Paris...Ooh La La!

Paris was absolutely gorgeous! The city is beautiful, and the weather was idyllic with highs in the 60's and 70's. There is so much to see there, and while we crammed in as much as possible, there are still more places that I want to see on my next trip.

We arrived so early on Saturday morning, most everything wasn't yet open. We walked down to the Champs Elysees and saw the magnificent Arc de Triomphe that Napolean had built to celebrate his troops successes. We found coffee -- I LOVED their coffee, so strong and smooth -- and walked down to the Seine and past the Eiffel Tower, although we saved going up for another day. That first day, we also took a lovely boat cruise, which provided me with a good basic understanding of how the city was laid out. We had a fantastic dinner that night in the Latin Quarter, but the beef left me with a massive tooth ache where the temporary crown is. I drugged myself up for the night and was able to keep it from getting that bad again by only chewing on one side of my mouth for the rest of the trip.


On Sunday, we went shopping, and we enjoyed exploring the little boutiques on Rue de Temple. I navigated the subway system to get us there, and I was impressed with its cleanliness, smooth ride and frequent trains. It was a very easy system to manage. After shopping, we toured Notre Dame, and we were allowed access even though a service was being held. We quietly walked around and respected the sanctity of the church, only taking photos without flash inside. Then we headed over to the Eiffel Tower, where after a quick line for tickets and a cursory look in our bags, we were whisked up to the incredible views of the city. We met some other Americans there, including two women from Houston and a family from Las Vegas, who are in Paris for a year to "learn the language." I envy them!

On Monday, we went to the Museum d'Orsay, but it was closed. And unfortunately, we ran out of time to go back. We walked over to the Louvre, which was open. The garden was fantastic, and I remembered my sister Steph mentioning to me how much she enjoyed it. The Louvre is absolutely massive, so we saw the two pieces we most wanted to see -- the Mona Lisa and the Venus di Milo -- and enjoyed several other pieces to get to those and back.



Monday night we had an amazing dinner at a restaurant that was recommended to me named for the chef, Jacques Cagna. Every course was a delight, but I especially enjoyed the escargot, which were served in mushroom caps and small boiled potatoes, and the crab bisque. After dinner, I was pretty tuckered out, but NM wanted to get a drink at the hotel bar. I started talking to a couple of men beside us, and played "wingman" for her, talking to the late-40's English married guy so she could flirt with the young French guy. I had a good conversation at least, but our whole party was repeatedly interrupted by this obnoxiously drunk Australian woman, who was draping and pressing herself against the two guys. Her friends tried ineffectually to pull her away, but she kept coming back. The young Frenchman was sweet and tried to calm her down when she got to the point of tears. The woman was really embarrassing herself. It was pathetic. But I did get a cute picture out from the evening:



Tuesday, our last day in Paris, we went to Sacre Couer, which is high on a hill in the Northern section of the city. There are many steep steps to get to the cathedral, and on the steps were mimes, sketch artists and musicians, along with groups of tourists enjoying the view. After a moving walk around the sanctuary and taking pictures of the gargoyles on the exterior, we walked down to the Moulin Rouge.



Back to the Champs Elysees for lunch and some shopping, we headed over to the Arc de Triomphe again to walk up 284 more steps to reach the summit and enjoy the view.

But the highlight of Paris for me was getting to meet and hang out with Irish Parisienne, my fellow singleton blogger and virtual friend for the past three years. It was exciting to meet her in person, and we hit it off immediately. She brought along a friend of hers (a girl originally from San Francisco) and we were joined by another Irish guy, and much later her boy-of-the-moment Frenchman. Irish Parisienne and I could have talked all night, filling in the details for each other about our blog stories, but out of respect for the others, we joined the larger conversation. Still, she asked me to regale them with a couple of my stories, and they responded with the appropriate exclamations and laughter.

The next morning, we headed to the train station, on our way to Amsterdam.

Va-Cay

Today, I'm leaving on a plane for Paris. I got a temporary crown for my tooth, and the volcanic ash has cleared from the air. My friend Never Married and I are off to explore Paris, Amsterdam and London for the next weekend and a few days.

I'm SOOO excited and thrilled to be taking time off! I may or may not post to the blog. :-)

Living a Nightmare

Have you ever had the nightmare about your teeth falling out? I've had it several times over the years. It's very distressing. Apparently, the dream interpreters say it symbolizes that you are anxious (that's true) and afraid you're going to lose something (my mind?).

Last night, after volunteering with Habitat for Humanity for the day on Staten Island, I was pretty tired and decided to just have a quiet night at home. I made myself a simple dinner with pasta and watched my Netflix. I treated myself with a few squares of dark chocolate for dessert, and as I bit down to savor the sweet richness, I heard a strange crunch. To my horror, half of one of my molars broke off. To be honest, I think it's one of the teeth I have a crown on, so it's probably actually half of a crown, but it's freaky and awful. I ran to the bathroom to look at it, and it's not pretty. I had to look at it several times last night because my mind is still having a difficult time processing it. I called my dentist and left a message with his service. He actually called me back himself. Since I'm not in terrible pain (just a little throbbing and sensitivity to cold), and since I'm travelling for work tonight and most of tomorrow, we agreed I'd come in Monday late afternoon.

It's really not too painful, but it's so creepy. But I guess it's not the worst nightmare to have come true. And at least it's only one tooth.

[I have several crowns -- due to cracking my teeth from clenching and grinding them. I've bitten through three night guards. Stress. Still working on reducing/managing that. I really don't think I come across as high-strung or Type A, but I internalize a lot. And my teeth are getting the brunt of it.]

Wanna be Friends?

Yes, my dating life is so boring (non-existent) at the moment, the best I can do is Facebook spam. (Or is it spam?)

