Saturday, January 17, 2009

When One Door Closes...

I decided to end it with FWB. I realized during this week of emotional ups and downs that several of my needs weren't being met in this relationship. Although we had scheduled time to meet a couple times, he cancelled, so I finally just called him on the phone.

First we talked about the incident with my big mouth. In retrospect, it wasn't a huge thing that I said. I took responsibility for it but also told him I shouldn't be treated like a pariah for one small mistake. Then I told him I've been thinking about our relationship and that it's not working for me. It's always been about him: how he's feeling, if he's available, he needs to take things slow. What about my needs? I told him he never compliments me and that I feel like I'm just "convenient" for him. I told him I want to be adored, I want someone who wants to spend time with me. After initially being defensive and saying if I had enough self-confidence I wouldn't need compliments, he agreed that he's been selfish, but he needs to just focus on him now. He also admitted he can't do what I need, so we agreed to just be friends. I told him I need to look out for me, just like he's looking out for himself.

It was a pretty good conversation. Neither one of us raised our voices, and I think we both got a chance to share our point of view. I'm a little sad that I won't be seeing him as much, but I also feel good that I stood up for my self and admitted I deserve more.

8 comments:

Irish Parisienne said...

Good for you Emily. Thats a very brave decision. And it is the best for you no matter how much it hurts...we are kind of going through the same thing right now with just an ocean between us...

I know its trite.. but everything happens for a reason...

so in a way im excited to find out what our reasons are :)

Vetmommy said...

Yeah, I'm glad you found resolution with this thing. I liked FWB, and I feel like you gave the relationship a chance to grow, but it just remained stunted. Onward and upward! I'm sorry things are sad, though, right now.

get2eric said...

Only 54 days till our cruise.

I'm glad you opted out too.

Anonymous said...

Bravo! now you are free as a Bird to accept that 'something nice' that's going to happen to you real soon..keep Faith and hold on to your dream,Emily, I KNOW you will be ok. xxxx

Aunty Norma.

Anonymous said...

I'm so proud of you...even though I'm only a blog-reading stranger. That had to be a difficult decision, but you really thought things out and didn't fall back on the decision that so many of us make when faced with this situation. Sometimes it seems easier to just stick with it in order not to be alone, but it takes real maturity and insight to do what is truly right for yourself in the long run. Getting out of a 'not so great' relationship opens you up to the possibility of finding the perfect relationship. Yay for not settling for less than you deserve. Good luck and hugs from a virtual stranger.

Lauren said...

I'm proud of you, too.

jman said...

There are times when settling is not the best course to take and it would appear that you decided this was one of them. Never easy to close a door that part of you wishes to remain open, so bravo to you for having the strength to do it. Now FWB gets to wake up each morning with a bruised butt from kicking himself for blowing it with you!

paula said...

Am ever so proud of you Em, you should never settle for anything less than the absolute best that you deserve.