While I was watching Jenn's kids, I made one horrible mistake. One evening, as we were sitting down to dinner and trying to get the kids away from the TV, the dog (Francesca) was chasing the cat, Claudio. Claudio escapes by jumping on the kitchen chairs and table, and there was a lot of chaos going on around that table. I asked my mom to open the door to the backyard to let the cat out, so he could have a respite from the dog.
That was Saturday night. Claudio hasn't come home still.
I feel awful. Claudio is a great cat, and I really enjoyed loving on him. I know Jenn loves him so.
I'm so sorry, Jenn. I wish I could undo that decision.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Playing "Mom"
Last time I visited Anna and Colin, Colin kept mistakenly calling me "Jessica" -- his favorite babysitter's name. This time, he called me "mom" more than once, but I know I can't quite fill those shoes.
I don't know how Jenn does it all. I took two days off work, so I only had to focus on the very busy routine of raising a 3 and 5-year-old. She works, too!
Mornings are a little hectic. While Colin springs from bed ready to greet the world, Anna wakes more slowly. And Colin doesn't want to get dressed or eat breakfast, he wants to play or watch TV -- neither of which are in the tight schedule. Friday morning was a little crazy, but I managed to finally get them both dressed, fed and packed up, heading out the door...oh, but Anna doesn't have her shoes on! Ack!
Adding to the chaos is the dog, Francesca. She's so sweet, but she's very high maintenance. Jenn has been training her to walk on a leash properly, but she struggled with me. Still, we took a walk every day. Then there's the cat, hamster and chickens...
We had some great fun. On Friday after school, I took the kids to Dairy Queen for an afternoon ice cream. They had a blast running around the playscape, and then we drove to the airport to pick up Nana. Saturday brought a car trip to Waco, and lunch at Peter Piper Pizza. I ran around with the kids, playing all the games and trying to keep them together. I looked and felt exhausted at the end, but I think everyone had fun.
My favorite moment was on Thursday, my first full day with them on my own. Anna called to me from the bathroom, announcing she had "pooped in the potty." I went in, and she asked me to wipe her bum, which I reluctantly did. As she bent over, putting her head between my knees and wrapping her arms around my legs, she said very sincerely, "I love you, Auntie Emily."
"I love you, too, Anna." (that's why I'm wiping your bum.)
I don't know how Jenn does it all. I took two days off work, so I only had to focus on the very busy routine of raising a 3 and 5-year-old. She works, too!
Mornings are a little hectic. While Colin springs from bed ready to greet the world, Anna wakes more slowly. And Colin doesn't want to get dressed or eat breakfast, he wants to play or watch TV -- neither of which are in the tight schedule. Friday morning was a little crazy, but I managed to finally get them both dressed, fed and packed up, heading out the door...oh, but Anna doesn't have her shoes on! Ack!
Adding to the chaos is the dog, Francesca. She's so sweet, but she's very high maintenance. Jenn has been training her to walk on a leash properly, but she struggled with me. Still, we took a walk every day. Then there's the cat, hamster and chickens...
We had some great fun. On Friday after school, I took the kids to Dairy Queen for an afternoon ice cream. They had a blast running around the playscape, and then we drove to the airport to pick up Nana. Saturday brought a car trip to Waco, and lunch at Peter Piper Pizza. I ran around with the kids, playing all the games and trying to keep them together. I looked and felt exhausted at the end, but I think everyone had fun.
My favorite moment was on Thursday, my first full day with them on my own. Anna called to me from the bathroom, announcing she had "pooped in the potty." I went in, and she asked me to wipe her bum, which I reluctantly did. As she bent over, putting her head between my knees and wrapping her arms around my legs, she said very sincerely, "I love you, Auntie Emily."
"I love you, too, Anna." (that's why I'm wiping your bum.)
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
And Finally, Part Two
Sorry for the delay. When I wrote the "AHA moment," I was expecting to write the second part within a couple days. Then, this powerful, nasty cold virus knocked me on my a$$.
So, recognizing the Drama Triangle and the role you are playing is half the key.
The other half is changing how you react.
The opposite of Victim is Creator.
Instead of focusing on problems, which is how a Victim views the world, a Creator focuses on their long-term Vision or Outcome. They actively take baby steps towards making that vision a reality. They take full responsibility for themselves and their actions.
There are two other roles in the Creator Orientation, too: Challenger and Coach.
Again, a Challenger can be a person, situation or circumstance. Challengers may also be constructive or deconstructive. In the deconstructive state, they help you take apart a situation to learn from it. You may learn how you don't want to be. (This could be a Persecutor viewed in a different light.) In the constructive state, Challengers invite you to be your best, helping you to improve or develop. Challengers elicit a response, rather than Persecutors who provoke a reaction.
A Coach sees themselves as a Creator and views others similarly. They help facilitate progress by asking questions (not providing answers as a Rescuer would do).
To help remember the differences between the Victim and Creator Orientations, remember the acronym AIR:
Attention – Are you focused on a problem or your long-term vision?
Intention – Is your intention to get rid of (or get away from) your problems? Or is your intention to bring into being the outcomes you envision?
Results – In the Victim orientation, the results are temporary and reactive. In the Creator orientation, the results are much more likely to be satisfying and sustainable.
Good luck creating the life you want!
So, recognizing the Drama Triangle and the role you are playing is half the key.
The other half is changing how you react.
