Just got home. It was a wonderful week of visiting, good food, laughter, music and hugs. But I realized in the cab from the airport to Manhattan that I'm looking forward to being home in my apartment. One of my cousins kept asking me questions about NYC, intimating that I don't like it. I explained to her that there are many things I love about this city, but she had a difficult time understanding why I don't want to move back to Texas.
And I started thinking, in the cab ride, about some of the things I love about this city. Much of it is hard to put into words...
It's a city where it's not strange to be 37 and not married, and it's not considered out of the ordinary to still expect you'll have children one day,
Where you could be childless, with or without a relationship, and still have a full, exciting life
Where every nationality, ethnicity and cuisine are represented and celebrated
Where high fashion, your own unique fashion and no fashion happily coexist
It's a city where you have to be tough to survive, and having survived, it gives you a confidence that you can get through tough times
It's dirty and noisy and pushy and rude, but it's also beautiful and dazzling and melodic and powerful
And amazingly, it's the city where my English father met my Texan mother and I was born, and it's now home.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Food, Family and Fun
I'm LOVING hanging out with friends and family!
I arrived on Saturday afternoon, and Jenn was throwing a going away party for her Chilean friend who has been visiting. Many of her coworkers came over, and my niece and nephew got to stay up later than usual with the adults.
I made chile con queso, and I talked Colin into going to the grocery store with me. As we drove past a field with a flock of birds, Colin asked, "Emily, are the birds graduating?"
What?
"Are the birds graduating? Where are they going?"
Do you mean, are they migrating?
"Uh huh."
Hehehe.
The party was really fun and was in full swing when the kids were sent to bed. Anna was having a difficult time falling asleep with the loud music and laughter going on, so I went and laid down with her and talked to her about counting her inhalations and exhalations. Soon, we were both fast asleep!
On Sunday, Anna accompanied me to Waco to see my grandmother and great aunt, who are 88 and 94 respectively. Anna was very patient with them and was a big hit at the retirement community. We also went by my uncle Joe's house and visited with him and his kids.
We drove back to Austin in time for dinner, and three of Jenn's friends joined us for a delicious meal where Jenn creatively used the leftovers from the party. Then my cousin Lindsey from Seattle showed up (she's been visiting the Texas contingent of relatives), and we had another rowdy good time. Jenn and Susan have been taking Bollywood dance lessons and performed two dances for us! The only bad thing was staying up WAY too late, making this morning a very painfully early experience.
My company has offices all over the world, and I am able to work from their downtown Austin location this week. A good friend of mine from Dallas, Sherry, saw on Facebook that I was in Austin and called me this morning to say she was here for a business meeting. We were able to meet for lunch, and it was such a nice break in the day. (Most days, I just eat at my desk.)
Dinner tonight was with my sister, brother-in-law and niece and nephew, and ALSO Lindsey, my uncle Tom and his daughter Taylor. It's just been so great to see all these people I love!
I arrived on Saturday afternoon, and Jenn was throwing a going away party for her Chilean friend who has been visiting. Many of her coworkers came over, and my niece and nephew got to stay up later than usual with the adults.
I made chile con queso, and I talked Colin into going to the grocery store with me. As we drove past a field with a flock of birds, Colin asked, "Emily, are the birds graduating?"
What?
"Are the birds graduating? Where are they going?"
Do you mean, are they migrating?
"Uh huh."
Hehehe.
The party was really fun and was in full swing when the kids were sent to bed. Anna was having a difficult time falling asleep with the loud music and laughter going on, so I went and laid down with her and talked to her about counting her inhalations and exhalations. Soon, we were both fast asleep!
On Sunday, Anna accompanied me to Waco to see my grandmother and great aunt, who are 88 and 94 respectively. Anna was very patient with them and was a big hit at the retirement community. We also went by my uncle Joe's house and visited with him and his kids.
We drove back to Austin in time for dinner, and three of Jenn's friends joined us for a delicious meal where Jenn creatively used the leftovers from the party. Then my cousin Lindsey from Seattle showed up (she's been visiting the Texas contingent of relatives), and we had another rowdy good time. Jenn and Susan have been taking Bollywood dance lessons and performed two dances for us! The only bad thing was staying up WAY too late, making this morning a very painfully early experience.
My company has offices all over the world, and I am able to work from their downtown Austin location this week. A good friend of mine from Dallas, Sherry, saw on Facebook that I was in Austin and called me this morning to say she was here for a business meeting. We were able to meet for lunch, and it was such a nice break in the day. (Most days, I just eat at my desk.)
Dinner tonight was with my sister, brother-in-law and niece and nephew, and ALSO Lindsey, my uncle Tom and his daughter Taylor. It's just been so great to see all these people I love!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Keeping my Chin Up
I may be down, but I'm not out.
I made a list of the things that make me happy, big things and little things. And I've been doing some of them, and I'm starting to feel a little better.