After the last one, I was pleasantly surprised to at least look at this one. I got a "Friend Request" from this guy:
From what I can see before we're officially Facebook friends, he's single, lives in Dallas, claims to be 34 (although he doesn't look older than 25 to me), and went to the high school I graduated from and apparently graduated the same year as I did although I am older than 34. (Doogie Houser?) His favorite music is listed as Rock and Roll and Frank Sinatra, and his favorite books? "Anything by Nicholas Sparks." If that wasn't suspicious enough, his description says "challenging but 'rewarding' like me." Sounds like a description on a dating site for what you're looking for, not a profile description on yourself.

It would be nice if this wasn't spam, although Dallas isn't very convenient for me anymore. What do you think? Should I friend him?

Gimme a Break

Apparently, I've been overdoing it. Too much exercise (triathlon training), too strict on caloric intake, and too much work. My body is in stress overload, causing bouts of racing heartbeats, holding on to weight, and back muscle spasms. I know, it sounds so enticing you wish it was you, right?

I'm hard on myself. Maybe too hard. I push myself to do more, more, more, and I'm angry when my body doesn't respond the way I want it to. But it has been recommended to me that I try more relaxation techniques and cut back on the training. It's easier said than done. I feel guilty if I'm not doing something (running, biking or swimming) every day. The tri is less than two months away. This will be my fourth triathlon, and last year, I had my personal best time. I want to beat it, but if I can't do that, I want to at least match it. So this past weekend, I only did swimming. But I think I still did too much because my shoulders haven't stopped contracting, despite heat, stretching and massage.

It's difficult to turn off my perfectionist tendencies. I not only want to do it all, I want to do it WELL. My mind has been racing lately with everything I need to do, to the point where I get almost paralyzed, completely overwhelmed. I usually make lists and check things off one by one. But I also still need to work on saying "No." I'm not very good at that.

I'm really looking forward to my vacation. I'm travelling with my fellow singleton, Never Married (NM) to Paris, Amsterdam and London. I'm hoping to connect with other singleton bloggers in Paris and London and will be trying not to think of anyone in particular in Amsterdam. But mostly, it will be blissful to be away from my major stressors here and enjoying the beautiful spring in Europe. It can't come soon enough.

My Latest Offer

I got the following message (with this punctuation and capitalization) through Facebook from a guy named "Church Victor:"

Hello dear your profile and pictures attract me to you,im an honest and easy going man who seek an honest and true date,im 39 and a devoted christian with an heart of gold,i await your resposnse to know if we can be entagled in the chemistry of love.
victor

Oh, and in case that wasn't appealing enough, his profile pic shows he's very rotund.

My response? BLOCK

My Easter Weekend

[I started writing this two days ago but have gotten slammed lately with incredible amounts of work and unable to finish. I apologize for the un-timeliness.]

Friday night, I met up with my friend NM for dinner, and we were joined by my much-younger cousin who's a senior at West Point and one of his buddies. After dinner, three more much-younger guys joined us, and by the end, NM and I were really feeling the 16 year difference in our ages. It's hard for me to specify exactly what it was that left me feeling "old" about the conversation, but I was grateful to have camaraderie when NM turned to me as we left the bar/restaurant saying, "Wow, I feel OLD!"

On Saturday, I took advantage of the sunshine and rode my bike up to Central Park and back downtown. It's about 18 miles roundtrip. The weather looked beautiful, but it was actually a bit chilly, and although I wished I was wearing more than short-sleeves and bike shorts, I didn't want to turn back. So I kept moving and enjoyed seeing all the blooming trees in Central Park. There was a lot of pedestrian, roller-blading and cycling traffic to dodge, and the return trip was into the wind. I was sufficiently exhausted when I got home, but I did go out to meet some colleagues from work at an event in Tribeca that evening.

Sunday began with a great service at church, where we sang all the familiar, traditional hymns and had an egg hunt for the kids. Returning home, I crashed, falling asleep on the couch for a couple hours until my mom called. I felt drugged, so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open. But fortunately she woke me, because I had been invited to a piano-violin concert at a friend's in the Upper West Side.

This is a new friend, introduced to me over email by my cousin-once-removed. They went to university together many years ago, and at a recent family wedding, this cousin and my mom (first cousins) caught up. Because this part of the story is already too long, my cousin reached out and said I should absolutely meet his friend and his wife, who were fascinating, dear people. He is a professor of English, and she is currently on a grant in Italy, although I didn't catch what she's doing. The concert was fantastic: both instrumentalists are very talented and in sync with each other. Afterwards, my host served bouillabaisse with many kinds of seafood I don't usually eat! The flavor was delicious, but I'm a bit squeamish about texture and usually avoid squid and mussels, both of which were plentiful. I couldn't refuse, so I ate almost everything -- I couldn't do the little squid that looks like a mini-octopus. But I enjoyed the visit and conversation around the table immensely.

Quality

This was sent to me by a friend. I like it and thought I'd share it:

"Women are like apples on trees, the best ones are on the top of the tree. The men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and don't want to get hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground -- that isn't so good but easy. So, the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top because they value quality." - Anonymous

Un-friending

We have new verbs in our vocabulary now, thanks to the Internet and social media. I'm fully immersed in these with my job, in part, helping clients figure out how to leverage social media. We "Google" people, places and things. If email or phone doesn't work, we can "Facebook" someone. And within that social network, we can "Fan" and "Friend" someone.

I've even had the experience of Un-Friending and Blocking someone on Facebook. Sometimes, like recently, I wish it was as easy to Un-Friend someone in person.

I know a guy going through a rough patch. I also know he likes me as more than a friend. He is currently in a relationship with a girl, but it's not going well. He likes to ask me for advice, but lately, I feel like he's also setting up his next move to ask me to be the next girlfriend. I'm NOT interested. AT ALL. He's not my type by any means, and I find him to be too self-absorbed and arrogant. And while he's decent enough looking, I don't find him attractive.

