Final thoughts on Amsterdam

Before I left for Amsterdam, I did a little online research. One of the things I learned about was olliebollen -- a fried bread with raisins that is a holiday specialty. I tried it twice, and it was very tasty!

My last full day in Amsterdam, GED and I went to the Rijksmuseum. That night for dinner, he cooked for me again, and again, I was so impressed with his cooking! One of the two dishes he made was so different than anything I'd ever eaten -- a tomato based sauce with hard-boiled eggs resting in it. I admit, I was a little hesitant and didn't think I'd like it, but I loved it!


GED told me he doesn't like pictures, and I got this shot of him treating me like intruding paparazzi. It makes me laugh.


But now that I've shared the best of all my photos, I guess I should address what I haven't: how I feel about it all. And part of the reason I've avoided doing so is because I'm not sure. There are definitely feelings on both sides, and we had an honest conversation about the very real challenges. The fact is, if we were to explore these feelings and potential relationship, we would need to live in the same city, in the same country. Because of his young children from a previous marriage, it would need to be me that moves. And it's a very difficult decision. Besides the obvious -- leaving my country, my culture, learning the Dutch language, being farther away from family and friends, leaving my job and the reputation I've built here -- there's also the fear of will this last? Am I ready to leave my singledom for a committed relationship? Is he? It's a lot to process. So, GED and I continue to talk, and while I'm not ready to close that door, I'm not ready to make a decision yet either. As he said when he saw I had tears in my eyes at the airport, "this is not goodbye."

Rotterdam

The day after Antwerp, GED took me to Rotterdam, "his" city. He explained that it looks more like an American city -- modern architecture -- because it was bombed heavily in WWII, leaving only 3-4 buildings that have the more traditional architecture.

I loved the bridge on the entrance to the city. GED said the locals call it "the swan."

One of the most interesting housing units were these cube-shaped dwellings. GED said he had been inside one before visiting a friend and that the oddly angled walls were unusual but cool.

Antwerp

When I planned my trip to Holland, GED asked me what I wanted to see. I've been to Amsterdam before and saw many of the top attractions, including the Anne Frank museum, the Van Gogh museum and the Heineken museum. I told him I really wanted to see what life is like in Holland and maybe visit Belgium, which is just a couple hours drive away.

So on Saturday, GED drove me to Antwerp, Belgium. He lived there a few years ago and was able to navigate the city easily. We walked around and I enjoyed the quaint architecture, the remaining Christmas decorations, and the reminders of home in a Tex Mex restaurant, a store named New Yorker, and Ben & Jerry's.

New Year's Eve in Amsterdam

Back at work, everyone asked with raised eyebrows if I had fun in Amsterdam, thinking I engaged in scandalous or illegal activities. I did have fun, but I didn't go to Amsterdam because of the Red Light District or the prevalence of marijuana.

I arrived on New Year's Eve in the late afternoon, and Green-Eyed Dutchman (GED) met me and took me to the apartment that he's currently renting from a friend. It's a great place right on one of the canals, and I really enjoyed the view, watching the canal freeze over just about every day and the ducks and seagulls swimming in the cold water until they got to the edge of the ice and started walking. After a long night/day of travelling, I took a shower and put on fresh clothes and enjoyed my first home-cooked meal by GED. He's of Indonesian descent, and that night he made me an Indonesian chicken dish with vegetables over noodles. I was very impressed. It was delicious!

The trams stopped running around 7 or 8 that night, so we just walked into town to enjoy the festivities. It was about a 20 minute walk to the main center of town. We walked passed Dam Square, which I recognized from my previous trip and from our trek to his apartment earlier from Centraal Station, and GED looked around and asked aloud (to himself) which direction was Centraal Station? I immediately pointed which way it was, and he looked surprised. I have a very good sense of direction and my confidence convinced him to trust me. Although GED is Dutch, he's not from Amsterdam, and since moving there three months ago has spent most of that time on business trips out of the country. He hasn't had much time to get acquainted with the city, but I still teased him that an American was giving him directions.