I'm looking forward to two trips to Texas -- first to Austin this Saturday, where I'll see my sister Jenn and her family, as well as my cousin Lindsey who will be visiting from Seattle and my uncle Tom and another cousin. I'm also going to drive to Waco to see Grandma and my great aunt Sudie. And the next week, I'm flying to Houston to attend my sister Stephanie's annual Christmas Tea. It's a fantastic girlie event, and I can see my nieces and nephew and parents in Houston.
Don't count me out yet.
I made a list of the things that make me happy, big things and little things. And I've been doing some of them, and I'm starting to feel a little better.
I'm looking forward to two trips to Texas -- first to Austin this Saturday, where I'll see my sister Jenn and her family, as well as my cousin Lindsey who will be visiting from Seattle and my uncle Tom and another cousin. I'm also going to drive to Waco to see Grandma and my great aunt Sudie. And the next week, I'm flying to Houston to attend my sister Stephanie's annual Christmas Tea. It's a fantastic girlie event, and I can see my nieces and nephew and parents in Houston.
Don't count me out yet.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Loss
Yesterday, I learned that my friend, voice teacher, choir director passed away. As I mentioned before, he was in hospice care after a long battle with leukemia. So even though it was expected, it still hit hard. He was an incredible musician, and I feel fortunate to have gotten to learn from him even for just a couple years.
Green-Eyed Dutchman called this weekend, and we had a good conversation. Maybe there will always be a bond between us.
And GED just called me today to let me know a good friend of his -- someone I met when I first met him back in Dallas all those years ago -- died. He had diabetes and had multiple complications from it, including having his legs amputated. But he was in his early forties. He was such a happy, sweet guy. I always thought I would see him again.
Green-Eyed Dutchman called this weekend, and we had a good conversation. Maybe there will always be a bond between us.
And GED just called me today to let me know a good friend of his -- someone I met when I first met him back in Dallas all those years ago -- died. He had diabetes and had multiple complications from it, including having his legs amputated. But he was in his early forties. He was such a happy, sweet guy. I always thought I would see him again.
Friday, November 13, 2009
How Can I Tell if I'm Really in Love?
Don't worry, I'm not asking the question of myself. I read a great post and wanted to provide a link to it.
I found Dr. Aletta's blog when I was doing some research for work, and I find her posts interesting. So read what she has to say about how you can tell if you're REALLY in love.
I found Dr. Aletta's blog when I was doing some research for work, and I find her posts interesting. So read what she has to say about how you can tell if you're REALLY in love.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Perserverance
There's a saying that bad things happen in three's, but lately it's been more than that. I keep waiting for it to stop. I feel a bit like a punching bag. I'm taking a beating at work, and CM was just the latest of the ex-es to get in touch.
I know I need to make a change...maybe more than one...but I'm just not sure what to do.
I think I just need to take a break. I can't take a break from work, but Thanksgiving's around the corner. I can take a break from dating. It's not a huge sacrifice, since I'm not really dating anyone. But I just can't deal with the calls, emails, texts and instant messages. The hopes that maybe something is still there,...or could be.
I'm alone. I can do alone. It sucks, but I can do it. And I've said before, and still believe, that being lonely when you're alone is much better than being lonely in a relationship. What I mean is, I don't want to be in a relationship just to have someone. I want it to be right. But lately I feel like I'm just defining what's wrong.
I know I need to make a change...maybe more than one...but I'm just not sure what to do.
I think I just need to take a break. I can't take a break from work, but Thanksgiving's around the corner. I can take a break from dating. It's not a huge sacrifice, since I'm not really dating anyone. But I just can't deal with the calls, emails, texts and instant messages. The hopes that maybe something is still there,...or could be.
I'm alone. I can do alone. It sucks, but I can do it. And I've said before, and still believe, that being lonely when you're alone is much better than being lonely in a relationship. What I mean is, I don't want to be in a relationship just to have someone. I want it to be right. But lately I feel like I'm just defining what's wrong.
Monday, November 09, 2009
Delusions of Grandeur
Un-effing-believable. I just got a call from Cuban Musician.
He called from a friend's phone so I didn't recognize the number -- because he was afraid I wouldn't pick up if I saw it was him.
He apologized over and over for hurting me, for embarrassing me, for lying to me, for being such an a$$hole....
And then he asked if he could come over and see me in person, so he could "apologize in person." Of course, I said NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT and told him I don't want to see him.
He didn't take "NO" for an answer the first 50 times I said it, but I can be repetitive. As I told him, "NO" is the same in English and Spanish, so there's no room for misinterpretation. I don't want to see him, and I'm certainly never going to let him in my place again. He said he was going to take a taxi over to my building, but he remembered I had moved and asked what my new apartment is. I wouldn't tell him, and I reminded him that I have doormen who wouldn't let him in. In fact, I said, I could call them and let them know I'm not expecting any visitors and if anyone came by asking to see me, they should call the cops. He backed off a little then, asking "why would you call the cops?"
