the contact began to wane sharply mid-June. Meanwhile, my doubts grew. We finally spoke (after three weeks of no replies to my emails and continued missed calls by both sides), and I wasn't reassured. I told him the risk doesn't seem worth it to me now, and although he says he still loves me, I need more than that...like emotional security and stability. And he's just not able to give me that. Not now, at least.

I told him to go his way and I'll go mine. It was hard to give up on the dream, it felt like I was so close to getting what I wanted, but then it all fell apart like a paper house in the wind. Of course, better to know this now than if I had packed up and moved.

Dinner with FWB

When an ex calls, it's great to be in a good place, such as thinner/more fit, dating other people, etc. So when ol' Friend-with-Benefits (FWB) called and asked if we could catch up over a casual dinner, I agreed.

The one good thing about not seeing friends for months, as seems to be the norm here in NYC, is that their eyes pop open when they see me. Because there's 25 lbs less of me to see! :-)

FWB was very complimentary throughout the evening. He's not dating anyone, but that was what he wanted when we decided to stop dating. We agreed we're better off as friends, and he offered to help me move boxes later this month so I can keep the movers costs down to just the furniture.

Now if I can just find a new apartment...

Apartment Hunting

Looked for apartments all weekend. Ugh. It's exhausting.

Although I have a very nice apartment now -- complete with good square footage, washer & dryer in apartment, doormen, and a great view -- the management company wants to raise the rent (again) and the construction noise from Ground Zero is still annoying from 7 a.m. until 11 p.m. (They do not have to abide by the noise ordinance for NYC because technically the property is owned by Port Authority.) Plus, many places in Manhattan are making great deals. Including, actually, my current building -- I learned they are giving a couple months free rent and lower rent overall to new tenants. It just doesn't apply to existing tenants, so the existing lot (me included) are leaving in droves.

I'm currently on the border of the Financial District and Tribeca, and I decided I wanted to try and get into a different neighborhood. I looked at places in Chelsea, Tribeca proper, Midtown West, Upper West Side and the West Village. I love the West Village and would love to live there, but the places I can afford aren't big enough for my Texas-sized furniture.

I got a lot of shit from brokers when I mentioned my king size bed. I originally bought the bed frame and accompanying furniture when I was in my last long-term relationship. Unfortunately, we broke up shortly after we purchased it (on my credit), and I got the furniture while he kept the mattress. I ended up buying a terrific mattress -- the same one Westin uses for their Heavenly Bed -- and absolutely love it. Since I had just paid it off before moving to NYC, I didn't want to get rid of it. And now, I'm even more attached to it.

Then there's the cat. I've had Sabrina her whole life, which next month will be 16 years. She's my loving companion, and I'm treasuring what I realize are her golden years. (If I'm lucky, she'll live to 20.) So the bed and the cat are not negotiable.

I started on Friday night after work, seeing a couple of places. Then all day Saturday, from 11 a.m. until 7 p.m. I didn't even eat lunch. After church on Sunday, I saw a couple more. And Monday at lunch, two more. One of which I'm hoping will be my next pad.

I've put in my application and paperwork, including 2 recent pay stubs, 2 bank statements, 2 last tax returns, and a letter from my employer confirming employment and salary. Keeping my fingers crossed it all goes through... (and if it does, I'll tell you more about it!)

When It Rains...

Yesterday we had an incredible storm here in NYC. Massive thunder, drenching rain and spectacular lightning starting mid-afternoon. Walking home at the end of the day, my bare arms and legs got wet and I found myself sliding around in my sandals, but I kinda liked feeling the rain on me.

Aloha Guy is still around. He came into town a few weeks ago, and I really enjoyed his company. But, he's too smart and investigative and found the blog. Wasn't too happy with what I've written versus what I haven't written. So I find myself censoring my writing more than usual. However, I must say he continues to show his interest in me, which is flattering, and has a penchant for giving me gifts, which I'll admit I love. Yesterday, I received chocolates at work -- two big boxes which made me very popular with my colleagues.

I was anticipating going out with a vendor last night for dinner, but it got cancelled at the last minute. My attempts to make other plans were fruitless, so I decided to head to the gym. At the gym, my iPhone rang (which I was using as an iPod, so I answered). A new character to tell you about...

A few weeks ago, out on the town with a girlfriend, we went to a Cuban restaurant for dinner. In addition to fabulous mojitos, they had live music, and the singer/bassist was absolutely fantastic. On their break, I went over to compliment him, and his speaking voice was every bit as resonant and musical as his singing voice. He said they were playing later at another club that I wasn't familiar with, and I gave him my number to text me the info while not committing that we would show up.

We did show up and had a fabulous time. Cuban Musician was happy to see us and made a point of speaking to me on the breaks, even though most of the crowd were long-time fans and everyone wanted to talk to him. He's very cute...

And I've been out to see him perform a couple other times at different places around the city. He's a good kisser, but I haven't thought about it too seriously. He's fun, and very effusive in his compliments. He keeps telling me how much he likes me, but I guess I'm playing aloof. Our lives are so different, but I like hearing about his passion for music and how he composes, his travels and his contagious zest for life.

And then, last night, Cuban Musician called to ask if he could cook for me. I accepted and was entertained with his antics in the kitchen while he boasted repeatedly how good he was at cooking. I just laughed at him...until we sat down and ate. It was fantastic. He didn't follow a recipe and said this was a dish he'd created himself. And even if I told you the different ingredients -- including orange juice, rosemary, butter, onions, chicken -- it wouldn't begin to describe the savory goodness, and I don't think I could replicate it. As we finished the wine I brought, he sang for me. A very nice evening.

One Word Meme

Here’s how it works: USE ONLY ONE WORD!

It’s not as easy as you might think. Copy and change the answers to suit you and pass it on. It’s really hard to use only one-word answers.

1. Where is your cell phone? handy
2. Your hair? blondish
3. Your mother? cruising
4. Your father? cruising
5. Your favorite food? TexMex
6. Your dream last night? forgettable
7. Your favorite drink? martini
8. Your dream/goal? love
9. What room are you in? office
10. Your hobby? singing
11. Your fear? insanity
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? relationship
13. Where were you last night? home
14. Something that you aren’t? rested
15. Wish list item? children
16. Where did you grow up? varied
17. What are you wearing? skirt
18. Your pets? Sabrina
19. Friends? true
20. Your life? confusing
21. Your mood? unsure
22. Missing someone? yes
23. Vehicle? none
24. Something you’re not wearing? pantyhose
25. Your favorite color? blue
26. When was the last time you laughed? today
27. Last time you cried? yesterday
28. One place that I go to over and over? subway
29. One person who emails me regularly? mom
30. Favorite place to eat? out

And now, I tag Vetmommy, EdamameMommy, Daddy (aka Grandad to those with kids) and Anna!