First Match, Done

I forgot to change my voice mail message when I went to England. Ah well…it was less than a week that I was gone.

When I returned, I saw in my email I had received my first match from the matchmaker service, Andy. Immediately, I felt anxiety. The emails go out to both people, and we’ve been asked to contact each other via phone as soon as possible to set up a time to meet. As my rep told me, “we’ve already screened the person for you. Now, you just have to meet and see if there’s chemistry.” I felt bad that I hadn’t responded sooner and hoped he didn’t feel I was being rude.

Then I picked up my office voice mail messages, and sure enough, there was a message.
I called him back at the number he had left and got his voice mail. I explained I had been out of the country and apologized for not changing my voice mail or being able to return his call earlier.

We traded voice mails for a couple days. This was my first red flag: he left 4-minute voice mail messages! In today’s technology, you can actually see how long the message is, so I’m not exaggerating. His messages were thorough, but very repetitive. One morning, he left me a message on my cell phone, saying he could only be reached on his cell between 1 and 2, at his lunch time. So I didn’t immediately call back but planned to at the designated time.

Then I got into work and had almost the exact same 4-minute message on my work voice mail! It started, “I don’ t know how often you check your other voice mail, so…” On and on, giving me all his numbers again, his schedule for the next few days, spelling his email address twice. I called a friend (and colleague) into my office to get a second opinion. (She’s also very excited about the matchmaking service for me.)
After listening for a few minutes, she said, “Oh, he sounds nice. He’s probably just nervous. At least he’s communicative!” We chatted back and forth and I noted that his message was still talking from my speaker phone, while we had moved on to other topics!

Finally, Andy’s and my schedules matched up for a drink on Saturday. We had a couple more phone conversations, during which I learned he had actually signed up with a different company than the one I did, and it was bought out by my service company. Hmm…

He also told me about his four brothers and how close he is with them. And he mentioned he can be occasionally mean-spirited. Seemed odd thing to say, but I let it go.

We talked about how many people online don’t describe themselves accurately, using old pictures or lying about their weight. I told him I’m a genuine person, and he agreed he was, too. He described himself to me for our meeting and made a point of saying he was 180 lbs.

The bar I chose was in my neighborhood, and it is located just below street level. This turned out to be great because I saw him walk past before he came in. A sinking feeling came over me as I saw he is not remotely someone I would be attracted to.

I don’t know what scale he’s using, but he’s NOT 180 lbs. He was obviously overweight. His head seemed narrower at the top and wider at the jawline, extending into a chin that diagonally reached his neck.

Maybe he could be a great guy, though, and we could be friends.

Then he started to talk.

I already knew he was a talker, but it’s so annoying when someone asks you a question and then interrupts while you’re trying to answer. He again described himself as “occasionally mean-spirited,” (who SAYS that?!?), and I noticed as he spoke that he’s missing a tooth in the lower set.

Knowing he hadn’t signed up with my service, I asked if they had given him the personality profile. He said no. (Why did they match us?)

I told him how I love to travel, learning about different cultures and religions, different perspectives on the world.

He said how he hates walking around NYC and hearing the different languages.
“Really?” I said, “I LOVE that about this city.”

He went on to complain about how the tourists here don’t get out of your way on the sidewalk, and I explained I don’t think they realize our sidewalks are like highways in other cities. They’re not intentionally being inconsiderate.

[Side note: one of my pet peeves is when people make generalizations, like “All Southerners are dumb.” But this one took the cake.]

“People,” he says, “People are so inconsiderate.”
“ALL people?” I tried to get him to clarify.
“Yes.”
He said there were few people he had met in life that were worth knowing.

At this point, I can’t wait to get outta there. Then he starts dogging my neighborhood, knowing fully well it’s where I live.

“This is a terrible neighborhood. There’s no sense of community at all.”
I said, trying to agree-to-disagree, “Maybe it’s what you put into it.”
“No,” he said arrogantly, “it’s terrible. I used to date a girl who lived here. No one says hello to you, no one knows your name, there’s no sense of community at all.”
I firmly said, “That’s not my experience.” End of discussion.

I got out of there shortly there after, going straight home and writing a very strong email to my service. They responded by calling me and letting me vent, thanking me for my candor and promising to do better next time.

Dancin' Fool

I finally got it.

I went straight to the Nintendo World store this morning at Rockefeller Center. Sure, I was a little late to work, but now I have a Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

The only game I have so far is Dance Dance Revolution. It's a bit addicting. So Much Fun!

