O You! was Outstanding

As my mom foreshadowed in her comment to my previous post, we attended the O You! conference last Saturday in San Francisco. It was a fantastic event.









There were several thousand women there, and we saw several mother-and-daughter duos.







The line-up of speakers was straight out of the O Magazine, and due to concurrent sessions, we had to choose four. Other than one session, my mom and I were together. I saw Martha Beck, Suze Orman, Stacy London and Marianne Williamson. As you can see in one of my pictures, Stacy came down into the crowd and walked very close to us. She was fantastic, providing realistic advice to everyone about fashion and style. She took questions from the audience, which turned into personal critiques (very respectful) of the individual and some personalized advice. Martha Beck was my favorite of the day. She was genuine, fascinating and funny. She is a professional coach but actually got into more of a spiritual/life area that resonated with me. In contrast, Marianne Williamson, who is known for the spiritual side, didn't connect with me or my mom.


Suze Orman was dynamic and hilarious. She began her talk by saying, "You may have noticed the title for this session was 'The 8 Habits of Wealthy Women.' It has now been renamed: 'What the hell is going on in this country and how does it impact all of us.'" She also gave very practical advice (I took notes) and predicted that we won't be out of this financial crisis until 2015.



The day ended with an unplanned visit by Oprah. Her BF Gayle King led the event and told us in her opening speech that she pleaded with Oprah to show up. Although Oprah looked tired (she admitted having finished several tapings of her show and other interviews), she was very inspiring.

I would definitely recommend one of these events. I have some advice for them to improve their website, but overall it was a very energizing and uplifting day. The Moscone venue was fantastic, and since there were a limited number of men in attendance, I truly appreciated that they redesignated most of the men's restrooms to women. They are planning on posting the presentations by each speaker on their website: www.oyouonline.com Currently, you can find videos from last year's conference there.

I Heart San Francisco

I have always enjoyed San Francisco.








I love being near the water, and the fresh seafood is incredible. It also has a nice vibe. My mom noted how wide and clean the streets were. We walked to dinner in the evening and found the streetlights were very bright and cheery. The only detractor is the overwhelming number of homeless and beggars. Every block had at least one.










We took a cable car from our hotel over to the bay.









The hills always amaze me, and the street pictured is Lombardi Street, the crooked-est street. While you can't see the zig-zag, it does show the elevation differences and the beautiful view.






We bought fresh crab and shrimp salad for lunch -- delicious -- and saw this seagull enjoying his own salad. I'm not sure if someone bought it especially for him or just left it there for his access. The bird was enjoying it.



We went to Pier 39 and saw the seals. Their consistent barking kept giving me the giggles.







We had fantastic food each night -- sushi, Mexican and Italian. Here we are at the Mexican place with our Macho Margaritas. They had chopped and roasted jalapenos in them! Very tasty, very spicy.

travel and learning

As one of my friends wrote me in a recent email, my previous post stirred up quite a shit storm of activity in the comments! It's nice to get comments, real evidence that people are reading and inspired enough by my post to share their point of view.

For the past couple days, I've been in San Francisco. I'm here for a conference for work, networking with people from 7 am to 11 pm, and as I flew across country to get here (quite a long flight of 6 hours), I felt a cold coming on. I'm starting to feel a bit better, just in time...

My mom is flying in to join me in San Fran for the weekend. We are attending an Oprah conference on Saturday, and while Oprah herself won't be there, we will see Suze Orman, Martha Beck, Stacey London and others. (A great opportunity for internal, personal work!)

I haven't seen my mom since our family vacation in June, so it will be great to see her and catch up. Plus, I love San Francisco. Such a beautiful, fun city.

Deep Thoughts

(Yes, the title is an old SNL reference to Jack Handey.)

We had another gorgeous fall weekend here in NYC. The weather has definitely turned, and jackets and scarves are mandatory attire. I walked my favorite path along the Hudson River and enjoyed the crisp air and bright sun glinting off the water.

Sometimes I think I think too much. When writing about travelling alone recently, Jenn wrote that she got tired of hearing her own voice in her head. Maybe that's it. I do so enjoy good conversations with others. The monologue in my head is getting old.

