Evacuation Plan

Just a quick post to let those of you who know I'm in New Orleans this weekend know that I'm okay and I already have booked an earlier flight to get out of here.

I came down with some friends from NYC for the Labor Day weekend. We were originally scheduled to go back on Monday, but the city is rapidly and efficiently preparing for evacuation. My new flight is early tomorrow morning. (Hurricane Gustav is planned to hit here on Monday night or Tuesday, but I remember Steph's experience trying to evacuate Houston from Hurricane Rita -- many, many hours stuck in traffic that wasn't moving -- and I want to get out asap.

Anyway, I'll post again once I get home. It's too hot and humid here anyway for this Yankee. :-)

Motherly Meddling

I had drinks with some girlfriends from my previous job on Monday. It was so great to catch up with them and just laugh about silly stuff. One of them mentioned that her mom recently gave her an article about the top 10 online dating services, and another commented that her mom is always trying to set her up with anyone from "a waiter to a skater" (said as we were close by the skaters practicing at Union Square). They definitely both feel some pressure by their mothers to find someone and "settle down." (I don't get this pressure from my mother...perhaps because I've already been married...twice?)

Then last night, I went to a casual get-together at my apartment building. I'd been invited by a paper that was slipped under my door. Only 6 of us showed up, but everyone was very nice and interesting. One older couple were both very accomplished and great conversationalists. When a single young guy came and joined us, the woman said, "We've got a single 31-year-old daughter!" We all laughed as he politely agreed to meet her at some point in the undetermined future.

Do you think it's just because these moms want their daughters to be happy, and they are defining happy as in a relationship? Or is our society still defining personal success as someone who is married? There are such mixed messages for young women. Are we complete on our own or do we need someone to complete us?

Finally, Just Me

I've been reading through my old posts. Wow, there was a time there when I was dating a lot! I need to recreate that again...

I also posted a couple years ago about trying to wean off the antidepressants. Well, this year, I did it successfully.

When I turned 36 in late May, I realized I've been on antidepressants for 12 years, a third of my life! I decided that I had the will and the coping mechanisms now to try life's challenges on my own. Knowing from last time the withdrawal effects I would experience, I talked to my doctor about weaning off my dose is small increments. She didn't think I would have that much dizziness and should be able to complete the process in a couple weeks, but I disagreed and told her what it was like for me before. I did it "my way," and six weeks after I started, the weaning process was concluded.

It's been about eight weeks since then, and I'm doing well. The biggest change I've noticed (which isn't THAT big at all) is that I feel all of my emotions more acutely. The antidepressants seem to put a damper on everything, and now I feel anger, sadness, elation...all very clearly.

I've been a little sad lately, as may be obvious in my previous post. I'm lonely and miss my friends. I cry, but it's not the uncontrollable, unceasing crying of depression. And I still enjoy the small things, like the squirrels in the park or watching a toddler take wobbly steps. I'm doing okay.

Giving a long-distance friend this update a few days ago, he asked if I regretted getting on the antidepressants. Not at all. I think they helped me get through a rough time and supported me while I grew personally and learned new ways of dealing with the crap life throws at you. But I am proud of myself for taking off those "training wheels"....

One is the Loneliest Number

I just finished watching Sex and the City for the second time. Since I bought the series a month ago, I've been enjoying watching the episodes all over again, laughing out loud at the witty lines, identifying with the characters and the dating successes and catastrophes that are so true to life, and crying at the touching moments.

I go to restaurants by myself...often. This is still surprising to some people, as I learned when I mentioned it to a friend last week and learned again as I entered a sushi restaurant on Friday night.

"Hi, just one. Can I sit at the sushi bar?"

"There's just one of you?" the hostess asked to confirm.

"Yep. Just the one of me."

Usually at a sushi bar, it's not as obvious to be alone as it can be at other restaurants. You have something to look at (the sushi chefs) besides the other patrons, and there's no glaringly empty chair across from you from which the place setting is removed as soon as your single ass sits down.

I've remarked before that I'd rather be lonely by myself than lonely in a relationship. I've been both, and at least lonely by yourself seems logical and there's a hope that the situation will change. In one of the goodbye tributes on Sex and the City, one of the producers mentions how it's possible in New York to be surrounded by millions of people and feel completely alone. I know that feeling all too well, too.

And when I watch the four friends of the fictional show get together over brunch and share their lives, it makes me miss my three friends back in Dallas -- Wendy, Lauren, and Sherry. Although none of us are as racy as the Sex and the City characters -- nor do we have such graphic discussions -- we are all unique in our own ways and yet share a closeness and history of being there for each other. I miss them terribly.

