My last full day in Amsterdam, GED and I went to the Rijksmuseum. That night for dinner, he cooked for me again, and again, I was so impressed with his cooking! One of the two dishes he made was so different than anything I'd ever eaten -- a tomato based sauce with hard-boiled eggs resting in it. I admit, I was a little hesitant and didn't think I'd like it, but I loved it!
GED told me he doesn't like pictures, and I got this shot of him treating me like intruding paparazzi. It makes me laugh.
But now that I've shared the best of all my photos, I guess I should address what I haven't: how I feel about it all. And part of the reason I've avoided doing so is because I'm not sure. There are definitely feelings on both sides, and we had an honest conversation about the very real challenges. The fact is, if we were to explore these feelings and potential relationship, we would need to live in the same city, in the same country. Because of his young children from a previous marriage, it would need to be me that moves. And it's a very difficult decision. Besides the obvious -- leaving my country, my culture, learning the Dutch language, being farther away from family and friends, leaving my job and the reputation I've built here -- there's also the fear of will this last? Am I ready to leave my singledom for a committed relationship? Is he? It's a lot to process. So, GED and I continue to talk, and while I'm not ready to close that door, I'm not ready to make a decision yet either. As he said when he saw I had tears in my eyes at the airport, "this is not goodbye."
8 comments:
Wow, Em. That certainly is a tough decision. I can understand why you're taking your time with it. It's kind of an 'all or nothing' type of deal, right? Do you happen to know why his marriage didn't work out? I often find that the reasons for past relationship failures sometimes give clues to possible conflicts in future relationships. (Although, some we learn from and change, while others we repeat.)
That's a lot of weight to freight a new (even if somewhat familiar) relationship with. The fact of the matter is, if GED did not exist, you would no more be thinking of moving to Holland than I would. Thus, if things aren't hunky dory from your perspective, even if the lack of hunky doriness has nothing to do with GED but other disappointments you are dealing with, then the natural thing will be to start to resent him because he is the reason you are there.
You strike me as someone who is fairly upbeat and tries to remain positive which are characteristics you would need if you did move. Having said that (as was said repeatedly in the season finale of this year's Curb Your Enthusiasm), I don't think your toying with the idea is because you think GED is the one you cannot let get away, but simply because you haven't met someone else in the meantime. Just as it is circumstance why the relationship can't evolve naturally, so it is circumstance which leaves you even open to the idea. This is nostalgia talking.
This ends the unsolicited advice portion of the comment. Having put in much more than my 2 cents and mindful of the post holiday bills which remain to be paid, I will stop here.
Yeah, that is a heavy decision. I think you need to make the long distance thing work for a while before jumping ship.
Anon: Yes, I know his whole history, and he knows mine.
jman: I'm not satisfied with my current life, and while I never dreamed of moving to Holland before I met GED, I never dreamed of moving to NYC either. I was open to the possibility at the time and willing to take the chance.
Vetmommy: That's the course for the time being. Don't worry. :-)
He looks handsome,Emily,he should make nice looking children (naughty Aunty Norma) have a good LONG think..xxxx
A.Norma.
Emily I said way too much before and for that I apologize. I sometimes forget that writing about something is not the same as seeking advice.
Having said that however (there is no follow through I just wanted to get another one in in honor of the final episode of Curb).
Ah, jman, if only you were more than a figment. On the other hand, we've been told to lay off on that subject.
Agreed, agreed, EdamameMommy.
The M
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