Tuesday, March 04, 2008

The Five Love Languages

Have you read this book (by Gary Chapman)? It's very interesting. Years ago, I read it and shared it with my parents. It basically says that humans have five basic ways of expressing love:
1) Words of affirmation
2) Quality time
3) Gifts
4) Acts of service
5) Physical touch

Each of us has one primary way we express our love and unconsciously want to receive love in that same way. Difficulties can emerge between two people who love each other, but are expressing that love in very different ways. Say, for example, a woman just wants to spend quality time with her partner, but he expresses his love by giving gifts. She may initially enjoy the gifts (who wouldn't?) but get frustrated that he's not spending more time with her.

My primary love language is physical touch. Now, before your mind goes in the gutter, this can be as simple as hugs and holding hands. Learning this about myself resonated with me, especially considering my volunteer work with the Neonatal ICU, holding preemies. I still remember one statement from the book that said, "If your partner's love language is touch, there is nothing more important to her than holding her when she cries."

My secondary love language is gifts. Unexpected gifts are the best. I remember one time when I was ill as a child, my dad came home with a small red-and-blue-checked soccer ball. I'm not and never have been what you might call athletic, but the fact that he thought of me and brought me something showed how much he cared.

What's your love language? See which of these statements most sounds like you in this simple quiz.


L said...

That is so interesting. I never even thought of it that way. Not sure yet which one is mostly me. Will need to ponder that one...

Anonymous said...

I remember that I learned I was in need of affirmation. Good book.

EdamameMommy said...

I am so needy I need all the love languages, and I give them all too -- in spades. I must be a freak. A luuuuuuuuuuuuuuurve freak. That's why I am so happy with my mommy job, I think, it has me doing all the languages like spinning hoolahoops on all my appendages all day everyday!

paula said...

Am definitely a touch girl, I love holding hands and always need a big old hug (the staff at the local asda sometimes get a bit peed off with me though, especially when they are busy and quite often refuse) Waaaah!!