Lately, he's been asking me for more time and attention (pestering me). He calls, texts me, and asks me for time to meet in person, presumably to talk about his issues with his girlfriend. I've tried to be a good friend and have answered the phone, exchanged texts, and gone to lunch with him on several occasions. But I'm reaching the end of my limit.

When we walk down the street, he constantly leans into me, and my natural inclination is to move sideways. In this manner, we can diagonally cross an extra-wide sidewalk in one short block! He's also very touchy-feely, and I'm just getting to the point where I want to put about a mile in between us. I've never given him ANY encouragement that his feelings are returned. I've tried to be a good friend because I know he's going through a lot and we share a religious community.

But sometimes, I'm too nice for my own good. I know this, in theory, but I have a hard time setting boundaries with people. In the book "Eat. Love. Pray" by Elizabeth Gilbert, she describes herself:

" I have boundary issue with men. Or maybe that's not fair to say. To have issues with boundaries, one must HAVE boundaries in the first place, right?"

I can totally relate.

If at first you don't succeed...

...try, try, try again. Or so the saying goes.

But sometimes, you really are better off giving up. Or calling it quits.

With two divorces under my belt, I'm afraid that maybe I give up too easily. Or at least it appears that way. To counteract that, sometimes I try too hard to make a bad relationship work. One example of this is my relationship with the Green-Eyed Dutchman.

I wrote last summer about how we met 12 years ago as well as how our relationship changed from friends to more 10 years ago and his visit last May. And then as we were talking about me moving over there, he disappeared on me. But I got sucked back in, after my friend and his friend passed away in November and we shared our grief. I visited GED for New Years and thought maybe it was finally the right time for us.

And then he disappears again. No contact. No replies to my emails or text messages. FOR TWO MONTHS.

I'm angry with him, but more angry with myself. You know, "First time, shame on you. Second time, shame on me." Third time? I'm just an idiot, hopeless romantic.

But I thought maybe this was my chance at Love. And I believed him when he said it would be different.

I did finally hear from him, and we had a brief telephone conversation. He apologized and said his world had gotten busy/stressful/crazy. He asked how I was. I was pleased that I was able to maintain my composure and told him his silence had devastated me but I was over it, moving on. (And I was pleased that this was true, not just words.) I was able to tell him that I wished he had had the balls to tell me how he felt about me, but from his actions, it was perfectly clear how [not] important I was. He denied that his actions reflected his feelings for me, but I reminded him it was him who told me, during my trip there in January, that he was the type of guy that didn't tell his feelings as much as demonstrate them through his actions.

He had called in the middle of my workday. The time zones is always a challenge, so he asked if he could call me on the weekend and explain more fully. That was two weeks ago. Still haven't heard that explanation, not that it matters at this point.

Enjoying the Simple Things

I was in Austin last weekend for my niece Anna's 9th birthday. The weather was glorious. Texas is in full-spring, and the bluebonnets are just beginning to carpet the fields. Some of my favorite moments from the weekend:

• Taking Anna to get her ears pierced. She was nervous about the potential pain but so excited. Fortunately, she found the pain wasn't that bad at all, and she was THRILLED with the results. She picked out some crystal blue flowers in her birthstone as her starter set. They sparkled almost as much as she did. She told me it was the best day of her life and that she wanted to run and shout for joy. (We were in the car at the time, so that exuberance wasn't able to be expressed.) She and I were both laughing, so happy -- she was excited to have braved the experience and at the opportunity to get to wear a new form of jewelry, and I was relieved she didn't have much pain and delighted at her excitement.
• Watching a movie with my nephew Colin on my lap. This is definitely one of my favorite ways to watch movies, with a snuggly little guy. Although Colin is getting very long-legged and not so little anymore. But he was freshly showered and pajama-ed and I could snuggle into his neck and kiss his cheek. During a scary scene in the movie, he picked up my hand and put it on top of his chest.
• Bollywood dance class with Jenn. Several months ago, I saw Jenn and her friend give an impromptu performance at her house after some liquid courage, and it looked like so much fun. I was excited to be able to join her for a class, although with it being my first class and in the middle of their season, I only got about 1/3 of the moves. But it was fun and good exercise.
• Screaming as a "Mandrake" at the Harry-Potter-themed birthday party. Anna's party was all about Harry Potter, and Jenn had planned the activities around the characters and story. We made root beer floats into potions and replanted flowers pretending they were the ear-splitting mandrakes. Several of us adults screamed as the mandrakes. One of the kids said, looking at us like we were crazy, "It's not really the plants, it's just them screaming." But we were laughing, and Anna's face was beaming.
  

Selfishness Has Its Limits

Last night, in the too-many-moments before I fell asleep, I realized another reason of why I'm ready for a relationship. I'm tired of just considering myself. While I realize there are benefits to being able to be selfish, it does get old. Sure, I get to choose what restaurant to eat at/order from, where I'll go on vacation or how to spend my money all by myself, but sometimes, it would be nice to have another person's opinion and perspective. Maybe I'm not sure WHAT I want to eat, and without inspiration I tend to fall back on the same restaurants or meals that I usually cook.

While a relationship requires compromise and inevitably brings conflict, I find myself a little bored with just me. Just one of those thoughts before dreamland.

Evasive Action

First, let me thank Catherinette for bringing this BBC news story to my attention.

Upon responding to a domestic violence call, a female officer had to take "evasive action" to get out of the way of the suspect's penis being brandished as a weapon and waved about at her face.

I know guns aren't as commonplace in the UK as they are here, but this just made me laugh!

Escape

[Whenever I see the word "escape" in print, the first thing that goes through my head is Ellen Degeneres's voice from "Finding Nemo" sounding out "Ess-cah-pay." It makes me smile.]

