Yea! Yea! Yea! It's all OK!

Just got home from a BIG lunch with my girlfriends, who picked me up after the procedure. (I was STARVING)

The colon looks good - just some internal hemorrhoids that have already mostly healed.

I'm grateful it's over and very glad it's not anything more serious. Thanks for the good thoughts!

Care for a Drink?

Being over 30 brings all sorts of lovely new adventures. One I've mentioned before - chinny hairs. Also, skin begins to droop and your metabolism begins it's decent into nothingness.

But now I've got a new one. If you have any unusual symptoms in the digestive system and you are over 30, doctors recommend a colonoscopy. Mine is scheduled for tomorrow.

Today, all I can have is clear liquids: water, tea with no milk, jello, broth, soda...this will be my diet. I'm thrilled that jello counts, as it will be the only semi-solid I can have. I also get to drink 2 pints of a briny, slightly lemony mixture that will cause my system to purge anything within. That begins this afternoon, and I have been forewarned to stay at home near the bathroom. Ah, joy!

The preparation is supposed to be the worst part, and I'm not concerned about the procedure per se. I'm scared to death about what they might find.

What's in a name?

My virtual friend and fellow blogger, Hannah, uses descriptive pseudonyms for the people in her life. I started thinking about using her technique to refer to my exes:

Ex-Husband #1: Concrete Cowboy or Deceased Ex Angry Drunk (DEAD)?
Ex-Husband #2: Military Nut or Fast & Furious or Fixer-Upper?
Previous boyfriend: Ex Coworker Ex or Techie Junkie or Extreme Ex? (my sister recommended Rodless)
Last boyfriend: Recent Ex or Hung-up-on-Ex-Ex or No Boundaries or Needs Closure?

Most of my readers are close friends and family and know more than I blog about for each of these characters. Feel free to vote for your favorite (one for each) or come up with one of your own!

(By the way, the Deceased Ex died from a construction accident...not my doing!)

Sometimes, it's nice being a woman

A woman walks into a bar/restaurant. All the patio tables are full, so she surveys the scene in the bar area. She takes a seat at the counter where she has an empty seat on either side.

After ordering a margarita (on the rocks, no salt), an older man down the bar waves to catch her eye - no subtlety there. He tells her he has bought her drink and the next one. He soon leaves and wishes her a good evening.

She strikes up a conversation with the businessman to her right, who is eagerly reading (devouring?) the Wall Street Journal. He begins to talk while still reading the paper. She apologizes for interrupting his reading - being an avid reader herself - and he apologizes for being rude, puts down the paper, and proceeds to engage her in an interesting conversation for the next hour and a half. When she makes a move to leave, he buys her another margarita.

He just moved to Dallas four months ago from Montana. He asks her about good places to go in town. He thinks he's much older than the young-looking woman. (He's 41.) He earnestly guesses her age to be 25, maybe 26?

The evening is concluded with an exchange of phone numbers.

A Great Pair

Last Friday (Friday the 13th) was a crazy weather day in Dallas. We had heavy rain, hail, strong winds and a tornado warning. I drove home in pea-sized hail, but more concerning was the fire truck parked outside my house when I arrived.

It turned out to be minor: a tree branch in the yard behind mine had touched the power line and was sparking. The rain put it out naturally, but as we were all looking up, I saw in my peripheral vision a large bird flying across my yard. I tried to see where it went but couldn't make it out.

I put in my garden this weekend (finally!) and spent many hours outside. I again saw and heard the large bird perched in my pecan tree. It's HUGE! And then I noticed there are two of them! They made a strange noise, something like a frog croak and a bark. They are about two feet tall with long necks and long beaks, and they are nesting high up in the tree branches.

I looked them up this morning: they are Great Blue Herons.

Adjusting to Singledom Again

I read a fluffy non-fiction book recently on a plane called Spinster Sisters. (You can probably tell by the title why it appealed to me!)

I particularly related to this passage, where one sister is being supportive of the other who recently broke up with her boyfriend:

"I'm proud of you."
"You know, I'm kind of proud of myself."
Not to mention sad, and f**king terrified, and more than a little lonesome. But, you know, in a proud way.

That's exactly how I feel. It's been nice to have my landlady/coworker/roommate this past week. I'm anxious to get my stuff organized and set up, but it's been nice having company.

"The Ladies"

I spent Easter weekend with my grandmother and great aunt, who I commonly call "my grandparents" but who are referred to by the family as "the Ladies."

Grandma is 86. She is about 4'10" but has more energy than most people half her age. She was the baby of her family, and she loves to be in the spotlight.

Sudie, my great aunt, is 92. She is the opposite of her younger sister. She is quiet, contemplative and a scholar.

Life moves at a much slower pace at the Ladies' house. Coming from my world where I usually have to multitask and never get everything done, it feels like time grinds to a halt. I often find myself fighting sleep at their place, no matter what the time of day.

This is amplified by the heat. The temperature can always be counted on to be very warm in their cottage, and with the cold front that came through last weekend, I knew they would have it cranked up extra high. Sure enough, I ended up in a t-shirt and jeans, nothing on my feet, and put my hair up to try not to overheat. Sudie was alarmed that my feet were bare.

Both of the Ladies are experiencing the effects of macular degeneration, which has deteriorated their eyesight significantly. They both are avid readers, and their dwindling eyesight depresses them. Smaller type faces are impossible to decipher, so Sudie gave me a pile of books that she can't enjoy.

She also asked me if I was interested in a magazine called Farm.
Sudie: "Emily, are you interested in Farm?"
Emily: "No, not really." (I said politely)
Sudie: "It has an interesting article about alternative fuels."
Emily: "You know, I think Anthony (my bro-in-law) would enjoy that."
Sudie: "Oh, that's a good idea."
Grandma, coming down the hall: "What are you talking about?"
Sudie: "I was asking Emily if she was interested in Farm."
Grandma: "Oh! I thought you said 'Porn'! I didn't think we had any, and I couldn't figure out why you were giving it to Emily."

I cracked up. I didn't know my grandmother even KNEW that word! Guess their hearing is going, too.

Travels

I haven't written in awhile. I've been racking up the frequent flyer miles on my favorite airlines, American and Southwest.

Last weekend, I went to Austin to celebrate with my niece, Anna, who is now 6 years old. She is beautiful and so precious.

After one night at home, it was off to NYC for work. Although my clients keep me pretty busy, we did get to eat at a terrific restaurant tonight, Spice Market, in the trendy meat-packing district. It's an Indian/Asian fusion place. All the dishes were served family style, and they brought out dish after dish of delicious tasting meats, fish and veggies. Mmm...

And although the swanky hotel I'm staying in has white noise in each room, I'm looking forward to going home tomorrow to sleep in my own bed.