I did get to yell at him and tell him how horrible the whole experience was for me. And when he said he misses me and feels like he ruined the best thing ever in his life, I asked why he didn't call before now. (It's been two months!) He said he was embarrassed at how badly he had acted.
And he clarified, he's not married, he's just been living with her for three years. And when he was spewing this garbage about wanting me back in his life, I asked "Do you still live with her?"
Well, yes, but...
Unbelievable. Does he think that this would work on me? That he could just call and apologize and I would fall back into his arms?
I actually laughed out loud at some of his preposterous explanations. That felt good, at least. But I'm still so angry!
He called from a friend's phone so I didn't recognize the number -- because he was afraid I wouldn't pick up if I saw it was him.
He apologized over and over for hurting me, for embarrassing me, for lying to me, for being such an a$$hole....
And then he asked if he could come over and see me in person, so he could "apologize in person." Of course, I said NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT and told him I don't want to see him.
He didn't take "NO" for an answer the first 50 times I said it, but I can be repetitive. As I told him, "NO" is the same in English and Spanish, so there's no room for misinterpretation. I don't want to see him, and I'm certainly never going to let him in my place again. He said he was going to take a taxi over to my building, but he remembered I had moved and asked what my new apartment is. I wouldn't tell him, and I reminded him that I have doormen who wouldn't let him in. In fact, I said, I could call them and let them know I'm not expecting any visitors and if anyone came by asking to see me, they should call the cops. He backed off a little then, asking "why would you call the cops?"
I did get to yell at him and tell him how horrible the whole experience was for me. And when he said he misses me and feels like he ruined the best thing ever in his life, I asked why he didn't call before now. (It's been two months!) He said he was embarrassed at how badly he had acted.
And he clarified, he's not married, he's just been living with her for three years. And when he was spewing this garbage about wanting me back in his life, I asked "Do you still live with her?"
Well, yes, but...
Unbelievable. Does he think that this would work on me? That he could just call and apologize and I would fall back into his arms?
I actually laughed out loud at some of his preposterous explanations. That felt good, at least. But I'm still so angry!
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Good Food & Good Company
My mom came to visit this weekend. On Friday, she joined me in my weekly get-together with NM. We had dinner at a Thai restaurant in West Village that I love, and then I took my mom to my local pub for a drink and karaoke. It was a bit crazier than usual -- one EXTREMELY drunk guy started talking to us and we kept giving him the brush-off and later found out he was the OWNER. The guy was so wasted, we heard him fall down the stairs on his way down to the bathrooms. (he was okay) Another guy came over to chat us up and flirted shamelessly with my mom. She was polite but told him his advances weren't wanted and that he was too young for her. He didn't seem to get it. I told him to get lost as well, but we eventually just moved to another area of the bar. When I went to settle our tab before we left, the regular bartender gave me a discount, saying it was because we had dealt with so much bullsh*t!
On Saturday we had a lovely brunch and then ran some errands, going by the farmers' market at Union Square for some fresh edibles and hot apple cider. We decided to treat ourselves to dinner at a lovely French restaurant that uses local organic seasonal foods. It was an incredible meal, and of course, incredible company! The food was unbelievably delicious, but our favorite dish was the squash risotto served with mushrooms and a roasted jack-b-little pumpkin that was edible.
After filling our bellies, we decided to walk home. It was a nice brisk evening and about a 30 minute walk. Back at my apt, we watched a movie and used my paraffin wax on our hands. A nice girly evening!
Today was church and then lunch at one of my favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurants and a walk by the Hudson River. It was a nice weekend, made better by the loving visit.
On Saturday we had a lovely brunch and then ran some errands, going by the farmers' market at Union Square for some fresh edibles and hot apple cider. We decided to treat ourselves to dinner at a lovely French restaurant that uses local organic seasonal foods. It was an incredible meal, and of course, incredible company! The food was unbelievably delicious, but our favorite dish was the squash risotto served with mushrooms and a roasted jack-b-little pumpkin that was edible.
After filling our bellies, we decided to walk home. It was a nice brisk evening and about a 30 minute walk. Back at my apt, we watched a movie and used my paraffin wax on our hands. A nice girly evening!
Today was church and then lunch at one of my favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurants and a walk by the Hudson River. It was a nice weekend, made better by the loving visit.
Thursday, November 05, 2009
An Amazing Musical Night
I know, I've been bad about posting. (Thanks, Lindsey, for the encouraging comment!) And in years past I've done NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month), where you commit to posting every day in November. No way that's happening this month.
Part of my lack of posting is due to being way too busy. And part of it is because I've had to become very careful about what I say because of who has found and is reading the blog. I've gotten several text messages referring negatively to my blog from a couple guys who were previously in the picture. I've been debating about moving my blog to another platform which will allow me to password-protect certain posts, like fellow blogger Catherinette does. But that takes time, which I am currently short of.
