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WARNING: As parental units are prone to read this blog, this is your warning: you may not want to read this post. [it mentions SEX]

Some of my friends and family have mentioned my life, read through the blog, sounds like "Sex and the City." I have retorted it's been more like "Celibacy and the City." Besides the distinct lack of dates, I'm much more choosy than in my past, and I just don't feel comfortable picking up some guy at a bar for a one-night stand. So, it's been awhile.

Now, (another disclaimer), I'm in my mid-thirties, and obviously have been married before, so I'm no virgin. And women have needs, too! And this blog is supposed to be about what's it's like living as a thirty-something singleton...So!

I had drinks and dinner last night with a guy I met months ago that works in a building I visit often. We've spoken several times, although just briefly, and always had great conversations. We've tried to get together a couple times for drinks, but our schedules didn't mesh. He's been very candid with me that he's still recovering from a bad relationship and break-up, but I assured him I would appreciate having him as just a friend.

It all went very smoothly. The conversation was easy, and I never felt like he was judging me for what I said or didn't say. We have many similarities, and both have a good sense of humor. He told me a bit more about his last relationship. I told him about some of my past doozies. I'm not sure how we got on the subject of sex, but it was brought up in a very platonic sort of way. I made him laugh with my "Celibacy and the City" comment, and he mentioned it had been a long time for him, too. Then he mentioned how in the past he's had a couple "friends with benefits," and I agreed that sounded like a nice idea. And he raised his eyebrows and intimated he'd be open to exploring that with me. I wasn't sure if he was serious or not, so I kept asking him questions, and, I must admit, stalling a bit, trying to decide if I wanted to do that. I mean, I WANTED to, but I also really value his friendship. (I'm not exactly overwhelmed with friends here, and it's so nice to have someone to eat dinner with and chat.) So we agreed on a few rules, and giddily headed back to my place (closer than his).

It was good, great even. It will be interesting to see if this works. One of the rules is, if either of us starts to have more serious feelings for the other, we will be upfront about it and discontinue the "benefits."

"Bed"

Remember the Sex and the City episode where they go to a club called "Bed?" I went there last night!

It's actually called "Duvet."
At Duvet, couches are passé and instead, large custom beds with room for 8 to recline take their place (“Who’d have thought a slumber party could be so sophisticated?” – New York Moves). Come experience Duvet’s cool glass “Ice Bar”, peer into their 800-gallon custom-made jelly fish aquarium, and even visit the “Water Lounge” – the voyeuristic coed bathrooms where one-way mirrors are strategically placed on the doors to the bathroom stalls...don't worry, only the people in the stalls can look out!

I went for a networking happy hour with my friend Kelly. She did a bit of networking. I was mostly there for the happy hour part and to gawk!

Writer's Block, aka No Dates

As you may have noticed, I haven't had much to write about lately. The stretches between posts seem to be growing.

Yesterday, I caught up with a girl who also moved to the city last fall. She mentioned she's had a couple dates in the last week that were promising, and I asked, how are you meeting all these guys? (Everytime we talk, she mentions a couple more!) She said she's meeting them through eHarmony.

Now, I've tried just about every online dating service, including eHarmony. Granted, I was narrowing my search to the Dallas area. Perhaps the larger pool in NYC would give me more/different/(dare I hope) better results. (The last time I tried it was in 2005.)

Unlike most online dating services where you post a picture and profile and then "shop" through others' profiles to find a potential match, eHarmony arranges connections for you. After a thorough survey, they pair you with others who have similar traits and values.

So, I'm giving it some thought. I think I would need some new pictures of me, but other than a monthly membership fee, what have I got to lose? It can't be as bad as speed dating!

Spring in the City

Everyone keeps telling me that Spring is the best time in New York. (I quite enjoyed Fall and Winter, too, but ok!)

It is nice to have more daylight, and I'm always amazed when I leave work after normal hours that there's still a little sun. I've also been enjoying the blooms. Here are a few pictures I've taken in my wanderings.