I came across this on the web: Create an Escape Plan

It’s driving you crazy. Quite possibly, it’s having a negative impact on your health. It’s time to escape. But how? You feel like you have no options – no way out. It’s time to sit down and make a list. A list of what you need to do to get out of the situation. A list of what you need to do to make a change.

I'm definitely feeling the itch to escape, and it's getting harder to ignore. I need to make a change, but how much? And am I ready for this? Change is risky, but doing the same thing and expecting different results is insane. I'm thinking through all the options, trying to plan for all contingencies. I hate the uncertainty, the in-between-ness. I much prefer once I've made a decision and am acting on it. But it's too big to make the decision lightly. So I'm making lists. Several items have question marks next to them and require research -- Google and talking to trusted friends and counselors.

At least I have my upcoming Europe trip with Never Married as a welcome distraction. We leave for Paris, Amsterdam and a day in London at the end of April.

Not that Kind of Girl

My office is generally business casual, and [nice] jeans are acceptable. I love jeans, so this works really well for me. But yesterday, I had a client presentation, so I wore a black pencil skirt with my black boots and a cardigan. Unfortunately, about an hour before my presentation, I got a run in my hose. Grrr. Hose aren't my favorite thing, but it's still chilly here in NYC and I needed to look presentable. I don't think anyone noticed during my presentation -- it was less noticeable when I was standing and I'm sure they were blown away by my impressive knowledge and speaking abilities. Ha!

Afterward, one woman pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. And her last question was, "How do you get to be a senior vice president in your twenties?" I thanked her and politely corrected her.

Later, in a meeting with some colleagues, I was sitting with my legs crossed and the run in my hose was more obvious. They teased me that maybe I did it on purpose. Can you imagine? No, I told them, I'm not that kind of girl. I'm pretty conservative in my clothes and appearance. It's important to me to look professional. In fact, since I started my career, I've always looked younger and have struggled against people's perceptions that I'm "too young" and don't know what I'm talking about. Most of the time, I love looking younger than late-30-something. But in the workplace, it's not always an asset.

Flirting is an Art Form

I've been neglecting the blog. Work is crazy as ever (certifiably insane kind of crazy), and I'm in triathlon training mode, going to the gym or the pool every day. And I just haven't felt like blogging much. But I do have a story to share...Jury Duty guy.

We finally found an evening that worked for both of us, and he let me pick the place. I found a nice bar/lounge in Soho not too far from my office. The date was for drinks, but we stayed for several hours and shared some appetizers to keep some sort of check on the blood-alcohol levels. He asked me a lot of questions about myself -- almost to the point where he wasn't doing much talking about himself -- but did sprinkle in several compliments about my appearance and warned me "I'm going to flirt with you." Great, bring it on. I like my share of flirting.

Only, apparently, he doesn't really understand how to flirt, the innuendo and suggestive dialogue. His definition of flirting is decidedly more crass and obvious.

After laying his cards on the table and telling me that he wanted to be completely honest with me that he's not interested in a relationship, he started to "flirt." He asked me things like what position is my favorite, my bra size, and other things which I can't even write. I deflected the questions. It was obvious he's just looking for a good time gal, and while I can be fun to be around, I'm not looking for his type of rendezvous.

He said, "Oh, you're a relationship girl," in such an accusing tone I defended myself and disagreed with him. I'm not afraid to be alone, and steadfastly believe it's better to be on my own than in the wrong relationship (see divorce #1 and #2). I'm not one who is anxiously looking to be married just to be married. But I would like to meet someone and see where it goes, naturally letting it develop into something more, or not, as opposed to having the boundaries of what this could or couldn't be defined on the first date.

So he asked me if I wanted to come over and watch a movie at his place the next night. No thanks. I want more than just a friend-with-benefits, and I deserve to be treated with more respect.

Cyber Stalking

Text messaging, Facebook, emails...there are more ways to reach out to people, for good or bad purposes. Fortunately, there are also many ways to block people, but occasionally, some slimy messages get through.

Years ago, my best girlfriends at work and I would go to lunch often. (Ah, the good ol' days when I didn't eat at my desk...) Sometimes, one of the guys -- a married father -- would tag along, laughing at our jokes, but he wasn't really a part of our estrogen-bonded circle. Every now and then, I would get a strange vibe from him, but for the most part, he seemed harmless. A nice, if awkward, guy.

Years passed, and we all moved on to other jobs and other friends. I kept in touch with the girls, and at a lunch get-together, one friend mentioned she had heard from the man, who was getting a divorce. We all commented how that was too bad and the conversation moved on to other topics.

Soon after, the two of us singleton gals started getting emails from the guy. Creepy emails. It seemed he was interested in rekindling the friendship and whatever else might spark. Ew. Neither of us was interested.

Then the Facebook stalking started. He would send friend requests with odd messages of random topics. They sounded like he was picking up in the middle of a conversation. I didn't want to encourage anything and decided to block him on Facebook. And I told the one girl who was in touch with him not to give out my info.

This week, the other singleton in our group -- who is in a committed relationship -- got the strangest email from Creepy Dude. I had to share...it's so bizarre.

The email's subject is "Mole."

And the message says: "lady recently cut my hair. she had a big 'ol mole on her lip. i couldn't help but think of the scene where Austin Powers could not stop looking at the mole's mole."

SO WEIRD! Does he seriously think this is the best way to start up a conversation with someone that he hasn't even exchanged emails with in over a year?

I laughed out loud when I read it, and then thanked my lucky stars it wasn't sent to me!

Another Internet Dating Story

So a fellow singleton colleague of mine who recently moved to NYC recently went on a date with a guy she met through eHarmony (been there, done that). She said they had had several good phone conversations and agreed to meet. Before the meeting, she had a business trip which took her to Vancouver during the Olympic games. New-to-NY (N2NY) texted him a picture of the Olympic flame, and he made an off-color remark saying he wished she had sent a picture of her in lingerie instead, "just kidding." Kidding or not, the remark was overly flirtatious and not respectful of their new acquaintance. Thinking of his other positive qualities, N2NY went to meet him and hoped for the best.