But I HAVE to share what I did last night. A coworker sent around an invite to a talk at NYU featuring Clive Davis, the legendary recording producer who has launched the careers of Janis Joplin, Aerosmith, Bruce Springsteen, Billy Joel, Chicago, Santana, Whitney Houston, Alicia Keys, and many many others. It was amazing to hear him speak about his career and hear his passion for what he does.
The after party was at the B.B. King Blues Club in Times Square and was a fundraiser for Bob Woodruff's Foundation to support wounded veterans. (Bob Woodruff is the journalist who was wounded by a roadside bomb in Iraq.) He spoke briefly, as did Wilmer Valderrama, who is adorable but seems very down-to-earth. And they introduced The Fray, who sang several songs. My friend and I were standing 10 feet from the stage, and it was incredible. They are so talented and passionate about the music. The lead singer, Isaac Slade, looked directly at me twice while he was singing. And when he came out on stage, he brought his Apple laptop and announced to the crowd that the Yankees had won the World Series. He set the laptop facing the audience on the piano so we could all see the live feed of the Yankees hugging and celebrating. The crowd cheered and watched the celebrations while The Fray sang their first song. The whole thing was fantastic. And although I didn't get to bed until 2 a.m., I feel like these are the kind of opportunities that I have to take advantage of in NYC.
Update: Adding a few pictures taken from my iPhone. The first is Wilmer Valderrama and Bob Woodruff. The others are The Fray.
Part of my lack of posting is due to being way too busy. And part of it is because I've had to become very careful about what I say because of who has found and is reading the blog. I've gotten several text messages referring negatively to my blog from a couple guys who were previously in the picture. I've been debating about moving my blog to another platform which will allow me to password-protect certain posts, like fellow blogger Catherinette does. But that takes time, which I am currently short of.
But I HAVE to share what I did last night. A coworker sent around an invite to a talk at NYU featuring Clive Davis, the legendary recording producer who has launched the careers of Janis Joplin, Aerosmith, Bruce Springsteen, Billy Joel, Chicago, Santana, Whitney Houston, Alicia Keys, and many many others. It was amazing to hear him speak about his career and hear his passion for what he does.
The after party was at the B.B. King Blues Club in Times Square and was a fundraiser for Bob Woodruff's Foundation to support wounded veterans. (Bob Woodruff is the journalist who was wounded by a roadside bomb in Iraq.) He spoke briefly, as did Wilmer Valderrama, who is adorable but seems very down-to-earth. And they introduced The Fray, who sang several songs. My friend and I were standing 10 feet from the stage, and it was incredible. They are so talented and passionate about the music. The lead singer, Isaac Slade, looked directly at me twice while he was singing. And when he came out on stage, he brought his Apple laptop and announced to the crowd that the Yankees had won the World Series. He set the laptop facing the audience on the piano so we could all see the live feed of the Yankees hugging and celebrating. The crowd cheered and watched the celebrations while The Fray sang their first song. The whole thing was fantastic. And although I didn't get to bed until 2 a.m., I feel like these are the kind of opportunities that I have to take advantage of in NYC.
Update: Adding a few pictures taken from my iPhone. The first is Wilmer Valderrama and Bob Woodruff. The others are The Fray.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
What's New? Not Much, Pussycat
Sorry for the blog silence. I haven't had happy things to say, and you know how the saying goes: "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
The same day I wrote my last post about the end of my relationship with Aloha Guy, I learned that my friend, voice teacher, and organist/choir director at my church has gone into Hospice care, going home to North Carolina to be with his family in his final days. He's been fighting leukemia for many years, but it only just got very aggressive and eventually, deadly. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye, and his absence is acutely felt at church. I still feel like I have so much still to learn from him, and he will be greatly missed.
So, in other news...I got a new vacuum. (Exciting, no?) Sometimes I clean when I'm upset. A therapist once told me it's a denial mechanism, as you focus on something you can control and make orderly, instead of something in life that you can't. The new vacuum works well and picks up the cat hair better than the old one.
Tonight, I got had the fortune of having dinner with a friend and past colleague from Dallas that I haven't seen since I moved away over two years ago. It was great catching up with her, and I value the easy camaraderie we have so much. I think I took it for granted before, and now I realize how rare and special that is.
The same day I wrote my last post about the end of my relationship with Aloha Guy, I learned that my friend, voice teacher, and organist/choir director at my church has gone into Hospice care, going home to North Carolina to be with his family in his final days. He's been fighting leukemia for many years, but it only just got very aggressive and eventually, deadly. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye, and his absence is acutely felt at church. I still feel like I have so much still to learn from him, and he will be greatly missed.
So, in other news...I got a new vacuum. (Exciting, no?) Sometimes I clean when I'm upset. A therapist once told me it's a denial mechanism, as you focus on something you can control and make orderly, instead of something in life that you can't. The new vacuum works well and picks up the cat hair better than the old one.
