Tuesday, April 22, 2008


WARNING: As parental units are prone to read this blog, this is your warning: you may not want to read this post. [it mentions SEX]

Some of my friends and family have mentioned my life, read through the blog, sounds like "Sex and the City." I have retorted it's been more like "Celibacy and the City." Besides the distinct lack of dates, I'm much more choosy than in my past, and I just don't feel comfortable picking up some guy at a bar for a one-night stand. So, it's been awhile.

Now, (another disclaimer), I'm in my mid-thirties, and obviously have been married before, so I'm no virgin. And women have needs, too! And this blog is supposed to be about what's it's like living as a thirty-something singleton...So!

I had drinks and dinner last night with a guy I met months ago that works in a building I visit often. We've spoken several times, although just briefly, and always had great conversations. We've tried to get together a couple times for drinks, but our schedules didn't mesh. He's been very candid with me that he's still recovering from a bad relationship and break-up, but I assured him I would appreciate having him as just a friend.

It all went very smoothly. The conversation was easy, and I never felt like he was judging me for what I said or didn't say. We have many similarities, and both have a good sense of humor. He told me a bit more about his last relationship. I told him about some of my past doozies. I'm not sure how we got on the subject of sex, but it was brought up in a very platonic sort of way. I made him laugh with my "Celibacy and the City" comment, and he mentioned it had been a long time for him, too. Then he mentioned how in the past he's had a couple "friends with benefits," and I agreed that sounded like a nice idea. And he raised his eyebrows and intimated he'd be open to exploring that with me. I wasn't sure if he was serious or not, so I kept asking him questions, and, I must admit, stalling a bit, trying to decide if I wanted to do that. I mean, I WANTED to, but I also really value his friendship. (I'm not exactly overwhelmed with friends here, and it's so nice to have someone to eat dinner with and chat.) So we agreed on a few rules, and giddily headed back to my place (closer than his).

It was good, great even. It will be interesting to see if this works. One of the rules is, if either of us starts to have more serious feelings for the other, we will be upfront about it and discontinue the "benefits."


paula said...

Sorry, going to have to text you, you saucy minx!!! Things some people will do just to get comments.

Anonymous said...

This is not a judgemental comment at all--just curious....are you saying that the 'benefits' are ok as long as you're just friends, but if either of you begins to have more serious feelings about the other the 'benefits' stop?

Emily said...

To anonymous: yes, that's the agreement, so that we can salvage the friendship. Of course, if we both start having more serious feelings at the same time...who knows?

Jennifer said...

You are brave, in so many ways!!

Julie said...

Hey, long time lurker here.

Good for you with this post. When I had a similiar blog I didn't have the balls to write a post like this!

Good luck with it. :)

peevish said...

Yea! Good luck, I hope it works well for both of you. Just don't put all your metaphorical eggs in one basket. Protect yourself, and have fun!

Calla said...

I think it's a good arrangement as long as the both of you are ok with it.

A girl needs it sometimes too!