The Special Sauce

I've been neglecting my blog. If you're still here, I apologize.

I had dinner recently with the partner of my voice teacher, who passed away in November. I always enjoyed talking with my teacher's partner, and it was good to see him again. We reminisced a lot, but we talked about other things as well.

He told me they were together for 27 years. Wow. He said someone asked him what was it that they had that made it work. That's the question, isn't it? He wasn't sure what the "special sauce" was.

I think it's a combination of chemistry, common values and commitment. There has to be something that draws two people together initially (chemistry), but there also needs to be common values to have a shared purpose. And to get through the rough times, which we all know will happen, there has to be a commitment on both sides. Agree? Disagree? What do you think it is that makes a successful couple?

North vs. South

I took a business trip to Atlanta this week, and I was struck by some of the obvious differences between NYC and Atlanta, or possibly the South in general. For one, the temperature was noticeably warmer (in the 60's) but when I entered my hotel room, they had the heat on! I promptly turned it off.

The cabbie from the airport was super chatty and friendly, too. I just I've gotten a bit NY-ified, but it's difficult for me to make small talk sometimes. And I'm just not used to cabbies talking so much. This guy first pegged me as a Mary Kay consultant (there was a convention in town), and after I declined that label, he asked me if I was a lawyer!? I just don't like to give too much personal info, so I kept my answers brief and concentrated on my email (legitimately). He finally quieted down. And then when we got to the hotel, he said, "You're really beautiful. You have the perfect nose for modeling." I just thanked him and laughed. My nose? Really?

The waiter at the hotel restaurant was very chatty, too. Oh, and the menu was appalling in its scarcity of healthy options! And I chose the healthiest of the restaurants (the other was a sports bar with typical bar food like wings and fried things). They had lots of mashed potatoes, ribs, fried chicken. I was really hankering for sushi but was able to settle on a fish dish and a large salad. I'm determined to lose the extra pounds I gained over the holidays and maybe a few more, but it was easy for me to see why many Southern states have higher obesity rates.

Glad to be back in NYC. :-)

Rainy Day Activity

I've had a nice, quiet weekend. And today has been rainy ever since church, so I've stayed in and written for three hours. What am I writing? A memoir.

I've been blogging for five years next month. And several readers and people I admire have encouraged me to write a book and have questioned what happened before the blog -- "how is it that you have two divorces???" So the book begins with that sordid history from 1995.

However, it's emotionally grueling to write some of that. So it's been happening in small bursts and long avoidances. But with the new year, it's a great time to tackle it again.

I have realized my writing style is much better for blogging -- more succinct and to the point. I don't like to belabor the minute details. I joked with my sister Jenn that this might turn out to be more like a pamphlet than a book. So I just Googled "how many words in a book," and found a blog post that gives several examples of books with 20,000 to 100,000 words.

I'm currently just over 11,000. So maybe this will be more than a pamphlet after all. Now if I can just find someone who's interested in publishing it once I'm done...

A Girly Event

Last night I went to the grand opening of Intimacy's new location. For those who aren't in-the-know, Intimacy is the ultimate in bra-fitting. The owner, Susan Nethero, has been featured in most of the women's mags and on the shows How to Look Good Naked and Oprah. I had been introduced to a similar store by my sister Steph in Houston, and after seeing Susan on TV, I knew I had to check out her NYC store. In addition to the great fit and outstanding costumer service, Intimacy carries only high-quality lingerie. It IS more expensive, but it makes you feel like a million bucks and when taken care of properly, can last a long time. Plus, they offer free alterations for the life of the bra, so as it stretches over time, they take it in. Since moving here 2 1/2 years ago, I've been a patron of their store on the Upper East Side up in the 90's, but the saleslady I work with told me they were opening a bigger, better location on 62nd Street.

Their grand opening event had champagne (yum) and teeny-tiny hors d'ouvers. While it's a beautiful shop, it's not huge, and it was quite full with all the guests and staff. I saw Susan Nethero across the room but didn't seek her out. I checked out their displays and signed up for a fitting -- where the saleslady I've worked with three times before brings me a variety of styles and colors to a private dressing room. I also had to get one of the Hanky Panky's they were bedazzling just for the sheer indulgence and the fact that it made me laugh. Who would bedazzle panties?!? Well, I guess I wouldn't personally, but I now own a pair. He he!

And then I turned from the bedazzling table and Susan said, "Hi, are you having fun?" And we proceeded to talk for about 10 minutes. She was perfectly lovely and not at all pretentious or conceited. She mentioned, as I've seen on her site and heard her say before in interviews, that she really believes in empowering women, and her way of doing that is helping them look their best.