Tonight, I got had the fortune of having dinner with a friend and past colleague from Dallas that I haven't seen since I moved away over two years ago. It was great catching up with her, and I value the easy camaraderie we have so much. I think I took it for granted before, and now I realize how rare and special that is.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
What Goes Up...
My eyes are hazel, but they look mostly brown. But when I cry, they turn green.
I had all the best intentions of not falling for Aloha Guy, but sometime over the past weekend in Orlando, my emotions got the better of me. Unfortunately, I'm standing out here alone.
My reasons to him back in May and June for not getting more involved -- that he's recently divorced and lives thousands of miles away -- are now being echoed back to me. Of course, he's right. I was right when I said them then.
It still sucks.
What's worse? Being alone, or seeing what you could have and then being told you can't have it?
The past few months have been a rollercoaster in the dating life of this singleton, and I'm exiting the ride feeling completely wrung out.
I had all the best intentions of not falling for Aloha Guy, but sometime over the past weekend in Orlando, my emotions got the better of me. Unfortunately, I'm standing out here alone.
My reasons to him back in May and June for not getting more involved -- that he's recently divorced and lives thousands of miles away -- are now being echoed back to me. Of course, he's right. I was right when I said them then.
It still sucks.
What's worse? Being alone, or seeing what you could have and then being told you can't have it?
The past few months have been a rollercoaster in the dating life of this singleton, and I'm exiting the ride feeling completely wrung out.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Celebrate Today
You know the saying, "when the cat's away, the mice will play" -- well, I've been away from my cat, playing with the mice! Mickey Mouse and crew in Orlando. I was in Orlando for a long weekend, and it was everything I had hoped and then some.
I arrived late on Thursday night, leaving behind freakishly cold and rainy weather in NYC for balmy Orlando. Although I naturally arrived completely overdressed, I quickly shed my overcoat, blazer and scarf. Aloha Guy picked me up at the airport and off we went to the fabulous Marriott resort hotel. It was amazing, made more so by his thoughtfulness. He brought my favorite wine from California (Benziger Cabernet from Sonoma) and ordered chocolate covered strawberries.
Friday was work for AG, spa treatments for me. We had breakfast together and the waitress remarked that he looked like he was there for work but I was obviously on vacation, dressed in a brightly colored sarong over my bathing suit. After a massage, facial, manicure and pedicure, I felt like a new woman. I sauntered over to the restaurant/bar overlooking the main pool and ordered a Bloody Mary AND GOT CARDED. I laughed, and the waitress replied in all seriousness, "I have to card anyone who looks like they're under 30."
I lounged by the pool, under an umbrella to protect my fair skin, and read my book -- a new one by Jodi Piccoult, my favorite author. (Fabulous) I knew AG would join me when he finished his work, but he decided to startle me and scared the bejeezus out of me. We swam and tried the pool's slide and stood under the waterfall. When we decided a beer sounded good, I offered to walk inside to grab them. I put on my flip flops, a towel and grabbed my credit card. And I came back empty-handed. Yep, carded again. AG laughed heartily.
Saturday morning, I slept in while AG finished his conference. We went to Epcot that afternoon, and their tagline was "Celebrate Today." There was a Wine & Food festival going on, and we had a blast eating and drinking our way through the different countries' specialties at the park. The tastings were small, and we split most things, so we weren't overly stuffed or drunk. Plus, we were there for seven hours. We rode two rides, but I got a little queasy from one. Oh, and I got carded two more times! I think I like Orlando. :-)
On Sunday, we hit the outlet mall before heading to the airport, and I'm thrilled to say I bought some new pants IN A SIZE 8! I haven't worn an 8 since 2002 when I did Atkins, and I never thought I'd be here again. But my 10's have been falling off me, so I really needed new pants.
I had so much fun. AG and I laughed until I was crying, and he was consistently considerate and thoughtful. If only he didn't live on the opposite side of the country,...
I arrived late on Thursday night, leaving behind freakishly cold and rainy weather in NYC for balmy Orlando. Although I naturally arrived completely overdressed, I quickly shed my overcoat, blazer and scarf. Aloha Guy picked me up at the airport and off we went to the fabulous Marriott resort hotel. It was amazing, made more so by his thoughtfulness. He brought my favorite wine from California (Benziger Cabernet from Sonoma) and ordered chocolate covered strawberries.
Friday was work for AG, spa treatments for me. We had breakfast together and the waitress remarked that he looked like he was there for work but I was obviously on vacation, dressed in a brightly colored sarong over my bathing suit. After a massage, facial, manicure and pedicure, I felt like a new woman. I sauntered over to the restaurant/bar overlooking the main pool and ordered a Bloody Mary AND GOT CARDED. I laughed, and the waitress replied in all seriousness, "I have to card anyone who looks like they're under 30."