I've been pondering the big questions, like What's my purpose in life? Am I supposed to be here (NYC)? What's the reason for it all? Work is going fine, but sometimes when I consider what's really important (family, friends, making a difference), it all seems so pointless.

I've thought about moving back to Texas, maybe Austin instead of Dallas this time. But will I be admitting defeat? Saying that I couldn't hack it in the Big City? Am I giving up too easily? And if I move there, will it really be any different? I can't escape the monologue, wherever I go. I'll have to start over all over again, putting out the same effort to make friends and create a social life. But at least I'd have family close by.

No decisions at this time. Just questions.

The Long-Awaited Girls' Weekend

My "big" sis Jenn came to visit last weekend. Before you chastise me for not posting earlier, let me explain that this week has been very busy with client presentations (3) and travel (Philly and Boston) with planes, trains and automobiles.

Last Friday, Jenn was arriving at JFK airport, which is the farthest from Manhattan, but since she was coming in at 9:30 p.m., I decided to take the subway out to meet her and planned on taking a taxi back into the city. I was amazed and horrified that the subway took so long to get out there! I had planned on getting out there before she arrived and brought a book to keep me company. Unfortunately, I was still on the airtrain trying to get to her terminal when she called and said she was there. (I kept her waiting 20 minutes, which stressed me out a bit.)

After waiting through a LONG taxi line, we told the driver to take us straight to the restaurant, suitcase and all (not that uncommon in NYC), since we were both hungry. I had called the restaurant to make a reservation, but the lady I spoke to said not to worry about a reservation, just show up at that hour (between 10:30-11 p.m.). The restaurant was in the ever-trendy Meat Packing district, and of course, there was a line out front and some fierce looking doormen choosing who got in. After some finagling, we did get in (thank goodness). By this time, I was quite worked up (stressed!) because I wanted everything to go smoothly for Jenn. But she's so easygoing, probably the most so in our family, and she helped me relax by telling me she was just happy to be there and enjoying whatever happened. 

Since I have a king size bed, Jenn slept on the unused portion. I was surprised I woke up before she did on Saturday morning, but she revelled in the quiet -- no kids to wake her up, and because of the holiday weekend, no construction noise from Ground Zero. After some fruit and a virtual visit with the kids back home through iChat, we met my friends (and sisters) Liesel and Erin for brunch. Then I took Jenn by my office and to the Union Square farmers' market. We also stopped into a discount store, but didn't find anything worth buying there. Back home, we dropped off our grocery purchases and speed-walked over to the Hudson River and kayaking. It was a little cold, and Jenn accidentally splashed me once with her oar, but it was beautiful and fun. Then we speed-walked back home to get cleaned up for dinner and our Broadway show.

Traffic was horrendous going uptown to the Theater District, and we were late for our dinner reservation. The Italian food was terrific but we both agreed we would have liked to have lingered over it a bit more. However, the show must go on! Our theater was just a couple short blocks from the restaurant, and Wow, oh WOW is Wicked an incredible show! I've been wanting to see it for some time, but not wanting to go on my own, and it was great to share it with Jenn.

On Sunday, we went to church and then headed uptown to go to MoMA (Museum of Modern Art). We ran into a street fair, which I love, and got some cheap but tasty eats for lunch. Unfortunately, we were unable to see the Van Gogh exhibit at MoMA because it had sold out for the day. I don't go to many museums -- just not my thing -- so now I know you can (and should) buy tickets ahead of time.

However, this freed up some time for shopping. I took Jenn to Macy's, which is 7-8 stories high and a block wide. She got some great deals and we thoroughly exhausted ourselves. Dinner that night was at another fabulous Italian restaurant, and my FWB (friend-with-benefits) joined us for a glass of wine (and low-key scrutiny...he passed).

We were up late our last night, and a bit tipsy on the wine, but Jenn was up early the next morning to head to the airport. I was sad to see her go. It was so great having her here and so easy to be around her. 

You can read Jenn's recaps of the eventful weekend on her blog.