Down Home Time

I was given the opportunity by my company to attend a management training conference in Dallas. It was held at the Gaylord Resort in Grapevine, a fabulous complex with a magnificent atrium.






While they kept me very busy with the conference and I was also stretched to keep up with project work back at the office, I did get to see some of my dearest friends. Daniel (my gay boyfriend!) came out to the resort for a drink and visit. And the next night, I was able to see my girlfriends at my favorite Tex-Mex restaurant, Mi Cocina.



After dinner, I went by the hospital where I used to volunteer. I had called ahead and learned the nurse I worked with, Lily, was working that night. She was completely surprised to see me! It was great. She let me hold two preemies and feed them. I stayed for a couple hours, loving on these little ones and visiting with Lily.

I went back to the hotel exhausted but with a full heart. It was great touching base with these people I love so dearly.

Art After Dark

Friday night I had a date with one of the guys I met at Speed Dating. He invited me to join him at the Guggenheim Museum for First Fridays, where you can jam to loud music spun by a DJ as you enjoy the art in the incredible building designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. The exhibition currently on display is one by Cai Guo-Qiang, a Chinese artist known for his "creative transgressions and cultural provocations."

It was interesting.

Traffic was congested, as usual, so I text-messaged that I would be 10 minutes late. No matter, the line to get in was around the building and down the block. When I found my date, he introduced me to his friend from work who was there and mentioned another friend was joining us. I was surprised, as I didn't realize our plan was for a group event.

We waited in line for 90 minutes before we were allowed in. No kidding. At least the weather was nice, but it was time filled with awkward conversation and many silences. Weird, to say the least.

Once inside, despite the ear-splitting music, both the exhibition and the people-watching was very entertaining. But I felt out of place. I'm not into music that loud -- oh, and did I mention my date was checking out every girl in sight? I felt strangely too old for this scene. Although there were others my age or older, the majority of the crowd seemed in their twenties. Besides, it was late and the end of a long and busy week for me. (By the time we got into the museum, it was 11:30 p.m. The event goes until 1 a.m.)

I'm glad I went and experienced something new. But I doubt I'll go again.

Need Your Input for a Snappy Response

Two of my doctors -- or pseudo-doctors, a chiropractor and a dentist -- have the same annoying habit. I guess they are trying to be flattering, but it leaves me without anything good to say. I thought I'd open it up to the general readership for ideas.

I saw my dentist today, and he says, "So how come no one has snatched you up yet?"
My chiropractor had a similar [stupid] question, "I can't believe you're not married. You don't even have a boyfriend? How can you not have a boyfriend?"

It's so frustrating! So please, readers of the blog, (obviously intelligent people with good taste), got any ideas for a smart ass remark to put these guys in their place and let them know how insensitive their questions are?

Dining Solo

I'm sitting at a bar at an Italian restaurant not too far from Union Square (trying a new place). The bar is crowded with groups. I'm the only solo patron.

I'm enjoying a fabulous glass of Italian wine, and the bartender, after taking my dinner order, asks me, "So how come you're lonely tonight?"

I replied, "I'm alone, but who says I'm lonely?"

"Touche." He replied, and clinked his glass to mine.

Turning Seven

This past weekend, my niece Anna -- my first niece -- turned seven years old. She especially invited me to her party, which turned out to be a whole weekend of celebrating, and told me it was very important to her that I be there. I haven't missed a single one of her birthdays yet (something I unfortunately can't claim for the other four nieces and nephews), and I've been looking forward to it.




I still remember the day her mom, my beloved older sister, called to tell me it was time. It was so exciting, more so because she arrived 2-3 weeks earlier than expected! She was absolutely gorgeous from the moment we laid eyes on her. Even one of the doctors asked if she had been born by Cesarean section (her head did not have that squished, just-born look).

She has grown into a young girl with a vivid imagination, a curious nature and a compassionate heart. She is a delightful little person to be around.