I lounged by the pool, under an umbrella to protect my fair skin, and read my book -- a new one by Jodi Piccoult, my favorite author. (Fabulous) I knew AG would join me when he finished his work, but he decided to startle me and scared the bejeezus out of me. We swam and tried the pool's slide and stood under the waterfall. When we decided a beer sounded good, I offered to walk inside to grab them. I put on my flip flops, a towel and grabbed my credit card. And I came back empty-handed. Yep, carded again. AG laughed heartily.
Saturday morning, I slept in while AG finished his conference. We went to Epcot that afternoon, and their tagline was "Celebrate Today." There was a Wine & Food festival going on, and we had a blast eating and drinking our way through the different countries' specialties at the park. The tastings were small, and we split most things, so we weren't overly stuffed or drunk. Plus, we were there for seven hours. We rode two rides, but I got a little queasy from one. Oh, and I got carded two more times! I think I like Orlando. :-)
On Sunday, we hit the outlet mall before heading to the airport, and I'm thrilled to say I bought some new pants IN A SIZE 8! I haven't worn an 8 since 2002 when I did Atkins, and I never thought I'd be here again. But my 10's have been falling off me, so I really needed new pants.
I had so much fun. AG and I laughed until I was crying, and he was consistently considerate and thoughtful. If only he didn't live on the opposite side of the country,...
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
The Highs and Lows
I had dinner tonight with two friends, former colleagues, who are so complimentary. It always makes me smile.
I hadn't seen one of them since January, so I knew what the reaction would be. (The weight loss) He couldn't stop commenting about it. "You really look great!" :-)
And then I heard from a good friend of mine tonight from church -- a fellow single who has become a dear friend. He's facing some very challenging and scary health threats, and likely some surgery with serious risks in the near future.
I am one of those people who doesn't have a lot of friends, but the friends I do have are very dear to my heart.
I hadn't seen one of them since January, so I knew what the reaction would be. (The weight loss) He couldn't stop commenting about it. "You really look great!" :-)
And then I heard from a good friend of mine tonight from church -- a fellow single who has become a dear friend. He's facing some very challenging and scary health threats, and likely some surgery with serious risks in the near future.
I am one of those people who doesn't have a lot of friends, but the friends I do have are very dear to my heart.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Travel on the Horizon
My friend NM and I are beginning to establish a regular habit of getting together on Friday nights. We meet at happy hour after work, and swap stories over dinner and drinks. Last night, we had two weeks to catch up on, and we ended up effortlessly spending five hours together.
In the week I missed, her mother had a heart attack. She's doing well after quick hospital intervention and the placement of a stent, but NM was understandably shaken. She had been looking forward to a vacation to Paris with a girlfriend, who dropped out at the last minute, but now the timing seems fortuitous. The girl agreed to cover the change fee to move NM's flight reservation until the spring, but obviously, NM doesn't have any confidence that the girl will accompany her in the spring either and personally doesn't want to leave her mom at this time. When she mentioned her disappointment with her friend bailing, I jumped at the chance -- I've never been to Paris, thinking I'd wait until I had a romantic partner to go with, and have been envious of NM's descriptions of the city (she's been many times before). She was delighted, and we toasted to our upcoming trip!
For my part, I had to catch her up on Aloha Guy's visit. Despite the circumstances, I find myself missing him more than I should. The facts remain: he lives on the opposite side of the country, he's recently divorced, he won't move because of his children, and the only way this relationship could possibly work is if I moved (and I'm finally starting to feel settled here). And despite the fact that when he was here, I realized that although this is my real life and isn't his -- he's on vacation, away from his normal routine and responsibilities -- I must admit that no one has ever treated me as well as he does. And as much as I protest that I'm independent and don't NEED anyone, it's really nice to be treated so respectfully. I must admit I like it!
I'm trying to hold on to my rational, logical mind over my romantic tendencies.
I have plans to meet him next week in Orlando. Aloha Guy has a business trip and invited me to join him at the fantastic resort he's staying at. My job is to visit the spa and check out the pools, and accompany him in his off-time to Epcot. I'm looking forward to it for many reasons, including getting out of the city for a long weekend. And after this, I don't know when I'll see him again. Well, it will at least give me time to adjust to being independent again.
In the week I missed, her mother had a heart attack. She's doing well after quick hospital intervention and the placement of a stent, but NM was understandably shaken. She had been looking forward to a vacation to Paris with a girlfriend, who dropped out at the last minute, but now the timing seems fortuitous. The girl agreed to cover the change fee to move NM's flight reservation until the spring, but obviously, NM doesn't have any confidence that the girl will accompany her in the spring either and personally doesn't want to leave her mom at this time. When she mentioned her disappointment with her friend bailing, I jumped at the chance -- I've never been to Paris, thinking I'd wait until I had a romantic partner to go with, and have been envious of NM's descriptions of the city (she's been many times before). She was delighted, and we toasted to our upcoming trip!