Nantucket

Ah, Nantucket. What a lovely little island. It's nicknamed "The Grey Lady" because of the weathered wood shingles on most buildings and for the frequent fog. Everything there moves at a much slower pace (especially compared to NYC), and it took me awhile to slow down.


Steph took me to a fancy party on Saturday night. The view was spectacular, and the food and music weren't bad either!







I enjoyed the cooler weather, the refreshingly cold water, and especially playing with my nieces and nephews. Paige was particularly attached to me this visit, and I just loved it. I got lots of snuggles.

Celebrating America's Independence Day with Canadians

I was fortunate to get to celebrate July 4th this year with my Canadian friends: Lindsay and Peter who live here in NYC, and new friends Lisa and Fiona who were visiting for the long weekend.

We had a blast! It was a laugh-til-you-cry, laugh-til-you-pee, laugh-til-you-spit-your-drink kind of weekend.

Adding a Little Color

A friend and colleague of mine is getting married on Friday. I've enjoyed co-hosting a shower for her and recently made her veil (I sew a bit, but it's really easy). This last week has been hectic for her, and I've offered to help where possible.

I happened to mention to her that I'm going to Nantucket to visit my sister Steph and her kids on Saturday and that I'm more than a little hesitant to get in a bathing suit in public.

"I'm getting a spray tan on Wednesday night! You should come with me!" she enthusiastically suggested. She'd gotten one once before, in preparation for a trip to Hawaii. She said it made her feel more comfortable about her body, and as everyone knows, if you've got a little extra fat, it looks better tan than blubbery white.

I thought, what the hell. It can't be too terrible (other than the fact you have to stand completely naked in front of a woman you don't know who has a cute little figure while she sprays you for 15 minutes).

While I may not admit to looking "good," (I'm of course my own worst critic), it definitely looks better. It's not cost-prohibitive, and it's not dangerous for your skin like tanning beds. It makes my too-blonde hair (another story) pop more, and does help camouflage the cellulite.

Now, if I could only somehow inconspicuously wear Spanx with my bathing suit...

Why I Haven't Posted

Haven't posted in awhile. I have lots of good stories, from my trip and since I've been back, but I just don't have the time or concentration to write about it.

I work all day on a computer, mostly on the Internet if not email, so I don't usually want to get on the computer again for fun. And I’m really frustrated at work. I keep being asked to do more, and I can’t get it all done. I REALLY hate disappointing my clients and dropping the ball on things. It bothers me personally. But I also am feeling like I’m working too much. I was here yesterday from 9:30-7:30, breakfast and lunch at my desk still working, and when I left, I had to go by the grocery store to get stuff to cook, so I’m eating dinner at 9 p.m. I’m frustrated about my weight, and eating late doesn’t help. Plus, when I eat that late, I feel like I need to stay up at least 2 hours, so I didn't get to bed until 12. Then I don’t get enough sleep, and I’m cranky and tired, and I missed a phone meeting this morning. (!$#@*%!)

Oh, and I’m also hormonal, so I just feel like crying about the whole thing.

I'm sure this will blow over, and I'll feel like posting my usual quirky stories again soon.

Pictures from my trip to Wales

Preparing for Departure

Not much to report...it was a quiet weekend. I stayed in most of the weekend to try and get over the last remnants of a cold so I'm healthy for my vacation! I leave on Wednesday for England. My parents are already there, and my sister Jennifer and her family left today. We are all going to celebrate my dear Uncle Ken's 90th birthday at my cousin's lamb farm in Wales.

Of course, between now and Wednesday, I have SO much to do, both at work and at home! I'm really looking forward to taking a break from work, as it's been crazy busy. I'm not complaining, though. I keep hearing of friends or acquaintances who have been laid off. I would rather be busy than worry about not having a job.

One update: I got an email from the Swiss guy (mentioned in story below)! He said he's coming back to NYC in August and wanted to get together for a date...

The Best & the Worst

My Canadian-turned-NYer friend Lindsay and I had quite a fun day on Saturday. Well, at least the evening was fun.

Have you heard of Meetup.com? It's a website where you can join groups of like-minded individuals to meet people related to a hobby or cause. There's a singles meetup group that Lindsay joined, and she learned they were having a barbeque on Saturday. We decided to go and mingle.

Oh. My. God. I haven't seen such a collection of misfits since the Anti-Valentine's party.

We didn't stay long. Lindsay kept giving me the look that told me she was debating between laughing or screaming and running outta there. She got stuck talking to this woman in her early 40's that is DESPERATE to have a child and was describing all the ways she's going about hunting down some sperm. Very strange.

