Preparing for Departure

Not much to report...it was a quiet weekend. I stayed in most of the weekend to try and get over the last remnants of a cold so I'm healthy for my vacation! I leave on Wednesday for England. My parents are already there, and my sister Jennifer and her family left today. We are all going to celebrate my dear Uncle Ken's 90th birthday at my cousin's lamb farm in Wales.

Of course, between now and Wednesday, I have SO much to do, both at work and at home! I'm really looking forward to taking a break from work, as it's been crazy busy. I'm not complaining, though. I keep hearing of friends or acquaintances who have been laid off. I would rather be busy than worry about not having a job.

One update: I got an email from the Swiss guy (mentioned in story below)! He said he's coming back to NYC in August and wanted to get together for a date...

The Best & the Worst

My Canadian-turned-NYer friend Lindsay and I had quite a fun day on Saturday. Well, at least the evening was fun.

Have you heard of Meetup.com? It's a website where you can join groups of like-minded individuals to meet people related to a hobby or cause. There's a singles meetup group that Lindsay joined, and she learned they were having a barbeque on Saturday. We decided to go and mingle.

Oh. My. God. I haven't seen such a collection of misfits since the Anti-Valentine's party.

We didn't stay long. Lindsay kept giving me the look that told me she was debating between laughing or screaming and running outta there. She got stuck talking to this woman in her early 40's that is DESPERATE to have a child and was describing all the ways she's going about hunting down some sperm. Very strange.

Later that evening, Lindsay came downtown (she lives in the Upper West Side, or UWS as it's known for short), and we had a lovely dinner at one of my favorite neighborhood places. We asked the bartender for recommendations on a dance club, and he suggested Marquee.

After choking through the $20 cover, we noticed it was a hip place with good music and many good-looking guys! We ended up talking to these really nice guys from Switzerland and had a blast.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me a Match

I've had this song from Fiddler on the Roof stuck in my head since I interviewed and signed on with a matchmaking service late last week.

"Matchmaker, Matchmaker, make me a match!
Find me a find, catch me a catch!"

Years ago, I tried Great Expectations in Dallas, the service that was parodied on Saturday Night Live as "Lowered Expectations." I agree with the parody. It was expensive and not at all a successful venture for me.

What I like about the one I've just contracted with is:
1) they do background checks: confirming divorces, ensuring there are no criminal records and a credit check
2) there was an extensive personality profile and two hour-long interviews where they asked in-depth questions to get to know me and what I'm looking for
3) they've been around for 30 years and have many success stories

They are currently doing my background check, which may take 1-4 weeks, and then they will send me some matches! Exciting!

What Would You Do to Meet the Right One?

Finding, or meeting, "quality singles" is difficult when you're a thirty-something singleton.

In your early twenties, when you're still in college, it's a bit easier, I think. Everyone around you is in basically the same stage of life. But as you experience things, and add layers onto your trappings, it becomes more challenging.

I've also found that as a woman, as I've moved up in my career, my potential "interested's" narrow.

People give you lots of advice. I've tried almost all of it. But I'm definitely in a different situation than most of my friends and family. So I wondered...what would you, dear readers, do to meet the right one?

Would you go to a different church because it is bigger than yours and has more single people? (abandoning the choir you helped establish and the friends you are just starting to feel comfortable with?)

Would you try online dating, speed dating, blind dates?

Would you pay a significant amount of money to a matchmaker?

Sometimes, I'm afraid to hope for someone to share my life with because I don't want to be disappointed again. Mostly, I focus on the positive aspect of my life, and there ARE lots of things I love about living on my own and answering to no one but myself. I like my independence, but I miss having someone to share it all with. A dichotomy, I know.

I Love 80's Music

Everyone said it would happen, but after weeks and months of loneliness, I admit I had my doubts.

NYers would tell me, hang in there. Pretty soon, things will just click for you.

I think the "click" happened on my birthday, because it feels like I haven't stopped since! After that wonderful weekend, I've had something to do or people to meet up with every day. The rare day when I have a moment to myself is suddenly cherished. Such a difference from just a month ago.

This weekend, I braved the heat wave to get out and do some shopping with my friend Lindsay. (She moved here from Toronto just two weeks before I moved here from Dallas.) We bought a few suits, pajamas and other odds and ends. I shopped for my Gemini nieces and nephew. We had yummy Thai food for lunch and multiple bottles of water to try and replace the gallons of sweat we emitted.

Each of us went home to clean up and nap and then we met for a late dinner and dancing at this great 80's bar Lindsay found. (I'm still amazed that you can go for dinner in NYC at 10 or 11 at night and the restaurant is full and busy as if it were 7 p.m.) The 80's music was fantastic, and they played the videos on the big screens. Everyone in the bar was singing all the words. Lindsay's sister and a friend were visiting from Toronto, and the four of us girls had a blast. None of us were interested in getting picked up by any of the intoxicated guys around us, and one persistent guy kept trying to butt into our group by going from one to the next. The other girls were more polite than I was, but he obviously wasn't getting the idea that we weren't interested. They happened to be playing "Mony Mony" by Billy Idol. You know the part where he sings "Yeah" and the backup singers reply "Yeah"... This guy would lean into our group and sing the Billy "Yeah" part and I just looked at him and sang the backup part "No."

"Yeah!"
"No."
"Yeah!"
"No."

It worked. The girls cracked up, but he left us alone!

This is New York

As I'm riding in a packed subway car, trying to avoid looking at others, I notice one of Barnes & Noble's advertisements where they quote famous poets and authors. This one resonates with me and makes me feel understood:

There are roughly three New Yorks. There is, first, the New York of the man or woman who was born here, who takes the city for granted and accepts its size and its turbulence as natural and inevitable. Second, there is the New York of the commuter – the city that is devoured by locusts each day and spat out each night. Third, there is the New York of the person who was born somewhere else and came to New York in quest of something. Of these three trembling cities the greatest is the last – the city of final destination, the city that is a goal. Commuters give the city its tidal restlessness; natives give it solidity and continuity; but the settlers give it passion.

E.B. White, Here is New York

Study: Bachelors Afraid to Make Mistakes

Just had to write my spin on a Reuters article I read titled "Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage." A survey was conducted by a long-time bachelor in Syndney, Australia to help him discover why he and a "growing number of eligible men were steering clear of marriage."

The findings?
"Men are 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all," Weisman told Reuters in a telephone interview.
Weisman said his online survey found there are three groups of bachelors -- about 8 percent who never want to marry, 62 percent want to marry but of which half won't settle for anything less than perfection, and about 30 percent who are on the fence.

My reaction to this was two-fold. First, that 62% who are waiting for perfection? Forgettaboutit.
Second, I'm sure most of these men are willing to take calculated risks in other areas, like finances or pursuing job opportunities. Life is about risks. Jump!

Although I'm not proud of having two divorces, at least I'm not afraid to give it a try.