In addition to her party, I was able to watch her rehearsal for her upcoming ballet examination and celebrate in style at a local Greek restaurant. The ballet exam that is coming up is very serious business, and these small girls have had to memorize each position of hands and feet and what to do at the brief announcement from the judge. It was very impressive and entertaining to watch.

The Greek restaurant was a blast! This is a neighborhood place that my sister and her family frequent, and the owner knows Anna well. There was also a belly dancer that evening, and Anna did an impromptu dance with her! I could see the ballet influence in her movements, and her face just lit up with the excitement of the spontaneous performance. At the end of the meal, the owner told Anna that in Greece, they celebrate momentous occasions by breaking a plate and asked if she'd like to break one. Her eyes got huge as she said Yes with amazement that she would be purposefully doing something that would be considered unthinkable at home. We all yelled "Opa!" as they threw the plate down together. Much giggling ensued.

It was a terrific weekend, and I realized I had as much or more fun than I do on some of my own birthdays!

Welcome to the City

So I think it was (is) the flu that I've been suffering from. This incredible headache is really the most disturbing, along with the congestion. Oh well. It's got to be done soon...right?

Several NYers have regarded me with compassion, nodding their heads and admitting they got sick a lot in their first year in the city, too. Seems that when you cram this many people together in one space, the germs go crazy. Hopefully, I am building an incredible immune system and next year will be easy.

Everyone told me I'd be tired of winter by March, too. I haven't minded the cold at all, even enjoyed it, and it's very mild now anyway. But it's very gray, and we've had a lot of gray. I am looking forward to spring's sunshine and new buds. (meaning flowering plants, but hey, new friends would be great, too!)

Infirm Again

I am sick. So sick. Sinus pressure and pain, ears congested, cough with yuk, occasional fever and aches. I think I caught this virus while visiting my sister after the reunion. Unfortunately, it has proven to be stronger than my defenses, and although I came in to work today, I'm going home now. Just too weak. This marks day 5. I saw a doctor on Saturday who had little sympathy and told me just to wait it out. And I had to cancel two dates because of this.

4x4 Meme

I recently found this meme on a colleague's blog and decided to participate. The point of this meme is to give you a bit more insight into who I am and what makes me tick on a personal level. The meme has four questions that each require four answers:




4 Jobs I've Had:

• Worked the drive-thru window at McDonald's
• Corralled kids at a daycare (my class was the 3-year-olds)
• Sold tickets and popcorn at a movie theater (and had to clean up the theaters after the movies)
• Prior to the TSA, I worked at airport security (I only lasted 3 weeks as I was not fond of the early morning shift)

4 Places I've Been:

• Belize - although it was just a stop on a Carribean cruise, it was a beautiful place with welcoming people
• Hawaii - I've been fortunate to have been to Hawaii 5 times, mostly Honolulu, once to Maui. Simply gorgeous
• England - Not only have I been to London, but I've gotten to travel through the smaller towns where my relatives live. Love the gorgeous countryside of Shropshire
• Amsterdam - I visited the city for a weekend with my cousin Lindsey last year

4 Bands or Artists I'm Listening To:

• Norah Jones
• Dixie Chicks
• Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova (Once soundtrack)
• Alicia Keys
  

4 of my Favorite Foods:

• Mexican
• Indian
• Sushi
• Italian

I hearby tag Steph, Jenn, Daddy and Paula with this meme!

Parade Pics

St. Patrick's Day is a big celebrated holiday in NYC. While I didn't drink any green beer, a coworker and I did slip away at lunch time to take in the sights of the parade. We saw many men in skirts (kilts), several individuals dressed uniquely in shades of green, horses and marching bands.

Down Home Visit

Just back from an extended visit back to Texas. I heard on Wednesday of last week that my dear great-aunt Sudie was back in the hospital. She had back-to-back bouts of the flu and bronchitis, and it was just about more than her 93-year-old body could take. I flew down and sat with her, holding her hand. She was delighted to see me and kept repeating, "All the way from New York City!"