So how did it go? She sat down with wide eyes to give me the scoop today. Apparently, after some time with conversation covering each of their respective occupations, he admitted, "Well, you're a very intimidating and powerful woman."

N2NY said, "I prefer confident." But he reiterated that he was intimidated by her in a way that wasn't a compliment but rather more of an excuse for him. But the final straw? He made another reference to lingerie. N2NY was outta there!

I've had men tell me I'm intimidating before. Usually when they can't perform up to task, so to speak.

Beautiful Snowfall

NYC got over a foot of snow last week between Thursday and Friday. While I am getting a little tired of winter and look forward to seeing more of the sun in Spring, I am still enthralled with the snow. It's beautiful.

This weekend, I ventured up to Central Park and enjoyed the winter wonderland.

One More Time?

Why do we revisit or reconsider relationships from our past? I think sometimes the good memories stay with you more than the bad. And sometimes, especially during times of loneliness, you wonder if there is something worth salvaging. Or maybe it was the right person but the timing just wasn't right. Perhaps you didn't give the relationship a fair shot the first time around. And for me, I worry that I may throw in the towel too easily, run when things get tough, so I try again to make sure I'm not just avoiding conflict.

But I also tend to put more stock in my mind than my emotions. I trust thinking more than feeling. I understand (in theory) the importance of paying attention to those gut reactions, but I generally overthink things, rationalizing and reasoning away those pesky feelings.

I have another single friend (male) who told me you know, deep inside yourself, when something is right or not. I argued (of course), but what if I really don't know?

Or maybe it's just hard to shut the door on a relationship because in some way, it feels like admitting failure. Another one bites the dust. And it's always difficult to say goodbye.

Order Up

Perhaps I watch too much TV. I have my favorite sitcoms, dramas and news shows, and at least I use my DVR and fast-forward through the commercials.

Tonight I was catching up on Brothers & Sisters. The divorced sister Sarah is the character I currently identify with. In the most recent episode, she had a brief monologue where she's describing her relationship falterings, stating she's successful in many areas of her life, like business, but just has this one area of her life that she can't make work. In another scene, she's talking to her school-aged daughter about Valentine's and tells her it's not always the guy who makes you blush and not able to put a coherent sentence together that's the best for you -- at the time she's dating a nice guy that she doesn't feel passion for. But as TV usually does, she ends up at the end of the hour broken up from the boring, nice guy and back together with her passionate French ex-boyfriend.

I want the butterflies and blushing and stammering. I've tried settling, and I don't think it's worth it. Of course, there's more to it than attraction and passion, but I do believe those are important ingredients.

I had lunch with a recently married colleague of mine this week, and she described her nearly one-year marriage (second one for her) as feeling comfortably settled. She said it's such a comforting, wonderful feeling. I want settled, but without settling.

And since I've heard and read that you need to state what you want, I want a guy that adores me, the challenges me to be my best, that makes me laugh even when I want to shout or cry, someone who is loyal, intelligent, and deserving of my respect and admiration, someone who will appreciate all I have to give. And Universe? Tall, dark and handsome is great, too. Thanks.

Jury Duty Bonus

I got called for jury duty this week. While it is a chore, I realize it's also truly a U.S. citizen's civic duty and an opportunity to be a part of our judicial system.

It was an all-day affair, and I almost got selected. I was hoping I wouldn't, because the judge said the trial would be 6 working days. But I did get to sit in the jury box and got asked questions, along with the other potential jurors, from the judge, the assistant district attorney, and the defense attorney.

When at the end of the day, several of us were excused, many of us were breathing a sigh of relief. I walked out with a couple others, and one guy asked if anyone wanted to grab a drink. I thought, why not? (and he's cute)

As we walked to a bar a few blocks away, he did the Southern gentleman thing of walking on the sidewalk closer to the street. As we took turns and crossed streets, he would politely maneuver me to the "safer" side of the sidewalk. I commented on it, and he explained he grew up in Washington, D.C. and was raised to follow the Southern ways. He moved to NYC a few years ago because he loved the city and was working successfully at that time as a massage therapist. With the recession, he lost a significant number of his clients, so he fell back on his accounting and finance degree and got a good job in the transportation industry. But he said he still also does massage therapy. (Bonus!)

We had a quick drink because he was due to meet some friends, and I was going to church for the Ash Wednesday service. But I learned he's got one older sister, owns his apartment in the city, and he's a Capricorn. We exchanged numbers, and I've gotten a couple text messages from him already.

Ski Trip

I can't remember the last time I went skiing, but I've held on to all my gear. So I was thrilled to be invited by one of my vendors to a big lodge in Vermont for the weekend. Food, alcohol, ski equipment, lift tickets and bus travel to and from the city were included, so I couldn't say no!


There were somewhere between 25-30 people at this lodge house, only a few of whom I knew prior to the weekend, but the house was amazing. There were so many bedrooms and bathrooms, I had a room and bathroom to myself! The place had a pool and jacuzzi (which I indulged in every evening), a ping pong table, and a pool table. There was more food and drink than we could possibly go through, and dinners each night were a group affair of preparation and enjoyment.