The Dutch celebrate New Year's with lots of fireworks. Everyone seemed to be setting them off all around us. I squealed and jumped several times on our walk. Passing through the Red Light District, we made it to Nieuwmarkt Square and got a couple beers. We stood outside along with people from many other countries and watched as the fireworks increased up to midnight. Here, see for yourself:





And the rest will be in another post...

Amsterdam

Just a quick post to let you all know I'm back and share a few images of beautiful Amsterdam in winter. More to come. I'm just exhausted now.

Perfect '10?

The '00's had their ups and downs, but now we're at the dawn of a new decade and I'm looking forward to what 2010 will bring.

When I look back over the last year, I realize I dated a lot but I also had a lot of break-ups. But none of them hit me as hard as the back-to-back deaths of two dear friends in November. After the initial grief, I find I'm in a very happy space, taking life as it comes and focusing on the little things that bring me joy. Yes, I wish I had someone special to share my life with, but instead of focusing on the lack of someone, I have been finding so much to love in all I do have. I live in a fantastic city, I have a good job, I've got a great new friend in NM, and I have a wonderful loving family. Oh, and I'm 3 sizes smaller than I was at this time last year! (Yipee!)

For New Year's, I'm heading to Amsterdam. GED lives there now and invited me to spend a few days. We've been speaking for the past couple months, and he gave me one of the most heartfelt apologies I've ever heard. We've been friends -- and sometimes more -- for 11 years now, and that's not something I can easily or want to throw away. And I hate being alone at New Year's. So, although I'm excited to be going, I'm also not putting any expectations on what this means or what happens next.

Happy New Year to you all! May 2010 bring many more exciting experiences to blog about!

Christmas Memories

Christmas was wonderful, although my visit went much too quickly! I had 2.5 days in Austin with Jenn, Anthony, Anna & Colin (and saw my uncle Tom, as seen in this pic) and then 2.5 days in Houston with my parents, Steph, Al, Paige, Graham and Evelyn.


Here's Jenn reading the Christmas story, with dog Francesca listening in. I took Francesca on a run -- or perhaps I should say she took me -- between the wind at my back and her energy, I ran much faster than I usually do on the treadmill!

Colin is still very snuggly, and one of my favorite moments was watching a movie with him on my lap. He's almost too big to do this, but I really love getting those snuggles! Anna is growing up FAST, and she got a lot of pleasure out of picking out gifts for me, including bright pink lipstick and a beautiful beaded necklace and earrings.

After church, the kids came over to Nana & Grandad's and we did crafts. I showed them how to make funny glasses out of pipe cleaners, although Evie didn't want to wear any. She's happy that the Christmas Chihuahua came out to sing "Feliz Navidad." After Evie went down for a nap, Nana and I went shopping with the twins. Paige was my buddy, staying close by and hugging on me or holding my hand almost constantly. :-)


Graham -- or Grahammie the Hammie -- tries on the blinking nose for the Rudolph model in the front yard.

Graham made me smile when he gave me a goodnight kiss and then ran to his mom blushing and saying, "I can't believe I gave Auntie Emily a kiss!"

And here Evelyn pretends to nap, watching her Grandad, who really was nodding off. As soon as he closed his eyes and started to relax, Evelyn would say, "Grandad!" and wake him up. :-) She also delighted me and Nana when we came to see her after her nap and she ran to us giving us tight hugs and saying, "I missed you!" So sweet.


Again, I come home with a full heart. I feel so fortunate to have so many wonderful people in my family, especially all the little dear ones.

Merry Christmas!

I am so thankful this Christmas for so many blessings -- for family, for friends, for a decent job, for a warm place to live, for a church family, and for readers and commenters to my blog. :-)

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

It snowed! When I heard it was coming, I was so excited. Of course, most NYers groan and don't look forward to 8-12 inches of snow, but it's still has novelty for this Texan-NYer.