I love the store, and I will continue to patronize it even if I don't win the shopping spree drawing (but I hope I win!), but the best part of the evening was talking to Susan. I love meeting people who are passionate about what they do and are successful at doing something good for themselves and for others.

Final thoughts on Amsterdam

Before I left for Amsterdam, I did a little online research. One of the things I learned about was olliebollen -- a fried bread with raisins that is a holiday specialty. I tried it twice, and it was very tasty!

My last full day in Amsterdam, GED and I went to the Rijksmuseum. That night for dinner, he cooked for me again, and again, I was so impressed with his cooking! One of the two dishes he made was so different than anything I'd ever eaten -- a tomato based sauce with hard-boiled eggs resting in it. I admit, I was a little hesitant and didn't think I'd like it, but I loved it!


GED told me he doesn't like pictures, and I got this shot of him treating me like intruding paparazzi. It makes me laugh.


But now that I've shared the best of all my photos, I guess I should address what I haven't: how I feel about it all. And part of the reason I've avoided doing so is because I'm not sure. There are definitely feelings on both sides, and we had an honest conversation about the very real challenges. The fact is, if we were to explore these feelings and potential relationship, we would need to live in the same city, in the same country. Because of his young children from a previous marriage, it would need to be me that moves. And it's a very difficult decision. Besides the obvious -- leaving my country, my culture, learning the Dutch language, being farther away from family and friends, leaving my job and the reputation I've built here -- there's also the fear of will this last? Am I ready to leave my singledom for a committed relationship? Is he? It's a lot to process. So, GED and I continue to talk, and while I'm not ready to close that door, I'm not ready to make a decision yet either. As he said when he saw I had tears in my eyes at the airport, "this is not goodbye."

Rotterdam

The day after Antwerp, GED took me to Rotterdam, "his" city. He explained that it looks more like an American city -- modern architecture -- because it was bombed heavily in WWII, leaving only 3-4 buildings that have the more traditional architecture.

I loved the bridge on the entrance to the city. GED said the locals call it "the swan."

One of the most interesting housing units were these cube-shaped dwellings. GED said he had been inside one before visiting a friend and that the oddly angled walls were unusual but cool.

Antwerp

When I planned my trip to Holland, GED asked me what I wanted to see. I've been to Amsterdam before and saw many of the top attractions, including the Anne Frank museum, the Van Gogh museum and the Heineken museum. I told him I really wanted to see what life is like in Holland and maybe visit Belgium, which is just a couple hours drive away.

So on Saturday, GED drove me to Antwerp, Belgium. He lived there a few years ago and was able to navigate the city easily. We walked around and I enjoyed the quaint architecture, the remaining Christmas decorations, and the reminders of home in a Tex Mex restaurant, a store named New Yorker, and Ben & Jerry's.

New Year's Eve in Amsterdam

Back at work, everyone asked with raised eyebrows if I had fun in Amsterdam, thinking I engaged in scandalous or illegal activities. I did have fun, but I didn't go to Amsterdam because of the Red Light District or the prevalence of marijuana.

I arrived on New Year's Eve in the late afternoon, and Green-Eyed Dutchman (GED) met me and took me to the apartment that he's currently renting from a friend. It's a great place right on one of the canals, and I really enjoyed the view, watching the canal freeze over just about every day and the ducks and seagulls swimming in the cold water until they got to the edge of the ice and started walking. After a long night/day of travelling, I took a shower and put on fresh clothes and enjoyed my first home-cooked meal by GED. He's of Indonesian descent, and that night he made me an Indonesian chicken dish with vegetables over noodles. I was very impressed. It was delicious!

The trams stopped running around 7 or 8 that night, so we just walked into town to enjoy the festivities. It was about a 20 minute walk to the main center of town. We walked passed Dam Square, which I recognized from my previous trip and from our trek to his apartment earlier from Centraal Station, and GED looked around and asked aloud (to himself) which direction was Centraal Station? I immediately pointed which way it was, and he looked surprised. I have a very good sense of direction and my confidence convinced him to trust me. Although GED is Dutch, he's not from Amsterdam, and since moving there three months ago has spent most of that time on business trips out of the country. He hasn't had much time to get acquainted with the city, but I still teased him that an American was giving him directions.

The Dutch celebrate New Year's with lots of fireworks. Everyone seemed to be setting them off all around us. I squealed and jumped several times on our walk. Passing through the Red Light District, we made it to Nieuwmarkt Square and got a couple beers. We stood outside along with people from many other countries and watched as the fireworks increased up to midnight. Here, see for yourself:





And the rest will be in another post...

Amsterdam

Just a quick post to let you all know I'm back and share a few images of beautiful Amsterdam in winter. More to come. I'm just exhausted now.