Later that evening, Lindsay came downtown (she lives in the Upper West Side, or UWS as it's known for short), and we had a lovely dinner at one of my favorite neighborhood places. We asked the bartender for recommendations on a dance club, and he suggested Marquee.

After choking through the $20 cover, we noticed it was a hip place with good music and many good-looking guys! We ended up talking to these really nice guys from Switzerland and had a blast.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me a Match

I've had this song from Fiddler on the Roof stuck in my head since I interviewed and signed on with a matchmaking service late last week.

"Matchmaker, Matchmaker, make me a match!
Find me a find, catch me a catch!"

Years ago, I tried Great Expectations in Dallas, the service that was parodied on Saturday Night Live as "Lowered Expectations." I agree with the parody. It was expensive and not at all a successful venture for me.

What I like about the one I've just contracted with is:
1) they do background checks: confirming divorces, ensuring there are no criminal records and a credit check
2) there was an extensive personality profile and two hour-long interviews where they asked in-depth questions to get to know me and what I'm looking for
3) they've been around for 30 years and have many success stories

They are currently doing my background check, which may take 1-4 weeks, and then they will send me some matches! Exciting!

What Would You Do to Meet the Right One?

Finding, or meeting, "quality singles" is difficult when you're a thirty-something singleton.

In your early twenties, when you're still in college, it's a bit easier, I think. Everyone around you is in basically the same stage of life. But as you experience things, and add layers onto your trappings, it becomes more challenging.

I've also found that as a woman, as I've moved up in my career, my potential "interested's" narrow.

People give you lots of advice. I've tried almost all of it. But I'm definitely in a different situation than most of my friends and family. So I wondered...what would you, dear readers, do to meet the right one?

Would you go to a different church because it is bigger than yours and has more single people? (abandoning the choir you helped establish and the friends you are just starting to feel comfortable with?)

Would you try online dating, speed dating, blind dates?

Would you pay a significant amount of money to a matchmaker?

Sometimes, I'm afraid to hope for someone to share my life with because I don't want to be disappointed again. Mostly, I focus on the positive aspect of my life, and there ARE lots of things I love about living on my own and answering to no one but myself. I like my independence, but I miss having someone to share it all with. A dichotomy, I know.

I Love 80's Music

Everyone said it would happen, but after weeks and months of loneliness, I admit I had my doubts.

NYers would tell me, hang in there. Pretty soon, things will just click for you.

I think the "click" happened on my birthday, because it feels like I haven't stopped since! After that wonderful weekend, I've had something to do or people to meet up with every day. The rare day when I have a moment to myself is suddenly cherished. Such a difference from just a month ago.

This weekend, I braved the heat wave to get out and do some shopping with my friend Lindsay. (She moved here from Toronto just two weeks before I moved here from Dallas.) We bought a few suits, pajamas and other odds and ends. I shopped for my Gemini nieces and nephew. We had yummy Thai food for lunch and multiple bottles of water to try and replace the gallons of sweat we emitted.

Each of us went home to clean up and nap and then we met for a late dinner and dancing at this great 80's bar Lindsay found. (I'm still amazed that you can go for dinner in NYC at 10 or 11 at night and the restaurant is full and busy as if it were 7 p.m.) The 80's music was fantastic, and they played the videos on the big screens. Everyone in the bar was singing all the words. Lindsay's sister and a friend were visiting from Toronto, and the four of us girls had a blast. None of us were interested in getting picked up by any of the intoxicated guys around us, and one persistent guy kept trying to butt into our group by going from one to the next. The other girls were more polite than I was, but he obviously wasn't getting the idea that we weren't interested. They happened to be playing "Mony Mony" by Billy Idol. You know the part where he sings "Yeah" and the backup singers reply "Yeah"... This guy would lean into our group and sing the Billy "Yeah" part and I just looked at him and sang the backup part "No."

"Yeah!"
"No."
"Yeah!"
"No."

It worked. The girls cracked up, but he left us alone!

This is New York

As I'm riding in a packed subway car, trying to avoid looking at others, I notice one of Barnes & Noble's advertisements where they quote famous poets and authors. This one resonates with me and makes me feel understood:

There are roughly three New Yorks. There is, first, the New York of the man or woman who was born here, who takes the city for granted and accepts its size and its turbulence as natural and inevitable. Second, there is the New York of the commuter – the city that is devoured by locusts each day and spat out each night. Third, there is the New York of the person who was born somewhere else and came to New York in quest of something. Of these three trembling cities the greatest is the last – the city of final destination, the city that is a goal. Commuters give the city its tidal restlessness; natives give it solidity and continuity; but the settlers give it passion.