My friend NM asked me if I wanted to meet for dinner last night, even though the snow had already started. Of course, I said yes. If you have the right "equipment," including snow boots, gloves, scarf and puffy coat, and the subways are still running (which they were), it's not so bad. We met on the Upper East Side at a great Chinese restaurant and watched as the storm increased outside. At some points, the wind was blowing the snow sideways, and at times it would go one direction and then change to the opposite. You could see sheets of snow coming down.

After dinner, we walked arm in arm to the subway stop. We agreed that it's beautiful at first, when it's still all white, not sludgy gray from the cars or yellow from the dogs' urine (hopefully it's dogs'). NM commented how she loves to set the first footprints in new snow (me too), and I love the squeaky feel of it under my boots. The only part showing is my face, and I bury my chin and mouth in my scarf, so it's not too bad.

Then I got back downtown, and there are fewer buildings here to block the wind. Wow, it was a powerful wind! Only the last block or so was really difficult. But before I hit the wall of snowy wind, I was giggling and taking pictures in City Hall Park. Most came out so snowy, you can't tell what I was aiming at, such as a lamppost or a beautiful evergreen. And I took a self-portrait so you can see just how much of me is bundled up.

This morning, I headed off to church. The crews have already cleared many sidewalks and streets, and there are piles of snow along the curbs. But it's still beautiful to me. I wish I had someone to have a snowball fight with!

Holiday Fun with Friends in Dallas

I can't believe it's been ten days since I blogged last. It's just been one thing after another. What a busy month! I've gone to four parties and already taken a couple trips to Texas. Then there's the incredible amount of work to get through, too. And I've "adopted" four kids for Christmas and volunteered at a local shelter, serving dinner. But those are the things I really enjoy doing this season.

So, last weekend, I went to Dallas. Although I lived there for thirteen years before moving here to NYC, I don't get back there very often, as my family lives in Houston and Austin. But my long-time girlfriends -- Wendy, Lauren and Sherry -- and I have a tradition of getting together for Christmas lunch. I usually try to see as many friends as I can while I'm in Dallas, but I don't announce my trip because I can never see everyone. I generally plan visits for meals and coffee breaks, going from visit to visit. It's busy but fun!

My flight arrived on time midday Saturday, but the shuttle bus to the rental cars took forever. When I walked into the rental car center, I saw the line for the company I had made a reservation with was the longest -- at least 20 people deep! Aarrgh! But I realized I hadn't given a credit card with the reservation, so I hopped over to another rental car company that didn't have a line. They got me in a car quickly, but I was still running behind schedule to meet the girls for lunch. So, I was speeding. And I got pulled over. I hadn't even been in the car 10 minutes! I pretended not to realize I was speeding and handed over my NY drivers license to the cute officer. I apologized and admitted that I don't drive very often. (Of course, I purposefully didn't tell him I used to live in Dallas.) And he sweetly let me off with a warning!

Lunch with the girls was great but too short. (Unfortunately, I forgot to get a picture of us until Lauren had already left.) After that, I met another friend for coffee. Leaving there, I found my face was hurting from smiling so much. (Not a bad hurt!) And there was more to come. I was staying at one of my girlfriends' houses and went with Lauren and her husband to my previous company's holiday party. Only a couple people knew I was going to be there, and it was great to surprise and see many old friends.

(I know my eyes look a little crazy in this picture, but I was laughing and having a good time!)


Before leaving for the airport on Sunday, I got to spend some quality time with Lauren's three kids, who are 6, 2 and 5 months. So sweet! It was a nice, quiet morning in a very loving family home. And the girls posed for pictures for me.

Empty Calories

This time of year is overladen with diet temptations. Although I am much more a fan of savory foods than sweets, I do have a weakness for chocolate... and creme brulee, and pecan pie, and maybe a few others...but I'm honestly terrified of putting the pounds back on. I've already gained a few, and I'm anxious to get them off. Why is it SO much easier to gain than to lose???

