Thinking of NYC

Just got home. It was a wonderful week of visiting, good food, laughter, music and hugs. But I realized in the cab from the airport to Manhattan that I'm looking forward to being home in my apartment. One of my cousins kept asking me questions about NYC, intimating that I don't like it. I explained to her that there are many things I love about this city, but she had a difficult time understanding why I don't want to move back to Texas.

And I started thinking, in the cab ride, about some of the things I love about this city. Much of it is hard to put into words...

It's a city where it's not strange to be 37 and not married, and it's not considered out of the ordinary to still expect you'll have children one day,

Where you could be childless, with or without a relationship, and still have a full, exciting life

Where every nationality, ethnicity and cuisine are represented and celebrated

Where high fashion, your own unique fashion and no fashion happily coexist

It's a city where you have to be tough to survive, and having survived, it gives you a confidence that you can get through tough times

It's dirty and noisy and pushy and rude, but it's also beautiful and dazzling and melodic and powerful

And amazingly, it's the city where my English father met my Texan mother and I was born, and it's now home.

Food, Family and Fun

I'm LOVING hanging out with friends and family!

I arrived on Saturday afternoon, and Jenn was throwing a going away party for her Chilean friend who has been visiting. Many of her coworkers came over, and my niece and nephew got to stay up later than usual with the adults.

I made chile con queso, and I talked Colin into going to the grocery store with me. As we drove past a field with a flock of birds, Colin asked, "Emily, are the birds graduating?"
What?
"Are the birds graduating? Where are they going?"
Do you mean, are they migrating?
"Uh huh."
Hehehe.

The party was really fun and was in full swing when the kids were sent to bed. Anna was having a difficult time falling asleep with the loud music and laughter going on, so I went and laid down with her and talked to her about counting her inhalations and exhalations. Soon, we were both fast asleep!

On Sunday, Anna accompanied me to Waco to see my grandmother and great aunt, who are 88 and 94 respectively. Anna was very patient with them and was a big hit at the retirement community. We also went by my uncle Joe's house and visited with him and his kids.

We drove back to Austin in time for dinner, and three of Jenn's friends joined us for a delicious meal where Jenn creatively used the leftovers from the party. Then my cousin Lindsey from Seattle showed up (she's been visiting the Texas contingent of relatives), and we had another rowdy good time. Jenn and Susan have been taking Bollywood dance lessons and performed two dances for us! The only bad thing was staying up WAY too late, making this morning a very painfully early experience.

My company has offices all over the world, and I am able to work from their downtown Austin location this week. A good friend of mine from Dallas, Sherry, saw on Facebook that I was in Austin and called me this morning to say she was here for a business meeting. We were able to meet for lunch, and it was such a nice break in the day. (Most days, I just eat at my desk.)

Dinner tonight was with my sister, brother-in-law and niece and nephew, and ALSO Lindsey, my uncle Tom and his daughter Taylor. It's just been so great to see all these people I love!

Keeping my Chin Up

I may be down, but I'm not out.

I made a list of the things that make me happy, big things and little things. And I've been doing some of them, and I'm starting to feel a little better.

I'm looking forward to two trips to Texas -- first to Austin this Saturday, where I'll see my sister Jenn and her family, as well as my cousin Lindsey who will be visiting from Seattle and my uncle Tom and another cousin. I'm also going to drive to Waco to see Grandma and my great aunt Sudie. And the next week, I'm flying to Houston to attend my sister Stephanie's annual Christmas Tea. It's a fantastic girlie event, and I can see my nieces and nephew and parents in Houston.

Don't count me out yet.

Loss

Yesterday, I learned that my friend, voice teacher, choir director passed away. As I mentioned before, he was in hospice care after a long battle with leukemia. So even though it was expected, it still hit hard. He was an incredible musician, and I feel fortunate to have gotten to learn from him even for just a couple years.

Green-Eyed Dutchman called this weekend, and we had a good conversation. Maybe there will always be a bond between us.

And GED just called me today to let me know a good friend of his -- someone I met when I first met him back in Dallas all those years ago -- died. He had diabetes and had multiple complications from it, including having his legs amputated. But he was in his early forties. He was such a happy, sweet guy. I always thought I would see him again.

How Can I Tell if I'm Really in Love?

Don't worry, I'm not asking the question of myself. I read a great post and wanted to provide a link to it.

I found Dr. Aletta's blog when I was doing some research for work, and I find her posts interesting. So read what she has to say about how you can tell if you're REALLY in love.

Perserverance

There's a saying that bad things happen in three's, but lately it's been more than that. I keep waiting for it to stop. I feel a bit like a punching bag. I'm taking a beating at work, and CM was just the latest of the ex-es to get in touch.

I know I need to make a change...maybe more than one...but I'm just not sure what to do.

I think I just need to take a break. I can't take a break from work, but Thanksgiving's around the corner. I can take a break from dating. It's not a huge sacrifice, since I'm not really dating anyone. But I just can't deal with the calls, emails, texts and instant messages. The hopes that maybe something is still there,...or could be.

I'm alone. I can do alone. It sucks, but I can do it. And I've said before, and still believe, that being lonely when you're alone is much better than being lonely in a relationship. What I mean is, I don't want to be in a relationship just to have someone. I want it to be right. But lately I feel like I'm just defining what's wrong.