I still love living in the City. I enjoyed a beautiful day, taking a long bike ride along the Hudson River and finishing with a kayak excursion in the River. The sun was reflecting off the water like glittering diamonds, the waves were comforting and soothing, and the smell of the salt water was delightful. But I wish I had someone to share it with.

Drinking

So have you read about the debate surrounding lowering the drinking age to 18? Some colleges and universities are supporting the effort, saying it might encourage students to drink less, especially binge drinking. Opponents say it would increase drunk driving and alcohol-related injuries.

How about the fact that we allow 18-year-olds to vote and to serve our country in the military. If they are considered old enough to help decide our country's leaders or put their lives on the line, shouldn't they have the ability to decide for themselves about alcohol consumption?

Fortunately for me, I was raised in a much-more-tolerant-than-average household regarding alcohol. Similar to European cultures, we were allowed to have a small glass of wine with special dinners. Having it there and available took the allure away. While friends of mine in high school would drink to get drunk, I never saw the appeal.

I realize binge drinking is a problem, but I don't think it's just a problem for kids in their teens or early 20's. I still see it in people in their 30's and beyond. Perhaps our community leaders and health organizations should focus more on responsible drinking. What do you think?

The Future Foretold (?)

When I was out on the town with my friend Lindsay last Saturday, we had a fabulous dinner at Sushi Samba in the West Village and then wandered around trying to waste time until we met up with our friends later.

The West Village is a happening place in the evenings. Lots of bars, tattoo parlors, sex toy shops and psychics. We stopped at a psychic and I had my palms read just for fun.

It was interesting. She correctly identified that I was starting a new adventure (my new job), and that I had recently made a big move. She said an ex was trying to get in touch with me (true) and that I should stay away from that (already am). She said I will have a long life and two kids, a boy and a girl (hope so). And then she said I'll probably get married around 35.

I cracked up laughing, as I'm currently 36. Which I told her. And she said, "Oh! You look so young! I thought you were 28 or 29! Well, it [marriage] will come soon."

Yeah, right. Nice cover.

So It's That Easy?

I just read an article stating that the secret to meeting someone is having a positive attitude and believing it will happen. (They also give "more practical" tips, all of which I have tried.)

I vacillate between such positivity and utter cynicism. Fortunately, I have friends who can be positive for me when I can seem to muster it myself.

I have a dear friend back in Dallas who is absolutely certain that I will meet Mr. Right in NYC and that my destiny is the real reason I moved here. I love her optimism, even if sometimes I think it's a bit silly. But it's touching that she believes in this dream of mine even more than I do at times.

Being the New Kid

Growing up, we moved around a lot. While I was born here in NYC (Queens baby!), my parents moved us to Dallas before I was 2 years old. A few years later we moved again, and every 2-4 years after that: Cincinnati, OH; St. Louis, MO; Dallas, TX (again); Midland, TX; Houston, TX; El Paso, TX. Then I went off to college (College Station, TX) and back to Dallas after graduation.

While I suppose there are things I missed by moving around, there was a lot I gained as well. But it's never easy being the new kid.

Today I started a new job. Although today was just orientation -- paperwork and company policies -- I did meet a couple new colleagues. The nice thing about my last two new experiences is that my reputation proceeds me. My new colleagues are genuinely happy to meet me and already know a little about me.

As anyone knows that knows me, I can talk to pretty much anyone. So that's not a problem. But remembering all the new names and who does what is the challenge!

(Tomorrow should be my real first day. I'm anxious and a little nervous and excited. And just like the first day at a new school, I've already picked out my outfit.)

Quilt Making

So I finally finished this quilt for precious little Nora, who will turn 1 in a couple weeks.

Last year was a busy one for quilts. I think I made five or six. This last one took the longest. I not only chose my most challenging pattern yet, but I also got distracted with the move and new life in NYC.

I think a lot about the parents and the baby as I make a quilt. This one is going to friends in Dallas, Ian & Lori. Ian was pretty insistent that the quilt I had already made for their son a couple years ago was more than enough gift, but I decided to ignore him. Their surprise little daughter needed a quilt of her own.

Happy Anniversary to me and NYC

It was a year ago this week that I moved to The City. I have changed so much and learned so much in the past year.

When I first arrived, I was blown away by how different everyday life is here compared to that of Dallas and every other place I've lived. Suddenly, I didn't have a car, or motorcycle -- I still really miss the bike -- and yet I didn't miss driving. Okay, except when trying to haul a lot of purchased goods, such as wine, home to downtown.