The Annual Embarrassment

One of the "joys" of being a woman is annual gynecological check-ups.

One of the "joys" of a new job is new insurance and the necessity to get a new doctor because the previous one doesn't accept the new insurance.

Then there's finding a doc that is currently accepting new patients. And I narrow the field further because I only want to see a female doc after an embarrassing incident during college. After MANY phone calls, I finally find a female doc in my neighborhood who is still accepting my insurance and also will take a new patient. Great. Sign me up.

As I'm trying to get all my information at the ready (date of last period, brand of pills, etc.), I realize I'm going to an Asian woman, and she will likely be petite and will likely make a deal of my weight. Yay.

First, there are the questions about physical health and history. I got a raised eyebrows response when I told her I've been on the pill for 16 years. (The truth is 18 years, but 16 is what came out of my mouth...not sure why, but the raised eyebrows was definitely a reason to want to bend the truth further. Why don't they treat doctors about poker faces?) She then asked my age and [hopefully] realized that's not as bad as it initially sounds.

She had me stand on the scale and asked if I'd recently gained weight. Nope, it's been pretty steady, doc. (Actually, I've recently lost 2 lbs, but since that's not really a lot when the goal is much more, I didn't mention it. Although I considered fabricating that I've lost 20 lbs. to make my current weight seem not as bad...)

Then it's the lovely paper gown, opening in the front. She takes my blood pressure and tells me it's borderline. (I'm usually low.) Am I nervous, she asks? Are you kidding me?!*? I'm basically naked in front of a strange, petite woman. Yeah, I'm not exactly my most comfortable.

She makes small talk while she does the usual poking and prodding, and because of my age, the small talk is about mammography. Yes, I'm on the north side of 35, and a baseline mammogram is recommended anytime between now and 40. [Ugh.] She says my only risk factor is that I'm over 35 and haven't had kids. I mention this hasn't been by design, that I really want to have kids. She says, "you just have to be ready to settle down." Thanks. Actually, I AM ready to "settle down" (what a horrible phrase...as if I'm partying it up every night and can't be bothered to be a steady influence for a minor), I just haven't met the right guy yet. She asks if the guy I'm seeing might be the right one. Oh, that's right, I may have alluded that Friend-with-benefits is a steady guy I'm seeing for the past 6 months. Uh, too soon to tell.

And then, because the current conversation and the fact that I'm still in this awful blue paper gown isn't bad enough, she brings up the weight issue.

[Yeah, can we finish this conversation once I have my clothes back on?]

Spotlight, please

Karaoke. The word makes some people cringe, but it always gives me a thrill. I remember when I was first introduced to its hypnotizing power in college. Several local bars would hold weekly contests, and my fellow choir members and I would go in groups to try and win. I won several times: Sometimes the prize was dinner for two, once it was $50, and once just a lame t-shirt.

I went out with my new co-workers last week to bid farewell to one who has decided to take a new direction in his life. (Get out of the agency business? Who would ever consider leaving this?) We began at a nice bar not far from the office, but it soon became the site of an Obama rally, and while most of us were supporters of the candidate, we weren't thrilled with the prospect of listening to local organizers' speeches. We wandered over to a second place, which has A KARAOKE SYSTEM! Wee!!!

I sang Sweet Dreams (Patsy Cline), La Bamba and Something to Talk About (Bonnie Raitt). The sound system wasn't great, but I just can't pass up the opportunity to perform!

I know from family stories (and personal experience) that I get this personality trait from both sets of grandparents. My paternal grandfather was quite the entertainer in his small town, and my maternal grandmother still enjoys commanding the attention of others. Her vivaciousness is especially evident in her retirement community, and she recently has gained some local notoriety with her Wii bowling. (She's not familiar with the brand "Wii," but describes it to me as "very technological.")

You can see in this video that the camera loves her. Perhaps I'm biased, but I think she really shines in this local news piece. While on occasion my Grandma has embarrassed me, I am proud of her accomplishments (in Wii bowling) and her continued zest for life. I also realize I'm probably going to be just like her in my later years!

