I've been contemplative lately. I feel like something is missing in my life, and I'm not altogether sure that the missing piece is a someone. It's a feeling that is difficult to put into words...like a sense of discontentedness.
Looking at my bookshelf this weekend, my eye happened upon the perfect book to re-read at this point: When the Heart Waits by Sue Monk Kidd. She talks about the spiritual significance of waiting and likens it to a butterfly in a chrysalis. I began reading it last night and was struck by several passages, including these:
" ...the life of the spirit is never static. We're born on one level, only to find some new struggle toward wholeness gestating within...and rarely do significant shifts come without a sense of our being lost in dark woods..."
"Waiting...involves listening to disinherited voices within, facing the wounded holes in the soul, the denied and undiscovered, the places one lives falsely. It means struggling with the vision of who we really are in God and molding the courage to live that vision."
Many months before I left Dallas, I mentioned to my therapist that I felt the need to do something differently. I told her I had entertained the idea of getting rid of all my possessions and going abroad to help on mission-work, like Doctors without Borders.
In moving to New York, I did get rid of many possessions. Some were easier to part with than others, and in many ways, it was freeing to pare down. I've also stripped away other things that used to define who I was, some by conscious choice...I've had to let go of a few relationships, though it breaks my heart, and hope it's for the best.
I'm waiting to see what's in store for me next. I'm anxious, but trying to be patient. As the butterfly must struggle against it's cocoon to strengthen its wings, I want to be ready for the next stage and know I'm where I need to be for the moment.
Looking at my bookshelf this weekend, my eye happened upon the perfect book to re-read at this point: When the Heart Waits by Sue Monk Kidd. She talks about the spiritual significance of waiting and likens it to a butterfly in a chrysalis. I began reading it last night and was struck by several passages, including these:
" ...the life of the spirit is never static. We're born on one level, only to find some new struggle toward wholeness gestating within...and rarely do significant shifts come without a sense of our being lost in dark woods..."
"Waiting...involves listening to disinherited voices within, facing the wounded holes in the soul, the denied and undiscovered, the places one lives falsely. It means struggling with the vision of who we really are in God and molding the courage to live that vision."
Many months before I left Dallas, I mentioned to my therapist that I felt the need to do something differently. I told her I had entertained the idea of getting rid of all my possessions and going abroad to help on mission-work, like Doctors without Borders.
In moving to New York, I did get rid of many possessions. Some were easier to part with than others, and in many ways, it was freeing to pare down. I've also stripped away other things that used to define who I was, some by conscious choice...I've had to let go of a few relationships, though it breaks my heart, and hope it's for the best.
I'm waiting to see what's in store for me next. I'm anxious, but trying to be patient. As the butterfly must struggle against it's cocoon to strengthen its wings, I want to be ready for the next stage and know I'm where I need to be for the moment.
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