There's a saying that bad things happen in three's, but lately it's been more than that. I keep waiting for it to stop. I feel a bit like a punching bag. I'm taking a beating at work, and CM was just the latest of the ex-es to get in touch.
I know I need to make a change...maybe more than one...but I'm just not sure what to do.
I think I just need to take a break. I can't take a break from work, but Thanksgiving's around the corner. I can take a break from dating. It's not a huge sacrifice, since I'm not really dating anyone. But I just can't deal with the calls, emails, texts and instant messages. The hopes that maybe something is still there,...or could be.
I'm alone. I can do alone. It sucks, but I can do it. And I've said before, and still believe, that being lonely when you're alone is much better than being lonely in a relationship. What I mean is, I don't want to be in a relationship just to have someone. I want it to be right. But lately I feel like I'm just defining what's wrong.
7 comments:
On the other hand you've lost weight and are feeling good about yourself in that respect. You have a job which you seem to find fulfilling (you don't talk about it too much here but that is my impression; you also don't seem to be traveling for it as much but maybe that just occurs sporadically). You're never alone (or no more than the rest of us) when you have what seems to be a loving family. You have some nieces and nephews who would swear you walk on water. All those exes are thankfully, exes it would seem. Perspective is everything. Life is good. Hang in there.
Hi. I don't know you, but I've been reading your blog for a few months now. I just wanted to say that your feelings are justified and you're entitled to those feelings. I hope you know you're not the only one going through these emotions. It's comforting to know I can read your blog and find someone who is going through similar situations. I know it's hard when the people surrounding you just don't seem to understand but please know...I'm here in another place, but I do understand. I can relate, my dear. Hang in there, this too shall pass.
jman - I don't talk about my job for a reason, but no, I don't consider it fulfilling. I am trying to stay positive but have been getting a lot of beat-downs lately both professionally and personally.
sahun - thanks for your encouragement and for reading. I'm hanging. That's why I titled this "perserverance." :-)
Hi Emily...I've been reading your blog (and back reading for a while) You seem a very confident and articulate person and you certainly pick yourself up after a knock or three so I just wanted to say bloody well done on the CM situation and yes step back a tiny step for dating and let love find you!!! Have a chilled out and relaxing November and be ready for wine, mistletoe and mischief come December...best wishes from Glasgow!
Oh, Em, don't close out the future when it is the past is being overbearing. Just take yourself somewhere that refreshes you and lets you breathe -- maybe a walk, maybe a comforting spot like Anna's bed, maybe splurge on a musical, and give no energy to those emails texts and calls that annoy you.
I completely agree with Steph, hang on in there hun and try to take a huge step back from it all. XXXX
I think I made a little syntax error, I think I meant to type "when it is the past that is being overbearing"
In any case, persevere despite your younger sister's lack of writing ability!
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