On Saturday, we had a family reunion in Waco. It was great to see everyone, and with my new hometown, I was one of the few who had travelled the farthest.

I delivered my New York City books to my nieces and nephews. I bought four stuffed animals (koala bears for the girls and polar bears for the boys) and took them around the city, taking their picture at many of the iconic sites. I wrote the story from the animal's point of view, and the stories were well received by not only the kids but by the adults, too!

Yesterday, as I was saying goodbye to my niece Anna, she started sobbing and held her arms tightly around my neck. At first she said she didn't want me to leave, and then she said "take me with you!" Neither of which was possible. It just broke my heart, because I hate to leave her, too.

Nametags, a Timer and Singletons

Oh! Do I have a story for you today!

Last night I went to a Speed Dating event. You've probably heard or seen something on TV about this type of activity and know the basic premise: every 7 minutes or so, they ring a bell and the guys rotate to the next table where sits another single gal looking for a connection.

It did feel a bit like giving a quick sales pitch of myself, over and over again. I answered a lot of the same questions each time. But I was guaranteed to have 8 "dates" during the event. Unfortunately, I didn't feel a real connection with any of them, but I said "yes" to two with whom I at least had interesting conversation.

With a couple of guys, the seven minutes just seemed to drag by. I can talk to pretty much anyone, but there are some people who don't have a lot of social skills and conversation is stilted at best. But the absolute worst were the three I'll call Angry, Arrogant and Slimy.

Right before Angry sat down, the girl he'd just finished talking to gave me a warning look. Not bothering to introduce himself, he launched into a rant about the advertised age range for the event. He asked me what age range I'd signed up for and said that everyone he'd talked to so far (I was the third girl) had a different answer. [So you're wasting your seven minutes with each girl ranting about this? Great impression.] I calmly explained to him that for this event, I noticed on the website that there were different age ranges for girls (28-36) and guys (31-39). That pacified him somewhat, but he was still incensed about one guy who seemed older than 39 (referring to Slimy, and I agree, he probably is older than 39). But what does it matter to him? Isn't he there to meet girls? At least that seven minutes was up quickly.

The guy I'm calling Arrogant sat down and introduced himself like a normal person. I thought he had nice eyes. But in exchanging our professions and finding a slight overlap of areas, he proceeded to tell me what I should know to do my job. I guess he thought he was impressing me, but he was rude and conceited. He didn't really take the time to listen to what I do, just started telling me what he knows and how I should look into it. I was recruited up here for my job because of my expertise, you arrogant a**hole! Then he asked if I like baseball. Um, not really. I find it a really slow, boring sport (of course I said it in a less negative way). He got a stony look on his face and pretended to get up to leave the table right then (not that I would have minded). Then he tells me how he's just exhausted, having just returned from a work-related trip in Scandinavia, obviously bragging about his world-traveler status. He said he really didn't want to come tonight because he was so tired and just couldn't wait to get home and sleep. (I'm not stopping ya....)

But the absolute worst of the evening was Slimy. I had noticed him slink into the room at the beginning, and his smarmy smiles and overly slicked-back thinning hair didn't appeal to me. But add to the visual the following rapid fire questions:
"Are you divorced?" [and barely was Yes out of my mouth before he asked...]
"What happened? Did he cheat on you? Did you cheat on him? Was it money? You know the top two reasons why people get divorced are infidelity and money." [No, that wasn't the case.]
"Do you want to have kids?" [Yes, I hope to someday.]
"Oh, you will." [Well, I hope so. If not, I'll adopt or something.]
"CAN you have kids?" [Well, I hope so, but you never know until you try, right?]
"Have you been practicing? You should practice a lot." [uncomfortable smile and silence from me]
"Hey, I want you to know something about me. I'm a World Class Cuddler. And Spooner. I love to cuddle. I just thought you should know that. I'm the best at cuddling and spooning." [Ok. Good to know.]

Unfortunately for me, the host got distracted during this particular time period, and after giving us the 1 minute warning, he talked to the bartender and let us go for another 3 minutes. Oh. My. God. I couldn't wait to get rid of that guy.

