Last Thursday, Steve and I took a road trip to Oklahoma City for a funeral.
Richard lived in Florida but was buried in Oklahoma where his parents and sister live. I never met him in life, but he and Steve talked weekly and had known each other for 20 years. I had heard many stories about him, so I was somewhat taken aback by the service.
It was held in a small chapel on the cemetary grounds. Most of the congregation were friends of his parents. They had an open casket, and I felt strange to be "meeting" Richard for the first time this way. The casket had birds on the lid with the words "Heading Home" printed on it.
Throughout the service, tinny music was piped through the speakers. I recognized some acoustic versions of hymns, but other songs weren't familiar to me. The worst were the ones using banjos. The music seemed out-of-place and didn't fit the solemnity of the scene.
The minister who spoke was long-winded and mostly quoted various, unrelated scriptures from the Bible. (I zoned after the 4th or 5th one.) His main message was that we have life eternal if we believe in God and Jesus. Well, Richard didn't go to church as an adult. He probably didn't go after elementary school, so I don't know how reassuring this message was for his family.
It was interesting people-watching, too. We didn't know who anyone was other than his parents and sister. His sister was very dramatic and perhaps a bit in denial, emphasizing to Steve that Richard had "gone fishing! He's just fishing. He's on a BIG fishing trip." Another woman (with a blonde mullet) was visibly upset, and we wondered if she had been a high school sweetheart in Richard's past.
Steve volunteered to be a pall-bearer, and the most comforting thing for Steve was that Richard's resting place was on the side of a lake. Richard loved the water and spent all his free time fishing. So that, at least, seemed like a fitting place for him to rest.
It sure made us think about our own services. We talked about what we would each like, when the time comes, and how most services are really for those left behind.
3 comments:
I never used to think about funerals too much until dad passed away. Even though we felt that dad would have approved of his service and the little get together afterwards I still felt that it was all a bit bizarre and that really it is just for the people left behind as we had said out goodbyes to dad when he died.
The most odd funeral I attended though was that of my closest friend's mum. At her cremation (there was no church service) as the curtains closed on the coffin (a bit I always find really harrowing) music struck up and it was (believe it or not) Status Quo and Marguerita Time "lets have a drink, it's marguerita time". Must say, we all left the crem with a smile on our faces.
Yes, funerals are weird concoctions foisted upon us by the funeral industry, under the guise of "helping us through our grief." I'll never forget our friend Christine's funeral. We were all unprepared for the open casket, and she looked ghastly, not at all like she did in life. Then we had to look at her like that through most of the service. Before that, they played muzak hymns and pop tunes. I still can't hear - no joke - "Lady in Red," without thinking of her funeral, and how inappropriate it was to hear a song from an 80's prom while thinking about my friend's premature tragic death.
Our sympathies go out to Steve on losing his long-time friend.
I agree with you Em, and with Paula...I wish for my Family and Friends to leave the Crem.(when I go) with a smile on their faces for I think THAT is the best compliment you can give to the deceased...then at the wake I would like everyone to remember all the daft things that I have done and say'D'ya remember when....' Em. that does sound like an unusual funeral that you attended but it may have been Steves' friends wish do you think...anyway it was an interesting read...something different.xx
Post a Comment