Of course, it all comes down to calories in and calories out. I'm gearing up (mentally and in my workouts) for next year's triathlon, so that helps keep me motivated. But don't you hate it when you decide to splurge and eat that dessert because it just looks so unbelievably scrumptious, and when you put it in your mouth, you realize the taste doesn't compare with the beauty? It's such a disappointment. Empty calories without the enjoyment.

Sometimes dating is like that, too. They look great on the outside, but they turn out to be bland as cardboard on the inside. Or freaky. Or just emotionally retarded.

Take last weekend, for example. Technically, not a date, but it still proves the point. I went out for the evening with my girl friend Never Married, and we had a great dinner of tapas and sangria at the bar at Sala. (Absolutely our favorite thing is the datilles, roasted dates with almonds wrapped in bacon...YUM! And who needs desserts when you're eating bacon? But I digress.)

As we were finishing up, the bartender kept making our pitcher of sangria magically extend with additional happy juice to keep us around. We began talking to a couple guys seated near us. One is a physician from Florida, who was visiting his friend for his birthday. Both seemed normal, and fairly interesting. They asked where we were going next, so we told them and they decided to accompany us to the club. Florida Doctor bought us a drink there, and I ended up talking to Birthday Boy while NM chatted up the doctor. Everything was going normally. I can't remember any specifics of the conversation, but we were covering the basics, getting to know each other. And then he went and got all freaky. Asked me if I ever thought about kissing NM. Uh, no! So he asked me if I would. NO! Soon after that, NM and I decided to leave, and Birthday Boy asks for my phone number. I told him no, and when he asked why, I told him his request pretty much decided that. He proceeded to spew forth a verbal vomit of ugliness and vulgarity. Very strange!

Pics from Steph's Annual Christmas Tea

Thinking of NYC

Just got home. It was a wonderful week of visiting, good food, laughter, music and hugs. But I realized in the cab from the airport to Manhattan that I'm looking forward to being home in my apartment. One of my cousins kept asking me questions about NYC, intimating that I don't like it. I explained to her that there are many things I love about this city, but she had a difficult time understanding why I don't want to move back to Texas.

And I started thinking, in the cab ride, about some of the things I love about this city. Much of it is hard to put into words...

It's a city where it's not strange to be 37 and not married, and it's not considered out of the ordinary to still expect you'll have children one day,

Where you could be childless, with or without a relationship, and still have a full, exciting life

Where every nationality, ethnicity and cuisine are represented and celebrated

Where high fashion, your own unique fashion and no fashion happily coexist

It's a city where you have to be tough to survive, and having survived, it gives you a confidence that you can get through tough times

It's dirty and noisy and pushy and rude, but it's also beautiful and dazzling and melodic and powerful

And amazingly, it's the city where my English father met my Texan mother and I was born, and it's now home.

Food, Family and Fun

I'm LOVING hanging out with friends and family!

I arrived on Saturday afternoon, and Jenn was throwing a going away party for her Chilean friend who has been visiting. Many of her coworkers came over, and my niece and nephew got to stay up later than usual with the adults.

I made chile con queso, and I talked Colin into going to the grocery store with me. As we drove past a field with a flock of birds, Colin asked, "Emily, are the birds graduating?"
What?
"Are the birds graduating? Where are they going?"
Do you mean, are they migrating?
"Uh huh."
Hehehe.

The party was really fun and was in full swing when the kids were sent to bed. Anna was having a difficult time falling asleep with the loud music and laughter going on, so I went and laid down with her and talked to her about counting her inhalations and exhalations. Soon, we were both fast asleep!

On Sunday, Anna accompanied me to Waco to see my grandmother and great aunt, who are 88 and 94 respectively. Anna was very patient with them and was a big hit at the retirement community. We also went by my uncle Joe's house and visited with him and his kids.

We drove back to Austin in time for dinner, and three of Jenn's friends joined us for a delicious meal where Jenn creatively used the leftovers from the party. Then my cousin Lindsey from Seattle showed up (she's been visiting the Texas contingent of relatives), and we had another rowdy good time. Jenn and Susan have been taking Bollywood dance lessons and performed two dances for us! The only bad thing was staying up WAY too late, making this morning a very painfully early experience.

