There's a saying that anything worth having is worth waiting for. And on the flip side, anything that comes too easily is not as valued.
Last Friday, we had our first day of almost-spring-like weather. It got to 59*F and was really gorgeous. I took a long walk at lunch and just soaked up the sun and enjoyed not feeling windburn.
Yesterday, we got a record snowstorm, and eight inches of snow dumped on Manhattan. It's beautiful and white (except for the slushy gray parts on the streets and corners), but it's freezing. This morning it is 16*F (-8*C) but feels like -1*F (-18*C) with the wind chill. When I came out of the subway and inhaled, my lungs protested the cold air, forcing me to cough. I'm really ready for Spring, and I'm so looking forward to my upcoming Caribbean cruise with my parents and Jenn and family.
I've been struggling with keeping my dream alive, the dream of finding someone to spend my life with and have my own kids. With every tick-tock of the biological clock, I feel like the door is closing. And with my past history, even if I met someone today, I would want to spend enough time with him to feel secure about my decision before changing our lives forever with children. The realist in me takes stock of all the blessings I have, and I know I can find happiness and fulfillment in other ways. But the romantic in me is still clinging to the dream. Is it futile? Only time will tell.
9 comments:
God that last para - i could have written that myself. As a fellow single 30 something living on the other side of the world 2u, i'm always trying to stay positive that my soul mate is out there but with the time ticking away as quick as a samba dancer, its hard to keep the faith!
I'm trying to be happy with my lot and to be think that if i don't meet anyone, then i have to be content and satisfied with my lot. Hard to do i know but whats the alternative. Chin up my dear!
Maybe it will happen and maybe it won't. Or maybe you will meet someone special and won't have kids. Or maybe he will have kids already and you will form your relationship with them. A lot of maybes and not a one you can do anything about. So just do as you've been doing and get on with the business of living. That IS something you can do something about. Perspective is everything and if we can but succeed in focusing on the positive, happiness is sure to follow. Just like today's deep freeze is going to be followed by gradual warming until it gets to the 50's at the weekend.
Have you thought about raising children without the man? Just a thought. You are still young enough to do IVF or sperm donor.
I agree with Jman,Em. Just keep living your life in a Godly fashion (know what I mean?) and it WILL happen ...X
A.Norma.
dellie - Thanks. It's always great to hear from others that understand.
jman - I'm keeping busy, still moving forward. Just can't stop my minding from wondering.
Anonymous - yes, I've seriously considered that. I think I would move back to Texas to do that, to be closer to my family for support and for male role models for the child. Of course, I wonder if that is too selfish, bringing a child into the world without a dad. I've also considered adoption.
Auntie Norma - Love you!
Love you too,Chucky, I go for the Man way first...then the IVF..not the adoption I'm afraid.sorry..sit tight he's on his way! (wink)
Aunty Norma.xx
Hey Emily - you're article is so sincere and open - that takes courage. I'm a 30-something single guy back in Australia after returning from many years overseas.
I'm no guru but my advice is to do things you love - things that make you feel great. Also why not try something altogether new like a night course (something hands on and creative might be fun like massage therapy, arts or acting). I've always found that when I look there's no-one there but when I'm bubbly and content with my life friends and potential relationships appear. (Guess like me people are attracted to the +ve vibe eminated by someone who is energised)...Oh and a second point - once you're feeling bubbly take some action and open conversations with people in the bookshop or shopping centre or anywhere - this doesn't need to be serious or go anywhere just a friendly chat or flirt - you'll be amazed how many people are just like you and want to connect with others.
As you are you are good enough so don't forget that. Lighten your focus on the goal and space may appear for it to happen.
Good luck. Greg
Emily!! the advice from Greg is just perfect! that is precicely what you could 'try'..pity he doesn't live closer,huh? you might have just 'clicked' :)
A.Norma.x
Greg,
Thanks so much for your comment. I've actually been trying just that...
Auntie Norma, my thoughts exactly!
Post a Comment