Hit Me Again, Matchmaker

So I never heard from Match #2 again. Not totally disappointed, as I didn't feel any physical attraction. To protect his identity, I've been referring to him among my friends as "Mr. Small Hands." I didn't blog about this previously, but during our meeting, he called attention to his hands, saying he had injured one in karate. We were both looking at his hands, and I noticed they were pretty small for a guy. Unfortunately, I have large hands for a girl (my uncle Joe used to say "these are football-catching hands!" not that I can do that), and I'd prefer a guy I date to have larger hands than me. If I have the bigger hands in the relationship, it makes me feel ungainly, butchy, and not very feminine.

So he never called again. And I'm okay with that.

And I just received Match #3! I'll be calling him soon to set up a meeting. From the brief email intro we get from the service, I know he's interested in "sports, dining out and music." Stay tuned...

Non-Dating

It's been awhile without a post. There haven't been any dates to report on, and contrary to my anonymous commenter in the previous post, I sure haven't seen a line of men vying for the opportunity to spend time with me. (But if that commenter has any friends...let me know!)

About the only dating I'm doing is going out with Friend-With-Benefits (FWB), but they're not "Date" dates. We've become very good friends, talking on the phone just about every day for a few minutes at least, and I always enjoy his company. But FWB says he's still not ready to date (still dealing with personal crap after his last devastating relationship and break-up). It's the whole "it's not you, it's me" argument. I vacillate between being annoyed at this and not really caring. Part of me feels like we're basically already dating, so why not call it that. I don't think anything would really change. But the other part of me worries that things might change, that actually calling it "dating" might make both of us take it more seriously, and I'm not sure whatever-this-is would last.

So I'm trying to just enjoy the moment, as they say. We've gone out a couple times to nice restaurants, hung out at a bar for a football game, and tonight we're seeing a comedian. Funny, though...when we have these non-date-dates, we don't have sex. What's with that?!

Autumn is in the Air

It seems like overnight it has become fall, my favorite time of year. As I walk through City Hall Park in the mornings on my way to the subway, I can feel a crispness in the air. The leaves haven't started to turn yet, but already people can be seen in jackets and colorful scarves.

It was a beautiful weekend weather-wise. I volunteered with the Hudson River Park and found myself weeding and pruning along my favorite waterway. I signed up for the volunteer activity through New York Cares, the volunteer clearinghouse of opportunities, and didn't realize I was committing to a multi-week project. But I enjoyed it, so it's not an issue. Plus, the coordinator said I can miss a day if I'm travelling or otherwise occupied.

I'm very excited that my sister Jenn is coming to visit in a few weeks! I don't know which is more exciting: that she's coming to visit me for the first time in NYC or that she's coming alone, sans kids and husband. (Of course, the kids and husband aren't thrilled to be missing out on the trip.) I'm already making plans and getting tickets and reservations...it will be great to share it all with her.

The Nose Knows

I have a very strong sense of smell. Occasionally, when walking past mounds of garbage on the street in NYC or in a particularly pungent subway station, I have to hold my breath or focus on just breathing through my mouth.

The way a guy smells is very important to me. I'm not talking about sweat or "body odor," but I'm referring to someone's natural smell, underneath the cologne or sweat. It's something that either is very attractive to me or completely repulsive. Sometimes, I can smell someone just sitting across the table from me. Other people do not have such a strong scent and it may take nuzzling their neck to discover their individual aroma.

Earlier today, I rode the elevator with a UPS delivery guy. He emitted such a strange, strong odor, I found myself holding my breath and sneaking oxygen in small gulps.

According to scientists, how our body odors are perceived as pleasant and sexy to another person is a highly selective process. We usually smell best to a person whose genetically based immunity to disease differs most from our own, with the idea that together you could produce stronger, healthier children.

Maybe it's pheromones, or maybe just compatibility, but smell is definitely a deal-breaker for me.

Can't Commit

I volunteered on Saturday with a group from my church at the Habitat for Humanity work site in Brooklyn. It's Habitat's largest housing project yet, a multi-unit structure that will house 41 families. We mounted sheets of concrete around the tubs to prevent mildew.

