The hardest thing about turning 29 was realizing I wasn't going to meet my expectation of having a child before I was 30. It hit me hard, and it took quite some time before I felt comfortable letting that go.
And now...five years later...I guess I'm still struggling with it. I think at that time, I adjusted my expectation to have a child before or at age 35. Looks like I'm going to miss that one, too. There are a lot of health risks that make it better to have kids before 35. I know, lots of women have successful pregnancies and healthy babies later in life. I just didn't think I would be in that group.
Several of my friends and colleagues are having babies. My friend Chad and his wife had their first in May. Tori had a huge baby boy in early June, and Forrest and his wife had their first in late June. My friend Ian and his wife are due next month. They are keeping me very busy making baby quilts (almost done with Forrest's).
Volunteering at the hospital in the Neonatal ICU helps. I was there this Monday after missing the previous two. I think it helps fill that gap for me, being able to hold these beautiful little ones.
And sometimes, I really value the freedom Steve and I have. We can sleep late (if our bodies weren't programmed to wake up at our usual time), and we can choose to go and do anything without the limitations a baby puts on you. We can travel more easily than couples with babies, lugging all that stuff you might need, and our schedules are more flexible.
I guess I just always pictured myself as a mom. It makes me chuckle and wonder how out of the three of us girls (Jenn, Steph and me), I ended up being the "career girl."
4 comments:
I would never have guessed you'd be working at an office and I'd be wiping poop at this point in life, either! I know and respect the fact that you are very successful at work, but I wouldn't say you are a career girl. You are a total woman, who happens to be having a great work life right now. And inside, you are the best at lovins of any of us. Maybe things happen for a reason, and the delay in maternity is forming you into the ultimate Emily for that task. And when the time is right, you'll be a great mom. In the meantime, do enjoy navigating your day instead of having a schedule dictated by wee ones. Oh, and enjoy spontaneity!
I know after spending a week with my kids, you know what you are missing, and you can appreciate your lifestyle! Parenthood is hard - it has its rewards - but is grueling; it is not a choice to be taken lightly (or accidentally, unfortunately). I have always imagined myself as a mother, and as a vet, and I can't imagine how hard it would be not to be as I envisioned myself. I hope you are content to know you are well loved by many and very successful in the things that occupy your interesting life.
Aw! Thanks, guys.
As a very old mummy (no, really, I am) I can totally understand where you are coming from. I started to panic when I reached 30 and realised that I was nowhere near to feeling ready to have children, it also freaked me out that all my friends and work colleagues were already having their second and third kids and I hadn't even started. When Rich and I decided to go for it we weren't really in the ideal situation to have a family but thought "sod it" and then Luke happened. I completely agree with both Steph and Jen. I really wouldn't worry about it Emily, be happy in the knowledge that you are doing really well in your career, have a loving relationship and when you do decide to go for it you will be a fantastic mummy (albeit a very tired one).
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