My company has offices all over the world, and I am able to work from their downtown Austin location this week. A good friend of mine from Dallas, Sherry, saw on Facebook that I was in Austin and called me this morning to say she was here for a business meeting. We were able to meet for lunch, and it was such a nice break in the day. (Most days, I just eat at my desk.)

Dinner tonight was with my sister, brother-in-law and niece and nephew, and ALSO Lindsey, my uncle Tom and his daughter Taylor. It's just been so great to see all these people I love!

Keeping my Chin Up

I may be down, but I'm not out.

I made a list of the things that make me happy, big things and little things. And I've been doing some of them, and I'm starting to feel a little better.

I'm looking forward to two trips to Texas -- first to Austin this Saturday, where I'll see my sister Jenn and her family, as well as my cousin Lindsey who will be visiting from Seattle and my uncle Tom and another cousin. I'm also going to drive to Waco to see Grandma and my great aunt Sudie. And the next week, I'm flying to Houston to attend my sister Stephanie's annual Christmas Tea. It's a fantastic girlie event, and I can see my nieces and nephew and parents in Houston.

Don't count me out yet.

Loss

Yesterday, I learned that my friend, voice teacher, choir director passed away. As I mentioned before, he was in hospice care after a long battle with leukemia. So even though it was expected, it still hit hard. He was an incredible musician, and I feel fortunate to have gotten to learn from him even for just a couple years.

Green-Eyed Dutchman called this weekend, and we had a good conversation. Maybe there will always be a bond between us.

And GED just called me today to let me know a good friend of his -- someone I met when I first met him back in Dallas all those years ago -- died. He had diabetes and had multiple complications from it, including having his legs amputated. But he was in his early forties. He was such a happy, sweet guy. I always thought I would see him again.

How Can I Tell if I'm Really in Love?

Don't worry, I'm not asking the question of myself. I read a great post and wanted to provide a link to it.

I found Dr. Aletta's blog when I was doing some research for work, and I find her posts interesting. So read what she has to say about how you can tell if you're REALLY in love.

Perserverance

There's a saying that bad things happen in three's, but lately it's been more than that. I keep waiting for it to stop. I feel a bit like a punching bag. I'm taking a beating at work, and CM was just the latest of the ex-es to get in touch.

I know I need to make a change...maybe more than one...but I'm just not sure what to do.

I think I just need to take a break. I can't take a break from work, but Thanksgiving's around the corner. I can take a break from dating. It's not a huge sacrifice, since I'm not really dating anyone. But I just can't deal with the calls, emails, texts and instant messages. The hopes that maybe something is still there,...or could be.

I'm alone. I can do alone. It sucks, but I can do it. And I've said before, and still believe, that being lonely when you're alone is much better than being lonely in a relationship. What I mean is, I don't want to be in a relationship just to have someone. I want it to be right. But lately I feel like I'm just defining what's wrong.

Delusions of Grandeur

Un-effing-believable. I just got a call from Cuban Musician.

He called from a friend's phone so I didn't recognize the number -- because he was afraid I wouldn't pick up if I saw it was him.

He apologized over and over for hurting me, for embarrassing me, for lying to me, for being such an a$$hole....

And then he asked if he could come over and see me in person, so he could "apologize in person." Of course, I said NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT and told him I don't want to see him.

He didn't take "NO" for an answer the first 50 times I said it, but I can be repetitive. As I told him, "NO" is the same in English and Spanish, so there's no room for misinterpretation. I don't want to see him, and I'm certainly never going to let him in my place again. He said he was going to take a taxi over to my building, but he remembered I had moved and asked what my new apartment is. I wouldn't tell him, and I reminded him that I have doormen who wouldn't let him in. In fact, I said, I could call them and let them know I'm not expecting any visitors and if anyone came by asking to see me, they should call the cops. He backed off a little then, asking "why would you call the cops?"

