Pondering

Have you ever had the feeling you're not doing what you're "meant" to be doing? I get that feeling often, and have for many years.

Although I purposefully don't talk about my work here, it's a good job. I'm good at it, but I'm not fulfilled by it like some of my colleagues. I envy them their passion. But I take pride in doing a good job, so I do.

But sometimes I wonder...should I be doing something different? Could I make more of a difference in the world doing something else?

I don't know what this other thing would be, and I believe things happen in life for a reason, so I try to make the most of where I am right now.

Making a Difference

This past weekend I was at part two of Discovery, which I wrote about a month ago (What a difference 3 days makes). My heart is so full of love, and I have an amazing group of friends from my class.

Our class motto is "we play hard," and boy, did we! On Saturday, we had a dance and costume party. As you may know if you've been reading for awhile, I LOVE costumes and Halloween! I think it's because I loved dress-up as a child, and now, as an adult, I can really indulge myself and go all out on my costume. I decided to do Lady Gaga, and let me just say, I didn't hold anything back! I got the blonde wig, the sequined dress, the fishnet stockings, the ultra-pink lipstick, silver eyeshadow, and outrageous eyelashes with rhinestones. Several of my friends didn't recognize me! I loved it. (I don't have pictures yet but will share when I do!)

I was worn out today and was wishing I had taken the day off or could call in sick, but I got up and went to work. I'm so glad I did... You know how it's said everything happens for a reason? I needed to be there today. Someone at work needed me, and I was able to be there for her and share some of the lessons I just learned. It was an amazing day for me because I feel like I really made a difference. It doesn't get much better than that.

My Absence from the Blogosphere Explained

So...I haven't been much of a blogger lately. Partially, that's because I've been too busy and too exhausted to post. But I've also been rethinking the blog.

I recently read the book The Secret. It's hardly new, so you may be familiar with the concept. It's based on the law of attraction, and that we attract to us what we focus on. So if you focus on lack, you get more of that. If you focus on abundance, you get more of that. And the trick is to think about the things you want as if you already have them -- from a place of gratitude.

There's a chapter in the book that talks about relationships and relays the story about a woman who really felt ready for a relationship in her life. And when she read The Secret, she realized she literally didn't have ROOM in her life for a relationship -- all her closets were overfull! So she cleaned them out, and...

As I was reading that, I thought -- initially -- well, that's not me! In my new apartment, I have more than enough closet space and several that aren't full.

And then the chapter went on to say, "when you want to attract something into your life, make sure your actions don't contradict your desires." It hit me like a ton of bricks. My blog is/was -- I changed it that night -- "life of a thirty-something singleton." I am literally defining myself as a singleton! And, although I've had fun, this is not want I ultimately want.

Which leaves me wondering...what to do? I know my blog hasn't been super interesting of late to those who were hoping for disastrous-but-entertaining dating stories. I've mostly been healing my latest broken heart with niece & nephew time. But I'm not sure I want to return to disastrous-but-entertaining. I want so much more than that. I'm READY for so much more than that. And so, I'm debating about what to do with the blog. Do I just redesign/rename/refocus? Or do I start new somewhere else?