For my part, I had to catch her up on Aloha Guy's visit. Despite the circumstances, I find myself missing him more than I should. The facts remain: he lives on the opposite side of the country, he's recently divorced, he won't move because of his children, and the only way this relationship could possibly work is if I moved (and I'm finally starting to feel settled here). And despite the fact that when he was here, I realized that although this is my real life and isn't his -- he's on vacation, away from his normal routine and responsibilities -- I must admit that no one has ever treated me as well as he does. And as much as I protest that I'm independent and don't NEED anyone, it's really nice to be treated so respectfully. I must admit I like it!
I'm trying to hold on to my rational, logical mind over my romantic tendencies.
I have plans to meet him next week in Orlando. Aloha Guy has a business trip and invited me to join him at the fantastic resort he's staying at. My job is to visit the spa and check out the pools, and accompany him in his off-time to Epcot. I'm looking forward to it for many reasons, including getting out of the city for a long weekend. And after this, I don't know when I'll see him again. Well, it will at least give me time to adjust to being independent again.
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Cruel
So the last post was an attempt at foreshadowing. Is anyone curious what happened with Cuban Musician? (This happened several weeks ago, but I needed time before I could talk/write about it.)
CM travels often for various gigs, getting jobs in London, Miami, Connecticut. One week he was in the Dominican Republic. He sent me text messages throughout the week, letting me know he'd be back on Saturday. He has a standing gig in NYC on Saturday at a place in the East Village, so I texted him that I would see him there.
When I arrived, the place was not as crowded as usual. CM was playing when I walked in, and instead of the usual big smile, he had a strange look on his face when he saw me. I tried not to worry too much about it and made my way to the bar, saying hi to people I knew from my many previous times there.
As I talked to one old guy, a regular who is also a great dancer, he mentioned that he couldn't remember my name but knew I was the one with CM.
A girl who was sitting next to him at the bar turned around and introduced herself. She asked me what he meant by the comment "with CM." I explained we were dating, and she asked me "What do you mean, dating?" Thinking this was strange, I said, "You know, dating. We've had dinners together..."
She asked me again to clarify, and then explained, "I'm asking what do you mean by dating because I'm his WIFE."
You could have knocked me over with a feather. TOTAL SHOCK.
(Just in case you were wondering, yes, I asked him when I first met him, "Are you married? Have you ever been married?" to which he answered No to both. And after dating him for 2 months, he started telling me he loved me. I wasn't ready to feel that, let alone say that back, but it was obvious from what he said and how he treated me that he was getting serious. Or so I thought.)
I immediately stammered out an apology to this woman, explaining I had NO IDEA he was married and never would have gotten involved with him if I had. She asked me a barrage of questions, like how long had we been dating, before the band took a break and she motioned him to come over.
Just as she finished asking him, "Have you been dating this girl?" I walked out and caught a cab home.
Stunned, in complete shock, I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach. I kept running the conversation with her and all the times I had spent with CM through my mind. He had never hidden me, rather introducing me to all his friends and being openly affectionate in public.
I kept thinking, How could you? How could you be so cruel? Why even say you loved me? And knowing I was coming to the show, why didn't you text me and say you were sick, or not playing that night?
No answers. And I haven't heard from him. Not that I want to. I'm no longer devastated. Just angry. I'm disgusted at his behavior to her, and to me. I'm furious he put me in this situation and told me bald-faced LIES. And I'm mad at myself for believing him.
CM travels often for various gigs, getting jobs in London, Miami, Connecticut. One week he was in the Dominican Republic. He sent me text messages throughout the week, letting me know he'd be back on Saturday. He has a standing gig in NYC on Saturday at a place in the East Village, so I texted him that I would see him there.
When I arrived, the place was not as crowded as usual. CM was playing when I walked in, and instead of the usual big smile, he had a strange look on his face when he saw me. I tried not to worry too much about it and made my way to the bar, saying hi to people I knew from my many previous times there.
As I talked to one old guy, a regular who is also a great dancer, he mentioned that he couldn't remember my name but knew I was the one with CM.
A girl who was sitting next to him at the bar turned around and introduced herself. She asked me what he meant by the comment "with CM." I explained we were dating, and she asked me "What do you mean, dating?" Thinking this was strange, I said, "You know, dating. We've had dinners together..."
She asked me again to clarify, and then explained, "I'm asking what do you mean by dating because I'm his WIFE."
You could have knocked me over with a feather. TOTAL SHOCK.
(Just in case you were wondering, yes, I asked him when I first met him, "Are you married? Have you ever been married?" to which he answered No to both. And after dating him for 2 months, he started telling me he loved me. I wasn't ready to feel that, let alone say that back, but it was obvious from what he said and how he treated me that he was getting serious. Or so I thought.)
I immediately stammered out an apology to this woman, explaining I had NO IDEA he was married and never would have gotten involved with him if I had. She asked me a barrage of questions, like how long had we been dating, before the band took a break and she motioned him to come over.
Just as she finished asking him, "Have you been dating this girl?" I walked out and caught a cab home.