The first night, I didn't want to overdo it and stayed fairly conservative though the party was full-on. But I was anticipating the next day of skiing and determined one quiet guy was in a like mindset. We agreed to meet the next morning and head out early as everyone had planned. Come Friday morning, we were the only two ready to go at 8:45, so we headed up before the rest. (We heard later the rest made it to the mountain around 11:45.) We skied all day together and were pretty well-matched. We started on green trails (the easiest) and then did blues (moderately difficult) for the rest of the day, meeting up with everyone at lunch and again at the end of the day. Quiet Guy was a little better than me, and I would watch him ski ahead of me (much faster than I felt comfortable going) although he would stop and wait for me periodically. Towards the end of the day, we shared a lift ride with an older guy (maybe 60) who was a regular and very chatty. After exchanging names, he commented about us, "Ah, young lovers." We both cracked up laughing and I explained we had only just met the day before. He said, "Well, sometimes that's all it takes," and I further explained that Quiet Guy is married and we were just friends. But this guy showed us some trails we hadn't previously taken and we skied with him until the end of the day. I only begged off of the last trail.

That night, there was another rip-roaring party at the house, but I was so tired, I turned in around 10:00. However, they were living it up so loudly, I eventually put in my headphones and listened to some quiet music to drown them out and get some sleep.



Saturday morning, Quiet Guy and I were up again early. Again, we were the first and only ones out the door at 8:30. When we took our first run, I could tell my legs were tired from the day before, and my right leg kept cramping up. We stopped after awhile for some Gatorade and a banana and that helped. But I still wasn't keeping up as much as I had the day before. I was hurting, and I felt bad that I was holding Quiet Guy back. I pushed myself all through the first day and half of the second to keep up -- we even did a couple black (most difficult) trails -- but I was hurting. When we met the rest of the crew at lunch, I told Quiet Guy to go out with some of the other more advanced skiers. Unfortunately, we just missed them at the rendezvous point (although we were on-time), so he went off by himself. I went out with another group, but I still was feeling pretty weak. I did a few more trails with them and headed back to the main lodge to warm up. Still, I skied for 6 hours the first day and 5 hours the second.

That night was our last night, so the party was non-stop! There was food, games, music, dancing, Olympics in the background...it was awesome. I stumbled up to my room a little after midnight, and I was still one of the first to turn in. I just couldn't party that hard after skiing so hard.

Sunday, we rode back to the city in the bus. It was a quiet bus, with most of us napping for the first half of the four-hour drive back. And thankfully, I had today off because my legs are KILLING me. I know I WAY overdid it, and today I've just rested, alternating ice and heat, stretching and loading up on protein and ibuprofen.

Church Lady?

From my first month here in NYC, I've been going to the same church, John Street United Methodist. It's the oldest UMC in the U.S. with its beginnings in 1766. The current church building is actually the third, built in 1841. It is dwarfed by the mammoths on either side, but has a quaint appearance.

Before I officially joined the church, I made inquiries that led to the formation of the choir. Our 8-9 amateur choir made some beautiful music, and with our choir director/organist's passing in November, I have missed singing and joking around with the group.

Several of the choir members cajoled (harassed?) me to try Bible study on Monday nights. The key deciding factor for me was the home-cooked meals, featuring entrees by our NY Italian original Anna. The food is fantastic, but I have learned more about the Bible and again have treasured the fellowship of the small group.

And after our choir director/organist's death, our pastor asked me to join the committee that, among other things, will help select the new organist/music director. It's something very dear to me, so I didn't hesitate to say yes.

And then,...the ladies I'd gotten to know through choir and Bible study twisted my arm to join the United Methodist women. They dragged me along to their lunch outing (we do a lot of eating), and gave me a copy of the book that was a gift for each one. I'm definitely the youngest -- I think there's one woman in her 40's and the rest are in their 50's, 60's and 70+ -- but they are sweet and funny. And then one of them made a comment that we were "Church Ladies" and should wear hats. It was a joke, but all I could see in my mind was Dana Carvey's Church Lady from SNL:


I'm not going to start wearing a hat, but I've come to really appreciate this community I've found and become a part of. And it keeps me out of trouble. Well...most of the time. ;-)

What's in a Number?

Is age just a number, or is it more indicative of experience and maturity? Perhaps it depends on the individual. I have generally dated men who are older than me, but I did date a younger guy for a short time before I left Dallas. In general, though, I don't go for younger guys. But it is nice to hear compliments from a man, younger or not. My ego was boosted by some compliments from a younger guy this weekend. It's nice to hear I've still got it. ;-)

Poor Kitty

My cat Sabrina had dental surgery today. Her first dental cleaning by my sister, Dr. Jenn, was done about four years ago. At that time, Jenn found she had some decaying teeth and had to remove three. At Sabrina's recent check-up, they saw some irritation in her gums and tartar on her teeth and suggested another cleaning. Sure enough, the x-rays detected additional teeth that needed to come out. Poor girl had three teeth removed today, as well as a small mole-like spot removed from her head. She seems to be happy now that she's home, and I have pain meds to give her for the next couple days while she heals.

It's so hard to watch her go through this, but I know it's for the best and will hopefully keep her healthy and here with me longer. I took a video when I got her home tonight to share with Dr. Jenn and the family. Her purr is very loud, due to her scratchy throat from the trachea tube for breathing while she was under anesthesia.

The Special Sauce

I've been neglecting my blog. If you're still here, I apologize.

I had dinner recently with the partner of my voice teacher, who passed away in November. I always enjoyed talking with my teacher's partner, and it was good to see him again. We reminisced a lot, but we talked about other things as well.

He told me they were together for 27 years. Wow. He said someone asked him what was it that they had that made it work. That's the question, isn't it? He wasn't sure what the "special sauce" was.

I think it's a combination of chemistry, common values and commitment. There has to be something that draws two people together initially (chemistry), but there also needs to be common values to have a shared purpose. And to get through the rough times, which we all know will happen, there has to be a commitment on both sides. Agree? Disagree? What do you think it is that makes a successful couple?

North vs. South

I took a business trip to Atlanta this week, and I was struck by some of the obvious differences between NYC and Atlanta, or possibly the South in general. For one, the temperature was noticeably warmer (in the 60's) but when I entered my hotel room, they had the heat on! I promptly turned it off.