No more supermarkets, either. Now I shop in little grocery stores that may or may not have all the items I'm looking for. And I buy my toiletries from a drug store. Before moving here, I would avoid buying items from a drugstore because of the ridiculously expensive prices. There even more outrageously priced here, but other than making a big excursion to Target in Brooklyn, the drugstore is the only place in Manhattan to get those items. And again, your choice is limited. (I remember going shopping with my sister Jenn in Austin and she was looking for a particular kind of personal item. She was frustrated that she couldn't find it, while I was amazed that she had a huge long aisle with multiple brands to choose from!)

My NY friends are proud of me that I'm becoming more of a NYer. I find myself frustrated with the tourists who get in my way when I'm walking quickly to work or late for church, but I'm still nice, too, and I've given many people directions, even going up and asking obviously confused tourists if they need help. My language has become more peppered with profanity, and I've learned how to bargain with street vendors and talk back to taxi drivers trying to take me out of my way for an extra buck.

I'm absolutely LOVING having four real seasons again! In Texas, spring and fall generally only last a week or two, and summer takes up 75% of the year, with numerous days over 100*F. Here, I get to enjoy the beauty of each season, and as fall is around the corner, I'm looking forward to cooler temperatures and wearing jackets again, not to mention the glorious colors as the trees turn.

I love learning about other cultures and different perspectives on life. It's been interesting to me to see the differences in my Texas friends and family and my NY friends. Take for instance my apartment. Here in NY, it is agreed that I landed a great place. My NY friends come over and say "WOW, it's so big!" My Texas friends and family make diminutive comments -- nothing deragatory,but they will say how it's small or cute or "not that big." I just smile, but when I related this to one of my NY friends, she was offended for me. I had to explain how much space I used to have in Dallas to try to give her an idea of the scale difference. Just different perspectives. It is much smaller, but I've simplified my possessions to just what I need.

When I moved here, saying goodbye to all my friends and family in Texas, I told myself I would try it for a year. I reasoned that I could do anything for a year, and I could always move back. But so much has happened in the past year...and I'm not ready to leave. I've met some wonderful new friends -- Lindsay, Rob, Erin, Liesel, Kelly -- and I've become even more independent and confident in myself. I still miss my family and friends back home, but in some ways, I cherish them more now.

And now, as I begin yet another adventure with a new job beginning on Monday, I'm hopeful and optimistic about whatever the next year brings.

Hair Day

I'm getting used to not working. I've finally started to relax and really enjoy having my time as my own.

Yesterday, enjoying a lazy morning, checking email and catching up online, I went to the gym and burned 350 calories on the elliptical. Then I headed to midtown near Times Square to see a new hairdresser (Sam) that is recommended by my friend Lindsay. I told him how frustrated I was with my last color and cut. I knew I wanted to go darker this time, more of a brunette color, and I thought I would need to go shorter to fix the botched cut from last time. Sam said he could keep the length and we agreed on a nice brunette color with lighter highlights. The only thing about color and highlights is that it takes forever. I was there for about 3 hours. And my scalp was quite sensitive at the end of all the pulling, tugging, multiple washes, etc.

Sam cut my hair in a shag sort of cut to keep the length and use the absolutely ridiculously short layers that had been created by the hairdresser I'm not going to see again. But I don't really like a shag on me. Sam could tell from my face I wasn't thrilled (and I'm still getting used to the color). I told him I still didn't like having four or five inches of layers at the bottom, and he said he could cut it more. So we did it! We cut all the length off.

Here's a pic taken by my Mac (not great, but it does the job). What do you think?

Journey for the Bike

I didn't think I could still get lost in this city. Apparently I was wrong.

Yesterday was all about my bike. I needed to take it to a shop to get it adjusted for my frame (it wasn't comfortable, so I wasn't riding it like I should) and it also needed an annual tune-up. The bike shop closest to me has really rude personnel, so I found another one online that is on the East side. I studied the map and figured out the most direct route to get there.

My building stores bikes and such items for the residents, so I called down to have them pull my bike out. Unfortunately, but not surprising, the tires were flat. So I walked the bike over to the East side.

I walked through Chinatown, always interesting and always crowded. I found one of the streets I was looking for but couldn't find the street the shop was on. I finally asked a delivery guy, thinking he would know the area. He told me how to get there but told me to turn right on Allen street. Unfortunately, where I intersected with that street, it was renamed Pike. How was I to know? I kept walking, eventually asking a crossing guard. I finally found the shop about 2 hours after I started this odyssey. I was wearing good shoes, but my feet and knees were getting tired by this time.

