Running Away or Running Towards?

I haven't posted much lately, because I've been keeping quiet about something happening in my life...but I've been working on this post for over a year...

I heard Martha Beck speak at the O You Conference in San Francisco a couple years ago, and I was so impressed. I've always enjoyed her columns in the Oprah Magazine, but in person she was so much more! She's incredibly adept at making complex thinking seem attainable, and she's witty and downright funny.

One of her past columns was titled "Know When to Fold 'Em," in which she mentioned W.C. Fields's profound statement "If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it." The column discusses how researchers have compared those who resist quitting, and of those who throw in the towel when facing unattainable goals. They found that the second group—the quitters—were healthier than their persistent peers on almost every variable.

This gives me some comfort, because I've been struggling with the idea of "quitting."

Quitting New York.

Undoubtedly, there are things I love about New York: the variety in cultures, the lack of conformity to a single (or few) ideas, the four seasons, the multitude of cultural events (especially Broadway), feeling like I'm a part of this big machine called NYC, being close to the water (even if it is the not-so-transparent Hudson River), my little close-knit church and fledgling (although now on hiatus) choir...

But...it has been a pretty lonely existence for me here. Over the last three years, I've done all the tried-and-true methods to meet friends and potential dates. I've made a few friends, but NY has a culture of everyone being so busy, you don't see them but maybe once every few months. And I miss my family, especially the kids, my nieces and nephews.

As I recently celebrated another birthday, getting closer to having to change the title of this blog and hearing the biological clock ticking louder in its finale, I realize that if I don't have kids of my own, I at least want to be closer to those I do have in my life.

I started making inquiries with my company about the possibility of transferring, and I got full approval to move ahead with the transfer to the Austin office as soon as I'm ready. The only thing sticking point is subleasing my apartment, and that has happened MUCH faster than I expected.

I'm keeping my job AND getting to live closer to my family, able to be a more consistent presence in my nieces' and nephews' lives. And it also opens up other possibilities for me, such as owning a home, eating a lot more TexMex, participating (and completing) more triathlons, and possibly having a child on my own.

I moved to NYC for my career, and I've realized my career isn't the most important thing to me. I'm moving back to have a personal life.

I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

Beautiful Snowfall

NYC got over a foot of snow last week between Thursday and Friday. While I am getting a little tired of winter and look forward to seeing more of the sun in Spring, I am still enthralled with the snow. It's beautiful.

This weekend, I ventured up to Central Park and enjoyed the winter wonderland.

North vs. South

I took a business trip to Atlanta this week, and I was struck by some of the obvious differences between NYC and Atlanta, or possibly the South in general. For one, the temperature was noticeably warmer (in the 60's) but when I entered my hotel room, they had the heat on! I promptly turned it off.

The cabbie from the airport was super chatty and friendly, too. I just I've gotten a bit NY-ified, but it's difficult for me to make small talk sometimes. And I'm just not used to cabbies talking so much. This guy first pegged me as a Mary Kay consultant (there was a convention in town), and after I declined that label, he asked me if I was a lawyer!? I just don't like to give too much personal info, so I kept my answers brief and concentrated on my email (legitimately). He finally quieted down. And then when we got to the hotel, he said, "You're really beautiful. You have the perfect nose for modeling." I just thanked him and laughed. My nose? Really?

The waiter at the hotel restaurant was very chatty, too. Oh, and the menu was appalling in its scarcity of healthy options! And I chose the healthiest of the restaurants (the other was a sports bar with typical bar food like wings and fried things). They had lots of mashed potatoes, ribs, fried chicken. I was really hankering for sushi but was able to settle on a fish dish and a large salad. I'm determined to lose the extra pounds I gained over the holidays and maybe a few more, but it was easy for me to see why many Southern states have higher obesity rates.

Glad to be back in NYC. :-)

Thinking of NYC

Just got home. It was a wonderful week of visiting, good food, laughter, music and hugs. But I realized in the cab from the airport to Manhattan that I'm looking forward to being home in my apartment. One of my cousins kept asking me questions about NYC, intimating that I don't like it. I explained to her that there are many things I love about this city, but she had a difficult time understanding why I don't want to move back to Texas.

And I started thinking, in the cab ride, about some of the things I love about this city. Much of it is hard to put into words...

It's a city where it's not strange to be 37 and not married, and it's not considered out of the ordinary to still expect you'll have children one day,

Where you could be childless, with or without a relationship, and still have a full, exciting life

Where every nationality, ethnicity and cuisine are represented and celebrated

Where high fashion, your own unique fashion and no fashion happily coexist

It's a city where you have to be tough to survive, and having survived, it gives you a confidence that you can get through tough times

It's dirty and noisy and pushy and rude, but it's also beautiful and dazzling and melodic and powerful

And amazingly, it's the city where my English father met my Texan mother and I was born, and it's now home.