The cabbie from the airport was super chatty and friendly, too. I just I've gotten a bit NY-ified, but it's difficult for me to make small talk sometimes. And I'm just not used to cabbies talking so much. This guy first pegged me as a Mary Kay consultant (there was a convention in town), and after I declined that label, he asked me if I was a lawyer!? I just don't like to give too much personal info, so I kept my answers brief and concentrated on my email (legitimately). He finally quieted down. And then when we got to the hotel, he said, "You're really beautiful. You have the perfect nose for modeling." I just thanked him and laughed. My nose? Really?

The waiter at the hotel restaurant was very chatty, too. Oh, and the menu was appalling in its scarcity of healthy options! And I chose the healthiest of the restaurants (the other was a sports bar with typical bar food like wings and fried things). They had lots of mashed potatoes, ribs, fried chicken. I was really hankering for sushi but was able to settle on a fish dish and a large salad. I'm determined to lose the extra pounds I gained over the holidays and maybe a few more, but it was easy for me to see why many Southern states have higher obesity rates.

Glad to be back in NYC. :-)

Rainy Day Activity

I've had a nice, quiet weekend. And today has been rainy ever since church, so I've stayed in and written for three hours. What am I writing? A memoir.

I've been blogging for five years next month. And several readers and people I admire have encouraged me to write a book and have questioned what happened before the blog -- "how is it that you have two divorces???" So the book begins with that sordid history from 1995.

However, it's emotionally grueling to write some of that. So it's been happening in small bursts and long avoidances. But with the new year, it's a great time to tackle it again.

I have realized my writing style is much better for blogging -- more succinct and to the point. I don't like to belabor the minute details. I joked with my sister Jenn that this might turn out to be more like a pamphlet than a book. So I just Googled "how many words in a book," and found a blog post that gives several examples of books with 20,000 to 100,000 words.

I'm currently just over 11,000. So maybe this will be more than a pamphlet after all. Now if I can just find someone who's interested in publishing it once I'm done...

A Girly Event

Last night I went to the grand opening of Intimacy's new location. For those who aren't in-the-know, Intimacy is the ultimate in bra-fitting. The owner, Susan Nethero, has been featured in most of the women's mags and on the shows How to Look Good Naked and Oprah. I had been introduced to a similar store by my sister Steph in Houston, and after seeing Susan on TV, I knew I had to check out her NYC store. In addition to the great fit and outstanding costumer service, Intimacy carries only high-quality lingerie. It IS more expensive, but it makes you feel like a million bucks and when taken care of properly, can last a long time. Plus, they offer free alterations for the life of the bra, so as it stretches over time, they take it in. Since moving here 2 1/2 years ago, I've been a patron of their store on the Upper East Side up in the 90's, but the saleslady I work with told me they were opening a bigger, better location on 62nd Street.

Their grand opening event had champagne (yum) and teeny-tiny hors d'ouvers. While it's a beautiful shop, it's not huge, and it was quite full with all the guests and staff. I saw Susan Nethero across the room but didn't seek her out. I checked out their displays and signed up for a fitting -- where the saleslady I've worked with three times before brings me a variety of styles and colors to a private dressing room. I also had to get one of the Hanky Panky's they were bedazzling just for the sheer indulgence and the fact that it made me laugh. Who would bedazzle panties?!? Well, I guess I wouldn't personally, but I now own a pair. He he!

And then I turned from the bedazzling table and Susan said, "Hi, are you having fun?" And we proceeded to talk for about 10 minutes. She was perfectly lovely and not at all pretentious or conceited. She mentioned, as I've seen on her site and heard her say before in interviews, that she really believes in empowering women, and her way of doing that is helping them look their best.

I love the store, and I will continue to patronize it even if I don't win the shopping spree drawing (but I hope I win!), but the best part of the evening was talking to Susan. I love meeting people who are passionate about what they do and are successful at doing something good for themselves and for others.

Final thoughts on Amsterdam

Before I left for Amsterdam, I did a little online research. One of the things I learned about was olliebollen -- a fried bread with raisins that is a holiday specialty. I tried it twice, and it was very tasty!

My last full day in Amsterdam, GED and I went to the Rijksmuseum. That night for dinner, he cooked for me again, and again, I was so impressed with his cooking! One of the two dishes he made was so different than anything I'd ever eaten -- a tomato based sauce with hard-boiled eggs resting in it. I admit, I was a little hesitant and didn't think I'd like it, but I loved it!


GED told me he doesn't like pictures, and I got this shot of him treating me like intruding paparazzi. It makes me laugh.


But now that I've shared the best of all my photos, I guess I should address what I haven't: how I feel about it all. And part of the reason I've avoided doing so is because I'm not sure. There are definitely feelings on both sides, and we had an honest conversation about the very real challenges. The fact is, if we were to explore these feelings and potential relationship, we would need to live in the same city, in the same country. Because of his young children from a previous marriage, it would need to be me that moves. And it's a very difficult decision. Besides the obvious -- leaving my country, my culture, learning the Dutch language, being farther away from family and friends, leaving my job and the reputation I've built here -- there's also the fear of will this last? Am I ready to leave my singledom for a committed relationship? Is he? It's a lot to process. So, GED and I continue to talk, and while I'm not ready to close that door, I'm not ready to make a decision yet either. As he said when he saw I had tears in my eyes at the airport, "this is not goodbye."

Rotterdam

The day after Antwerp, GED took me to Rotterdam, "his" city. He explained that it looks more like an American city -- modern architecture -- because it was bombed heavily in WWII, leaving only 3-4 buildings that have the more traditional architecture.

I loved the bridge on the entrance to the city. GED said the locals call it "the swan."