Unfortunately, the guy at the bike shop said they needed a couple hours and could I come back later? Inwardly I groaned and decided then to take a taxi back to the shop.

I walked back to Soho and took the subway back home, grabbing a Subway sandwich on the way. Just as I sat down and took my shoes off in my apt, the bike shop called saying my bike was ready. I was able to direct the taxi back to the shop. The one thing about wandering around like that is that you do learn the area.

Riding the bike again was refreshing and exhilarating. I love feeling the breeze as I pedal faster and faster. It's a good bike, and now that it's appropriately adjusted for me, I can really enjoy it.

Jenn, I'm already planning on next year's Triathlon! This is the earliest I've ever started preparing -- 10 months ahead of time -- but I'm excited. I really missed not completing that event this year, and I find it's a great motivator to keep active.

Keepin' Busy

For my first day off (yesterday), I vacuumed, swept and mopped my floors (including under the bed and couches), cleaned the toilet and mirrors in the bathroom, and cleaned and organized two of my three closets. I also went to the gym and played Dance Dance Revolution. I still had plenty of time to catch up with email, watch some Olympic coverage and read.

New Opportunity

I've been avoiding writing about this until it's a done-deal...I'm moving on to another company, still in NYC, doing mostly the same thing.

It's been a trying time. Work has been insanely busy, and at the same time I was being courted by my new company. It was a difficult decision.

My previous employer decided to let me go earlier than my two-week notice, so I have a whole week to myself. (I start the new job a week from today.) I have plenty to do around the apartment, cleaning closets and catching up on filing, but it's nice to have a relaxed schedule and do whatever I want to. I do think that after a week I'll be ready to get back to work, though. It's really about balance. A little bit of stress (what some experts call eustress, or good stress) can be a good thing, but too much stress (distress) is overwhelming. I've gone from overwhelmed to nothing. So I'll enjoy the break and recuperation period, but I'm still searching for that elusive balance.

Mr. Right vs Mr. Right Now

I've realized I'm getting tired of being alone. In the past, this has been a dangerous place for me to be, causing me to "settle" for less-than-great relationships. But at least now, I can recognize it for what it is (and not jump into a relationship that is less than what I deserve).

After a relationship, I really treasure being alone. I like not sharing the bed, not being woken by someone else's snoring or rolling over. I like not being snuggled to the point of smothering when it's hot summer time. I also like that my place stays more tidy. Things stay where I put them. And no one eats the best leftovers until I get to them.

But, eventually, I get to this point, where I really miss having someone to talk to, to share things with, and yes, even to cuddle. (It's been 18 months since I broke up with and moved out from my last boyfriend.)

I'm seeing a couple guys right now, but I don't think either one has the potential for more than casual dating. But at least they fill the void a little bit. What I'm wondering is, does keeping Mr. Right Now(s) around prevent Mr. Right from coming into my life?

[No word from the matchmaker service on my next date, however they did warn me that it may take awhile. I completely understood, agreeing that I'd rather they wait for a really good match for me than set me up with halfwits to give me a date.]

Strange things in NYC

I saw this car, with the vanity license plate "CA Porn" and just had to take a pic!

The other day, I was walking through Union Square, and a disheveled middle-aged man stopped me to ask a question. I'm always a bit guarded in these situations, but often people are just asking for directions or something harmless. This guy was going on about how he'd locked himself out of his apartment. He seemed very anxious and upset. I don't usually give people such as this money...just say I don't have any cash on me. He was just getting going on his story, when an attractive young woman came up to us and spoke to me, saying, "Don't listen to him. He got money off of me yesterday. He's just running a scam." And then she spoke to him and said, "Where's my money, huh?" This guy's face went from his anxious, upset look to flat and angry. It was an amazing transformation. This girl stayed with me a bit while he walked off in a huff. It was such a strange occurrence! Both the incredible acting of this guy and the politeness and initiative of this stranger to keep me from making the same mistake she did.

My Weekend with Bev

Last weekend, my 18-year-old cousin Beverly came to visit. We had SO MUCH FUN! I realized I'm no longer 18. I felt every bit of my age, absolutely exhausted afterwards, but we really had a great time.

We did almost everything. We shopped in the fashion district, had manicures & pedicures, went to see Hairspray on Broadway, took a water taxi tour around the bridges and to the Statue of Liberty, played lots of Dance Dance Revolution, got fake tattoos that washed off too easily, and had lots of great meals all around the city.