He said he needed time to cool down. He accepted my apology but admitted it makes him pull back. He's been so scarred from a past relationship that he's been very reticent to trust anyone, and we've been taking this whole thing so slowly, I don't know if we can go any slower without coming to a complete stop.
So we'll see. Time will tell if he truly forgives me and can get past this or if there will be an unbalance to the relationship.
11 comments:
hmmmm, I think I would call it a day,Em. You deserve better than this..as the saying goes "don't sell yourself short" You are loved very much and none of us want you to suffer like this..you say he has had a bad past relationship..well if he was 'pussyfooting around' like he is now ..no flippin' wonder!
Aunty Norma.xx
I agree with Aunty Norma. If you keep going now you are playing by his rules only. I say you give it some time and space. Leave him alone. Don't call him. Don't return his calls for awhile. Let him know you've been thinking things over too and don't know if you want to hold out why he 'decides" whether he can handle another relationship again. If you stick around now you come off looking very weak and desperate. So, dust yourself off--and if you have to super glue your hands together to not call, answer or email him---do it. Let him come to you my dear. If he wants you--if he wants to make this work--he will. If not, you are all the better for cutting the strings now.
I think the other commenters are missing the point. He felt betrayed by the broken confidence. Maybe betrayal was at the heart of his last relationship. Maybe he is overreacting because he is damaged goods. In the end unless one knows the nature of the confidence betrayed and the nature of the previous relationship no one can say. You say compared to your relationship with FWB, glaciers move with the speed of light, but it hasn't been that long and in the last month or two he seems to have picked up the pace quite a bit. Maybe not verbally, but certainly in terms of actions. I say give him some space but let him know you are still there.
Jman raises some good points--BUT, he's a big boy, how long do you have to wait for him to spill the beans on his past relationship? I still thing the other two posters are on the right track. Yes, let him know you are still around--but enough is enough. Let him know it's now or never. It's time to see if this can work--and if not--onward with your life.
..I also agree that he is 'a big boy' now and should stop sulking,Em.If it IS as Anonymous says and his past relationship was doomed because of an indiscretion I must ask does he think that YOU will turn out the same? In the end it's entirely up to you of course but come oonnnnnn..time waits for no man!Don't waste any more of it.
Aunty Norma. xx
Got to say Em, I'm inclined to agree with Aunty Norma on this one. Much love XXX
Thanks for the comments. It's nice to have the support!
I do know his last girlfriend betrayed him by lying and cheating, and he acknowledged that he knew I didn't do this to intentionally hurt him.
I have done as several of you have suggested. I'm not pursuing him and have actually made arrangements with other friends for the next several days.
He's a good guy, and I like him. But don't worry, Auntie Norma, I won't wait around forever.
Good for you, Emily. You sound so mature about the whole thing. If FWB is 'damaged goods' as jman says, you may be better off without him. (I find it interesting that jman has consistantly defended him. Is this person a friend of FWB?) Unfortunately, damaged goods are sometimes a lifelong work in progress...and not something that most women want/should sign up for.
No I have no idea who FWB is, it's just that the various commenters seem to have forgotten or are ignoring what triggered the crisis in the first place, namely, Emily's betrayal of a confidence. As I have consistently said without knowing the nature of the confidence betrayed it is impossible to make any judgment over whether he is overreacting or justifiably angry/disappointed and perhaps thinking himself as to whether Emily is worth it. (Not saying she is not, just that he might be questioning it). And whatever has happened to him in the past (and this seems recent past not distant past) it is going to color his reaction which will be emotional in basis, not intellectual. In the end each of you has to accept the other as is and decide what one can live with and what is a deal breaker.
We are all "damaged goods." None of us gets through this life without suffering at least a few scars.
I don't know jman personally, but I appreciate his insightful comments. Although I haven't gone into detail on the blog about the nature of my indiscretion, it wasn't serious. But I agree that because of FWB's experiences with women in the past, I'm sure he is wondering if I'm worth it.
I'm wondering the same about him.
..Well,Emily, at least we have all been of some help to you and it's good to know that you are not throwing yourself into a 'simmering pot' (that means one waiting to 'blow' at the least upset!) Anyway,my lovely Emily, I know you will do the right thing FOR YOU which after all is the most important thing in this particular case. xx A.Norma.
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