An Amazing Musical Night

I know, I've been bad about posting. (Thanks, Lindsey, for the encouraging comment!) And in years past I've done NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month), where you commit to posting every day in November. No way that's happening this month.

Part of my lack of posting is due to being way too busy. And part of it is because I've had to become very careful about what I say because of who has found and is reading the blog. I've gotten several text messages referring negatively to my blog from a couple guys who were previously in the picture. I've been debating about moving my blog to another platform which will allow me to password-protect certain posts, like fellow blogger Catherinette does. But that takes time, which I am currently short of.

But I HAVE to share what I did last night. A coworker sent around an invite to a talk at NYU featuring Clive Davis, the legendary recording producer who has launched the careers of Janis Joplin, Aerosmith, Bruce Springsteen, Billy Joel, Chicago, Santana, Whitney Houston, Alicia Keys, and many many others. It was amazing to hear him speak about his career and hear his passion for what he does.

The after party was at the B.B. King Blues Club in Times Square and was a fundraiser for Bob Woodruff's Foundation to support wounded veterans. (Bob Woodruff is the journalist who was wounded by a roadside bomb in Iraq.) He spoke briefly, as did Wilmer Valderrama, who is adorable but seems very down-to-earth. And they introduced The Fray, who sang several songs. My friend and I were standing 10 feet from the stage, and it was incredible. They are so talented and passionate about the music. The lead singer, Isaac Slade, looked directly at me twice while he was singing. And when he came out on stage, he brought his Apple laptop and announced to the crowd that the Yankees had won the World Series. He set the laptop facing the audience on the piano so we could all see the live feed of the Yankees hugging and celebrating. The crowd cheered and watched the celebrations while The Fray sang their first song. The whole thing was fantastic. And although I didn't get to bed until 2 a.m., I feel like these are the kind of opportunities that I have to take advantage of in NYC.

Update: Adding a few pictures taken from my iPhone. The first is Wilmer Valderrama and Bob Woodruff. The others are The Fray.

Snug Harbor

Aloha Guy left today. We had a great time, and I was sad to see him go.



We both took off a couple days from work to do some sightseeing. Aloha Guy said he wanted to do something in or around NYC that I had never done before. He brought his camera, a nice Nikon, and took some great pictures of me. (I don't usually like many pictures of me, but he captured some really nice ones.)



I had done some research before hand and found out about a beautiful park on Staten Island called Snug Harbor. It was originally created as a retirement haven for sailors in 1801. There are many galleries and gardens, and I specifically wanted to see the Chinese Scholar's Garden, modeled after traditional gardens in China.


The gardens must be fantastic in the summer, when everything is in bloom. But the nice thing about going on a crisp fall day during the work week is that we had the place to ourselves! We enjoyed exploring the gardens, the ponds and visiting the koi fish. When I sat by the koi pond, the fish swam toward me, obviously hoping for food. I couldn't resist teasing them with my finger to see what they would do. The biggest fish lifted his head out of the water and tried to bite my finger! Aloha Guy caught the moment perfectly.

Apartment Hunting

Looked for apartments all weekend. Ugh. It's exhausting.

Although I have a very nice apartment now -- complete with good square footage, washer & dryer in apartment, doormen, and a great view -- the management company wants to raise the rent (again) and the construction noise from Ground Zero is still annoying from 7 a.m. until 11 p.m. (They do not have to abide by the noise ordinance for NYC because technically the property is owned by Port Authority.) Plus, many places in Manhattan are making great deals. Including, actually, my current building -- I learned they are giving a couple months free rent and lower rent overall to new tenants. It just doesn't apply to existing tenants, so the existing lot (me included) are leaving in droves.

I'm currently on the border of the Financial District and Tribeca, and I decided I wanted to try and get into a different neighborhood. I looked at places in Chelsea, Tribeca proper, Midtown West, Upper West Side and the West Village. I love the West Village and would love to live there, but the places I can afford aren't big enough for my Texas-sized furniture.

I got a lot of shit from brokers when I mentioned my king size bed. I originally bought the bed frame and accompanying furniture when I was in my last long-term relationship. Unfortunately, we broke up shortly after we purchased it (on my credit), and I got the furniture while he kept the mattress. I ended up buying a terrific mattress -- the same one Westin uses for their Heavenly Bed -- and absolutely love it. Since I had just paid it off before moving to NYC, I didn't want to get rid of it. And now, I'm even more attached to it.