The opposite of Victim is Creator.
Instead of focusing on problems, which is how a Victim views the world, a Creator focuses on their long-term Vision or Outcome. They actively take baby steps towards making that vision a reality. They take full responsibility for themselves and their actions.
There are two other roles in the Creator Orientation, too: Challenger and Coach.
Again, a Challenger can be a person, situation or circumstance. Challengers may also be constructive or deconstructive. In the deconstructive state, they help you take apart a situation to learn from it. You may learn how you don't want to be. (This could be a Persecutor viewed in a different light.) In the constructive state, Challengers invite you to be your best, helping you to improve or develop. Challengers elicit a response, rather than Persecutors who provoke a reaction.
A Coach sees themselves as a Creator and views others similarly. They help facilitate progress by asking questions (not providing answers as a Rescuer would do).
To help remember the differences between the Victim and Creator Orientations, remember the acronym AIR:
Attention – Are you focused on a problem or your long-term vision?
Intention – Is your intention to get rid of (or get away from) your problems? Or is your intention to bring into being the outcomes you envision?
Results – In the Victim orientation, the results are temporary and reactive. In the Creator orientation, the results are much more likely to be satisfying and sustainable.
Good luck creating the life you want!
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
An "AHA" Moment
As I take on a new role in my company, they are providing me and my compadres with leadership training. I've found the material to be very thought provoking and relevant not only to my work life but also to my personal life.
Last week, we reviewed a concept called "The Drama Triangle." It was coined by psychologist Stephen Karpman to describe a common model of human interaction. The model explains how two to three people interact in a dynamic or "game" with unsatisfactory outcomes for all. The game has three roles, which the individuals may shift between: Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer. Usually, someone has one role that they most often play and a second role that they switch to.
The Victim usually feels like others (Persecutor and Rescuer) are one-up on them. They don't take responsibility for themselves and usually react in a fight, flight or freeze behavior.
The Persecutor often finds fault and is critical, although he/she may feel inadequate underneath. They lead by threats and orders, and their main interaction is domination.
The Rescuer may show up as an enabler, protector, mediator or one who wants to "fix" the problem. They may have an unconscious need to take care of others, which is how they feel important and validate themselves.
In this model, the Victim feels overwhelmed by the Persecutor, which could be a person or a circumstance in their life. They may run to a Rescuer for help (flight), or they may decide to "fight" and become a Persecutor towards the original Persecutor. Unfortunately, this dynamic rarely ever solves the true problem.
Being aware of the game is half the battle to ending it...
Last week, we reviewed a concept called "The Drama Triangle." It was coined by psychologist Stephen Karpman to describe a common model of human interaction. The model explains how two to three people interact in a dynamic or "game" with unsatisfactory outcomes for all. The game has three roles, which the individuals may shift between: Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer. Usually, someone has one role that they most often play and a second role that they switch to.
The Victim usually feels like others (Persecutor and Rescuer) are one-up on them. They don't take responsibility for themselves and usually react in a fight, flight or freeze behavior.
The Persecutor often finds fault and is critical, although he/she may feel inadequate underneath. They lead by threats and orders, and their main interaction is domination.
The Rescuer may show up as an enabler, protector, mediator or one who wants to "fix" the problem. They may have an unconscious need to take care of others, which is how they feel important and validate themselves.
In this model, the Victim feels overwhelmed by the Persecutor, which could be a person or a circumstance in their life. They may run to a Rescuer for help (flight), or they may decide to "fight" and become a Persecutor towards the original Persecutor. Unfortunately, this dynamic rarely ever solves the true problem.
Being aware of the game is half the battle to ending it...
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Visit to Houston
Steve and I visited with the twins, Steph, Al and Nana & Grandad this past weekend. I was very anxious to show them the book I created for them. It's a fictional story with Paige and Graham as the main characters. I think they liked it...we had to read it 20 times!
See the video.
See the video.
Friday, September 01, 2006
What's Going On
I haven't posted recently. Sometimes it's hard to think of something witty to write or to put into words what I'm feeling.
This was a really stressful week for me at work. I somehow got put as the negotiator between two coworkers who were really at each other's throats. Not fun, but it seems to have finally been resolved. And we're having growing pains...lots of new business, but finding good people to fill open positions is taking more time.
Steve and I were planning on having his kids this weekend, but for many reasons, it didn't work out. For one, Declan is really sick. He caught a virus that's going around at school, and it developed into pneumonia. Poor kid. Now, Hayden seems to be coming down with it. So, I guess it's for the best that it didn't work out for this weekend, but it's still disappointing.
So...at the last minute, we've decided to descend upon my family in Houston! I'm so looking forward to seeing the twins and Steph. It's been since Easter that I saw them.
This was a really stressful week for me at work. I somehow got put as the negotiator between two coworkers who were really at each other's throats. Not fun, but it seems to have finally been resolved. And we're having growing pains...lots of new business, but finding good people to fill open positions is taking more time.
Steve and I were planning on having his kids this weekend, but for many reasons, it didn't work out. For one, Declan is really sick. He caught a virus that's going around at school, and it developed into pneumonia. Poor kid. Now, Hayden seems to be coming down with it. So, I guess it's for the best that it didn't work out for this weekend, but it's still disappointing.
So...at the last minute, we've decided to descend upon my family in Houston! I'm so looking forward to seeing the twins and Steph. It's been since Easter that I saw them.
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