Yesterday, several people joined the church after completing the four week New Members class. A couple of people teased me that I haven't joined yet. The Methodist church asks you to commit to giving "your prayers, your presence, your gifts and your service." I'm already doing all that, but still I feel very hesitant about making the official commitment of joining.

Am I afraid of commitment? Possibly.

Logically, it doesn't make sense. After all, there's nothing truly required to be a member, and I'm already active in the choir, tithing, and volunteer activities. I'm not sure what's holding me back. Maybe I like not being "tied down," even to a church.

9/11 Tribute

The "Tribute in Light" is shining again, marking the location where the Twin Towers once stood. It's a beautiful remembrance.

And check out this photo montage on Newsweek, picturing how steel beams from the World Trade Center towers have been used in many memorials across the country and world.

Musings & Observations

Many species of animals have been observed behaving in herd or pack mentality. It is characterized by individuals in a group acting together without planned direction. It can become dangerous or violent when a pack attacks, such as a pack of dogs attacking a newcomer to the group. Sometimes, humans act like this, too.
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The squirrels in Union Square are so tame. If you are calm and still, and if there's not too much pedestrian traffic, they will walk right up to you, within 12 inches, and look at you, silently pleading for a bite of whatever you're eating. The pigeons will come even closer, but they're not as cute.
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I've been counting (don't ask me why) how many celebrities and rodents I've seen since moving to the city. Celebrities: 5. Rodents: 19. (This doesn't include squirrels. I'm just counting rats and mice, most often seen in the subway, down on the track.)
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New York City has a lot to offer, including some really horrible smells.
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Far too many cabbies in the City don't know where they're going, but few will admit to their mistake and voluntarily cut the fare. Almost makes up for the fact that you arrive 20 minutes late.

Defining Success

The great thing about Facebook (and other similar social networks) is that old friends can find each other again. (The bad thing about Facebook is that people from your past that you never really liked request to be your friend.)

Last week, I got a friend request from a girl who was one of my good friends in 7th through 9th grade. Talk about blast from the past! The ironic thing is, I've been thinking about her lately, as there is a girl at my new office that reminds me of her.

I enjoyed catching up with her and hearing what she's doing now. I was envious of her family photos representing her husband and three kids. Upon investigation, she told me two of the kids are her husband's from a previous marriage, and her daughter is also from a previous marriage. She's got a great job in Austin as a recruiter and joked that she might call on me someday to recruit me.

She gushed over my "success" -- my job, my position with a company in NYC -- but I told her to me, she seems like the more successful one with not only a good job but a beautiful family and husband.

Sometimes I feel like I'm just biding my time until my "real" life begins.

The Meeting

My second match -- Jon -- was nice. I had Googled him ahead of time and was able to see his Facebook profile picture and find out where he worked.

He chose the bar, a small, hip place on the Lower East side. This was fine by me as I still don't know a lot of cool hangouts. I arrived 15 minutes early -- you never know how traffic is going to be, and I'd rather be early than late -- and noticed he was standing outside by the door, talking on his cell phone. He barely glanced at me as I walked in, so he obviously didn't think I was the one he was waiting for. I went in to the bar and watched him. He made several phone calls and watched for people coming in, checking his watch periodically. At exactly 7:30, when we were supposed to meet, I text messaged him, "Are you standing outside? I'm at the bar." I just couldn't take the suspense any longer, and I figured if he saw me and wanted to leave, so be it. He came in and sat down, though.

As I noticed in our brief phone conversation, he's pretty quiet. I learned he's an only child, raised on Long Island, NY, and works in sales/marketing. He's attractive: 6 feet, dark hair, brown eyes. He keeps in shape by swimming, volleyball and karate. But honestly, I felt like I did most of the talking. Blah, blah, blah! Why is it when you're nervous, you either become an unstoppable chatterbox (me) or as quiet as a turtle (him)?

Overall, it went fine. After about an hour, I was getting hungry and asked if he wanted to grab some food somewhere. He admitted he'd eaten before, and I said I'd just pick something up on my way home. Then he said, "So, should we go?" It was kind of an awkward ending. I wasn't trying to end it, just getting hungry. Oh well.