One of the most interesting housing units were these cube-shaped dwellings. GED said he had been inside one before visiting a friend and that the oddly angled walls were unusual but cool.

Antwerp

When I planned my trip to Holland, GED asked me what I wanted to see. I've been to Amsterdam before and saw many of the top attractions, including the Anne Frank museum, the Van Gogh museum and the Heineken museum. I told him I really wanted to see what life is like in Holland and maybe visit Belgium, which is just a couple hours drive away.

So on Saturday, GED drove me to Antwerp, Belgium. He lived there a few years ago and was able to navigate the city easily. We walked around and I enjoyed the quaint architecture, the remaining Christmas decorations, and the reminders of home in a Tex Mex restaurant, a store named New Yorker, and Ben & Jerry's.

New Year's Eve in Amsterdam

Back at work, everyone asked with raised eyebrows if I had fun in Amsterdam, thinking I engaged in scandalous or illegal activities. I did have fun, but I didn't go to Amsterdam because of the Red Light District or the prevalence of marijuana.

I arrived on New Year's Eve in the late afternoon, and Green-Eyed Dutchman (GED) met me and took me to the apartment that he's currently renting from a friend. It's a great place right on one of the canals, and I really enjoyed the view, watching the canal freeze over just about every day and the ducks and seagulls swimming in the cold water until they got to the edge of the ice and started walking. After a long night/day of travelling, I took a shower and put on fresh clothes and enjoyed my first home-cooked meal by GED. He's of Indonesian descent, and that night he made me an Indonesian chicken dish with vegetables over noodles. I was very impressed. It was delicious!

The trams stopped running around 7 or 8 that night, so we just walked into town to enjoy the festivities. It was about a 20 minute walk to the main center of town. We walked passed Dam Square, which I recognized from my previous trip and from our trek to his apartment earlier from Centraal Station, and GED looked around and asked aloud (to himself) which direction was Centraal Station? I immediately pointed which way it was, and he looked surprised. I have a very good sense of direction and my confidence convinced him to trust me. Although GED is Dutch, he's not from Amsterdam, and since moving there three months ago has spent most of that time on business trips out of the country. He hasn't had much time to get acquainted with the city, but I still teased him that an American was giving him directions.

The Dutch celebrate New Year's with lots of fireworks. Everyone seemed to be setting them off all around us. I squealed and jumped several times on our walk. Passing through the Red Light District, we made it to Nieuwmarkt Square and got a couple beers. We stood outside along with people from many other countries and watched as the fireworks increased up to midnight. Here, see for yourself:





And the rest will be in another post...

Amsterdam

Just a quick post to let you all know I'm back and share a few images of beautiful Amsterdam in winter. More to come. I'm just exhausted now.

Perfect '10?

The '00's had their ups and downs, but now we're at the dawn of a new decade and I'm looking forward to what 2010 will bring.

When I look back over the last year, I realize I dated a lot but I also had a lot of break-ups. But none of them hit me as hard as the back-to-back deaths of two dear friends in November. After the initial grief, I find I'm in a very happy space, taking life as it comes and focusing on the little things that bring me joy. Yes, I wish I had someone special to share my life with, but instead of focusing on the lack of someone, I have been finding so much to love in all I do have. I live in a fantastic city, I have a good job, I've got a great new friend in NM, and I have a wonderful loving family. Oh, and I'm 3 sizes smaller than I was at this time last year! (Yipee!)

For New Year's, I'm heading to Amsterdam. GED lives there now and invited me to spend a few days. We've been speaking for the past couple months, and he gave me one of the most heartfelt apologies I've ever heard. We've been friends -- and sometimes more -- for 11 years now, and that's not something I can easily or want to throw away. And I hate being alone at New Year's. So, although I'm excited to be going, I'm also not putting any expectations on what this means or what happens next.

Happy New Year to you all! May 2010 bring many more exciting experiences to blog about!

Christmas Memories

Christmas was wonderful, although my visit went much too quickly! I had 2.5 days in Austin with Jenn, Anthony, Anna & Colin (and saw my uncle Tom, as seen in this pic) and then 2.5 days in Houston with my parents, Steph, Al, Paige, Graham and Evelyn.


Here's Jenn reading the Christmas story, with dog Francesca listening in. I took Francesca on a run -- or perhaps I should say she took me -- between the wind at my back and her energy, I ran much faster than I usually do on the treadmill!

Colin is still very snuggly, and one of my favorite moments was watching a movie with him on my lap. He's almost too big to do this, but I really love getting those snuggles! Anna is growing up FAST, and she got a lot of pleasure out of picking out gifts for me, including bright pink lipstick and a beautiful beaded necklace and earrings.

After church, the kids came over to Nana & Grandad's and we did crafts. I showed them how to make funny glasses out of pipe cleaners, although Evie didn't want to wear any. She's happy that the Christmas Chihuahua came out to sing "Feliz Navidad." After Evie went down for a nap, Nana and I went shopping with the twins. Paige was my buddy, staying close by and hugging on me or holding my hand almost constantly. :-)


Graham -- or Grahammie the Hammie -- tries on the blinking nose for the Rudolph model in the front yard.

Graham made me smile when he gave me a goodnight kiss and then ran to his mom blushing and saying, "I can't believe I gave Auntie Emily a kiss!"

And here Evelyn pretends to nap, watching her Grandad, who really was nodding off. As soon as he closed his eyes and started to relax, Evelyn would say, "Grandad!" and wake him up. :-) She also delighted me and Nana when we came to see her after her nap and she ran to us giving us tight hugs and saying, "I missed you!" So sweet.


Again, I come home with a full heart. I feel so fortunate to have so many wonderful people in my family, especially all the little dear ones.

Merry Christmas!

I am so thankful this Christmas for so many blessings -- for family, for friends, for a decent job, for a warm place to live, for a church family, and for readers and commenters to my blog. :-)

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!