Running Away or Running Towards?

I haven't posted much lately, because I've been keeping quiet about something happening in my life...but I've been working on this post for over a year...

I heard Martha Beck speak at the O You Conference in San Francisco a couple years ago, and I was so impressed. I've always enjoyed her columns in the Oprah Magazine, but in person she was so much more! She's incredibly adept at making complex thinking seem attainable, and she's witty and downright funny.

One of her past columns was titled "Know When to Fold 'Em," in which she mentioned W.C. Fields's profound statement "If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it." The column discusses how researchers have compared those who resist quitting, and of those who throw in the towel when facing unattainable goals. They found that the second group—the quitters—were healthier than their persistent peers on almost every variable.

This gives me some comfort, because I've been struggling with the idea of "quitting."

Quitting New York.

Undoubtedly, there are things I love about New York: the variety in cultures, the lack of conformity to a single (or few) ideas, the four seasons, the multitude of cultural events (especially Broadway), feeling like I'm a part of this big machine called NYC, being close to the water (even if it is the not-so-transparent Hudson River), my little close-knit church and fledgling (although now on hiatus) choir...

But...it has been a pretty lonely existence for me here. Over the last three years, I've done all the tried-and-true methods to meet friends and potential dates. I've made a few friends, but NY has a culture of everyone being so busy, you don't see them but maybe once every few months. And I miss my family, especially the kids, my nieces and nephews.

As I recently celebrated another birthday, getting closer to having to change the title of this blog and hearing the biological clock ticking louder in its finale, I realize that if I don't have kids of my own, I at least want to be closer to those I do have in my life.

I started making inquiries with my company about the possibility of transferring, and I got full approval to move ahead with the transfer to the Austin office as soon as I'm ready. The only thing sticking point is subleasing my apartment, and that has happened MUCH faster than I expected.

I'm keeping my job AND getting to live closer to my family, able to be a more consistent presence in my nieces' and nephews' lives. And it also opens up other possibilities for me, such as owning a home, eating a lot more TexMex, participating (and completing) more triathlons, and possibly having a child on my own.

I moved to NYC for my career, and I've realized my career isn't the most important thing to me. I'm moving back to have a personal life.

I'm looking forward to the next chapter.