One More Time?

Why do we revisit or reconsider relationships from our past? I think sometimes the good memories stay with you more than the bad. And sometimes, especially during times of loneliness, you wonder if there is something worth salvaging. Or maybe it was the right person but the timing just wasn't right. Perhaps you didn't give the relationship a fair shot the first time around. And for me, I worry that I may throw in the towel too easily, run when things get tough, so I try again to make sure I'm not just avoiding conflict.

But I also tend to put more stock in my mind than my emotions. I trust thinking more than feeling. I understand (in theory) the importance of paying attention to those gut reactions, but I generally overthink things, rationalizing and reasoning away those pesky feelings.

I have another single friend (male) who told me you know, deep inside yourself, when something is right or not. I argued (of course), but what if I really don't know?

Or maybe it's just hard to shut the door on a relationship because in some way, it feels like admitting failure. Another one bites the dust. And it's always difficult to say goodbye.

The Special Sauce

I've been neglecting my blog. If you're still here, I apologize.

I had dinner recently with the partner of my voice teacher, who passed away in November. I always enjoyed talking with my teacher's partner, and it was good to see him again. We reminisced a lot, but we talked about other things as well.

He told me they were together for 27 years. Wow. He said someone asked him what was it that they had that made it work. That's the question, isn't it? He wasn't sure what the "special sauce" was.

I think it's a combination of chemistry, common values and commitment. There has to be something that draws two people together initially (chemistry), but there also needs to be common values to have a shared purpose. And to get through the rough times, which we all know will happen, there has to be a commitment on both sides. Agree? Disagree? What do you think it is that makes a successful couple?

Baggage

A few years ago, after a break-up, my mom suggested I try to find someone without baggage. I replied that we all have baggage -- I know I certainly do -- it's just whether you've dealt with it or not.

A good friend of mine, who is a lurker on my blog but prefers to send her comments and encouragement privately via email, explained it another way. I think she's got it figured out and so enjoyed her take on it, I wanted to share:

It is my hope that people who know they have baggage (me included) take the scary steps needed to work on it, try to trust and love again, and get back to LIVING life their way and not in the shadow of an experience with someone else. Much easier said than done, as we both well know. It is also my feeling that someone with “extra” baggage either be willing to pay the heavy bag fee or offload some of that crap and just take a carry-on.

I totally agree. The airlines are now charging for checked luggage, encouraging carry-ons. That's going to be my new policy, too!