It's been a week since I last posted. (that sounds a bit like how they start confession, doesn't it?)
After 10 years of treatment, I decided to take a stab at going without antidepressants. I feel like I'm in a good place emotionally, and I have learned healthy skills to deal with different situations and stresses. But I didn't expect it to be this difficult physically.
There's actually quite a bit of dialogue and documented journal articles in the physician community about what they are now terming "serotonin discontinuation syndrome." The idea of how antidepressants work is pretty brilliant. Serotonin is one of the naturally occurring chemicals in your brain. In depression, it is diminished, so one of the major classes (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) of antidepressants helps increase those levels. The effect, for me, was finally feeling "normal." I actually thought, so this is how normal people feel! It doesn't make you high, and you still have ups and downs. What it did get rid of was the hopelessness, the unstoppable crying, and the lethargy.
Fast forward to now, when my life is basically running smooth. I asked my doctor about getting off of them, and after a few months of a reduced dose, she recommended I start taking it every other day. That was three weeks ago. Every other day (my "off" day), I would feel dizzy and nauseaous. The dizzy feeling is similar to if you've ever been really drunk and had the spins. I also noticed if I moved my head or eyes quickly, it felt like my brain would follow a few seconds behind.
After three weeks of feeling like crap, I called it quits, at least for now. I've missed several days of work (including today -- who can work when you're trying to keep your head completely still and not think about heaving?) and went to talk to my doctor again this morning. She agreed it's not working for now, so I will continue on my low daily dose, and we'll try an even slower withdrawal in a few months.
I'm thankful that these medications are available, and I know it's made my life more bearable (except for lately). For today, though, I'm just glad to be able to hold my head up without feeling pukey.
8 comments:
Sorry you've had a rough time, Em. Isn't it amazing to realize how chemically sensitive our bodies are? I got "off" caffeine before I had the twins (then sleepless nights begged me back to the dark side) and I was AMAZED at how incredible the headaches were for TWO WEEKS. Then it was gone. It made me much more empathetic to anyone quitting anything (smoking for one, which I have always "judged" harshly). So...all this to say...hugs, I love you, and hope you find a path that works for you.
Oh, Em, when you hadn't posted in so long, I figured you were just traveling or working a lot. I have read about so many people struggling to get off their antidepressants when their life was getting better, only to be slammed back down to the ground. Sorry you're in that place, "bag lady," I just hope all those Anna and Colin hugs are giving you some uplift. We all really enjoyed your last visit.
So sorry you were feeling ill this past week!!!! I missed your blog posts while you were gone. I'm glad to hear your feeling a little better.
XOXOXOXOXO!
I cannot believe what I have just read,Emily..years ago my 'plate was full' and I was prescribed ermm not the same one as you but N...... it worked a treat and as soon as I felt better I stopped taking them...wow'' the depression didn't come back for ages...now I am at that point again in my life where I may need the help again of that wondrous drug that replaces the chemicals that 'go missing' from our Brain..I cannot think of the name at the moment,Em, but I wish you well with your attempt xxx..
Hang on in there... Hope you feel better soon. xxx
Emily, what you just posted is exactly how I was when I came of Citalopram. I have been on and off antidepressants for the past 7 years or so (don't take them at the moment). When I first came off them the doctor just told me to stop taking them (WTF???) I was sooooo ill, head spins, throwing up, unable to move my eyes quickly - really dreadful. I thought I was going to die!! Anyhow, it did eventually stop when I reduced my dose rather than stopping them completely. The effects I had when I came off them is what stops me going back on them again now. But, do hang in there sweetheart as it is possible to feel normal again (whatever that is lol). XXX Love you XXXXX
I have remembered the anti depressants ...'Prozac'...they were great and no trouble to come off them after only a few months mind...apparently the one called Serotin are the same family but not as 'safe'/good.I remember they gave Uncle Colin and Aunty Sybil tummy aches ...am pretty sure they have been taken off our market..:o( xx
I know what you're going through -- I've tried to get off Celexa several times, and failed each time due to the physical side effects, followed by relapses. It's deeply and literally disheartening. But hang in there -- there's more to us than our brain chemicals!
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