Since he wasn't overly expressive, I wasn't sure what he thought of the meeting, so I asked, "Well, should we do this again sometime?" He said yes and we said goodbye.

I'm not going to call him. I'm leaving the ball in his court, so to speak. We'll see if he calls.

Tonight...the Second Match

Some of my friends and family have asked me "any news from the Matchmaker?" After the last disaster, when I provided copious feedback and expressed my incredible disappointment, I knew it might be awhile before they matched me with another. Not because I came off as difficult, but because they didn't want to make that big of a mistake again. Plus, they told me many of their customers go "on hold" during the summer months when they are travelling. I assured them I'd rather wait for a good one then be matched with someone just for the sake of a match.

So it's with some amount of trepidation that I go to meet match #2 tonight. Our one brief phone conversation was a bit awkward (did I wake him (in the middle of the afternoon)? catch him unawares? did he forget he signed up with this service?) He picked the bar we are meeting at tonight, so I don't even know what to expect. We'll see...

My Youniverse

My mom passed this personality assessment on to me. It's cool: you choose from a group of photos to complete each statement, such as "The best thing about friends is..."


My assessment rings true:


Dreamer
You're romantic in your outlook with a bit of a taste for the exotic. You love feeling the sea breeze in your hair, sun on your skin...You always take the first dip. When it comes to art, you appreciate flair and precision. Highbrow and in the know, you've got an eye for fine detail....


Thriller
You're insatiable! Your thirst for affection never drops. There's always so much flirting to be done! When it comes to holidays (vacation), you like to be immersed in a completely different world.


Back to Basics
You love the luxury of taking time for yourself. There's nothing quite as enjoyable as relaxing, unwinding and living a pampered life. And why not? You deserve it. As for the home, you have very cool and contemporary taste. You like your surroundings to be simple and functional.


Thoughtful
For you, friendship is all about being there for one another. You can't imagine life without your best friends.

Try it out for yourself: Http://DNA.imagini.net/friends

Baby in my future?

So, while I was in New Orleans for that brief visit, I did visit a palm reader/Tarot card gal. (Had to see if the NY and NO psychics were in synch!?)

She laid down the tarot cards and said "Oh my" in a dismayed voice.
"What?" I giggled to hear my doomsday fate.
"I hope you want kids," she said.
"I do!!"

Apparently, there were a multitude of cards predicting my fertility. I asked if there was a man in the picture, and the answer was no! LOL!

Brief Trip to New Orleans

Here's Peter, Lindsay and Emma in New Orleans. We wandered down to this bench on the banks of the Mississippi after we arrived on Thursday. I was sitting beside Peter when suddenly something sharp poked my left forearm. 

"Ouch! What the hell was that?"

We figured it must have been a bee, as I pulled the stinger out of my arm. It stung for several hours, and then proceeded to turn red and swell over the next day or so.

We were down in the French Quarter, in downtown New Orleans. There are all these beautiful balconies.

The night before we left, we took a paddleboat dinner cruise on the Natchez. It was great. The food was terrific and the tour was very informative and interesting.

After the dinner cruise, we went back to the hotel to change and go out on the town, but we received letters under our doors stating the hotel had to close by 8 a.m. the next morning due to the mandatory evacuation. They suggested we all get to the airport while taxis and traffic were still moving. We packed up and spent our last night in the airport. It was impossible to sleep, with the constant announcements and other noise. We were all exhausted but happy to see the ticket agents come in at 4 a.m. The airport was FREEZING cold, and Lindsay offered her hoodie to Peter.

Lindsay and I walked over to a Denny's around 2 or 3 a.m. We learned from a Homeland Security guy there that most of the airport and airline employees had been released from duty, and Homeland Security and TSA workers were flown in from all around the country to run the airport. As a parting gift, he told us, "There's only about 1/3 of the crew to run the airport, and we're expecting 20,000 people, so you better get there early." 

Early? We're already there! I don't know how we could have gotten there any earlier.

We all got out Saturday morning. Home, exhausted, but home.