E.B. White, Here is New York

Study: Bachelors Afraid to Make Mistakes

Just had to write my spin on a Reuters article I read titled "Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage." A survey was conducted by a long-time bachelor in Syndney, Australia to help him discover why he and a "growing number of eligible men were steering clear of marriage."

The findings?
"Men are 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all," Weisman told Reuters in a telephone interview.
Weisman said his online survey found there are three groups of bachelors -- about 8 percent who never want to marry, 62 percent want to marry but of which half won't settle for anything less than perfection, and about 30 percent who are on the fence.

My reaction to this was two-fold. First, that 62% who are waiting for perfection? Forgettaboutit.
Second, I'm sure most of these men are willing to take calculated risks in other areas, like finances or pursuing job opportunities. Life is about risks. Jump!

Although I'm not proud of having two divorces, at least I'm not afraid to give it a try.

Sex and the City, the Movie

I love good books and good shows. I identify with the characters and miss them when the book or show is over.

I was SO glad to see my friends Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha again on the big screen last night. Although the critics panned it, I loved it.

I won't spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it. 

The only thing I'll mention is that I was thrilled to recognize my building in one of the scenes!

A Couple More Birthday Pictures

Two of my friends -- and sisters to each other -- invited me for a picnic lunch on the roof of their apartment building on Sunday, complete with cake!

It was so windy, we couldn't light the candles on the rooftop, so we came inside for the cake portion.

I had so many calls and text messages from friends and family near and far for my birthday. Thanks to everyone. I felt very loved.

Fleet Week

NYC gave me a great birthday present...Fleet Week! I went on a pub crawl with several girls and decided to try and get my picture taken with as many men in uniform as I could. Very fun.

Grateful but Perplexed

I've been neglecting my blog. If you're reading this, thanks for checking back.

I watched my niece and nephew go through a bounce-house obstacle course at their local Deutchenfest last Sunday, and I feel like I've been going through something similar lately here at work. Just as I finish one small task or come to the end of a [mostly productive] meeting, I get hit by another obstacle and turned in another direction. It's like I'm treading water but not making any progress towards the shore. Well, at least I've still got my head above water!

As our country slides further and further into recession, and I hear about friends of friends here in NY that have been laid off, I'm thankful I have a good job and no lack of work. And with the ever-soaring gas prices, I'm glad I don't have a car!

Nothing really new on the dating front. I've been amazed and a bit overwhelmed with all the profiles being sent to me from eHarmony, but nothing has materialized into a face-to-face meeting yet. One of the things that strikes me as funny about their site is the "Close Match" function. Either party can decide to close the match for a number of reasons. I try to be honest with my reasons, such as "no chemistry" or "feel our values are too different." I don't take it personally when someone closes a match on me, but I keep getting the following message:

One of the hardest things about any new relationship is deciding when or if you should continue forward in a relationship.
[Guy's name here] chose to permanently close communication with you for the following reason(s):

• Other

What the hell?!? Can't you be honest? (They have 18 different responses to choose from.)

A Family Full of Tauruses

Man, it's freakishly early. I'm blogging from my blackberry, which is always a challenge, sitting at the Newark Airport, waiting for my flight to board.

I got up at 5:45 this morning. Ugh. But I did it because I love my family so much, and I'm so looking forward to seeing them all.

Yesterday was my sister Jenn's birthday. Today is my dad's birthday, and Saturday marks my nephew Colin's 5th birthday.

Bras and Baseball

What do these two things have in common? Nothing, except they were the highlights of my weekend.

On Saturday, I made it uptown to the Upper East Side to a lingerie shop called Intimacy that I've seen featured on How to Look Good Naked and What Not to Wear. True to everything I had read online, they personally fit you for the right bra by looking at you, naked. It was more than a little uncomfortable, but I left with some beautiful lingerie that maximizes my assets.

On Friday, I met a couple who are here for the summer from England. (Their company has offices in both countries and is letting them work from NY for three months) We hit it off, and they invited me to join them in enjoying some free tickets they had gotten through a colleague for the Mets game on Sunday. The seats were really unbelievable. We were in the first and second rows just off the field behind first base. I'm not a huge baseball fan, but we had a good time shouting with the crowd and enjoying famous Nathan's hotdogs. I'll post a pic of Sarah & Scott later.