Then there's the cat. I've had Sabrina her whole life, which next month will be 16 years. She's my loving companion, and I'm treasuring what I realize are her golden years. (If I'm lucky, she'll live to 20.) So the bed and the cat are not negotiable.

I started on Friday night after work, seeing a couple of places. Then all day Saturday, from 11 a.m. until 7 p.m. I didn't even eat lunch. After church on Sunday, I saw a couple more. And Monday at lunch, two more. One of which I'm hoping will be my next pad.

I've put in my application and paperwork, including 2 recent pay stubs, 2 bank statements, 2 last tax returns, and a letter from my employer confirming employment and salary. Keeping my fingers crossed it all goes through... (and if it does, I'll tell you more about it!)

Packing in the Sight-Seeing and Visiting

Saturday and Sunday with Jenn, Anth and the kids here just flew by in a whirlwind of activity. On Saturday, we had a delicious but filling brunch and then headed up to Times Square. We bought tickets to Mary Poppins, which the kids were absolutely enthralled with. That night, we had dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, Sushi Samba.







Sunday, we went to church and then had Thai food in the West Village before heading over to the Hudson River Park. We kayaked in the Hudson and then walked down to the Staten Island Ferry, stopping along the way to play in the park and eat gelato.




The whole visit went so quickly! Although it was hard to have multiple conversations at once (how do parents get used to that without losing their train of thought?), it seems so awfully quiet now without them all.

More City Fun

Yesterday, we started the day with some delicious bagels with various shmears and then headed up to the American Museum of Natural History. Colin loves giant squids and ocean life, and I knew there was a life-size blue whale in the ocean exhibit, and whaddayaknow, there were also a couple giant squids.










The subway stop for the Museum is also one of my favorites because the mosaic tiles are beautiful compilations of different animals, fish and insects.


After many hours there, we met up with Anthony at the newly opened High Line Park. Originally constructed in the 1930s to get the trains above the busy city streets, it was saved from destruction by people who valued the history and turned into a greenspace with plants and flowers that are native to the area. It was beautiful, and we got some gelato!

Family Invasion

There are more people per square inch in my apartment than there ever has been, and I'm loving it!

My sister Jenn, her husband Anthony and my niece and nephew Anna & Colin arrived on

Wednesday afternoon. The kids were so excited to be here, they almost bounced off the walls. I had just finished a busy day at work, (and didn't feel like cooking) so we walked up to an Italian restaurant in Tribeca.

After a delicious dinner, Anna asked about dessert, and mentioned that when they went on vacation to Italy last year, they had gelato every night for dessert. That reminded me of a nice little gelateria in the World Financial Center, so we walked down there to see the palm trees inside the building and watch the sunset over the Hudson River.

Last night when I got home, Jenn made dinner! Our first course was this beautiful insalata caprese with tomatoes and basil

from their garden. It was absolutely delicious, as was the risotto.

Jenn's sleeping with me in my king-sized bed. The kids are on the inflatable mattress in the living room, and Anthony's got the couch. It gets really bright in my apartment really early, and on Thursday morning the kids woke up WAY too early for any of us, even though I had to get up and go to work. So I told them they need to cover their eyes when they wake up and go back to sleep. I gave Colin my eye mask and showed him how to use it. (He decided it looked like a bra and tried it on that way, too!)

But it worked! The kids both slept in this morning until 9 a.m. Anna said she put the eye mask on first but Colin took it off her and put it on himself, so she just ducked under the covers.

Boat Cruise Fun

I attended an interactive marketers event last night that was held on a great party boat, the "Spirit of New York." There was plenty of great food and drinks, and several of my colleagues attended, too.

The boat ride went from Chelsea Piers (at 23rd Street) up the Hudson. We got a great view of the USS Intrepid, which is now docked as a museum at Pier 86. Then we headed south for an up-close view of Lady Liberty at sunset.

Enjoying Free Activities in NYC

Last Saturday, we actually got some sun! (We've only had 5 days in June that it hasn't rained.) I enjoyed getting out on my bike for a nice ride up the West side, where there is a protected bike path, and then I stopped for some free kayaking in the Hudson River.
I learned about the kayaking last year, and it's such a treat. It's FREE and all you have to do is sign a waiver and they let you borrow a lifejacket and kayak. I was out for about 30 minutes. I figure it's a good arm workout after my hour on the bike for my legs.

Saturday night, it rained as I was walking over to the East River for a free opera performance. "River to River" is a series of performances by musical artists that occurs at different venues on the Hudson and East Rivers. Saturday was a performance by the NY Opera and Orchestra, and one of the tenors attends my church. He occasionally sings solos at church and awes us all with his world-class talent. There were several singers who performed a collection of songs from various operas, including Rigoletto and the Barber of Seville.