Stunned, in complete shock, I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach. I kept running the conversation with her and all the times I had spent with CM through my mind. He had never hidden me, rather introducing me to all his friends and being openly affectionate in public.
I kept thinking, How could you? How could you be so cruel? Why even say you loved me? And knowing I was coming to the show, why didn't you text me and say you were sick, or not playing that night?
No answers. And I haven't heard from him. Not that I want to. I'm no longer devastated. Just angry. I'm disgusted at his behavior to her, and to me. I'm furious he put me in this situation and told me bald-faced LIES. And I'm mad at myself for believing him.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Lies
When I was little, I would get my mouth washed out with soap for lying. I can't remember what I lied about, but I probably was like most children who with wide-eyes and stumbling speech tell obvious outrageous untruths. My parents were consistent in their discipline, and I learned the lesson.
As adults, the lies we tell can have even greater consequences and impact those around us. I am very empathetic, and while I realize not everyone thinks that way, it bothers me when people aren't at least considerate and aware that their actions affect other people.
And then there are those who lie so deliberately, with the calculated intent to deceive, that it is nothing short of cruel.
As adults, the lies we tell can have even greater consequences and impact those around us. I am very empathetic, and while I realize not everyone thinks that way, it bothers me when people aren't at least considerate and aware that their actions affect other people.
And then there are those who lie so deliberately, with the calculated intent to deceive, that it is nothing short of cruel.
Monday, October 05, 2009
Loser
I don't really like reality TV, except for The Biggest Loser. I like watching the transformations, I like the tips from the trainers, and I like the fact that they encourage everyone watching to make changes in their own lives to be healthier. I find it inspiring, and unlike other shows I watch, I cannot watch it with my butt parked on the couch. I find I have to get up and do something.
I record shows so I can zoom through the commercials, so yesterday I watched last week's Biggest Loser. I did some squats, lunges, arm weights, the sitting-against-the-wall thing, crunches, leg lifts with ankle weights, and the bridge pose...for two hours minus commercials. I'm feeling it today, but it's a good kind of sore, the kind that lets you know you did something positive to keep in shape.
I saw an old colleague last week that I hadn't seen in a little over a year, and there's 30 lbs less of me now. She was enthusiastic in her surprise. My new friend NM asked to see a before pic, and I pulled up this one. It's disgusting to me, but it's good to remember to see how far I've come.
Before, playing Dance Dance Revolution:
And After, taken last week by Aloha Guy. (And my hair's darker now, too!)
I record shows so I can zoom through the commercials, so yesterday I watched last week's Biggest Loser. I did some squats, lunges, arm weights, the sitting-against-the-wall thing, crunches, leg lifts with ankle weights, and the bridge pose...for two hours minus commercials. I'm feeling it today, but it's a good kind of sore, the kind that lets you know you did something positive to keep in shape.
I saw an old colleague last week that I hadn't seen in a little over a year, and there's 30 lbs less of me now. She was enthusiastic in her surprise. My new friend NM asked to see a before pic, and I pulled up this one. It's disgusting to me, but it's good to remember to see how far I've come.
Before, playing Dance Dance Revolution:
And After, taken last week by Aloha Guy. (And my hair's darker now, too!)
Sunday, October 04, 2009
It's Quiet
I often tell people with confidence that I don't mind being alone. I enjoy many things about being alone, and I wholeheartedly believe that it's easier being alone than feeling lonely in a bad relationship. But after a week of having someone around to talk to and hold hands, go out to dinner with and get regular hugs, I admit...I really miss being in a relationship.
I like to think of myself as independent and strong, and I am, but... it's been nearly three years since I've been in a steady relationship. I'm getting a little tired of so much alone time.
I like to think of myself as independent and strong, and I am, but... it's been nearly three years since I've been in a steady relationship. I'm getting a little tired of so much alone time.
Saturday, October 03, 2009
Snug Harbor
Aloha Guy left today. We had a great time, and I was sad to see him go.We both took off a couple days from work to do some sightseeing. Aloha Guy said he wanted to do something in or around NYC that I had never done before. He brought his camera, a nice Nikon, and took some great pictures of me. (I don't usually like many pictures of me, but he captured some really nice ones.)
I had done some research before hand and found out about a beautiful park on Staten Island called Snug Harbor. It was originally created as a retirement haven for sailors in 1801. There are many galleries and gardens, and I specifically wanted to see the Chinese Scholar's Garden, modeled after traditional gardens in China.
The gardens must be fantastic in the summer, when everything is in bloom. But the nice thing about going on a crisp fall day during the work week is that we had the place to ourselves! We enjoyed exploring the gardens, the ponds and visiting the koi fish. When I sat by the koi pond, the fish swam toward me, obviously hoping for food. I couldn't resist teasing them with my finger to see what they would do. The biggest fish lifted his head out of the water and tried to bite my finger! Aloha Guy caught the moment perfectly.
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