Delusions of Grandeur

Un-effing-believable. I just got a call from Cuban Musician.

He called from a friend's phone so I didn't recognize the number -- because he was afraid I wouldn't pick up if I saw it was him.

He apologized over and over for hurting me, for embarrassing me, for lying to me, for being such an a$$hole....

And then he asked if he could come over and see me in person, so he could "apologize in person." Of course, I said NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT and told him I don't want to see him.

He didn't take "NO" for an answer the first 50 times I said it, but I can be repetitive. As I told him, "NO" is the same in English and Spanish, so there's no room for misinterpretation. I don't want to see him, and I'm certainly never going to let him in my place again. He said he was going to take a taxi over to my building, but he remembered I had moved and asked what my new apartment is. I wouldn't tell him, and I reminded him that I have doormen who wouldn't let him in. In fact, I said, I could call them and let them know I'm not expecting any visitors and if anyone came by asking to see me, they should call the cops. He backed off a little then, asking "why would you call the cops?"

I did get to yell at him and tell him how horrible the whole experience was for me. And when he said he misses me and feels like he ruined the best thing ever in his life, I asked why he didn't call before now. (It's been two months!) He said he was embarrassed at how badly he had acted.

And he clarified, he's not married, he's just been living with her for three years. And when he was spewing this garbage about wanting me back in his life, I asked "Do you still live with her?"

Well, yes, but...

Unbelievable. Does he think that this would work on me? That he could just call and apologize and I would fall back into his arms?

I actually laughed out loud at some of his preposterous explanations. That felt good, at least. But I'm still so angry!

Good Food & Good Company

My mom came to visit this weekend. On Friday, she joined me in my weekly get-together with NM. We had dinner at a Thai restaurant in West Village that I love, and then I took my mom to my local pub for a drink and karaoke. It was a bit crazier than usual -- one EXTREMELY drunk guy started talking to us and we kept giving him the brush-off and later found out he was the OWNER. The guy was so wasted, we heard him fall down the stairs on his way down to the bathrooms. (he was okay) Another guy came over to chat us up and flirted shamelessly with my mom. She was polite but told him his advances weren't wanted and that he was too young for her. He didn't seem to get it. I told him to get lost as well, but we eventually just moved to another area of the bar. When I went to settle our tab before we left, the regular bartender gave me a discount, saying it was because we had dealt with so much bullsh*t!

On Saturday we had a lovely brunch and then ran some errands, going by the farmers' market at Union Square for some fresh edibles and hot apple cider. We decided to treat ourselves to dinner at a lovely French restaurant that uses local organic seasonal foods. It was an incredible meal, and of course, incredible company! The food was unbelievably delicious, but our favorite dish was the squash risotto served with mushrooms and a roasted jack-b-little pumpkin that was edible.

After filling our bellies, we decided to walk home. It was a nice brisk evening and about a 30 minute walk. Back at my apt, we watched a movie and used my paraffin wax on our hands. A nice girly evening!

Today was church and then lunch at one of my favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurants and a walk by the Hudson River. It was a nice weekend, made better by the loving visit.

An Amazing Musical Night

I know, I've been bad about posting. (Thanks, Lindsey, for the encouraging comment!) And in years past I've done NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month), where you commit to posting every day in November. No way that's happening this month.

Part of my lack of posting is due to being way too busy. And part of it is because I've had to become very careful about what I say because of who has found and is reading the blog. I've gotten several text messages referring negatively to my blog from a couple guys who were previously in the picture. I've been debating about moving my blog to another platform which will allow me to password-protect certain posts, like fellow blogger Catherinette does. But that takes time, which I am currently short of.

But I HAVE to share what I did last night. A coworker sent around an invite to a talk at NYU featuring Clive Davis, the legendary recording producer who has launched the careers of Janis Joplin, Aerosmith, Bruce Springsteen, Billy Joel, Chicago, Santana, Whitney Houston, Alicia Keys, and many many others. It was amazing to hear him speak about his career and hear his passion for what he does.

The after party was at the B.B. King Blues Club in Times Square and was a fundraiser for Bob Woodruff's Foundation to support wounded veterans. (Bob Woodruff is the journalist who was wounded by a roadside bomb in Iraq.) He spoke briefly, as did Wilmer Valderrama, who is adorable but seems very down-to-earth. And they introduced The Fray, who sang several songs. My friend and I were standing 10 feet from the stage, and it was incredible. They are so talented and passionate about the music. The lead singer, Isaac Slade, looked directly at me twice while he was singing. And when he came out on stage, he brought his Apple laptop and announced to the crowd that the Yankees had won the World Series. He set the laptop facing the audience on the piano so we could all see the live feed of the Yankees hugging and celebrating. The crowd cheered and watched the celebrations while The Fray sang their first song. The whole thing was fantastic. And although I didn't get to bed until 2 a.m., I feel like these are the kind of opportunities that I have to take advantage of in NYC.

Update: Adding a few pictures taken from my iPhone. The first is Wilmer Valderrama and Bob Woodruff. The others are The Fray.