What I've Been Up To

Did anyone else suffer from the Daylight Savings Time change? I certainly did. 'Course, it didn't help that I was out late Saturday night, into Sunday morning.

Saturday was a very gray, wet day, and I spent most of my day in my apartment, working on a baby quilt for a child that was born last year (got to finish!). It was surreal sitting in my living room and looking out to see only clouds where there are usually tall buildings.

I finally got cleaned up and went to dinner in Brooklyn with my boss and his family. We had a lovely time, and after I left there, I didn't quite feel like going home. I found a pub near my apartment that I hadn't tried yet and stopped in for a beer. I soon found myself engaged in a conversation about the upcoming Presidential election with a couple of firefighters. NY firemen are in general an attractive group, but these two were both married. Anyway, we ended up playing pool, which I am pretty terrible at. Fortunately for me, they had been drinking for several hours, and I actually won a couple games. It was nice to just hang out and talk to people.

Sunday morning came MUCH too early, but at least it was no longer raining. After church and a phenomenal choir practice (we are sounding GOOD), I walked around the city for about 4 hours, finishing up my photography for the books I'm making for my nieces and nephews. Here's one pic I took...can you tell what neighborhood I was in?

Pics of NYC

Reminiscing

I finally went to the doctor yesterday. He gave me antibiotics and a steriod inhaler, and I am feeling better today than I have in a week! And, it's a beautiful sunny day.

I don't know if it's been the effect of the gloomy weather, feeling crummy and unable to get a deep breath or just sick of being lonely, but I've been rather homesick lately.

Things I miss about Texas:

• Mi Cocina, especially their salsa!
• Being close to family, close enough to drive down for a last-minute weekend getaway
• Having a multitude of friends to call on
• Having a "best friend"
  
• My motorcycle
• Bluebonnets
• Blue Bell ice cream
• Shiner Bock beer
• Wide, open spaces
• Knowing my way around
  

Things I don't miss about Texas:

• Driving, especially in traffic
• The persistent heat
• Having my vote not count because of the messed up electoral college system
• The arrogant belief of so many that Texas is the best/only place to be, even though they've never set foot outside it's boundaries
• Huge belt buckles. Really, what's the point?
  

The Five Love Languages

Have you read this book (by Gary Chapman)? It's very interesting. Years ago, I read it and shared it with my parents. It basically says that humans have five basic ways of expressing love:
1) Words of affirmation
2) Quality time
3) Gifts
4) Acts of service
5) Physical touch

Each of us has one primary way we express our love and unconsciously want to receive love in that same way. Difficulties can emerge between two people who love each other, but are expressing that love in very different ways. Say, for example, a woman just wants to spend quality time with her partner, but he expresses his love by giving gifts. She may initially enjoy the gifts (who wouldn't?) but get frustrated that he's not spending more time with her.

My primary love language is physical touch. Now, before your mind goes in the gutter, this can be as simple as hugs and holding hands. Learning this about myself resonated with me, especially considering my volunteer work with the Neonatal ICU, holding preemies. I still remember one statement from the book that said, "If your partner's love language is touch, there is nothing more important to her than holding her when she cries."

My secondary love language is gifts. Unexpected gifts are the best. I remember one time when I was ill as a child, my dad came home with a small red-and-blue-checked soccer ball. I'm not and never have been what you might call athletic, but the fact that he thought of me and brought me something showed how much he cared.

What's your love language? See which of these statements most sounds like you in this simple quiz.

Rest and Lots of Liquids

Nothing much to report on. My weekend consisted of sleep, tissues, lots of water and tea, and movies. I didn't even leave the apartment yesterday.

I'm feeling marginally better, but I was so bored with the idea of spending another day at home, I decided to pull myself together and come to work. (Bronchitis isn't contagious.)

Good movies: Coach Carter, The Interpreter
Just ok: Raisin in the Sun, Love Song for Bobby Long