The rain was pretty heavy as I walked over to the venue, but it cleared up just before performance time and we were treated to several rainbows over the stage. The whole thing was beautiful.

An Amazing Visit

When it rains, it pours, the saying goes. And it certainly has been an unusual week for me.

Just days after Aloha Guy left, I got another visitor. This one had been planned for some time, but I didn't want to write about it beforehand. I wanted to see how it would go first.

Nearly nine years ago, I had a relationship with a guy from Holland. I fell madly in love with this Green-Eyed Dutchman, but he ended up breaking my heart. Of course, now I can understand why he chose what he did at the time (he had a daughter and decided to try to make it work with her mother), but it was a terrible time for me when it ended. Over the last nine years, we've kept in touch sporadically, an occasional phone call or email every couple years or so. But each of us has been going through various relationships, and when he got in touch with me a few months ago, it was the first time we were both unattached and single at the same time. 

We both were curious to see if there were any feelings still left between us, and agreed we should see each other. He now lives in Barcelona, and neither of us had been to the other's city before. We decided he should come to NYC because as a European he has much more vacation time than I do, the flights were cheaper coming this way then the reverse, and I felt he owed me after the ending nine years ago.

For the past four days, I've been playing tour guide, and we saw all the famous sites including Times Square, Central Park, Rockefeller Center, 5th Avenue, Grand Central, the United Nations building, the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty, the Brooklyn Bridge, Little Italy, Soho and the West Village. It was so easy to be with the Green-Eyed Dutchman again, and exciting, too. There are definitely strong feelings between us, but neither one of us is ready to make a decision about what to do next.

He told me I look great (so glad I've been losing weight and training for the tri!) and that I seem like a stronger person now, not just physically but emotionally too. He looks older, but not much different than before, and he seems wiser and more grounded than years ago. We talked about everything and nothing. He annoyed me with the way he loves to pick fights about different things, but we also had some great laughs, comfortable silences, and romantic evenings. I cried to see him go, but I'm hopeful to see him in a few months or so with him playing tour guide in Barcelona.

Too Good To Be True?

So after the chocolates that were delivered to my hotel in D.C. last week, I got an email from Aloha Guy that he'd like to take me out for my birthday. He's going to Boston for work next week and coming to NYC first to see me. I'm surprised and pleased and looking forward to having something to do on my b-day.

And today, I received a FedEx package from him with two compilation CDs of Hawaiian music. He offered to make them when we went to dinner last week, and I said I'd like that. (Remember in the 80's when we used to make mixed tapes?) Still, I was surprised that he actually did it and sent them so quickly.

This guy seems so nice! Am I so jaded by my experiences here that this seems so unusual? I read recently on another single gal's blog that her West coast friend remarked she couldn't believe what we NYC girls put up with. She also had this interesting chart on her blog from National Geographic:



As you can see, NYC and the surrounding area has the most single women, while the LA area has the most single men. (Texas is looking pretty good in this chart, too.)


Hmm...

Surprisingly Good Time

When I was in D.C. for a conference in April, I went out with some vendors, and I met a guy who was also in town for a conference. He seemed very nice, and was very easy to talk to, so we exchanged business cards. He's originally from Hawaii (so I'm going to dub him Aloha Guy), but now lives in LA. He mentioned when we met that he was coming to NYC in May.

And he looked me up. Aloha Guy was only in town for a couple of days, so we decided to meet up for drinks. I took him to the Campbell Apartment, which is in Grand Central Terminal. It was a lavish office space in the 1920's and has been restored to the glories of that time. We had a couple drinks, and the conversation was going so well, we decided to grab dinner.

I suggested Sushi Samba, one of my favorites that is a fusion of Japanese, Brazilian and Peruvian cuisines. The flavor combinations are just spectacular. Aloha Guy enjoyed the food as well, and I loved it that he let me choose everything. (I guess I enjoy control sometimes!)

The best thing was the ease of conversation. I feel like, if nothing else, I could really be friends with this guy. It's tough making friends in NYC -- I often get told that I'm "too nice" (and it's not a compliment) -- and even tougher getting together with those friends.

I really enjoyed spending time with Aloha Guy and talking with him. I've been to Hawaii many times, and it is one of my favorite places for its incredible beauty and laid back lifestyle. We also talked about our travels. He's never been to Europe but has travelled extensively in Asia, so we swapped stories about different cities and cultures. And the whole thing was very comfortable. I never felt like he was pressuring me for anything more than my current company. (So different from the forced-upon kiss of the date I had a couple weeks ago!) We parted with just a hug, and he said he'd be in touch the next time he was coming to the East Coast.