I did get to yell at him and tell him how horrible the whole experience was for me. And when he said he misses me and feels like he ruined the best thing ever in his life, I asked why he didn't call before now. (It's been two months!) He said he was embarrassed at how badly he had acted.

And he clarified, he's not married, he's just been living with her for three years. And when he was spewing this garbage about wanting me back in his life, I asked "Do you still live with her?"

Well, yes, but...

Unbelievable. Does he think that this would work on me? That he could just call and apologize and I would fall back into his arms?

I actually laughed out loud at some of his preposterous explanations. That felt good, at least. But I'm still so angry!

Good Food & Good Company

My mom came to visit this weekend. On Friday, she joined me in my weekly get-together with NM. We had dinner at a Thai restaurant in West Village that I love, and then I took my mom to my local pub for a drink and karaoke. It was a bit crazier than usual -- one EXTREMELY drunk guy started talking to us and we kept giving him the brush-off and later found out he was the OWNER. The guy was so wasted, we heard him fall down the stairs on his way down to the bathrooms. (he was okay) Another guy came over to chat us up and flirted shamelessly with my mom. She was polite but told him his advances weren't wanted and that he was too young for her. He didn't seem to get it. I told him to get lost as well, but we eventually just moved to another area of the bar. When I went to settle our tab before we left, the regular bartender gave me a discount, saying it was because we had dealt with so much bullsh*t!

On Saturday we had a lovely brunch and then ran some errands, going by the farmers' market at Union Square for some fresh edibles and hot apple cider. We decided to treat ourselves to dinner at a lovely French restaurant that uses local organic seasonal foods. It was an incredible meal, and of course, incredible company! The food was unbelievably delicious, but our favorite dish was the squash risotto served with mushrooms and a roasted jack-b-little pumpkin that was edible.

After filling our bellies, we decided to walk home. It was a nice brisk evening and about a 30 minute walk. Back at my apt, we watched a movie and used my paraffin wax on our hands. A nice girly evening!

Today was church and then lunch at one of my favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurants and a walk by the Hudson River. It was a nice weekend, made better by the loving visit.

An Amazing Musical Night

I know, I've been bad about posting. (Thanks, Lindsey, for the encouraging comment!) And in years past I've done NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month), where you commit to posting every day in November. No way that's happening this month.

Part of my lack of posting is due to being way too busy. And part of it is because I've had to become very careful about what I say because of who has found and is reading the blog. I've gotten several text messages referring negatively to my blog from a couple guys who were previously in the picture. I've been debating about moving my blog to another platform which will allow me to password-protect certain posts, like fellow blogger Catherinette does. But that takes time, which I am currently short of.

But I HAVE to share what I did last night. A coworker sent around an invite to a talk at NYU featuring Clive Davis, the legendary recording producer who has launched the careers of Janis Joplin, Aerosmith, Bruce Springsteen, Billy Joel, Chicago, Santana, Whitney Houston, Alicia Keys, and many many others. It was amazing to hear him speak about his career and hear his passion for what he does.

The after party was at the B.B. King Blues Club in Times Square and was a fundraiser for Bob Woodruff's Foundation to support wounded veterans. (Bob Woodruff is the journalist who was wounded by a roadside bomb in Iraq.) He spoke briefly, as did Wilmer Valderrama, who is adorable but seems very down-to-earth. And they introduced The Fray, who sang several songs. My friend and I were standing 10 feet from the stage, and it was incredible. They are so talented and passionate about the music. The lead singer, Isaac Slade, looked directly at me twice while he was singing. And when he came out on stage, he brought his Apple laptop and announced to the crowd that the Yankees had won the World Series. He set the laptop facing the audience on the piano so we could all see the live feed of the Yankees hugging and celebrating. The crowd cheered and watched the celebrations while The Fray sang their first song. The whole thing was fantastic. And although I didn't get to bed until 2 a.m., I feel like these are the kind of opportunities that I have to take advantage of in NYC.

Update: Adding a few pictures taken from my iPhone. The first is Wilmer Valderrama and Bob Woodruff. The others are The Fray.